Newcastle Needs You!

[Fawkon]

Ok guys, started a new game with Newcastle. Breezed through the first season as anyone can do with Newcastle. During the first season I bought in Veratti, loaned in Macheda, and a few other guys who turned out to be worse than crap. Can't think of a word for how bad they were and how bad my skills are at bringing in people that I haven't stolen from other peoples recommendations ala Veratti .

Macheda turned out to be an absolute beast, smashing the Championship goal scoring record with is funny because in my Man Utd saves I always sell him cause in my eyes his stats are worse than butt-puke and he never seemed to improve.

Anyways long story short I am getting gang banged so badly in the EPL it's not even funny! I've bought some absolutely shocking players, if this was IRL and i was a Newcastle fan I'd burn my house down and rape my dog. I need help

I have Ochoa in goal (Legend, even if he does concede about 3 every game, he has my retardation riddled defence to thank for that)

I have Van Der Vaart as a AMC who is an absolute tosspot who can't play well to save his life.

Amoebi in front, beast in Championship, beast excrement in EPL, couldn't hit the broadside... (You get the picture)

So i play a 4-1-2-1-2 Formation cause' I sold all my wingers last season because i believed (I say it in past-tense cause' i'm beginning to regret it) that lower level, poor ass teams should play a 'through the middle game' plus i needed the cash from their sales to blow on idiots who are kackier than the chaps i sold!!!.

AND YES GUYS I KNOW IT'S MY TACTICS!!! (I've broken so many hearts of little nerds waiting to put down my skills by saying "aww dude man it's not the games fault durrr it's your tactics", yes i know now get lost!

Anyways i've said so much yet given so little real Info, screw it I'm tired. Please help! (Btw how the hell do you make a wall of text look less crap so all the ADHD kids won't get bored two seconds into reading?)

[ZdlR]

"worse than butt-puke", "getting banged so badly", "rape my dog", "retardation riddled defence", "an absolute tosspot", "beast excrement"

(Btw how the hell do you make a wall of text look less crap so all the ADHD kids won't get bored two seconds into reading?)

Apparently, you litter it with neo-neanderthal idiom...

[kev08]

if you still have no wingers check out mr houghs tactics they are probably the best around

[Fawkon]

Apparently, you litter it with neo-neanderthal idiom...

I have no idea what that means so i'll take it as a compliment even tho' i doubt it is.

[Myth0logy]

I played as Norwich, from league 1 - and similar to Newcastle - they are one of the strongest teams in league. I got promoted from league 1 as champions, championship as championship, finished 8th in PL is first season. I did get to a cup final so got into the UEFA cup.

The formation I play is the same as yours, apart from my fullbacks are wingbacks in line with the Def M/F so I get more width and plenty of crosses without the need of wingers - so it's not the formation that is you problem as such.

I am not entirely sure what you want from this thread. You are telling us your tactics suck and you have bought shocking players? This is generally a bad strategy if you want to do well.

If you go to good team / player guide you will find countless players & similar formations with how to set them up properly.

As for Van Der Vaart, play his as Trequasa with high creativity. Yes he has good Long Shots, but you should have long shots as "Sometimes" at most. A player in that position will usually benefit from playing a through ball (if you have pacey strikers) rather than attempting to shoot and miss. I assume Ameobi is fairly quick.