Chester Zoo, Free Pies And A 25 Point Deduction! (FMS Characters)

[stoehrst]

Gav, I'm pretty sure I joined when you first announced this effort.

[HorusFM]

Gav, I'm pretty sure I joined when you first announced this effort.

Building the squad, these are people that didn't want a specific role or position. As you want to be a AM/FC, I haven't yet signed one of those!

[stoehrst]

A-ha! It becomes clear...

[Balthazars]

Miles Davis? He has the same first name as Miles Jacobson, the alien from Mars in charge of Sports Interactive, creators of Football Manager!

I was thinking exactly the same thing when I read that update!

Yeah, a first win for club-FMS! We rule!

[Satio]

love the story, very comical.

[swagat sinha]

Goal of the season already! I'm brilliant

[BenArsenal]

I wondered why my name was missing.

Then I remembered, I was the bus driver.

[Saxonaitor]

11th July 2009: FMS Chester v Droylsden: Friendly

Stadium of Imagination

Squad:

GK – Terk

DR – Crouchaldinho

DC – Faramir

DC – Saxonaitor (Balthazars 45)

DL – mark wilson27

MR – Offspring8

MC – Spav

MC – swagat sinha

ML – gavrenwick

SC – Tenthreeleader (Sherm 45)

SC – salkster2102

It was a stunning start for this ragged band of misfit non-players, with an early corner from gavrenwick going straight into the goal to give his brainchild side a terrific lead. A fair few chances come over the half, salkster2102 with a great chance to double the lead, but despite timing his run to perfection, hit a long shot that would have made Buzz Aldrin proud as its height saw it leave the atmosphere quicker than Apollo11. Droylsden fathom a chance eventually, a poor Saxonaitor tackle gifting them the ball, but Terk was happy to see the ball drag wide. Terk is almost soiling his pants a minute later when he makes the sensationally wise decision to come off his line, Sorvel attempting to lob him but only finding the roof of the net. The equaliser does eventually come, a cross from Smith not picked up by Saxonaitor, allowing striker Beck to head past a wildly flapping Terk. Half time arrives with the score level.

The second half begins with the removal of injured pair Tenthreeleader and Saxonaitor, the latter probably ashamed of hopeless interception that even Bramble would be able to have done. Balthazars and Sherm replace the hapless duo. An immediate goal is brought, just like the first half. A cross from gavrenwick goes wayward and is cleared, allowing Sinha to pick the ball up in the centre and crack a 40 yard effort past the keeper. Sensational goal for someone who has never played. This seems to allow the floodgates to open, and they certainly do. A crossfield run by Offspring8 allows him to set up salkster2102, who instead of shooting, flicks the ball to Sherm who leathers a first time volley past the keeper. The chances continue to come for FMS Chester, who look safe now, gavrenwick and salkster2102 forcing saves from the Bloods’ keeper, while mark wilson27 sent a 20 yard effort out of the stadium. Droylsden grab a late consolation goal with a terrific team effort that ends with Leadbetter barging past the onrushing Terk and slotting into an empty goal.

FMS Chester FC 3 gavrenwick 3, swagat sinha 46, Sherm 56

Droylsden 2 Beck 45, Leadbetter 90

Ah it seems I am truly the best of the FMS troop

[Celtic_1967]

Ah it seems I am truly the best of the FMS troop

Or just so amazingly awful that you stood out from the crowd!

[HorusFM]

“I can’t believe we actually beat Droylsden,” said Balthazars, who had taken up a seat on the single chair in the now designated ‘party room’. He sat and sipped from a glass of Bourbon, looking like a Bond villain.

“We need more players though. When are the others getting here?” asked SCIAG.

At that point, ScottleeSV walked in, a pleasured smile on his face, like some rampant sex creature who had escaped Luton. “Some just arrived,” he said, before motioning for them to enter.

Viperk1 – AMR/L/ST – 19

Panpardus – DC - 23

Copperhorse21 – MR/C – 23

BenArsenal – AMR – 31

Canvey!! – ST – 22

Stoehrst – AM/FC – 21

Marmoset Junior – AM/FC - 18

JimT – DC – 19

HD – AML/ST – 20

Cougar2010 – DC – 19

“Hey guys!” yelled viperk1, happy to see his fellow FMS’ers. “Been keeping up to date with Knight?” he asked with optimism.

Swagat sinha just frowned, “Who is Knight?”

Viperk1 sulked into a corner to sort out his boots. “Alright guys, listen up,” shouted tenthree above the noise before carrying on, “Time to meet your new manager and assistant. And as much as it pains me to say it, the assistant is a Celtic fan.”

As if on cue, Celtic_1967 walked in. “I’m your new assman, and here comes your manager. Rather fitting really,” he said before moving out of the doorway. Stood there in it was chesterfan2.

"You got the ass bit right," muttered tenthree.

“Chesterfan2 my old friend! How are you?”

“I’m good thanks SCIAG. But now its time to get this bunch of ragged misfits working as a unit. So what if you won against Droylsden? They’re a bunch of no hopers. We play our next game against the Glenn Hoddle Academy. I want you prepared for it. One of their players went on to sign for Sevilla, so they aren’t to be taken lightly.”

“Are you kidding? Since when did Glenn Hoddle have an academy?”

“Since he opened it. Now, everyone get outside. Time to get running.”

“No-one said this would involve running,” cried mark wilson27 through tears of sadness.

BenArsenal remained seated, prompting chesterfan2 to enquire as to why this was. “Care to elaborate why you haven’t moved Ben?”

“I’m injured. I dropped a tin of biscuits on my foot yesterday. It hurt really badly.”

“A tin of biscuits? That is most likely the worst excuse I’ve ever heard in all my managing days.”

