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snootyjim's Tour of... what... where the bloody hell is this?


snootyjim

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The Story

Daniel Hopper was a disgruntled man. He retired from Dorchester after scoring 217 goals in 474 appearances, and became a club legend in the process. It's true that his career was spoiled a little by total ineptitude in the Championship and Premiership, and a steadfast refusal to accept that he might have better luck a little further down the pyramid, but at least he'd made a name for himself in Dorchester.

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Daniel in happier days

Was that acceptable though? He'd envisaged his name up in lights, smashing in a hat-trick at Wembley to captain his side to FA Cup triumph, darting through the Madrid defence at the San Siro to claim European glory, and ghosting past the Brazilian defence at the Maracana to have his beloved World Cup trophy.

Instead, he had to make do with League 1 and the FA Trophy.

Mulling over his retirement, he realised that there was only one solution. As a manager, he could achieve everything he'd ever wanted to as a player, and without even a single lap of the pitch. He needed to break out of this mould, this vicegrip and straitjacket that had ruined his chances of stardom - he needed to leave England.

Sure, he had a chronic fear of any food not served with chips, and the only foreign language he understood was Scottish, but he knew that this was the only route to stardom...

The Plan

I've loaded every standard league, and intend to start unemployed before looking for a job in an unlikely nation. I'm keen to get to grips with places that I've either never managed in, or have only managed in for very brief spells, i.e. Asia, Africa, North America, and South America. And Eastern Europe, Southern Europe and Northern Europe. And Ireland.

My main aims are to win the Asian Champions League, and to win an international competition in South America, but I'm just going to see where life takes me.

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I accepted the first offer I received, to join Persibo in the Indonesian Premier Division. I have unfinished business in Indonesia after a previous experience with Persijap was spoiled by an FM12 bug, so let's see how things go.

I was pleased to see that the board were as optimistic as I was:

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On the plus side, and mainly why I accepted, there's a lot of room to manoeuvre in the wage budget.

Overview: Clearly we've done well in previous years, but apparently something has gone a bit wrong of late.

Squad: Not great, and as expected most of my top players aren't Indonesian. There's a maximum of 3 permitted in the league, so some tough choices need to be made. Thankfully the transfer window runs until 30th November, so we've got time.

Finances: Typically horrific. Anticipated losses of £360k, and our wage total is £370k. So if we sack all the players, we might be able to turn a profit.

Facilities: No surprises here, but a 12,000 capacity stadium looks promising. I've just found the following picture of it:

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Anything other than relegation will suit me fine for the first season, let's see what happens...

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Best of luck,hopefully you can find some better players with the spare budget.

Yeah, it's been a very busy transfer window so far.

Good luck, I'm managing a completely different Persibo in the Indonesian third tier!

Not famed for originality of football club names, it seems! I love how virtually every club is a variation on Persi-

Hope it goes well for you!

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Busy transfer window, and some decent amounts of cash received for the outgoing players. Syukur at LB/RB could be crucial, and Blaise N'Detou should be strong at CM, although he does take up one of our foreigner spots, along with Jairon and Nasyrov from the original squad.

17 out of the 24 are new signings so it could take a while for the team to gel, but we're heavily improved.

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Good luck at Persibo, looks like a busy transfer window.
Moved very quickly with transfers.
Think you've done quite well in the transfers,spent nothing and received £43k!

Yeah, a whole host of good players available on free transfers, but I think there's further improvement out there for next season - I'm trying to keep everyone on very short-term contract so that I'm not stuck with any dead wood.

Credit for the sales goes to the DoF, or rather the Director, who's taking on the responsibilities... pleasantly surprised though, usually in FM I struggle to get rid of players for any appreciable sums, but £43k is a big amount for a club like us.

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I concur. My first season Indonesia was tough. Even though my squad looked good on paper they were mentally very brittle and conceded far too many goals in the last 5 mins.

I'm hoping we can survive - looks promising, but we're certainly not going to impress anybody.

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Season 1 - September-December Update

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Pretty poor month, but at least we did win the Super Cup. Not really a massive achievement though.

