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The FMS Musical v2.

HorusFM

By HorusFM,
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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Thanks so much, mark. Your song will come eventually!

*****

Chapter 2 – Scene 1.2 – There is no-one else like you...

Starring;

• The Perfect FM’er

• Panpardus

(the players are checking the scores after their 0-0 draw with Blackburn. Perfect spots a name on the scoring list he is proud to see.)

Panpardus: Such a shame we were held nil-nil. We deserved a goal.

The Perfect FM’er: Maybe we could have scored, but it’s a shame Samba is so tall.

Panpardus: salk missed a sitter, the tool.

The Perfect FM’er: You weren’t so great at the back, you fool.

Panpardus: Oh my, I see that Villa won. I’m not looking forward to playing against him in particular.

The Perfect FM’er: Don’t diss Gabby Agbonlahor, he’s my hero...

(to the tune of Hero by Enrique Iglesias – The Perfect FM’er singing.)

Would you score?

If I asked you to score,

Would you run?

And never look back.

Would you cry?

If you lost the cup final,

You know you’d score a goal, that night.

You wouldn’t crumble,

If Samba broke your hips,

Would you scream?

Oh please tell me this.

Now would you die?

For the one you loved?

Hold me in your arms, tonight.

You can be my hero, Gabby.

You can kick away the pain.

I will stand by you forever.

You can’t take, Gab away.

Would you swear?

That you’ll always be mine,

Would I cry?

If you couldn’t score,

You’re sitting too deep,

Has O’Neill gone mad?

I don’t care, you’ve scored, tonight.

You can be my hero, Gabby.

You can kick away the pain.

I will stand by you forever,

You can’t take, my Gab away.

Panpardus: Creepy.

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Thanks for the comments you two.

*****

Chapter 2 – Scene 1.3 – To Hell and back...

Starring;

• Celtic_1967

• Tenthreeleader

(the guys are travelling to their first away game of the season, down in Humberside. The players are all currently sat on the team coach.)

Celtic_1967: I wish we’d get there already. Taking forever.

tenthreeleader: I know. My backside doesn’t feel too clever.

Celtic_1967: I’m desperate for a beer. We better win this match.

tenthreeleader: We will I’m certain. We might need to do grab and snatch.

Celtic_1967: It’s snatch and grab. Anyway, we’ve just hit the A1709 to Hull...

(to the tune of Highway to Hell by AC/DC – Celtic_1967 singing.)

It ain’t easy! Being me!

Season ticket to see Celtic play!

Don’t say nothing, leave me be!

Takin’ everything in my stride!

Don’t need reason, don’t need time!

There ain’t nothing I would rather do,

Going down, just this time,

My teammates gonna be there too....

I’m on the Highway to Hull!

Highway to Hull!

I’m on the Highway to Hull!

I’m on the Highway to Hull....

No more Mowbray... instead it’s Lennon.

Nobody’s gonna ease my pain!

Lennon’s a wheel, let’s spin him.

Nobody’s gonna mess Celtic up.

Hey tenthree! Get my shoes!

We’re playing for a football team!

Oooo Gavin, just look at me.

I’m on my way to the promised land...

I’m on the Highway to Hull,

Highway to Hull,

I’m on the Highway to Hull,

I’m on the Highway to Hull....

Don’t stop me!

(tenthreeleader comes in with a massive guitar solo performance.)

I’m on the Highway to Hull!

I’m on the Highway to Hull!

I’m on the Highway to Hull!

On the Highway to Hull!

Highway to Hull,

I’m on the Highway to Hull!

On the Highway to Hull!

I’m on the Highway to Hull!

We’re going down.....

tenthreeleader: What is ‘Hull’? Is it slang for Hell?

Celtic_1967: It’s exactly that.

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chesterfan2

chesterfan2

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For some reason, when I read this I imagined a team of grown men sitting on a member of the coaching staff. Yeah, I'm normal :p

You come on here, do you honestly think that makes you normal ?

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Thanks alot fellas. Mikey, I knew you would like the song choice :D It was just waiting for the Hull game for you to sing it.

*****

Chapter 2 – Scene 1.4 – He’s just the killer...

Starring;

• mark wilson27

• Manxie_Ash

(the team are currently losing to Hull, and things are about get worse...)

Manxie_Ash: This game couldn’t get any worse.

mark wilson27: You could always be not playing. Or going home in a hearse.

Manxie_Ash: Why would that ever happen? Hull are destroying us!

mark wilson27: Start playing and stop being such a wuss.

