Richey Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 April 7th 2012 George W. Bush Memorial Airstrip, Dallas The plane touched down with barely a bump at the new George W. Bush Memorial Airstrip at 11am local time. Michael gazed out of the window at the clear blue sky and saw a large sign, with a personal message from the former President. "Welcome to Oklaho...Texas. I, we welcome you, the foreigner to our humble land, of course. Unless. Like my father said, you live here. My father. Live here. Like Me. George W. Bush. Former President, I, you...we Oklaho...Texas the people welcome you with warm feet...hands open wide." The plane taxied past the sign and pulled up by the small terminal. He collected his hand luggage and stepped out into the hot dry heat and fell to the floor. He made a mental note to wait for the staircase in future. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoS Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Easily the best story on here, keep it up Richey. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoS: Easily the best story on here, keep it up Richey.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thankyou! I appreciate the compliment! Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 April 7th 2012 Downtown Dallas The crowds were gathered in anticipation under the baking sun, and lined the streets as far as the eyes could see. Police made sure that everyone was behind the specially erected cordons. Police helicopters whirred around in the sky along with several news helicopters. All the major networks were covering the spectacle, and CBS, ABC, FOX and MSNBC were out in droves, mingling with the public and providing up to the minute coverage. For some inexplicable reason The God Channel were in attendance, although they looked slightly confused as to whether they were filming the arrival of Michael Dawson, or the second coming of Christ. When asked, a God Channel spokesman simply replied, "Ah hell, whichever comes first." The Shopping Channel was in attendance, wildly promoting the Dawson novel with special offers aplenty, and to round things off neatly the Dallas Association of Rhino Lovers Cable TV Channel turned up to see what the fuss was about. At the far end of Main Street nobody noticed a drunken fat, thin, tall, short Russian stumbling into an old book depository, and open a window on the 6th floor. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 April 7th 2012 12.34pm Brad Hribnuts Book Emporium His shop was packed with throngs of the lucky who had managed to get to the front of the queue, and that queue spiralled away all the way down Main Street past the book depository. He was already doing great business, and had made a years turnover in one short morning. He was on the front cover of Newsweek under the heading, Is this the shrewdest man in the U.S. today? He really was headed for the stratosphere. His phone rang, and he learnt that Michael was in the open top limousine that had been comissioned, and was only a few minutes away. Brad Hribnuts closed his eyes as he listened to the blissful sounds of his till opening and closing happily. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 April 7th 2012 12.35pm Dawsons Motorcade Michael sat in the centre of the back seat of the limousine as it began its turn into Main Street. On one side was his agent Horace Hodgkinson, who had the worlds largest cigar clenched between his teeth. On the other was a large man called 'Mr. X' who looked highly uncomfortable in a suit 3 times too small for him. Nobody noticed a drunken Russian lean out of the 6th floor window, shouting incoherently of Michaels sins against the Motherland. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 April 7th 2012 12.35pm Grassy Knoll, opposite Brad Hribnuts Book Emporium Right lads, this is it. I'm going to reveal myself to the world 2012 years after my death. Sorry I'm about 12 years late by the way, my car got stuck in a terrible traffic jam outside Slough Bus Station. said Jesus, to a motley crew of bearded men assembled around him. The apostles (7 had turned up, and Mark had been detained at customs with 14kg of novelty biscuit shapes) stood around Jesus looking perplexed and a bit knackered, having dropped everything to come to Dallas. The reason I'm going to do it here is that there's a guaranteed audience. Max exposure and high spec. footage. Then I'll disappear and everyone can talk about it for another two thousand years. Next showing is in 4012 outside Beefy Joe's Fried Chicken in Aberdeen. The apostles all nodded, and made sure their robes were all looking dapper. The final countdown to the second coming was underway. 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 April 7th 2012 12.36pm Dallas Book Depository, 6th Floor. Vladimir O'Vodka swigged a large mouthful of Listerine. It burnt his mouth so badly he wanted to scream. Never again would he make the mistake of buying antiseptic mouthwash instead of Vodka, although he conceded it was harder than expected to tell the difference between the two. He watched as the motorcade began to pull up near to the bookshop opposite the grassy knoll and he took aim. He kept his hand steady until the last possible second, and unleashed his vengeance. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 April 7th 2012 12.36pm Grassy Knoll 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... And Action. Jesus stood up. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 April 7th 2012 12.36pm Dawsons Motorcade On waving to his adoring public, Michael heard a loud grunt of exertion in the distance and saw a tall fat thin small Russian fall out of a window and land in a bush. He then became aware of an incoming projectile. The tennis ball veered towards Michael, viciously spinning from the drunken hand of Vladimir O'Vodka. He saw it and ducked. The ball sailed past his head, bounced on the tarmac and hit a bearded man square in the forehead who had just stood amid a heavenly fanfare up on a grassy knoll. The man let out an audible groan and fainted. 7 equally bearded men made a concerted effort to bung the poor chap into a Chevy and sped off, pursued inexplicably by a film crew from the God Channel. That was the last thing Michael saw before 9 bodyguards leapt into the car to save him from any more rogue tennis balls, should they be aimed in his direction. Brad Hribnuts watched his best laid plans disappear in a puff of incredulity as Michael Dawson was manhandled into a security van and whisked away. One word crept into Michaels head. Bugger. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobBev Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 I'm going to have to start wearing incontinence pants when reading this - nearly peed my pants this time. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 11, 2004 Author Share Posted March 11, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BobBev: I'm going to have to start wearing incontinence pants when reading this - nearly peed my pants this time. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thats the idea! Glad you enjoy! Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianb Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 think i'll stick to my regualar pants,those incontinence pants make my bum look big, nonetheless easily the funniest thing i've read in a long time... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 12, 2004 Author Share Posted March 12, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by brianb: think i'll stick to my regualar pants,those incontinence pants make my bum look big, nonetheless easily the funniest thing i've read in a long time...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Many thanks for the compliment Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 12, 2004 Author Share Posted March 12, 2004 April 8th 2012 George W. Bush Memorial Trauma Ward, Dallas Hospital Michael awoke after a hard nights sleep, absolutely shattered by the events of the previous day. After the assassination attempt he had been rushed to the trauma ward as the shock of it all had caused his body to go rigid, and his bladder emptied all over the place. Mr. X, the previously tough looking bodyguard was in the bed next to him suffering from urine related trauma related directly to Michaels own trauma, which was traumatic, to say the least. Michael stared at the end of the bed, where a cheery notice stared back at him. "Don't forget, every hour you spend in hospital costs a fortune!" He groaned. One of the curious events of the preceding day circulated around an alleged second coming of Christ, which by some form of universal co-incidence happened at the same time as his assassination attempt. Several people had seen it, including the God Channel who reputedly had prime footage of the saviour of mankind being knocked unconscious by a tennis ball. Even more remarkably, the van he was carted off in disappeared during pursuit. It was all a bit of a mess really. On the plus side, the publicity generated was extraordinary, and out of sympathy for him, the general public of America bought his book in droves, to ensure his place at the top of the bestsellers list. In the UK too, sympathy had been generated, with the book at number one there. Michael was only too glad to be on a plane home tomorrow, to the relative sanity of his own house. He was leaving America in absolute chaos however, since he'd become 'Man of the Year' in Time magazine, and was in demand. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Who Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Finally caught up with this one. Fun and quality. Definately HoF material. KUTGW Richie Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 April 9th 2012 Dawson Survives Assassination Attempt - But What About Jesus? As we all know, Michael Dawson, the best injured defender in the world survived an assassination attempt in Dallas the other day, but who was the mysterious figure on the grassy knoll? Some say that the man was none other than Jesus Christ, who had scheduled his second coming at perhaps the most inopportune moment since the year dot. This has caused outrage around the world, with the fall out being akin to when Mel Gibson released the follow up to his controversial 2004 film about the man, splicing Jesus with Mad Max. (The Passion of the Christ II: Beyond Thunderdome) Bookies have odds at the moment as to who the mysterious figure was, but the smart money's on old J.C. 4-6 Jesus 10-1 Shergar - probably dead. 12-1 Ade Akinbiyi - mysteriously vanished while playing for Leicester in 2001-2 It is clear Michael Dawson will be taking a couple of days sabbatical while he summons up the courage to face the world again, but he will be pleased to know that the suspect has been caught. Vladimir O'Vodka, a 65year old drunken fat, thin, tall, short Russian was taken into custody... (continued on pages 61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69,70,71,72,73,74,75,76,77,78,79,80, but not 81) B.Broomstick Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Doctor Who: Finally caught up with this one. Fun and quality. Definately HoF material. KUTGW Richie <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thanks, praise means a lot! Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 April 13th 2012 Spurs v Lincoln City Nearing full fitness Michael Dawson sat just behind the dugout, and received a warm reception from the fans before the game between 17th placed Spurs and 20th placed Lincoln City. The game spluttered in the first half, with each team having a grad total of two shots each on goal. Lincoln hit the bar through Ryan Grand on 33 minutes and Spurs had a good shout for a penalty when Ruslan Mostovoi tripped over the outstretched boot of John O'Shea. The second half was marginally more interesting but the game bore the typical hallmarks of a tight relegation battle. Lincoln drew blood in the 71st minute when Zlatan Ibrahimovic poked in after a melee resulting from a corner which Spurs failed to clear. They were back on level terms a minute later though when substitute Ben May raced clear of the defence and deftly lifted the ball above Predrag Bonev in the Lincoln goal. Nothing much of note happened, apart from a flurry of yellow cards in the last five minutes. Spurs stayed in 17th, and Lincoln City rose to 19th as it became increasingly tight. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted March 29, 2004 Author Share Posted March 29, 2004 April 14th 2012 Chez Dawson Maniacal laughter swept through the grandiose corridors of Michaels large and overly spangly home. A large parsnip rolled slowly down the hall, before dropping down the stairs. Thump Thump Thump Until it reached the bottom. The maniacal laughter rang out again, and a small onion came wobbling down the hallway before dropping down the stairs in close pursuit of the parsnip. Thump Thump Thump It became clear that in the frenetic race between the vegetables, the parsnip was king. The maniacal laughter grew louder and Michael arrived at the top of the grand staircase, ran down and confirmed on a little clipboard that the parsnip had beaten the onion. He sat on the bottom step and contemplated his life at the most rudimentary level. It struck him. He had no friends, which was illustrated quite clearly by the fact he was holding a vegetable race for the sake of amusement. Why did he have no friends? The answer came to him quite simply. Because he was too distant. This was a situation to be rectified, and he decided that the first thing he would do upon resuming full training tomorrow would be to bond with his shamefully neglected team mates, who he'd met twice since his move. Then there'd be no more vegetable races, and Michael would be popular again. Would he? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 May 20th 2012 Chez Dawson The curtain had closed on the season a few days before and Michael sat gazing out of the window. He noticed a familiar face staring back at him through the glass. He got up and walked slowly towards it, before realising it was a mirror. Back in his seat he considered what had happened in the frenetic end of season survival race. After the win at Lincoln, he had been drafted straight into the first team for the next match against 13th placed Portsmouth, and had set up the only goal. This was the catalyst for the final three games, in which Spurs remained unbeaten, registering two draws and a win, enabling them to finish in a shameful, but better than relegation place of 16th. He had to look forward to the next season now, as it looked unlikely that he would be picked for the European Championships. Michaels eyes barely blinked when the roof of his sitting room fell in and two Bengal tigers locked in a death grip came careering down from the floor above. He sighed, and flicked a switch to reveal a secret opening beside the fireplace. The two tigers, confused, entered and found what they had been longing for, for weeks. Michaels secret Hippy Stash. He closed the secret door, closed his eyes, and calmly fell asleep to the bloodcurdling sounds of Hippies being ripped to shreds. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Who Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Yeah, it's back Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Doctor Who: Yeah, it's back <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Cheers! Yes its back, but not for long as it is nearly finished! Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 July 5th 2012 A Small Damp Bedsit in Clapham Michael was sitting in a small damp bedsit in Clapham. He didn't really know why. He had gone out the night before to celebrate England winning in the European Championships. He recalled having a drink or two, and dancing on a car. Then he remembered a flah of light, and the uncomfortable smell of an unwashed beard. He sat upright on the bed and thought about the last few weeks. He hadn't been disappointed with his non-inclusion in the England squad, as he had reluctantly admitted that there were also other good players apart from him who could play at centre back. Instead, he had watched keenly as England thumped their way through the group phase before meeting Holland in the Quarter Final, who were dispatched on penalties after a tense 5-5 draw. The Semi Final brought in Romania, who were sent on their way with a 6-1 thumping, with Wayne Rooney notching his 98,99,100 and 101st England Goals. The Final wasn't the tight game that was anticipated, and the 'local derby' between