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Gretna - I thought people got married there?


sherm

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"I need to get out of this job Fiona. Its killing me, I just need a fresh new start. Money is not an issue, we are financially sound for years to come, but I just need to find a job in a business I love.....

"Nick, Nick, get in here. You said you needed a fresh start, well why not this one? Brondby have parted with their manager"

Breaking News:

Gretna manager Rowan Alexander has left the club. The reasons for his departure are as yet unclear, but the Division 2 club will look to install a new manager as soon as possible. It is thought that Alexander has left to spend more time with his sick mother, but updates will be brought to you when we have them

"I don't know Fi. It seems a little far-fetched. Why would they hire an unknown quantity like me?"

"Well you have a degree, you have knowledge of football because of your work with Sir Bobby(Robson) a few years back, why not apply. And besides, football is a business these days"

"Alright, I will apply for the post tomorrow"

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"I need to get out of this job Fiona. Its killing me, I just need a fresh new start. Money is not an issue, we are financially sound for years to come, but I just need to find a job in a business I love.....

"Nick, Nick, get in here. You said you needed a fresh start, well why not this one? Brondby have parted with their manager"

Breaking News:

Gretna manager Rowan Alexander has left the club. The reasons for his departure are as yet unclear, but the Division 2 club will look to install a new manager as soon as possible. It is thought that Alexander has left to spend more time with his sick mother, but updates will be brought to you when we have them

"I don't know Fi. It seems a little far-fetched. Why would they hire an unknown quantity like me?"

"Well you have a degree, you have knowledge of football because of your work with Sir Bobby(Robson) a few years back, why not apply. And besides, football is a business these days"

"Alright, I will apply for the post tomorrow"

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15/07/05

Gretna has today shocked the football world by announcing the appointment of an unknown English manager. We have very little information on Nicholas Simpson, but we do know that the 37 year old moved to Scotland when he was 26. We are not really sure what sort of a profile he has in football terms, but the Gretna board was obviously happy enough with him. Simpson had this to say:

"I am delighted to be taking over a club like Gretna. I hope that I can prove myself to the fans and the board in the coming season with the one thing I am being paid to get - results. This is a club that has a big future, and I want to be a part of that

With the board expecting a mid-table finish and financial stability , Simpson will not have long to prove his worth as a manager. He does have some football experience however, having worked with Sir Bobby Robson for a couple of years while at University in England, when Sir Bobby was at Newcastle. This still bodes the question of whether he will be able to live up to the task of stepping into the managers shoes at the newly promoted club.

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"I don't know Rob. there just doesn't seem to be any staff up to the standard that i'm looking for who want to come and work for us. I can't see why though"

Rob Campkin was one of my new staff members, a good reliable coach who would always give 100%. I had hired him on my first day in the job.

"Well I know a physio who's out of work boss, so I could have a word with him. He's of a good standard too; I can bring him in if you like?"

"Yeah, do that please Rob. I'm going to have another advertisement placed in the Echo for another coach"

Our first game was on my second day, a friendly against First division Dundee. I hadn't had much time with the squad so I picked what I thought was the best 11 players to start the game.

We gave a good account of ourselves against our more illustrious opponents. They had obvious class in their side which is why they came out on top, but overall I was happy with he fight and spirit shown by the team. Still need a few improvements though.

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"......I know most of the staff at the club are Scottish so I'm going to have to speak to the board and see if they would object to me bringing a couple of new faces in. A new Assistant manager, a scout and a coach would be enough. What? Training? It's not too bad actually. There are some players who aren't really up to scratch so they won't get much playing time but there are a few good players. Anyway, I've got a board meeting in half an hour so I will give you an update later in the week"

"....Come on mate, do it for me. You were the best man at my wedding for crying out loud, of course I trust you. I'd trust you if you said night was day. Come on, after all I've done for you.....you're out of work and I need an assistant manager, what more do you need to hear? Good lad, you know it makes sense. Drive down to the ground tomorrow and I will draw a contract up. You are a lifesaver mate..."

