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Honey, I Shrunk the Players


OrientMartin

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Played on FM06 without real players, the story of what happened when Orient lost all their players

When I went in for the interview I wasn’t exactly sure how they did it, losing one player could be an accident, but losing all 30+ players (including the youth team) at a club was just careless. The manager resigning because of the ignominy of it all and with no other applicants, as a devoted Orient fan I decided that mine was as good a chance as anyone’s.

Sitting in the corridor beforehand I only noticed one other person, in the corner, dribbling. I was a shoo in.

I was handed a £375 a week contract (about 1/5th of what the previous manager was earning) as I was informed that the club had precisely £0 in its coffers due to the rather unpleasant business with the former players (I didn’t enquire further).

When I sat down in my office the enormity of the challenge ahead of me hit, I needed to stretch my £6k a week wage budget far enough to recruit around 20 players good enough to keep this team in League two.

I started scouring the free transfer list, players listed for loan and transfer-listed players whose clubs would let them go for free and put in offers for over 30 players to come in on frees or on trial.

13th July 2005

Things are going slower than I expected, halfway through my first week at the club and my first player of any description turns up. Dean Bishop signs on a free transfer, the 36 year old can play on either wing, as an attacking midfielder or up front. He may be in the winter of his career but he has won 16 England caps and still has plenty of skill despite a lack of pace.

14th July

The arrival of the second player Gary Reid has been another unexpected coup, the 34 year old centre-half has 3 Eire caps and is still a formidable prospect, having not lost much pace despite being of advancing years. The first triallist comes in as well; 17 year old forward Lee Elliot is nothing special but will be given a chance to impress in the friendlies.

15th July

18 year old forward Paul McLean arrives to little fanfare, but I suspect he will be an important part of my squad for this season, the youngster is a formidable finisher for this level although lacking in any other skills. Ryan Keenan, a 30 year old right winger and striker is a decent signing and is perfectly adequate for this league, although not a good enough crosser or dribbler to play on the wing so I plan to use him up front.

16th July

Two young central midfielders arrive at the club looking for a trial so Tim Foster and Ben Hughes are signed up on youth contracts based on about ½ hours of me watching them train.

Later that day we have our first friendly, a fully deserved 2-1 loss to Norwich in which Paul McLean scores a 79th minute equaliser before a 90th minute winner for the Canaries.

We played very poorly as is to be expected, only managing one shot in the match, the 7 players contracted or on trial at the club played, bolstered by some local non-league players, none of whom looked good enough to be kept on.

21st July

I take charge of a dismal 1-0 loss to a 1st minute Steve Saunders goal for Hinckley, we attacked and defended diabolically and the local non-league players I’ve got playing friendlies for me all look very poor.

23rd July

I’ve spent a week looking through players either not good enough or too expensive, and although I have over 30 different ‘irons in the fire’ a lot depends on clubs accepting my ridiculous offers of money after promotion… as if we’re ever going to get promoted with this lot.

24th July

Right back Steve Wood arrives on trial and despite him being about conference south standard I decide to offer him a contract; he also has an offer from Bromley (conference south) so he decides to stay on trial here and mull the two offers over.

My first win as a manager arrived that day courtesy of a 60th minute Ryan Keenan goal to sink Moor Green in front of a paltry 66 fans. The life of a manager isn’t as glamorous as it seems.

25th July

Hallelujah! Derby have accepted an offer for Dean Kinsella and the slow 30 year old striker becomes my seventh signing. Later in the day things get even better, a speculative loan offer for Liverpool’s young forward Scott Matthews is accepted and even more amazingly the 22 year old striker agrees to come and join my menagerie, he is easily the best striker at the club and I am genuinely astonished he wanted to join us.

26th July

The signings are coming thick and fast now. I manage to persuade goalkeeper Gary Johnson to swap being unemployed to being the only keeper at the club, he must be jumping for joy at the thought of being virtually guaranteed a first team place.