England and Wales ended with a 4-0 victory to England. Boy, he had a hell of a headache. What was making it worse, was that somewhere in the distance he could hear the song from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, when the Dwarves return home from the Gold Mine and get scared by a bunch of stupid animals. He put his boxer shorts on and looked for his clothes. What made the situation slightly awkward was that he seemed to be in possession of a small painted car, three matching socks, and a plastic jelly mould. These items perplexed Michael, and he tried desperately to put it all together but to no avail... The damp bedsit in Clapham, the lack of clothes...? The door opened, and a small man with a large beard poked his head round the door. Cor Blimey guv'nah, you still 'ere? You must be rich... do you want me to send another one in? Another what? Michael retorted, I cant find my clothes by the way. Another Dwarf, silly. You got through 5 last night, there's only Bashful and Sneezy left. And you pawned your clothes for an extra session with Dopey. I don't know where all that crap came from. Oh poo, he was in a Dwarf Brothel. Gathering his plastic jelly mould, and other possessions, Michael ran out of the damp bedsit, hailed a cab and sped home. He hoped vainly nobody had seen him, except that wasn't likely as he had quite clearly seen about 40 photographers standing outside the Brothel taking pictures. He prayed that they had been looking at something else, like the small heap of dog turd that had been festering under a nearby tree. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantonaisgod Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Wow. Enough said. Actually maybe not - great stuff, I've spent time recently reading and catching up with it. A fantastic story. KUTGW Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cantonaisgod: Wow. Enough said. Actually maybe not - great stuff, I've spent time recently reading and catching up with it. A fantastic story. KUTGW <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thanks for the compliment. I'm going to round it all off soon, so the story has a beginning, middle and an end and the circle can close. Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 July 6th 2012 Dawson caught in Dwarf Brothel. Dopey Changes Name to 'Painful' Yesterday, in the wake of Englands success in Euro 2012, Michael Dawson was spotted leaving a Dwarf brothel in the early hours of the morning. The recently revived centre back didn't comment on the incident, the manager, Doc said that he had run off without paying, and would be sending the Evil Stepmother and her team of bailiffs around in due course to extract the owed cash from Mr. Dawson. This is only the latest in a series of scandals that have beset Mr. Dawson over recent years, of which the most famous is his interruption of the Second Coming Of Christ, which was in no way his fault, but we'll blame him anyway. Continued on every other page, in every newspaper, all week, in every country in the world. B.Broomstick Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 August 2012 planetfootball.com season predictions Spurs have a wonderful history of mediocrity dotted with some occasional good bits. A few years ago they unexpectedly raged their way to the Premier Division title, and then... lost it. Nobody has been able to explain it exactly, apart from several journalists at The Daily Rhetoric who point to the malaise settling in when Michael Dawson joined the club from Valencia several years ago. The truth is, Mr. Dawsons off field headlines have severely damaged the credibility of Spurs, which may be a reason for yet another sharp decline. The latest Dwarf sex row has engulfed Dawson in another unwanted piece of media spectacle Spurs are keen to brush off. Having made a few summer signings, such as Elliot Flint, a 21year old striker in the Michael Owen mould for £3.5m acquired from River Plate, and Helio Mariana, a defensive midfielder who can play on both sides, bought for £7.75m from Sporting Lisbon. Perhaps Dawson will be the key. A charismatic operator off field, there is no doubt that he is a good defender, after all he was the catalyst for Spurs' escape from the drop zone towards the end of last season. It all depends heavily on him staying injury free, and not being assassinated/ getting caught with sexy dwarves/having celebrity girlfriends etc etc planetfootball.com prediction: 14th Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 May 2013 Chez Dawson It had been a long old season. Michael had expected it to have been of a more rounded, or even ovaltine nature. Everyone else expected it to rather akin to the shape of a pear. Someone who didn't get that particular joke pretended that he did, and made a quip about it maybe being the shape of a small Pineapple. Nobody laughed at him, and as punishment he was sent to death at the Tower of London, where he is still waiting to be beheaded. This is because the executioner got the wrong bus, and then got the tube which stopped at Stockwell for a few hours before going back to South Wimbledon. Someone also lost the axe. All this is by the by though. Michael sat with his new contract. A couple of years more he had earned with his sterling form this season. After fears of relegation the previous year, Spurs managed to finish a fairly creditable 5th. The defensive partnership of Dawson and Cross was rarely interrupted, and shockingly Dawson had been injusred only once, with a two-week hiatus for a groin strain. The report said it was suffered in training, but the papers all had pictures of him at the Dwarf Brothel again. He hadn't denied it, and was known to be one of the celebrity elite who enjoyed 'Dwarfisfaction' His record for the season read Played: 40 (2) Goals: 3 Assists:9 MoM: 6 AvR: 7.66 It wasn't bad. Michael sat back and threw another Butler in the fire. It was this new 'thing' he had. Ever since Hugh O'McScottish had eventually perished in an avalanche of Digestive Biscuits, Michael had felt an urge to burn people in crisply ironed suits. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 June 23rd 2017 Old Folks Home, Wandsworth Common The old man shuffled across the carpet, with his blanket wrapped closely around him. Shivering, he sat in a chair by a roaring fire. A young nurse came over to him and had to explain that retirement for a footballer wasn't the same as retirement for an old person. He didn't need to be munching pills to prevent him from crapping out his intestines through his backside, or be taking tablets to prevent his brain from flushing itself out of his nose. Dejectedly, Michael staggered out of the old folks home, and dumped his tweed suit and tatty bowler hat in a nearby bin. He walked along the street for a while, kicking stones out of the way, stooped with his hands in his pockets. Four years ago last May he had received a new contract as a reward of sorts for battling through several years of injury, and returning at the right time to guide Spurs to safety, and then into relative respectability. The last few years had seen Spurs finish 7th, 6th, 3rd and most recently 6th again. He had been an integral part of the first three years, also making an F.A. Cup final appearance and getting two winners medals after stealing one from Richard Evans, the goalkeeper. He had played an integral part on the run to the UEFA Cup semi-final in season 2015/16, where Surprisingly lost to GAK of Austria 3-2 on aggregate. This last season he had barely made an appearance, playing cameo roles from the bench as his legs grew ever more creaky. He had finally retired and was considering what to do with the rest of his life. His final Spurs career stats were: Played: 198 (44) Goals: 14 Assists:41 MoM: 28 AvR: 7.27 Those wasted years hurt so much... Michael considered the pain as he sat down on a grassy verge. It was excruiating. It was eating into him like the spines of a particularly *****ly hedgehog. He removed the particularly *****ly hedgehog from under his backside and the excruciating pain subsided somewhat. The pain then came flooding back. Michael removed the fangs of the Puff Adder from his hip, and threw it away. He then realised he had accidentally, whilst deep in thought walked into London Zoo. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 May i just add, that the vicious looking expletives that were deleted actually contribute to the word pr1ckly, and refer to the sharpness of an object rather than to its penis characteristics. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 July 4th 2017 Chez Dawson He hadn't won any more England caps, which had been a disappointment. But the injuries hadn't helped his cause. He hadn't had any more productive relationships. The nearest he had come was with a Dwarf called Squelchy. That was the nickname Michael gave her after he'd trodden on her as he was getting out of the bath. That proved to be the last time he had frequented the Dwarf Brothel. There was the question of Minty Tallulah. Now on her 4th album (Ballads from, and inspired by the Mr. Men Movie: Mr Happy Dies Hard) He remembered the times when he held her tantalisingly close in his arms, and he remembered the soft curve of her foot like it was yesterday. She was still in Australia, supplementing her career as a singer with regular stints in Neighbours as Lou Carpenter's young English girlfriend. He knew her lovelife had suffered since they had parted, most notably, a failed engagement to Brad G'day, the hunky star of Hair Gel Idol. The previous week, gripped in a frenzy of animal rights fever, Michael released all his wild cats, much to the joy of the protesters outside his gates. The joy soon turned to despair as they were all eaten on account that the wild cats hadn't been fed for several days. the wild cats then ate everybody in the town, which made everything a lot quieter, although Michael had to travel further to get his daily pint of milk for his breakfast. His house was on the market. He emptied the money from under his bed, and invested it all in high yield Fortune-500 companies such as Twittem Prikk, who specialised in throwing money into unstable schemes, such as Horse Tennis, and Fish Olympics. It was time to stop living the extravagant lifestyle of a footballer, and it was time to move into a smaller house, settle down and have children. This was an improbable plan as Michael wasn't asexual, and needed a partner to make this possible. Sighing, and hopeful at the same time, Michael logged on to Hideouslyexpensivetickets.com and booked a one-way ticket to Australia. It was now or never. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 July 6th 2017 Noosa Head, Queensland, Australia Michael landed at the airport several hours before, and checked into a hotel. He wasn't sure exactly what he was going to do, and had no idea how to do it. She was here somewhere, he knew it. He strode along the sand holding a picture he found in a magazine of Minty, against the backdrop of Noosa's main beach. She lived somewhere just behind the sand, he'd heard it was a neoclassical extravagance straight from the pages of "Really Camp House Design" magazine. The sand trickled through his toes as began to run. He saw her in the distance. He was sure of it. It was a tree. He needed his eyes tested. Michael? a voice called from somewhere behind him. He turned. Michael? it sounded again. He couldn't see anything. He needed some ultra thick lenses by the looks of things. He saw her. Standing against a rocky outcrop a short distance away, her red dress fluttering in the breeze. Michael smiled and walked towards her. She tripped up in a rockpool. She got up and carried on walking towards him. He held her in his arms. I'm back he whispered. I know she replied. They stood in silence, locked in an embrace before holding hands. they walked down the path to Minty's house. She summoned her servants to carry Michaels bag, as the couple headed towards a future together. Michael... she asked, So how come you managed to completely cock up your career then?... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 THE END Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 Postscript Intrusive Celeb Magazine, August 2018 EXCLUSIVE - Michael Dawson and Minty Tallulah were wed yesterday evening on a small island off the coast of Yemen. The wedding was scheduled to be conducted in the Maldives, but the pilot, reportedly drunk, ended up going to the wrong place. Minty, six months pregnant with twins looked really fat in her dress, while football flop Michael looked pregnant with beer and sausages. The happy couple now aim to enjoy their honeymoon in Sierra Leone, before settling down to raise a family. Celeb Wedding guests included George Best (now on his 19th new liver) and the robots from Star wars. We wish Michael and Minty all the best, and hope he recovers from his recent leg break, sustained while trying to tackle a pot plant in his garden. B.Broomstick, Celeb Reporter Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Who Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 *stands up and applauds BRAVO, BRAVO Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobBev Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 joins in the applause and starts a Mexican wave Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wag Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Quite Brilliant Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WLKRAS Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 I can only concur with the above, truly magnificent stuff. Oh and may i be the first to say "HALL OF FAME!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
I\'m Not Ruud Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Thank you, thank you, thank you for providing several months of wonderful laughs. This was an absolutely brilliant story. And it had a happy ending too..I think. One question though..what happened to Joe Cole? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian of Nazareth Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 funny, enjoyable account - congratulations on completing it Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by I'm Not Ruud: Thank you, thank you, thank you for providing several months of wonderful laughs. This was an absolutely brilliant story. And it had a happy ending too..I think. One question though..what happened to Joe Cole? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Many thanks! Joe Cole finished his career at Southampton, before taking on a managerial role at Bradford Park Avenue, where he was thoroughly crap. He was best man at Michaels wedding to Minty Tallulah, and seven of Michaels kids were named after him, such was the limits to his capacity for imagination. Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Brian of Nazareth: funny, enjoyable account - congratulations on completing it <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thanks Brian, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I never thought it would get completed!! Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WLKRAS: I can only concur with the above, truly magnificent stuff. Oh and may i be the first to say "HALL OF FAME!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thanks!! I enjoyed writing this. Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Doctor Who: _*stands up and applauds_ BRAVO, BRAVO <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> *Bows and trips over shoelaces on way offstage* Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wag: Quite Brilliant <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Cheers mate! Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BobBev: _joins in the applause and starts a Mexican wave_ <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thanks BobBev - i'm going to relax and read more of the other stories now! Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cms186 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Excellent story richey, I'm sorry to see it end. Helped Immensley, for me,that Daws is one of my favorite players! Come on you Reds!!! ( That's #Forest by the way ) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianb Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Brilliant...Hall of Fame for sure Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 Thanks guys - I appreciate your support loads! Its nice to know that people read the story. Rich Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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