Ben frowned, “You’ve been managing for around ten minutes.”

“That I have,” thought chesterfan2, “I was just testing you. As you were, Ben.”

******

16th July 2009: FMS Chester v Glenn Hoddle Academy: Friendly

Stadium of Imagination

Squad:

GK – Terk

DR – Crouchaldinho

DC – Faramir

DC – Saxonaitor

DL – gavrenwick

MR – viperk1 (copperhorse21 54)

MC – Spav

MC – swagat sinha

ML – HD

SC – stoehrst (tenthreeleader 62)

SC – canvey!! (Marmoset Junior 62)

It isn’t the best of starts for the FMS side when the Academy break the defence, Noone hitting a powerful shot at Terk’s goal only to see it crack off the crossbar and find itself away. Chester get their own chance though, gavrenwick crossing for canvey!! To head over when it would have been easier to score. Hoddle’s boys are so much fitter though, and Terk is forced into an excellent double save. The boy can save after all. Viperk1 has the perfect chance to grab his first goal, but after falling over like a big girl, canvey!! Steps in and smashes the ball in off the post to give Chester the lead! It doesn’t take long for Chester to grab their second, another error from viperk1 allowing canvey to break in and cross for HD to head home a simple finish. The third comes courtesy of an excellent effort from canvey!!, the strikers shot being saved, but stoehrst is on hand to smack home the rebound with some force. The fourth duly follows like a dog on a leash when Spav picks out viperk1 on the right, the winger taking the ball in his stride and lashing a powerful shot into the roof of the net. Half time can’t arrive too quickly for the failing academy rejects.

The second half starts with the same vigour, the rampant FMS’ers getting their fifth when HD breaks down the left and crosses for stoehrst who sidefoots past the stranded keeper. Glenn’s boys eventually earn some space thanks to a dodgy gavrenwick backpass, and Beahon breaks free with the ball, slotting past Terk with too much ease. Either that or bombarding Panpardus chasing him down made him shoot early. Copperhorse21 comes on for the tired looking viperk1. FMS break back on GHA though, and with such ease. A run on the left by stoehrst sees him set up canvey!! To leather home his second of the game. A double sub occurs as neither striker gets his hat trick chance, both coming off tenthreeleader and Marmoset Junior. Both of the new forwards have a chance to grab a goal, but both miss until Marmoset gets another. He breaks from the GHA defence, shimmying the keeper before tapping into the empty net. Another follows shortly after, Spav waiting perfectly for tenthree’s run, the veteran striker firing a low effort along the ground to beat the keeper for the 8th time. An exact carbon copy occurs four minutes later, Spav picking out tenthree with ease and the hitman firing with precision past the keeper. Tenthree then turns provider for HD, the winger moving well to find space in the box to receive tenthree’s cross and tap the ball in to get Chester to double figures. What a way to introduce yourself, chesterfan2!

FMS Chester FC 10 (canvey!! 12, 59, HD 22, 85, stoehrst 30, 50, viperk1 33, Marmoset Junior 75, tenthreeleader 78, 83)

Glenn Hoddle Academy 1 (Beahon 53)

Man of the Match: SPAV – Dominated everything and ran the midfield with the skills of Michael Ballack. But thankfully not his nationality.

[BenArsenal]

How did I become the oldest person in the team?

Good win though.

[weeeman27bob]

Still no Dirk Kuyt-esuqe weeman27bob in the team, or even in a position of authority.

[/sympathy vote]

[Balthazars]

Brilliant win, but after his awful performance in the first friendly, I can't believe you started Sax instead of me!

PS: I would make a good Bond villian.

[Marmoset Junior]

Marmoset Junior – AM/FC - 18

Both of the new forwards have a chance to grab a goal, but both miss until Marmoset gets another. He breaks from the GHA defence, shimmying the keeper before tapping into the empty net.

Hey Gav, thanks for including me in this story. I know I'm only a newcomer here, so I have been reading this excellent story, but I didn't expect to see my name pop up.

A goal on debut (even in a friendly) is a great start for me too.

[HorusFM]

Thanks guys. weeeman, not signed you yet! Marmoset - you write decent stories, you're more than welcome in here.

*****

“Well I must say that I never expected a win of such proportions,” said chesterfan2 as he stood amongst his men.

“Yeah, we did play like gods,” replied tenthreeleader with a massive grin on his face, “Not like Terk had much to do in goal though."

The FMS mod frowned, “Just because my impact is hard to notice. Just wait until I’m needed in the harder games. We have the Bolton Reserves next, see how you all handle that one.”

“We will win again!” exclaimed Salkster2102.

“Good debut for you, Marmoset,” said chesterfan2, “As such, canvey!! is dropped for you to start.”

Marmoset smiled, before avoiding the glare of canvey!!.

“I’m also dropping Faramir and Panpardus for Cougar2010 and JimT. Don’t worry; it’s only going to be a run out.”

“I think Terk should be dropped,” laughed Saxonaitor.

Terk frowned again, his signature frown become something of a legend, “Says Mr AWFUL debut,” he replied sarcastically, revelling in his own response. Sax had no reply.

“Where are these free pies you promised?” said markwilson 27, his face covered in green cream and cucumbers.

Chesterfan2 gave him a quizzical look, “That promise was never made by me. You might want to look chief benefactor and brain behind this whole idea,” he replied, pointing in the direction of gavrenwick.