Manxie_Ash: Here comes Ghilas. There is only me and you back here, Mark.

(to the tune of Thriller by Michael Jackson – mark wilson27 singing.)

It’s close to full time, and something evil’s lurking on the park,

Under the moonlight,

You see a sight that almost stops your heart,

You try to scream, but panic takes the sound before you make it,

You start to freeze, as Ghilas looks you right between the eyes.

You’re paralyzed.

Cause this is Ghilas! Ghilas’s night,

And no-one’s gonna save the shot that is about to strike,

You know its Ghilas, Ghilas’s night,

You’re fighting for your team,

Against the killer, Ghilas tonight.

Huoooooo.

You see the line break,

And realize there is nowhere left to hide,

You feel a cold chill,

And wonder if you’ll ever see full time.

You close your eyes,

And hope that this is just imagination.

But all the while,

You see the Ghilas running from the front.

You’re out of time!

Cause this is Ghilas! Ghilas’s night!

There ain’t no second chance against the man with forty shots, Ash.

Ghilas, Ghilas’s night.

You’re fighting for your team against the, killer, Ghilas tonight!

Manxie_Ash: And there is the second.

(the crowd boo.)

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Thanks so much guys.

*****

Chapter 2 – Scene 1.5 – The goalkeeper does exist...

Starring;

• Marmoset Junior

• Australian Stig

(the team is training, but Australian Stig has noticed that the FMS team does have a proper keeper after all. Marmoset is just returning from injury.)

Australian Stig: Marmoset! It’ll be nice to have a good keeper back in the side. That mark wilson27 bloke, just no good at all.

Marmoset Junior: Don’t insult my peers. Without mark we would just fall and crawl.

Australian Stig: He did get done over by Khamel Ghilas though. (the crowd laugh.)

Marmoset Junior: Very good point. Are you ready to go? Hit me with some shots...

(to the tune of Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar – Marmoset Junior singing.)

Well Stig’s the real tough Aussie, with the long history.

Of breaking little palms like the two on me,

That’s okay; let’s see how you do it,

Pick up the ball, let’s get down to it!

Hit me with your best shot,

Why don’t you hit me with your best shot!

Hit me with your best shot, fire away!!

You come on with a cheap trick, you don’t fight fair,

But that’s okay, see if I save,

You got me down, it’s all in vain,

I’ll get right back on my feet again!

Hit me with your best shot!

Why don’t you hit me with your best shot!

Hit me with your best shot, fire away!!

(Australian Stig with a guitar solo, as taught to him by AxemanTenthree.)

Well Stig’s the real tough Aussie, with the long history.

Of breaking little palms like the two on me,

Before I put another notch on my crossbar and post,

You better make sure you shoot with power and pace!

Hit me with your best shot,

Come on! Hit me with your best shot.

Hit me with your best shot, fire away!!

Hit me with your best shot,

Why don’t you hit me with your best shot!

Hit me with your best shot, fire away!!

Australian Stig: He’s a bloody super keeper.

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SCIAG

SCIAG

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The Ghilas song was easily the funniest thing I have ever seen on FMS, ever.

My mental image of Mark Wilson has him looking like Paul Merton. I imagined a tiny Paul Merton flapping around in the goal, wearing inflatable gloves and looking terrified, whilst the ten outfield players did the Thriller dance. Absolutely hilarious, Gav. Your versatility and range of skills astounds me.

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Such praise, SCIAG. Thanks alot! I hope we can be considered for such an award Ben :D

*****

Chapter 2 – Scene 1.6 – We just need that goal...

Starring;

• Offspring8

• -Xenon-

(the team are two-two with Bolton Wanderers, and Offy is consistently failing to put away the passes Xen plays to him.)

Offspring8: Okay, I can do this.

-Xenon-: You better do it soon, just stop trying to miss.

Offspring8: I’m not purposely trying!

-Xenon-: Stop crying.

Offspring8: I can do it, for the fans.

-Xenon-: This is your final chance...

(to the tune of

– Offspring8 and –Xenon- singing.)

They’re players, are multiplying,

And I’m losing control,

But the passes, you’re supplying,

They’re electrifying!

You better shape up, cause we need a goal,

And the fans are set on you,

You better shape up, you better score it now,

To your fans you must be true,

[Nothing left, nothing left to do but score]

You’re the one they want,

You’re the one they want!

Ooooh, oooh, oohh Offy,

The one that they want,

You’re the one they want,

Ooooh, oooh, oooh Offy,

The one that they want, you are the one for,

Ooooh, oooh, oohh, the one they need,

To score their goal!