27th July

Early in the morning, as I pore over scout reports and the free transfer list in my office at the training ground, a Swiss international keeper (8 caps, 35 years old) arrives, introduces himself to my deputy before a 15 minute trial – consisting of me firing shots at him – results in a contract through to his retirement at the end of the season. Bruno Schwegler is also a qualified coach, so will mostly work with the goalkeepers at the club. The second signing of the day is a trial for Craig Dyer, who a manger friend had recommended to me; I thanked him for the tip and wondered why he didn’t want the signing himself. When the 20 year old centre half arrived I realised I’d been the victim of the lower league manager initiation ceremony – a dodgy tip from a ‘friend.’

Craig ‘Dire’ plays, for want of a better option in the friendly against Tranmere at Brisbane Road, and we predictably play poorly to lose 3-0.

28th July

Frankly rubbish 19 year old goalkeeper Gary Anderson arrives at the club early in the morning saying he’d accepted my contract, pity I don’t remember offering him a contract, didn’t tell him that and after checking all the paperwork I find that he is indeed an Orient player.

29th July

An onslaught of players descend upon the training ground today, three permanent transfers: right back Jamie Worthington is adequate as back-up, arriving on a free from Altrincham; 19 year old, centre-back Carl Corbett is great at marking but not any good at anything else, and will flesh out the squad a bit whilst 26 year old Irish defender Gary Walsh arrives from Bangor as my only left back. Two loans also arrive: Darren Mitchell from Sheffield United can play on either wing, but that seems to be his only worthwhile quality whilst Michael Patterson is a quick left winger from Burnley. Chris Murphy also arrives on trial but turns out to be another practical joke, the right back is Ryman league standard.

30th July

Utility player Mark Clark arrives from Cliftonville in Northern Ireland and is actually quite a good player, whose versatility will serve us well.

A Scott Matthews inspired 2-0 win over Aylesbury gives us our second victory of pre-season.

31st July

Centre back Admir Markovic joins on loan from Derby and it will be a straight fight between him and Carl Corbett to partner Gary Reid.

John Watts arrives as youth keeper, but I don’t hold out much hope of him ever developing into a first team keeper.

1st August

30 year old, ex-England U21 right-back Luke Woodward arrives, and will battle with Worthington for his spot in the team.

3rd August

Our third win comes in the last game of pre-season for the club; Burscough dispatched 2-1 with goals from Dean Kinsella and Dean Bishop.

6th August

This monumental rebuilding job has left me with 20 players to pick from for my first competitive game, at home versus Cheltenham Town.

4-4-2

Schwegler ©

Woodward Markovic Reid Walsh

Mitchell Clarke Bishop Patterson

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Keenan, Corbett, Worthington, Johnson, Anderson

Because of a late injury to star striker Scott Matthews, Kinsella gets a start and the bench features two keepers.

The result to follow...

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Cheltenham had their first chance 10 minutes in, with Neill hitting the bar and the ball eventually being cleared after a goalmouth scramble. They continued to pile on the pressure with Schwegler having to make a good save from a deflected Johnson shot on 18 minutes, a few minutes after Smith had shot over the bar. Matt Smith continued his good game with another shot that just missed on 25 minutes, shortly followed by forcing Schwegler another good save. Shortly before the half-time whistle, McLean forced Cheltenham goalie Pearce into his first save and Orient trooped in a little more happy.

“Right, they’ve dominated us in the first half, and we might have to do some more last ditch defending in the second half again, but keep playing with that spirit and we might just sneak a win”

The Orient team ran out onto the pitch, confident of a better second half, but the barrage continued, chances followed from Neill and Parry for Cheltenham before Kinsella missed a rare opening for the O’s. The last chance of the game fell to Neill, who had been a thorn in Orient’s side, as he shot wide in the 87th minute, leaving both teams to play out a draw

Leyton Orient 0-0 Cheltenham Town

“They dominated us again in the second half, the defensive organisation is not good enough, we need to communicate better. On the bright side, you all battled very bravely and we didn’t lose, but we have to improve a lot for what will be a hard game against Peterborough

7th August

Dean Bishop looked uncomfortable in centre midfield against Cheltenham so I have recruited Patty Kabongo on loan from Cardiff to play in that area, he’s a very hard working player who is also reasonably technically skilled.