“Why you looking at me?” he said before fleeing the dressing room as a new addition to the squad entered.

flipsix3 – DR – 22

******

18th July 2009: FMS Chester v Bolton Reserves: Friendly

Stadium of Imagination

Squad:

GK – Terk

DR – flipsix3

DC – JimT

DC – Cougar2010

DL – mark wilson27

MR – copperhorse21

MC – Spav (Offspring8 56)

MC – swagat sinha (Balthazars 56)

ML – gavrenwick (HD 56)

SC – Marmoset Junior

SC – salkster2102 (stoehrst 56)

Despite the likes of Al-Habsi, Hunt, Samuel and Vaz Te lining up against the FMS side, salkster2102 almost opens the scoring with a shot that sadly goes wide. It’s the striker who then sets up Marmoset, but he fires wide when it may have been easier to score. Bolton’s McGregor flashes a shot just over Terk’s goal, the hapless Liverpool fan standing no chance of reaching it. Gavrenwick and mark wilson27 also combine well to set up salk, but the striker fails to hit the target again. Spav is once again a dominant force in midfield, beating Samuel off the ball like a barbarian and laying it off to Marmoset, who wows the home crowd with not just his writing ability, but a 20 yard effort that cracks in off the post to give FMS the lead. Al-Habsi is booked late in the half for shoving his face into the assistant’s over an offside flag, something the referee was less than impressed with. Half time arrives with an unlikely FMS lead.

Salkster stays on for the second half despite a performance that rivalled that of Emile Heskey on a good day. Sadly it isn’t long into the half when Bolton peg back the FMS halfwits, JimT ignoring his duties as a defender, forcing Terk to save from McDonald, but being unable to react from the second attempt from Sampson that is just an easy tap in. Half time sub keeper Bogdan is forced into a save as gavrenwick nearly scores from another corner. Four subs are then made by chesterfan2, gavrenwick, swagat sinha, salkster2102 and Spav being replaced with HD, Offspring8, stoehrst and Balthazars. HD’s arrival sees him set up Marmoset, who fires a good effort off the keepers’ legs. HD then tries to lob the keeper, but he fails and falls over in the process. Bolton begin to exert a heavy amount of pressure on the FMS goal, Terk not needing to make a save, but the defence not really helping his cause. It’s a counter attack from FMS that gives them a penalty though, a terrific run from Marmoset ending in a raucous foul. Stoehrst takes it, and despite miskicking it, his effort flies past Bogdan to regain the lead. A few late efforts were to follow by Sampson, but Terk did his business and kept two of them out, the other going wide to hold on for another good victory.

FMS Chester FC 2 (Marmoset Junior 39, stoehrst pen77)

Bolton Wanderers Reserves 1 (Sampson 48)

Man of the Match: Marmoset Junior – The oddly named man had a great game, netting himself and earning the penalty for stoehrst to dispatch. Canvey!! Is going to hate him even more now, in a Barrowman –shakes fist- style-esque way.

[mark wilson27]

yes where are the free pies....Damn you Gav I want my pies

[BenArsenal]

Mmm, pies...

[stoehrst]

3 goals in 2 matches...shaping up to be as successful as C. Henry in Mark's Rejects.

[HorusFM]

“Did you see my save in the last match?” said Terk as he took massive gulps from his pint glass.

Tenthreeleader, Faramir, flipsix3 and copperhorse21 had joined him. “I did indeed, good sir,” replied tenthree. “Youngsters these days; we sure taught them a lesson. Even if I didn’t start,” he said with a sad face.

“Don’t worry,” boomed Faramir, “You’ll be back in the squad before long. Don’t you worry about that.”

“Your faith in me old friend is comforting, even if I don’t believe in it.”

Copper shrugged, “Shut up moaning then.”

“I think chesterfan2 is the right man for this job. He knows this club better than anyone and our faith in him must be correct and true,” said Faramir.

Terk frowned, “What are you; the messiah?”

“No, but he’s a very naughty boy!” laughed flipsix3 as he sipped his way through a tasty Jack Daniels and Coke.

Everyone turned to look at him, shocked that he had spoken after saying nothing since arriving. “Are you feeling okay flip? You just spoke. Seems really out of character for you.”

Flip ignored the remark and continued with his drink.

“I think that we should be heading back soon. We have that friendly soon.”

“Aye that’s a valid point my friend,” replied tenthree, swigging his drink to its bitter end before getting up. “I really want my place back.”

“Stop moaning!” yelled Copper, “You’re the director for broadcasting after all. Hell, you sit in the commentary box and commentate when you don’t play. It’s not like you’re stuck for jobs, is it?”

Tenthree smiled, “You’re a man of rational thought my fellow American.”

“Someone has to be,” he muttered before stumbling out of the pub.

Arrivals;

JamboJen – GK - 19

Saturday 25th July 2009: Airbus UK Broughton v FMS Chester: Friendly

The Airfield

Squad:

GK – Terk

DR – flipsix3

DC – Panpardus

DC – Faramir

DL – gavrenwick

MR – copperhorse21 (viperk1 45)

MC – Spav

MC – swagat sinha

ML – HD

SC – Marmoset Junior (Balthazars 70)

SC – tenthreeleader (stoehrst 70)

Despite starting with a flourish, Airbus end up being pushed back almost instantly after their first move. Tenthree has a flukey chance from the right, his cross (that should have been a throw in to Airbus) hit the crossbar, HD unable to turn in the rebound. All the early pressure comes courtesy of Sinha’s passing, but he is unable to get one of his own shots on target. Tenthree also wastes a fine chance, a one on one going to waste when he hits his shot straight at the keeper. The first real chance comes when Marmoset plays in HD who is then hacked down from behind by Harding, tenthree tucking the penalty away with a simple sidefoot. It seems to give him confidence, the veteran striker striking the crossbar with a rattling effort. Tenthree is consistently the thorn in the Airbus backside, his efforts causing chaos. The funniest event in the half is Terk making a save he didn’t need to, diving wildly for a shot that was going well wide and gifting a pointless corner, the tool. Thankfully nothing comes of it, and half time comes without too much fuss for the deranged Liverpool fan.