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GRETNA MAKE FIRST SIGNINGS

New manager Nicholas Simpson has set about bringing in fresh faces for the newly promoted clubs relegation fight. He has captured 5 new faces in all today, and they were paraded around Raydale Park. Wearing the black and white kit of Gretna this season will be Tom Heaton (on loan from Man. Utd.), David Raven (on loan from Liverpool) Kieran McAnespie (£1k from St Johnstone.), Brian McGinty (£1k from St. Mirren) and Scott Muirhead (£1k from Aberdeen). Simpson stated he was delighted to capture such talent at such knock-down prices,

MORE SIGNINGS AT RAYDALE.

Nicholas Simpson was today receiving the adulation of the Raydale Park faithful after securing the services of 2 stalwarts of the Scottish game. David Hannah and Derek Lilley will be joining up with the rest of the squad for training tomorrow. Lilley, the former Kilmarnock defender, had this to say: "I am delighted to be joining up with a club like Gretna. This is a club set for big things, and I am thrilled that I'm going to be a part of the new regime here"

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"Nicholas, Sean McDowell here from the Gretna Echo. Its the eve of your first competitive game as Gretna manager, how are you feeling?"

"Well to be honest with you Sean, there are too many feelings going on to explain them all to you. All I will say is that apart from being nervous, I am confident that this club can be the surprise package of the season, as long as we play to our full potential"

"So you think you can get promoted?"

"I'm not making any sort of predictions like that, but I think that we certainly should stay comfortable in this division as long as we give 100%"

"Well the Gretna fans are still a bit dubious over your managing abilities, so what is your message to them?"

"All I can ask them to do is to get behind your team and give them your full support, because my team will give the fans everything. If they don't then there is no room for them on my team"

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Challenge Cup 1st Round vs Arbroath

Gretna 3-2 Arbroath

Scorers: Deuchar (2), Bingham

The score doesn't really say much about the game to be brutally honest. We controlled the game from start to finish, and we beat them on shots and possession. 2 good moves in the last 15 minutes brought them their 2 goals, but Pat Clarke scored them both. He was only on the pitch 20 minutes. However, my front pairing of Deuchar and McGinty looked good, with Bingham behind them. We looked a force going forward every time but need to be more solid at the back. Overall it was a good start though.

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"If I'm honest Si, I'm pretty happy. A good win to round off our first game. I think we could be a very prosperous pairing together. Bad news about David Graham though"

"Yes, he's out for around 2 months. We need to find someone else to play in central midfield now. Stevie Tosh could be the answer, he looks solid and is a strong physical presence"

"You're right. Cant wait to see the odds for Division 2 though, should be interesting to see us..."

Ladbrokes Odds, Scottish Division 2

4-5 - Partick and Raith

Evens - Morton

10-1 - Gretna

33-1 - Forfar

"10-1! That's surprising, considering we have only just come up. What you reckon gaffer? Gaffer, who are you....."

"Sorry Simon, was telling Fiona to put £100 quid on us for promotion. should make a nice little kitty for us"

"What are you like? You don't change over time do you? I often wonder why I became friends with you..."

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Scottish Division 2

Gretna 3-1 Stirling

Scorers: Deuchar, Bingham (2)

We were much more solid at the back in this game, even though we did lose a late goal. I think clean sheets are going to be a rarity this season. I think Deuchar and Bingham look like being a good pairing up-front, with McGinty a good back-up off the bench. Kenny's goal was a good team move that resulted in a simple tap-in. David scored 2 set-pieces, a free-kick and a penalty, but again overall I can't fault the players. Good, solid performance

"Again I'm happy with the boys. It would have been nice to have a clean sheet but hey, that's life. Let's see if we can get a decent run in the league cup and meet one of the Old Firm"

"Well we have got to get past Brechin first boss, at their place too. It wont be easy"

"Nothing will be easy Simon my friend, nothing...."