If you have, a shooting problem,

You’re too crap, to score a goaaaal,

Pass the ball in my direction,

Watch me play.

I better shape up, because I need a goal.

We need a goal to keep the fans satisfied

I better shape up, if I’m gonna prove,

You better prove, that my faith is justified

Are you sure?

Yes I’m sure deep down inside!

I'm the one who can score,

I am the one to score,

Ooooh, oooh, oooh Xen,

I'm the one who can score,

I am the one to score,

Ooooh, oooh, oooh Xen,

The one that who just scored,

You have just the scored the goal,

Oooh, oooh, oooh the one to score,

Offy indeed!

Offspring8: Yes! We did it!

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Thanks so much guys. Pan, I would love that award. Terk is just scared of me being too good :( he already hates my Bayern Munich team.

******

Chapter 2 – Scene 1.7 – Hero to zero....

Starring;

• viperk1

• Marmoset Junior

(the team is 3-0 up against Burnley, but the sweeper is insistent on making some sort of impact on the match, much to the chagrin of his teammates.)

viperk1: I really, really want to score.

Marmoset Junior: You’re a sweeper. Stay back here, let them up there score number four.

viperk1: I’m going for it, Marmoset. I’m going on a run.

Marmoset Junior: If only I had a gun...

(to the tune of Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor – viperk1 and Marmoset Junior singing.)

Running up, right up the pitch,

Had a run, took my chances,

Went the distance, now I’m back in defence,

Just a sweeper, and his will to score a goal,

Not many times, do I get forward,

Nor change position for glory,

Won’t lose my grip, on the dreams of a goal,

I must fight, just to keep them alive!

It’s the, eye of the viper,

It’s the thrill of the match,

Rising up, to the challenge of the Burnley,

And the last remaining striker stalks his prey in attack,

And I’m watching them all with the eye, of the viper.

Face to face, out in the rain,

Looking tough, sitting deeper,

They stack the players, till he takes out their feet,

For he fouls, with some skill, to survive!

It’s the, eye of the viper,

It’s the thrill of the match,

Rising up, to the challenge of the Burnley,

And the last remaining striker stalks his prey in attack,

And he's watching them all with his eye, of the viper.

Running up, straight to the top,

Have no idea, should have passed it,

Went the distance, now I just have to stop,

Just a boy and his will to score a goal!

It’s the, eye of the viper,

It’s the thrill of the match,

Running up, to lose the ball to Steven Fletcher,

And the last remaining striker scores his goal with some ease,

And they’re watching me all with their eyes, you suck, viper.

You suck viper.

We hate you viper.

Don’t come back viper.

Leave the field viper.

Marmoset Junior: There goes my cleansheet, you bumhole.

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Thanks guys. You really are too kind with the comments :)

*****

Chapter 3 – Scene 1.1 – Pass it good...

Starring;

• stoehrst

• Dalbeider

(the side are playing Manchester United, a very feared and disliked team.)

stoehrst: We need to link better, Dal.

Dalbeider: I’m trying my best here. I’ve only just returned from injury, pal.

stoehrst: I know that, I’m just saying.

Dalbeider: Give over already, you don’t need to start praying.

stoehrst: Pass it good then...

(to the tune of

– stoehrst singing.)

Pass that ball, give Vidic the slip,

Run on the grass; push him till he cracks,

When Rio comes along, you must pass it,

Before Wes Brown comes out aswell, you must pass it,

When attacking’s going wrong, you must pass it.

Now pass it, into space,

Kick it up, nice and straight,

Go forward, or move ahead,

Try to deflect it; it’s not too late,

To pass it, pass it good.

When a good pass goes astray, just forget it,

You’ll never live it down, so just forget it.

Sometimes they go astray, so please forget it.

I say pass it, pass it good.

I say pass it, pass it good.

Pass that ball, give Vidic the slip,

Run on the grass; push him till he cracks,

When Rio comes along, you must pass it,

Before Wes Brown comes out aswell, you must pass it,

When attacking’s going wrong, you must pass it.

Now pass it, into space,

Kick it up, nice and straight,

Go forward, or move ahead,

Try to deflect it; it’s not too late,

To pass it, into space,

Kick it up, nice and straight,

Go forward, or move ahead,

Try to deflect it; it’s not too late,

To pass it, pass it good.

Dalbeider: Great singing, but it won't increase your chances of a pass any more than they're already at.

stoehrst: Damn you.