Viperk1 makes his appearances at half time for the tired looking copperhorse. Terk is forced into action much earlier in the half than he likes to expect, Rogers forcing him to save a long range shot, and he did so; weirdly. It was to be gavrenwick who would be the source of rage and fury from his co-players, his pass back from the bloody half way line finding the only striker Airbus are playing, the lone man lapping it up and smashing it past Terk. FURY. Two more substitutes are made late in the game, Balthazars and stoehrst coming on for tenthree and Marmoset. A chance falls to sub stoehrst, but the American Geordie fails to convert, instead pulling the trigger late but earning a corner. As the game goes on, the shooting from both sides becomes wayward, and neither can grab the elusive winner.

Airbus UK Broughton 1 (Davies 70)

FMS Chester 1 (tenthreeleader pen17)

Man of the Match: Damian Davies – The annoying striker scored a decent goal for his side, despite the fact he was bog-lining in our half, the camper. Well taken goal, though Terk won’t want to hear anyone saying that. Least of all gavrenwick.

[salkster2102]

Didn't win cos i didn't play

[viperk1]

Lost cos i didn't play

Get some glasses, mate. We drew

Either way, why ain't I starting? I'm surely good enough

[salkster2102]

Get some glasses, mate. We drew

Either way, why ain't I starting? I'm surely good enough

Sshhh gav told me to say that

[Balthazars]

Still no starts, and I've come on in 3 different positions? The manager is obviously butchering my bountiful talents.

[weeeman27bob]

Still no starts, and I've come on in 3 different positions? The manager is obviously butchering my bountiful talents.

At least you've been bloody signed!

[chesterfan2]

Saturday 25th July 2009: Airbus UK Broughton v FMS Chester: Friendly

The Airfield

Squad:

GK – Terk

DR – flipsix3

DC – Panpardus

DC – Faramir

DL – gavrenwick

MR – copperhorse21 (viperk1 45)

MC – Spav

MC – swagat sinha

ML – HD

SC – Marmoset Junior (Balthazars 70)

SC – tenthreeleader (stoehrst 70)

Despite starting with a flourish, Airbus end up being pushed back almost instantly after their first move. Tenthree has a flukey chance from the right, his cross (that should have been a throw in to Airbus) hit the crossbar, HD unable to turn in the rebound. All the early pressure comes courtesy of Sinha’s passing, but he is unable to get one of his own shots on target. Tenthree also wastes a fine chance, a one on one going to waste when he hits his shot straight at the keeper. The first real chance comes when Marmoset plays in HD who is then hacked down from behind by Harding, tenthree tucking the penalty away with a simple sidefoot. It seems to give him confidence, the veteran striker striking the crossbar with a rattling effort. Tenthree is consistently the thorn in the Airbus backside, his efforts causing chaos. The funniest event in the half is Terk making a save he didn’t need to, diving wildly for a shot that was going well wide and gifting a pointless corner, the tool. Thankfully nothing comes of it, and half time comes without too much fuss for the deranged Liverpool fan.

Viperk1 makes his appearances at half time for the tired looking copperhorse. Terk is forced into action much earlier in the half than he likes to expect, Rogers forcing him to save a long range shot, and he did so; weirdly. It was to be gavrenwick who would be the source of rage and fury from his co-players, his pass back from the bloody half way line finding the only striker Airbus are playing, the lone man lapping it up and smashing it past Terk. FURY. Two more substitutes are made late in the game, Balthazars and stoehrst coming on for tenthree and Marmoset. A chance falls to sub stoehrst, but the American Geordie fails to convert, instead pulling the trigger late but earning a corner. As the game goes on, the shooting from both sides becomes wayward, and neither can grab the elusive winner.

Airbus UK Broughton 1 (Davies 70)

FMS Chester 1 (tenthreeleader pen17)

Man of the Match: Damian Davies – The annoying striker scored a decent goal for his side, despite the fact he was bog-lining in our half, the camper. Well taken goal, though Terk won’t want to hear anyone saying that. Least of all gavrenwick.

I think after this pathetic effort I may have to start myself in the next match. Stephen Vaughan Junior was our starting right back for a couple of seasons after all. Obviously I'll fit in at the position of most need, being as multi-skilled in the footy department as I am.

BTW Good Story, mate. If only the goings-on at Chester were just this bizarre rather than how they are in real-life, then I'd be a much happier man.

[Saxonaitor]

At least you've been bloody signed!

[JOKE]

At least he has a story

[/JOKE]

Love ya Weeman haha

Not starting and looks like my football career is over... Oh well I still have Fallout 3 to play

[HorusFM]

Have faith gentlemen!!!!!! Repeated moaning results in loss of game time

*****

“Bloody Airbus,” muttered Terk. “And you, RENWICK, INFRACTION. What kind of half assed pass was that?”

“Should have been quicker out!” yelled gavrenwick in response, before seeing chesterfan2 emerge into the picture.

“Listen,” he said with the authority of the manager he now was, “It was only a friendly, but we will need to improve a whole lot more for our next game. It’s our first league game of the season, and we need a win. We start the season on -25 points, a formidable block against us staying up. If we are to stay up, we need to put in AT LEAST a title chasing season. And on that note, swagat is my captain with mark wilson27 his vice. Good day gentlemen.”

No-one said a word. The stage was set. FMS Chester would take its bow in a season they were expected to stay where they started.