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"Crap! Thats the only word i can use to describe that performance. We were shocking out there today"

"Have to agree with you there boss. The only good point was Kenny Deuchars lethal finishing. He got 1 chance and scored. I think he will get us a few goals this season"

"Simon, can i ask you something...dont call me boss. You are my best mate of 25 years and were best man at my wedding, call me Nick"

"Ok boss"

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Scottish League Cup 1st Round

Gretna 1-2 Brechin

Scorers: Deuchar

We were awful today, never really got going. We didn't get our first chance till the 68th minute, which Kenny put away but even after that we didn't come into the game. Brechin deserved the win and if it wasn't for Tom Heaton in net it would have been about 7-1

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"I understand your concerns Jamie, I really do. I cannot give you a promise I can't keep, as it isn't fair on you"

"I just feel that I need playing time boss, im at that age now. If im not going to get first team football then i need to move in order to get it"

"I see. so your putting in a transfer request? Well in that case, i will comply. I will send a fax out to all mclubs in Scotland noting them of your listing, and will let you know know any developments"

"Ok boss, thanks for listening. I appreciate it"

"Not a problem son, not a problem"

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Scottish Division 2

Gretna 4-1 Ayr

Scorers: Bingham, Hannah, Tosh, Baldacchino

Much better today. If we play like that every week then we should have no trouble at all. The only surprise in this game was that Kenny Deuchar didnt score. David Hannah and Stevie Tosh were magnificent in the central midfield, creating and starving Ayrs front 2 of any room. Stevie got a thouroughly deserved MoM award. David Raven was superb at the back too. On the whole, best performance of the season so far

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"Did you hear that local phone-in after the game on Saturday?"

"No, why was it our fans?"

"Yeah. They said it was reminiscent of how Gretna played last season when they battered everyone in sight, and score over 100 goals. Isn't that great?"

"I dont know, is it? They might be expecting us to do that every week. We've got Morton next match and they were one of the favourites for promotion. That wont be so open a game"

"Comne on boss, be optimistic for once"

"My nickname is Pessimistic Nick, so how can i be optimistic?"

"Oh yeah, i forgot about that"

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Scottish Division 2

Gretna 1-2 Morton

Scorers: Deuchar

We didnt play badly in this game, we just werent clinical enough in front of goal. We actually had more chances, 12-7, but Morton took more chances than we did. I was disappointed with Stevie Tosh though. After his performance against Ayr I thought he would be really up for it, but it wasnt to be. He was outmuscled in the midfield and didnt look up for it, and I brought Skelton on for him. Overall we cant afford finishing like that again

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"Nick, that Sean McDowall fellow from the Gretna Echo is here. He wants to talk about the game"

"I suppose you had better send him in then"

"Hi Nick, good to see you again. So Saturday's game...."

After McDowell has left

"I dont like him Si"

"What do you mean, he was only doing his job"

"Yes i know, but theres something about him. He seems too...friendly to me. I dont trust him, so just be careful what you say to him ok"

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Scottish Division 2

Gretna 3-2 Peterhead

Scorers: Bingham (3)

This was a fabulous game, end-to-end stuff. Bingham gave us the lead with a superb 25 yard free-kick, but Peterhead pulled back almost instantly. They took the lead just before half-time, a shot deflecting off Derek Lilley and looping over Alan Main (in for the injured Tom Heaton). David scored twice in 6 second half minutes to give us the lead back, and we managed to hold out for the 3 points. Give full credit to Peterhead though, they deserved something out of the game

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"I think we should give a couple of the younger players a chance. Its a game against a weaker side so why not, and give a couple of first teamers a rest?"

"Alright, I suppose. You just dont want to take them too lightly thats all. Its up to you anyway, you're the boss at the end of the day"

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"Ok, you were right. It was too easy, even with five first teamers out. I was surprised you kept Kenny in the squad though"

"Well if we were struggling for a goal i would have threw him on, as he seems to know where the net is. That young Prokas kid impressed me today, I will keep an eye on him through the seaaon"

"Yeah, good idea. I cant believe he is only 19, have you seen the size of him? Hes got more facial hair than me"

"I give up...."

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Challenge Cup 2nd Round

Gretna 3-0 Berwick

Scorers: Prokas, Grady (2)

It was a stroll in the park today. Berwick were never in with a shout from the moment James Grady scored after 12 minutes. Prokas waqs sensational though, running the show and pulling the strings from midfield. He fully deserved his MoM award. We kept our first clean sheet of the season too, so theres a cause for celebration.

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Nick sank back in his chair with a cold beer. Peace at last, now for some sleep...

"Nick, Nick. Open the door you dozy...."

"Alright alright. Keep your hair on. Whats up?"