9th August v Peterborough

4-4-2

Schwegler ©

Woodward Markovic Reid Walsh

Mitchell Kabongo Bishop Patterson

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Keenan, Corbett, Worthington, Johnson, Anderson

New signing Kabongo replaces Clark and Bishop stays in centre midfield because Patterson and Mitchell both had better games than Clark against Cheltenham.

Result to follow…

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Peterborough started strongly, forcing the Orient keeper Schwegler into two early saves before they scored on 7 minutes, Wilks putting a cross in from deep and Evans nodding the ball across the keeper into the corner of the net. Nine minutes later, with their next attack Peterborough scored again, Evans knocking the ball across the six-yard box for Richards to tuck in at the far post. Orient barely had time to compose themselves before Richards missed a gilt-edged chance to score his second, firing wide from close range. The score was not to stay the same for much longer though, as Watson’s deep cross eluded everyone but Wilks who was lurking at the far post to tuck home from close range. Almost straight from the kick-off, Orient went a further goal behind after Walsh hauled Pierre down in the box for a penalty which Richards converted for his second of the game. The home side continued to create chances and it was no surprise when in the 31st minute Wilkinson gathered a misplaced pass by right-back Woodward before curling home from inside the area. The sixth goal of an incredible first half came on 39 minutes when Evans picked up a Baloyi pass inside the area and slotted inside the keeper’s near post.

“This is dreadful lads. Come on, I know you can do better than this, don’t let them get another goal in the second half and salvage some pride for yourselves. The fact that you haven’t played many games together doesn’t excuse some of the awful defensive organisation out there, keep your defensive shape and don’t get dragged out of position”

The second half was a much more low key affair, neither side created many chances, and neither keeper was severely tested. This was until the 88th minute when Richards completed his hat-trick, breaking past the Orient defensive line and slotting home from close ranger with just the keeper to beat.

“Much better in the second half defensively, that late slip up aside. There was very little on show attacking wise though, when you get the ball, get your head up and pick out a pass, don’t hoof it aimlessly. There’s a lot of improving to be done if we are to have any chance of beating Barnet

Peterborough 7-0 Leyton Orient

10th August

I was expecting the Peterborough match to be tough but I wasn’t anticipating that massacre, we need to improve and quickly, I’d like to fetch in at least one more defender, most likely a left back, as I am waiting on a loan offer for one and a central midfielder to partner Kabongo.

I don’t anticipate many changes for the Barnet match because we have so little in reserve and these players are my best anyway.

11th August

Rob Dixon becomes what I anticipate will be my last signing of pre-season, he is better than existing left-back Walsh and will surely take his place in the team soon, possibly for the Barnet match at the weekend.

13th August v Barnet

I’m dreading this match, not because of the opposition, but because of how little we’ve gelled so far. There was a tremendous team spirit in the dressing room but keeping spirits up after that thumping has been hard and the main problem seems to be how little playing time this team has had together, making it hard for them to function as a unit.

4-4-2

Schwegler ©

Woodward Markovic Reid Walsh

Mitchell Kabongo Bishop Patterson

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Keenan, Corbett, Worthington, Johnson, Anderson

Despite the thumping I play the same team two games in a row in an attempt to build some sense of understanding between the players.

Barnet were very quickly into their stride, hitting the bar through Mick Patterson in the 2nd minute, shortly afterwards they were at it again with McDonald firing over from range. After a brief lull in proceedings the Bees took the lead in the 15th minute with Theobold knocking home the rebound after Richards’ shot was saved. Soon after they notched their second when Holt’s right wind cross was knocked in by Cooper. Orient saw their only chance of the first half squandered when Jones saved from Bishop and they trooped in at half time disconsolate at another impending defeat.

“We’re not out of this yet, there was some poor defending for both of those goals and we didn’t attack with enough verve either. It’s only two goals, you can make that back, go out there and play with a bit of freedom and we can get something out of this.”