Arrivals;

Weeeman27bob – D/WB/AML – 23

BobBev – D/MR/C - 19

*****

Saturday 8th August 2009: Grays Athletic v FMS Chester: Blue Square Premier (1/46)

Recreation Ground

Squad:

GK – Terk

DR – BobBev

DC – Saxonaitor

DC – Faramir

DL – gavrenwick

MR – copperhorse21

MC – Spav (sent off 45)

MC – swagat sinha

ML – HD

SC – salkster2102 (Marmoset Junior 45)

SC – stoehrst

Despite being predicted to lose, FMS Chester start the game well, salkster setting up stoehrst with a prime chance, the striker hitting his effort straight at the keeper though. Sinha also sets up copper, but he sends his effort just wide. Faramir picks up the indignity of being booked early in the game and season, his foul on Charge rather lacklustre. Despite the early surge of pressure from FMS Chester, it’s Grays who look more like scoring, Charge and Rnkovic both missing sitters. The pressure from Grays causes Chester to sit back, or rather be forced back, but they aren’t totally away from the chances when sinha misses a great chance to put his side ahead. Stoehrst also has a good chance but he struggles for pace to beat his marker, and his shot is rushed. Salkster2102 picks up an injury near the end of the half, and doesn’t come back on. The day is made worse when Spav is sent off with a straight red for a horrific lunge on Graham. Half time is very welcoming.

Salkster2102 doesn’t make the second half as predicted, Marmoset coming on in place. The second half starts rather dourly, Grays failing to pressure the 10 men Chester side, while Chester themselves look rather devoid of ideas. But it is Chester who get that all important chance, a crossfield ball from gavrenwick to copperhorse at the back post sees him dragged down and earning a penalty. The left footed HD takes a gamble by for some odd reason taking his penalty with his right foot, but he qualms the Recreation Ground faithful by easily sidefooting it home. Grays almost have an immediate response, but Charge heads over after beating gavrenwick in the air. It should be two nil fifteen minutes from the end, a supreme gavrenwick freekick finding Faramir unmarked in the Grays box, but a terrific save keeps his powerful effort out. Chester begin to watch the clock count down, and in doing so, it gives them the incentive to score that second. And they do it in style. Terk’s long goal kick finds sinha in the centre, and the captain heads on the ball for stoehrst to run onto, who goes out slightly to the right before lashing a shot across goal into the top of the net to make it 2-0. Supreme worked goal for a team with just 10 men. Chester take a seat now, but somehow, they push quickly forward on the counter and grab their third. A loose ball from Marmoset is picked up by stoehrst who beats the defender to it, his shot is saved, but copperhorse21 lashes a powerful shot past the keeper to seal the unlikeliest of 3-0 wins.

Grays Athletic 0

FMS Chester 3 (Spav s/off 45, HD pen70, stoehrst 89, copperhorse21 92)

Man of the Match: copperhorse21 – Copper dominated the midfield along with swagat sinha, but his goal capped his performance and it also helped him pip stoehrst to the man of the match award, the sneaky American devil.

*****

The Long Road Ahead:

| Pos                                 | Inf   | Team            |       | Pld   | Won   | Drn   | Lst   | For   | Ag    | G.D.  | Pts   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 18th                                |       | Hayes & Yeading |       | 1     | 0     | 0     | 1     | 0     | 2     | -2    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 19th                                |       | Tamworth        |       | 1     | 0     | 0     | 1     | 0     | 2     | -2    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 20th                                |       | Histon          |       | 1     | 0     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 4     | -3    | 0     | 
[color="Red"]| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| [/color]
[color="Red"]| 21st                                |       | Grays           |       | 1     | 0     | 0     | 1     | 0     | 3     | -3    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 22nd                                |       | Barrow          |       | 1     | 0     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 6     | -4    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 23rd                                |       | Salisbury       |       | 1     | 0     | 1     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 0     | -9    | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 24th                                |       | FMS Chester     |       | 1     | 1     | 0     | 0     | 3     | 0     | +3    | -22   | [/color]
[color="red"]| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|[/color]

[swagat sinha]

I'm the captain! w00t! Loving this, gav

[stoehrst]

Dominance. Sheer dominance. I terrify all defenses before me.

[Marmoset Junior]

A great start to the season for FMS Chester. KUTGW Gav.

[mark wilson27]

Good to get off to winning start, shame I wasn't in the team but as vice captain I will accept my managers descision (the rotten basturd)

[HorusFM]

Thanks guys. swag - after your exploits with Utopia, you deserved it! Mark, you're injured right now. Steve - you're unstoppable. Usually.

*****

“I couldn’t resist hacking the cocky sod down,” snapped Spav, clearly frustrated at seeing red in his first competitive match.

“You’re an American! You should know sporting courtesy by birth alone!” yelled chesterfan2, before realising his statement was only half correct. “Okay, I got the American part right, but Spav, you can’t go around hacking people down for the fun of it."

Spav shrugged, “I enjoyed it. So sue me.”

“Good job you’re a good player, and friend, or I’d be forced to lay a can of whoop ass on you,” muttered chesterfan2 as Celtic_1967 entered the room.

“Celtic, will you sort out the appeal papers for Spav’s red card. We won’t bother with it as the twit knows he fouled him, I know he fouled him, and the referee knows he did. An appeal would be as worthless as watching an MLS soccer game.”

Spav frowned at the comment, but held back his anger. Celtic pulled a ruler off the table and tapped it on each of Spav’s shoulders, “I hereby dub you Sir Spav, the Hacker Downer of all Opposition.”

Spav grunted, stole the ruler and threw it at the fleeing Celtic. “Just behave yourself next time,” admitted the disgruntled Celt, who then turned to chesterfan2. “Gateshead next. Whos taking Spavs place?”