"Its Dale"

"Dale as in Reggie? What about him"

"Hes in hospital. Car crash. He was forced off the road by a mysterious vehicle which has now completely vanished"

"Right. What hospitals he at? Get the car and take me there now"

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"I dont understand. Dale wouldn't harm a fly, why would someone run him off the road?"

"We cant answer that i'm afraid Mr. Simpson but your friend is in a stable condition. You can go in and see him if you wish"

"Thanks nurse, i appreciate what your doing"

"just my job Mr. Simpson"

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 1-2 Forfar

Scorers: Bingham

I was in any fit state to manage the team in this game, and i should have handed the reins over to Simon. But, being a stubborn bugger i decided to take charge anyway. We were dire, the team played the way i felt, and we deserved to get beat. We had now played two of the promotion contenders and been beaten both times.

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Challenge Cup 3rd round

Gretna 1-3 Ross County

Scorers: Hannah

We were totally outclassed in this match. Ross County showed their superiority all game, with swift passing moves that cut through our defenders with ease. I have no complaints about the defeat but we need to sharpen up at the back though

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"What did the car look like? You must have seen it? Did you see the drivers face?"

"All i saw was the make of the car. A black Renault Clio. I couldn't see in the car because it had blacked out windows"

"Hundreds of people have black Renault Clio's, thats for certain anyway"

"Yeah but how many people have silver hubcaps on a black Clio?"

"Now were getting somewhere"

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 3-2 Partick

Scorers: Bingham, Deuchar, Skelton

This was the biggest game of the season by far. At home against the unbeaten league leaders and joint favourites for promtion. I said to the lads before we went out that they need to be at their very best, both at the back and going forward. This would be a real test of our mettle after a tough couple of games. Partick started like house on fire, and took the lead after 14 minutes. We equalised 5 minutes later, and took the lead on the stroke of half time. We got a 3rd after 58 minutes to give us a 2 goal cushion but that was wiped out 7 minutes later with Particks 2nd goal of the game. We were immense at the back after that, keeping everything Prtick threw at us out. We need to build on this now and get a good run going.

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Sky Sports News

In a top of the table clash in the Scottish 2nd division, it was Gretna who came out on top at Raydale Park. Partick, unbeaten before this game, started very well and took the lead through Sam Morrow. However Simpson rallied his troops who came back to score 3 goals through Bingham, Deuchar and Skelton. After that they were comfortable although Morrow scored again to give them a scare. This is a monumental result for Gretna and they need to now build on this result

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 0-0 Dumbarton

Scorers:

This was very very frustrating. We pushed and pushed but couldnt find the goal, but all credit to the Dumbarton keeper who got a well deserved MoM. Only our second clean sheet of the season, which was a bright note but we were never really threatened by a lacklustre Dumbarton side

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"I dont know Si. We just dont seem to be able to get any consistency at the moment. We play like world beaters against the unbeaten league leaders and hand them their first defeat, the draw against a team without a win"

"I know, it was really frustrating against Dumbarton. We had 21 chances compared with their 3 but couldnt find the breakthrough. Hows Dale anyway?"

"Hes ok, im going to see him later. Hes back at home now though so it shouldnt be long before hes up and about"

"Good. Any updates on the car yet?"

"Nope. still, fingers crossed eh?"

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 3-1 Raith

Scorers: Deuchar (2), Bingham

This was a great all round performance from the lads. Going forward we looked a threat every time, and at the back we were solid. Now we are starting to look like the team i want us to look like. Kenny Deuchar was superb in this game, grabbing 2 goals and an assist, and getting MoM. Best performance of the season so far

"Thats what I want us to play like, much better today. We really tore into then and they couldn't cope with us"

"Yeah thats true. Kenny was excellent though, really good in front of goal and he got the assist for David's goal. I think weve got a real star there"

"I do aswell Si, and hes got time on his side aswell. Fancy a pint?"