The second half was a quiet affair until a flurry of chances around the 65th minute, Theobold firstly fired high and wide for Barnet before Orient pulled a goal back when Mitchell’s driven cross landed at the feet of McLean who made no mistake in firing home. Both teams seemed to fall into a slumber again until the 82nd minute when Barnet made their win safe when Ekeh scored with a diving header from a corner. They them proceeded to run riot, scoring through Gilbert and Richards in the closing minutes to give the game a gloss it didn’t fully deserve, Barnet deserved their win but by a closer margin.

“Stop falling asleep at crucial moments, that’s what cost us several goals and the chance to get some points out of this. I’m not happy how you capitulated in the last few minutes when you should have been pushing for the draw. Too many mistakes, not enough creativity”

Leyton Orient 1-5 Barnet

14th August

Bishop had to be substituted in the final minutes yesterday through injury, but the physio seems to be happy that he will be fit to play in the next match. I’ve got some thinking to do before then, we’ve shipped 12 goals in two games through lack of defensive understanding, something that will be exacerbated if I make changes.

20th August v Wycombe (a)

4-4-2

Schwegler ©

Woodward Markovic Reid Walsh

Mitchell Kabongo Bishop Patterson

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Keenan, Corbett, Worthington, Clarke, Anderson

No changes again as I try to build some understanding between these players

Schwegler had to make two early saves as Wycombe started brightly, in the 12th minute Orient had their first chance with Kinsella’s goal bound header beaten away by Lavercombe who then got down to save well at the feet of McLean. Wycome then dominated for the next ten minutes, missing several chances, through Thomas, Davis, Parkin and others, before a suicidal clearance by Reid straight across his six yard box allowed Lewis to fire Wycombe into a half time lead.

“We need more attacking incisiveness; there was only one good chance in that half. If we create chances we will score goals, it’s as simple as that”

I had to replace the injured Patterson with Keenan and Bishop with Clarke at half time.

Orient started the second half brightly, McLean just firing wide from a good Keenan through ball, the same player missed again 10 minutes later and Orient started building up a head of steam as Clarke fired over on 70 minutes. On 80 minutes Orient’s chances increased as Davis was sent off for a professional foul, but they failed to make a breakthrough in the last few minutes and were condemned to their third consecutive defeat.

“We created more chances in that half but we need to add more attacking incisiveness to our game if we’re going to win matches”

Leyton Orient 0-1 Wycombe

21st August

We looked better in that game than the last two, so I will most likely keep the same team for the mid-week game against Swindon in the League Cup and hope that we can improve as the team gells.

I don’t hold out much hope in the League Cup so the Oxford game on Saturday will be what I’m focusing on.

24th August v Swindon

4-4-2

Schwegler ©

Woodward Markovic Reid Walsh

Mitchell Kabongo Bishop Patterson

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Keenan, Corbett, Worthington, Clarke, Anderson

[/b]

Unchanged again, in the vain hope we might get something out of this game versus a League 1 side.

The game was very quiet right up until the first goal, which amazingly came for Orient, Kinsella nodding down a Woodard cross and McLean finishing from close range to give Orient a 31st minute lead. Little else happened in the first half and Orient went in ahead.

“Well done lads, nice to be ahead for a change, keep up the sterling defensive work and try to create a few more chances”

Swindon came out of the blocks quickly in the second half, with Mead missing a one on one chance almost from the kick-off. A few minutes later Orient hit back with Kinsella having a sharp shot palmed away by Mudd. On 60 minutes Ward had a shot saved before Bishop hit back by forcing Mudd into a save of his own leaving the game looking evenly balanced. In the 67th minute Orient made the game safe with McLean scoring his second goal from a tight one on one chance. Swindon were deflated by the scoreline and didn’t test the keeper again in the rest of the match as they went down to a tame defeat.

“Great victory guys, very solid defence and created more chances than in any other game this season, take this into the Oxford match”

Swindon 0-2 Leyton Orient

25th August

Great victory, McLean is beginning to come into form and Matthews may soon be back to full fitness. Only worry is a small knock to Mitchell, but he should be fit for the weekend.