“God knows. That’s something to decide on the day, I think.”

Celtic turned back to chesterfan2 before he left, “By the way, chester, Mark Wilson injured himself in the shower last night. He’s twisted his knee and will be out for a week.”

“I don't want to know, do I?”

*****

Tuesday 11th August 2009: FMS Chester v Gateshead: Blue Square Premier (2/46)

Stadium of Imagination

Squad:

GK – Terk

DR – BobBev

DC – Saxonaitor (sent off 89)

DC – Faramir

DL – gavrenwick

MR – copperhorse21

MC – Balthazars (BenArsenal 60)

MC – swagat sinha

ML – HD

SC – Tenthreeleader (Marmoset Junior 60 (Panpardus 89))

SC – stoehrst

Chester start excellently, some swift passing and play seeing an early chance go begging before a goal arrives. A terrific cross from stoehrst is headed wayward by a Gateshead defender, allowing sinha to rise high and power a superb looping header over the keeper for an early lead. Stoehrst has a great chance to double that lead, but sends his effort into the keepers outstretched legs. Terk is forced into an excellent save twenty minutes in, Kris Gate breaking free and firing a low but powerful shot goalwards. A slight period of Gateshead pressure nearly brings a second goal for Chester but copper fires wide. Terk then has to pull off another great stop from close range this time from Williams. Tenthree and stoehrst combine well to set up sinha, but the captains shot goes well wide, much to the strike pairs annoyance. Half time arrives with Chester looking fairly okay for their money.

The second half starts much the same with sinha firing a shot over and stoehrst falling on his backside three times in a row. BobBev risks the wrath of the Chester faithful when he hacks down Williams, hence earning him a widely expected yellow. Gateshead attempt to get their equaliser, Forsyth and Gate both firing wide. Sadly the equaliser does come, an awful backpass from Faramir leading Terk to hack it away, and miss. Forsyth passes to Mackay, who only has to tap it in. A double substitution occurs, Marmoset and BenArsenal coming on for Balth and tenthree. Almost immediately the subs combine, Ben setting up Marmoset to break free, the young striker firing onto the keeper to earn a corner. Despite this, both sides look able to take all the points, Marmoset and Forsyth both missing chances to do so. Saxonaitor puts in a terrific shift at the back, especially when clearing two off the line. Ben crosses for Marmoset again, the striker seeing his shot saved again by the on fire Provett. And after previously stating that Sax was having a terrific game, he pulls down Forsyth in the box to gift Gateshead a late, late penalty. And then being sent off. Panpardus comes on late for Marmoset. Terk can’t stop the penalty, Richardson smashing it past him with ease. Well done Sax!!

FMS Chester 1 (sinha 4, Saxonaitor s/off 89)

Gateshead 2 (Mackay 60, Richardson pen90)

Man of the Match: swagat sinha – The captain dominated everything. He ran the midfield. Played every important pass. Stopped every loose ball from becoming a danger. Scored the opener. Shame his teammates are so damn useless.

*****

The Long Road Ahead Made Longer Thanks to Saxonaitor;

| Pos                                 | Inf   | Team            |       | Pld   | Won   | Drn   | Lst   | For   | Ag    | G.D.  | Pts   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 19th                                |       | Kettering       |       | 2     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 1     | 4     | -3    | 1     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 20th                                |       | Barrow          |       | 2     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 3     | 7     | -4    | 1     | 
[color="Red"]| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 21st                                |       | Tamworth        |       | 1     | 0     | 0     | 1     | 0     | 2     | -2    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 22nd                                |       | Grays           |       | 2     | 0     | 0     | 2     | 0     | 4     | -4    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 23rd                                |       | Salisbury       |       | 2     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 2     | 3     | -1    | -9    | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 24th                                |       | FMS Chester     |       | 2     | 1     | 0     | 1     | 4     | 2     | +2    | -22   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|[/color] 

[Balthazars]

Gav, have I told you you're a brilliant writer? Well, you are.

Obviously this whole 'hacking down' thing is catching. Maybe we should have a whip-round and take bets on who can manage to get sent off the most times in a season.

[viperk1]

Obviously this whole 'hacking down' thing is catching. Maybe we should have a whip-round and take bets on who can manage to get sent off the most times in a season.

That obviously won't be me - I've not started a single match (then again, that's a good thing - gives me time to do more writing whilst the rest of you get yourselves raped by the rest of the Blue Square Prem )

Great stuff, gav - another fine story for your growing collection

[mark wilson27]

I'll let you off the Gav as soon as I'm injured...

btw its good to see I'm not the only one getting grief for not playing people in the sign up game

[Saxonaitor]

Thanks guys. swag - after your exploits with Utopia, you deserved it! Mark, you're injured right now. Steve - you're unstoppable. Usually.

*****

Saxonaitor puts in a terrific shift at the back, especially when clearing two off the line.

And after previously stating that Sax was having a terrific game, he pulls down Forsyth in the box to gift Gateshead a late, late penalty. And then being sent off. Panpardus comes on late for Marmoset. Terk can’t stop the penalty, Richardson smashing it past him with ease. Well done Sax!!