"Thought you'd never ask"

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 2-0 Alloa

Scorers: Grady (2)

This was a classic game of two halves. In the first half we were lacklustre, and didnt create many chances. After a substitution (Grady for McGinty) and a few words of encouragement the boys got the message and were teriffic in the 2nd half. Grady scored twice in 7 minutes to put the game out of Alloa's reach, and we kept our 2nd clean sheet in 3 games. We are starting to show real good form now

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After 9 games, the league table was shaping up like this:

P W D L GD PTS

1st Partick 9 6 2 1 +18 20

2nd Gretna 9 6 1 2 +9 19

3rd Forfar 9 6 1 2 +4 19

4th Morton 9 5 3 1 +9 18

5th Stirling 9 4 2 3 +2 14

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 3-1 Stirling

Scorers: Deuchar, Grady, Bingham

Another solid performance at the back, and it was nice to see the front two still working so well together. 2 neatly crafted goals in the first half gave us a comfortable cushion, with Kenny Deuchar scoring the first and making the second. David Bingham put the game beyond doubt in the 69th minute although Stirling pulled one back late on. We are starting to play the way i want now, and gelling as a team

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"Good steady performance again Si, i think we are really starting to gel as a team now"

"Yeah me too. Got some good youngsters who are playing well, I think that once the Playoffs are secured hen we should blood some of them"

"I like your confidence. We will do in the cup games anyway but lets see how the league pans out first"

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"...but do you think he would come permanently/ I dont know if he would leave to come here"

"Well we are giving him first team football, and he seems to like it here, It's got to be worth putting a bid in Si?"

"Yeah you're probably right. Might take a club record bid though"

"I think hes worth it"

"Ok, i will get on to United and see what they say"

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 3-1 Ayr

Scorers: McGinty (2), Muirhead

Kenny picked up a knock the day before the game so had to throw McGinty into the starting XI. He had played well but hadn't scored for us yet, and I was worried it might start to affect him. He soon got the monkey off his back though, scoring our first after 27 minutes from a Muirhead cross. He returned the favour 12 minutes later, setting up Muirhead for our 2nd of the game. McGinty got his 2nd and our 3rd after 56 minutes, and yet again we conceded a late goal, but overall we are playing really well now

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"...yes that would be good. Do you need me to come down there or are you coming up here? Ok, that seems reasonable. Now, how much would you be looking at for the lad. I was thinking somewhere in the region of 70k if possible. Ok, see you in a couple of days"

"Who was that boss?"

"Sir Alex"

"What, Ferguson? About Tom?"

"Yeah, im going to Manchester to sort a fee out, as it turns out Tom is desperate to come here permanently"

"Thats good news then. After tha recent 3-1 defeat to City I bet he isnt happy"

"Not my problem though is it?"

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 3-2 Morton

Scorers: Deuchar (3)

We were actually pretty lucky to get all 3 points in this game, as Morton outplayed us and deserved a result. Still, not to worry eh? Kenny scored a marvellous hat-trick, and he was the difference between the 2 sides, as the 2 Morton centre backs couldn't cope with his pace and power. Were starting to catch Partick up now, although they dont seem to lose that much. We need to do our business and not worry about anyone else

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"Thats the car that ran me off the road"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm positive, its the same car"

"Right. Simon, who does that black Clio belong to?"

"The bloke from the Gretna Echo, McDowell"

"McDowell? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, seen him getting out of it"

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Breaking News:

Gretna chairman Brooks Mileson has today spoken of his delight at having Nicholas Simpson as the Gretna manager. He had his to say:

"Nick has been fantastic for this club. He has spent well and brought in quality players, and he has started to build a team that is ready to compete at a higher level. We are delighed to have him and believe he can bring great success to this football club"

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Scottish 2nd Division

Gretna 4-1 Peterhead

Scorers: McGinty,Deuchar,Graham,Muirhead

We were absolutely brilliant here today, gave the fans a real treat. David Graham ran the show, creating 3 and scoring 1 of the goals. This was our best performance of the season so far, and hopefully there will be many more. Peterhead took the lead but we fough back and really showed our class to silence them. Hopefully we can carry this onto the next few weeks

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Simon and Nick relaxing in Nicks' office with a beer

"That was brilliant, best performance yet. David Graham hasn't been on song all season but he was teriffic today"

"Yes he was, and weve got a nice 2 week break now to relax and enjoy ourselves"

"Yeah, but im not going too mad, I want to be focused, we've got Partick again soon"

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