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Haha thanks guys. That song is sung by Dr Evil in Austin Powers. Classic moment.

*****

Chapter 3 – Scene 1.2 – Pumped by Arsenal...

Starring;

• mark wilson27

• Panpardus

(the side is four-nil down against Arsenal, not a nice way to be in a match. mark wilson27 is having a bad day, and his defence aren’t happy.)

Panpardus: Granted we make mistakes and they get through, but where are you?

mark wilson27: I haven’t got a prayer against them. What do I do?

Panpardus: Save the ball!

mark wilson27: How about you win the damn ball?

Panpardus: You just can’t save tonight....

(to the tune of Why Does It Always Rain On Me? by Travis – mark wilson27 singing.)

I can’t save tonight,

Everybody’s scoring, everything isn’t alright,

Still I can’t save no shots,

I’m seeing van Persie at the end of all these bodies,

Clean sheets, where have you gone?

I get the strangest feeling, you have gone,

Why do they always score past me?

Is it because I kept a camel from Iran?

Why do they always score past me?

Even when it’s Walcott running, he’s as fast as bloody lightning,

I can’t save myself,

I’m being helped out by the crossbar,

Still can’t save myself when,

I’ve got my mind on tasty vodka,

Clean sheets, where have you gone?

I get the strangest feeling, you have gone,

Why do they always score past me?

Is it because I kept a camel from Iran?

Why do they always score past me?

Even when it’s Walcott running, he’s as fast as bloody lightning.

Oh, where’d my ***** defence goooooo?

And why is it easy for them to score?

Score and score?

I won’t sleep tonight,

Everybody’s saying Gav is on the warpath,

Still I won’t close my eyes,

I’m seeing Walcott at the end of all my dreams,

Clean sheets, where have you gone?

I get the strangest feeling, you have gone.

Why do they always score past me?

Is it because I kept a camel from Iran?

Why do they always score past me?

Even if the sun is shining, I will get hit by lightning.

Oh, where’d my ***** defence goooooo?

And why was it easy, for them to score?

Score and score?

Why do they always score past me?

Is it because I’m high on vodka all the time?

Why do they always score past me?

Even though it’s Walcott shooting, he’s still as fast as lightning.

Why do they always score past me?

Why do they always score past me?

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Balthazars

Balthazars

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Balthazars, undelete that comment! It was class ;)

Oh, you saw it; I was hoping no one saw it! :p

I thought it might have been a tad too harsh on poor Terkie, hence the delete.

This is brilliant gav, incredibly creative and plenty funny.

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HorusFM

HorusFM

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Yes you bad men! Hogging my thread with titter tatter. Thanks for the nice comments spattered amongst the others ;)

*****

Chapter 3 – Scene 1.3 – A forgotten soul speaks his mind... as always...

Starring;

• Terk

• gavrenwick

(Our ex-managerial mod is in conversation over the state of affairs at Liverpool. It’s not like it ever happens on the forum, is it?)

Terk: I’m glad Rafa has gone.

gavrenwick: Good. You’ve moaned about it since forever, and we all know your moaning is second to none.

Terk: Hush, child. Be gone with your heretic ways.

gavrenwick: Shut up. Anyways...

Terk: Hodgson is in. How do I feel about such a thing...

(to the tune of

– Terk singing.)

You say, that I’m glad were rid of Rafa,

It’s something we agree on,

And I say we match well,

Rafa, Hey, football has come between us,

Your signings grate upon me,

But I know, you just don’t care,

And Gav said, ‘What about, breakfast with Rafa?”

I said, “I don’t care, I’d rather go die.”

“And as I recall, I know, I don’t eat breakfast.”

And Gav said, “Well that’s, just really mean.”

I see Hodgson – the only one I wanted.

But his face just goes right through me.

Maybe I miss Rafa?

So what now? It’s plain to see, we’re troubled.

And I’ll hate this club, forever.

When nothing ever gets done.

And Gav said, “What about, lunch with Benitez?”

I said, “Don’t ask, I’d rather eat plastic.”

“And as I recall, I know, you can't eat plastic.”

And Gav said, “Don’t be, such a stupid fool.”

You say, we’ve got nothing in common.

No common ground to start from,

Except Liverpool FC.

You’ll say, football has come between us,

Your signings grate upon me,

But I know, you just don’t care,

And Gav said, “What about, supper with Hodgson?”

I said, “I think I’m game, just for one course.”

“And as I recall, I know, I don’t like Greek food.”

And Gav said, “Well that’s, not a problem Terk.”

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