FMS Chester 1 (sinha 4, Saxonaitor s/off 89)

Gateshead 2 (Mackay 60, Richardson pen90)

*****

The Long Road Ahead Made Longer Thanks to Saxonaitor;

| Pos                                 | Inf   | Team            |       | Pld   | Won   | Drn   | Lst   | For   | Ag    | G.D.  | Pts   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 19th                                |       | Kettering       |       | 2     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 1     | 4     | -3    | 1     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 20th                                |       | Barrow          |       | 2     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 3     | 7     | -4    | 1     | 
[color="Red"]| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 21st                                |       | Tamworth        |       | 1     | 0     | 0     | 1     | 0     | 2     | -2    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 22nd                                |       | Grays           |       | 2     | 0     | 0     | 2     | 0     | 4     | -4    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 23rd                                |       | Salisbury       |       | 2     | 0     | 1     | 1     | 2     | 3     | -1    | -9    | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 24th                                |       | FMS Chester     |       | 2     | 1     | 0     | 1     | 4     | 2     | +2    | -22   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|[/color] 

Cut me a break I'm 14

I of course blame Terk and only Terk for the loss

[chesterfan2]

Cut me a break I'm 14

I of course blame Terk and only Terk for the loss

That's no excuse laddy ! Now take your two week's wages fine like the man you hope you'll become and come back into the team stronger and wiser than you are today.

You're not wrong about Terk though.

[Saxonaitor]

That's no excuse laddy ! Now take your two week's wages fine like the man you hope you'll become and come back into the team stronger and wiser than you are today.

You're not wrong about Terk though.

Yes Sir.

[HorusFM]

Thanks for the really nice comments guys. Sax, buck your performances up! Mark - I love the banter

*****

SCIAG sat with ScottleeSV in the directors board room. They had been there for just over an hour, while Dalbeider arrived just ten minutes ago. Tenthree had opted out of this meeting.

“That gap is still bloody perilous,” muttered SCIAG as he stared at the league table. “What on god’s earth were we thinking?”

“It is highly probable that we weren’t thinking at all,” said Dalbeider as he messed around on a laptop. He had decided that he was going to revamp the ailing website, allowing no-one at all to see it until it was all finished.

“chesterfan2 messed up against Gateshead though. Something tells me that we are going to struggle to put together enough points if we throw the ones we have away like that.”

“Give the boy time,” replied Scottlee, “He will come through I’m sure. And it’s not like he’s been given an easy start to his reign. Twenty five points deduction is bloody difficult to come back from, for any manager.”

“Point noted,” replied SCIAG before he tried to sneak a peek at Dalbe’s laptop.

“Oi!” he yelled, “Stay away, boy.”

At that point, Balthazars entered the room, “After the lastest red card for the bumbling Saxonaitor, me and the guys downstairs have decided to run a bet for who will end up being sent off most times this season. Care to bet?”

“£100 on Spav,” offered SCIAG, “The guy is a psychopath.”

*****

Saturday 15th August 2009: FMS Chester v Cambridge United: Blue Square Premier (3/46)

Stadium of Imagination

Squad:

GK – JamboJen

DR – BobBev

DC – Panpardus

DC – Faramir

DL – mark wilson27 (gavrenwick 45)

MR – BenArsenal

MC – Spav

MC – swagat sinha

ML – HD

SC – Marmoset Junior (viperk1 60)

SC – stoehrst (copperhorse21 73)

Cambridge would prove to be tough opponents, especially after they thumped Barrow 6-2 at the start of the season. Despite that, neither side starts off with any real vigour, fifteen minutes passing before even a shot is registered. The first clear chance falls to Holroyd for Cambridge, a ball from the right finding him unmarked, the striker seeing his shot well saved by debutant JamboJen. It is however a supreme counter attack from Chester than brings the goal, a long hoof by Panpardus clearing the whole field, and Cambridge defender Saah leaving it, allowing Marmoset to steal in slide it past the keeper for the opener. Terrific tenacity by the young man for that goal. The scorer than almost turns provider for stoehrst, but the more experienced man sends his effort just wide, but earning a corner that comes to nothing. Stoehrst then has an excellent freekick from 20 yards saved by Potter. The corner earned from it brings the second goal, BenArsenal crossing for stoehrst, but his header hits Carden on the way in to register as an own goal. The chances rain down for stoehrst, but he can’t grab himself a goal, his next effort saved from a tight angle. Marmoset almost fires in his second just before half time, but it just skims over the bar and the whistle goes.

Mark wilson27 comes off at half time, as he is only just returning from injury, and is replaced with gavrenwick. If it hadn’t been for the fitness issue, one could have viewed the move as a terrific tactical sub as gavrenwick fires a splendid freekick past Potter just seven minutes into the half to make it 3-0. Sinha plays Marmoset in for a fine chance moments after, the striker giving the keeper an easy save. Stoehrst also has a chance to pretty much seal the game away, his effort from 5 yards going closer to the moon than the Cambridge goal. Marmoset makes way after 60 minutes for viperk1 to make his debut. The chances keep coming for Chester, sinha firing an effort just wide and gavrenwick forcing a save from the keeper. Stoehrst seemingly picks up an injury, but that doesn’t stop him from FINALLY scoring in this game, Spav and BenArsenal combining delightfully to play him in, and despite limping, fires his shot home for 4-0. He goes off straight away, copperhorse replacing him. Jen almost loses her clean sheet late in the game, but BobBev is on hand to clear off the line for her. The last chance of the game falls to viperk1, and despite being through on goal, he rounds the keeper before fluffing his effort into the side netting. A thumping win!

FMS Chester 4 (Marmoset Junior 25, Carden og33, gavrenwick 54, stoehrst 73)

Cambridge United 0

Man of the Match: stoehrst – The striker stole the show with a well taken goal with injury and two assists for the earning of gavrenwick’s freekick and forcing Carden into an own goal. An excellent striking performance from the adopted Geordie.