27th August

4-4-2

Schwegler ©

Woodward Markovic Reid Walsh

Mitchell Kabongo Bishop Patterson

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Matthews, Corbett, Worthington, Clarke, Anderson

Unchanged yet again, as we look for our first league win after the great performance against Swindon in midweek, Matthews comes onto the bench as he is fit.

Oxford came quickly out of the blocks with McDonald shooting over in the 5th minute before chances fell to Collins and Joyce. Orient’s first chance came in the 21st minute with Bishop curling a shot high and wide. The last chance of a poor first half fell to Reynolds of Oxford who blazed over the bar.

“We defended pretty well but composure is what is needed, you need to be calmer in possession to create more chances, get the ball down and make your skill show”

At half time, both Pattterson and Kinsella looked very tired, so a debut for Matthews and another substitute appearance for Clarke seemed the best option.

Orient were the first to test their opposing goalie with Clarke having a close range shot parried away shortly after Kabongo had blazed over, but Oxford were the team to break the deadlock. Craig Mitchell was the goalscorer, who headed home a Parkin cross from the left in the 56th minute. Two minutes later Matthews had his first chance in Orient colours, heading against the bar from Woodward’s cross. Oxford had later chances through Collins and Gardiner but looked as unlikely to add to their tally as Orient were to equalise as they game drifted towards the Oxford victory.

“Disappointing, we didn’t test their goalie enough, big improvement needed next week lads”

Leyton Orient 0-1 Oxford City

28th August

A quick turnaround until the Lincoln game on Monday, and I’m not optimistic about our chances, we look incapable of scoring and always look like conceding, the guys have the day off training today as we prepare for tomorrow.

29th August v Lincoln

4-42

Schwegler ©

Woodward Markovic Reid Walsh

Mitchell Kabongo Bishop Patterson

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Matthews, Corbett, Worthington, Clarke, Anderson

Despite Matthews’ promising cameo, I don’t make any changes, as there’s very little in reserve.

Lincoln got off to a flyer, scoring almost direct from the kick-off, when Campbell’s goal bound shot was pushed away by Schwegler and Griffiths followed up to finish from close range. Schwegler had to make another save, this time from a deflected MacLaughlin effort soon before Campbell got his head to a Griffiths cross to double the home side’s advantage. Orient had it all to do and McLean’s poor effort from a Woodward cross didn’t come close to halving the deficit. Soon after, the other Orient striker Kinsella had to come off injured and was replaced by Matthews. The tide didn’t turn and Schwegler had several more saves to make before, almost on the stroke of half time Henry headed the third goal in to ensure a difficult half time for the Orient team.

“Not f***ing good enough, I’m sick and tired of these defensive mistakes, get out there and restore some pride in yourselves”

Patterson was the first player to have a chance in the second half, heading wide on 46 minutes, on 71 minutes Matthews also had a good opening, heading straight at the keeper from close range, but there was little else in terms of chances in the second half. The game was ended after 83 minutes though when Campbell scored his second of the match from a Kerr through ball.

Leyton Orient 0-4 Lincoln City

30th August

I had nothing to say to the team after that performance. Pathetic. We stay rooted to the bottom of the table and I’m starting to lose hope.

Kinsella will probably miss the next game, and Matthews is the obvious replacement.

3rd September

4-4-2

Anderson

Worthington Corbett Reid © Dixon

Mitchell Kabongo Bishop Walsh

McLean Kinsella

Subs: Johnson, Kelly, Rose, Gibson, Murray

Schwegler is away on international duty and is replaced by Anderson

Woodward is injured and Worthington replaces him.

Corbett replaces Markovic who is playing for Bosnia.

Dixon replaces Patterson and lines up at left-back with Walsh moving to the left wing

Kabongo is on international duty and is replaced by Clarke

Matthewsis in for Kinsella who was injured in the last match

Kelly, Rose, Gibson and Murray are local non-league players who make up the very weak bench

Result to follow…

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It's a good start, but you might want to reduce the amount of content in each post slightly, which should help make it a little easier to read. Maybe keeping it to a maximum of 2 or 3 matches per post.

Welcome to FMS, by the way.

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