*****

The Long Road Ahead Improved By Stoehrst;

| Pos                                 | Inf   | Team            |       | Pld   | Won   | Drn   | Lst   | For   | Ag    | G.D.  | Pts   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 19th                                |       | AFC Wimbledon   |       | 3     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 1     | 3     | -2    | 1     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 20th                                |       | Barrow          |       | 3     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 4     | 9     | -5    | 1     | 
[color="Red"]| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 21st                                |       | Forest Green    |       | 3     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 1     | 6     | -5    | 1     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 22nd                                |       | Grays           |       | 3     | 0     | 0     | 3     | 1     | 7     | -6    | 0     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 23rd                                |       | Salisbury       |       | 3     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 2     | 8     | -6    | -9    | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 24th                                |       | FMS Chester     |       | 3     | 2     | 0     | 1     | 8     | 2     | +6    | -19   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| [/color]

[Dalbeider]

Webmaster in the room \o/. If I hadn't forgotten almost everything I ever knew about web design I might give a mock-up site a try .

[swagat sinha]

Good work team. Only 10 points between us and the next team. We'll do this And gentlemen of the board, don't go around betting against my midfield partner-in-crime.

[BenArsenal]

Ooh, I played.

[stoehrst]

Setting up two, scoring when hurt...is there nothing I can't do?

[swagat sinha]

Setting up two, scoring when hurt...is there nothing I can't do?

Don't take it as a challenge and get sent off now!

[weeeman27bob]

Been signed \o/

Could do with playing though! Although I'm probably carp.

Oh, and I suppose the writing is alright too

[HorusFM]

New Addition;

WLKRAS – 19 - MC

Wednesday 19th August 2009: Oxford United v FMS Chester: Blue Square Premier (4/46)

The Kassam Stadium

Squad:

GK – JamboJen (Terk 71)

DR – BobBev

DC – Panpardus

DC – JimT (mark wilson27 86)

DL – Saxonaitor

MR – copperhorse21

MC – WLKRAS

MC – swagat sinha

ML – weeeman27bob (viperk1 86)

SC – canvey!!

SC – stoehrst

Oxford welcomed Chester with the look of a side who were ready to crush an already downed side. It would be Chester who would steal the lead, to the happiness of the travelling support. A decent wall out wide by WLKRAS finds weeeman, who delivers a terrific cross to the centre where canvey!! Rises above his marker and heads the ball into the net, along with himself and two defenders. Terrific debut for canvey and weeeman. Oxford try consistently to get back into the game, but achieve nothing with such a resolute Chester defence. Jen is forced into a save though when JimT allows Constable past him, the striker forcing her to save down to her left. Oxford’s Solly is booked for a rash challenge on weeeman who had broken away down the left. His yellow sparks a rage from the home fans, who are told to be silent by Spav on the bench. Saxonaitor has a heart in arse moment when he heads back to Jen, Constable nipping in and firing past Jen. Thankfully into the side netting. Sax receives a hurl of abuse from his team mates before he saves them, a shot from Solly bypassing everyone including Jen, but being blocked on the line by Sax who clears it. The clearance makes way for half time.

Chester come out firing on all cylinders, but stoehrst makes a hash of his one on one effort. Sadly the clearance that follows allows Oxford to break on the counter, Constable crossing for Midson, who after hashing up his first attempt, pokes the second one home. The game dies down for awhile, neither side making any effort to take the lead. Saxoniator is booked after 62 minutes for bringing down Murray in an extremely rash tackle. Solly then wastes an excellent chance when he fires over from inside the box, much to the home fans annoyance. BobBev then gets booked 4 minutes later for scrambling up the book of Midson like an annoying spider. The break in play allows JamboJen treatment, and she is taken off the field for somehow picking up a knock. Terk replaces her, and makes an immediate save from Midson. Chester do manage to regain their lead, and in some style as the horse of copper fires in a terrific 20yard effort that cracks in off both posts before crossing the line. Oxford have an instant reply through Constable, the striker launching a 20yard volley to rival copper’s, Terk flapping at thin air trying to stop it. The goal deflates Chester immeasurably, and despite late substitutions of viperk1 and mark wilson27 coming on, nothing can be done to regain the lead as both sides settle on a point. It is however two points lost for Chester.

Oxford United 2 (Midson 47, Constable 78)

FMS Chester 2 (canvey!! 3, copperhorse21 75)

Man of the Match: canvey!! – An excellent debut from canvey!!, who despite starting the season really well, lost his place. After finally regaining it, he has shown today why he deserves to be there. A well taken goal, and well played to help copper get his.

*****

The Long Road Ahead;

| Pos                                 | Inf   | Team            |       | Pld   | Won   | Drn   | Lst   | For   | Ag    | G.D.  | Pts   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 19th                                |       | Rushden         |       | 4     | 0     | 2     | 2     | 2     | 4     | -2    | 2     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 20th                                |       | Ebbsfleet       |       | 4     | 0     | 2     | 2     | 1     | 3     | -2    | 2     | 
[color="Red"]| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 21st                                |       | Forest Green    |       | 4     | 0     | 1     | 3     | 1     | 7     | -6    | 1     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 22nd                                |       | Barrow          |       | 4     | 0     | 1     | 3     | 4     | 12    | -8    | 1     | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 23rd                                |       | Salisbury       |       | 4     | 0     | 1     | 3     | 2     | 11    | -9    | -9    | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 24th                                |       | FMS Chester     |       | 4     | 2     | 1     | 1     | 10    | 4     | +6    | -18   | 
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| [/color]

[weeeman27bob]

Assist in my first game!

[mark wilson27]

four bloody minutes Gav.come on lad your vice captain should be playing for longer than that

[WLKRAS]

Oooh, i've been signed

[ScottleeSV]

At that point, ScottleeSV walked in, a pleasured smile on his face, like some rampant sex creature who had escaped Luton

Bwhaha.

Keep it up, Gav. Good stuff.