Saputra in defence was our only bright spark, being very consistent and justifying his big salary. Arief and Jairon up front are our star players, but they were generally disappointing, 6 goals between them in 12 games.

I'm hoping we can pull together a bit over the coming weeks, and build up some sort of resilience, but I can't imagine it'll happen magically. The assistant manager reports that the players have "not yet developed a good level of understanding", so there's definitely a long way to go.

I'm hoping that we'll strengthen again in the summer, but there doesn't appear to be a huge pool of talent around at the moment so it's hard to know what opportunity there will be - especially if the board tighten the strings.

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We grabbed a draw against the 4th placed team, which was a decent result by all accounts, but it also dropped us into the relegation places. A single win in the next game would take us to 8th, but the board weren't prepared to wait... I'll have to see what the job market brings

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Back in business, albeit in Ireland rather than Asia. I'll definitely get back there in time, but this sounds like a fun opportunity in a league I know nothing about. Loads of flexibility in terms of the wage budgets, should be able to totally rebuild the club.

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Shame on the sack, but good luck in Ireland.
Shame about the sack but the best of luck in Ireland.
Tough to be sacked so soon. Hope you pop up somewhere new! :)
Better luck with Glebe!

Thanks chaps :)

Good flexibility in the budgets.

Yeah, just a pity it's proving so tough to scout players. I'm sure I've wasted a lot of it, but we've definitely made huge improvements.

Is that the team mascot or the squad lunch?

Brilliant, isn't it? He'd probably have been my best centre-back.

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Season 2 - Update 1 of 3

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Having reached the 11th game of 33, I thought it was about time to put down my notebook and write an update.

We started very brightly, with a string of unlikely wins, but quickly settled down into more appropriate form with a chain of losses. We're predicted 11th place, so we're still doing better than we might, and there's a significant gap between us and the bottom of the table.

I think we can safely say that promotion is out of the question, but there should be a lot of opportunity to improve the squad at the end of the season.

Veteran Jamie Harris is into his 3rd season at the club, and is playing some sensational football at centre-back. Otherwise, it's been a fairly mixed bag, but we've got some potent strikers in Karl Somers and Andy Haran - 8 goals in 18 appearances between them, and David Cullen is a new arrival at CM who should really improve the squad.

The big problem I've got is that I didn't tick the "add key staff" button. I'm coming to realise what a huge mistake that was. We can't afford an assistant manager, any coaches, any scouts, or a physio. I've had to sign a useless 40 year-old full-back, Phillip Holmes, so he can act as my assistant. All of my signings so far have come from trials, and so far the board won't agree to run a trial day.

Not the easiest position to be in, but hopefully I can dig us out of this mess over time :D

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Ouch...didn't ever think about never being able to hire staff. Hope your assistant left back can help a bit :)

I've finally managed to get a chief scout and a physio, but still no luck on anyone else. I should have learned really, I think I suffered this problem in FM12 a bit, but hey, you live and lea... oh wait :D

All we need are some musica instruments and opposing forwards can see if they really can hit a cow's rear end with a banjo :D

Now that would make some quality half-time entertainment!

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Season 2 - Update 2 of 3

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You can quickly see how valuable Andy Haran has been up front - 11 goals in 18 appearances now, which is no mean feat for a club near the bottom. We've improved our squad a lot over the last few weeks, bringing in a top quality keeper, an English regen called Sean Foster. Strangely enough he's my best player according to the AM, and is on an amateur contract. Hugh Douglas has joined from UCD to become our best CM, leaving David Cullen who I pinpointed in the last update as my 6th best CM and complaining about playing time.

Sadly we've been pretty poor in defence, despite it being our strongest area of the team. Not quite sure what the problem is yet, might do some digging if it doesn't improve sharpish. I do play quite a narrow formation which gives the opponents space on the wings, but I'm not seeing a disproportionate number of goals conceded from crosses. We have though let in 4 goals owing to "defensive mistakes", which I suspect is the result of our lack of familiarity.

As the scout gets moving I should unearth even more new players to sign, but the main thing now I think is to get the team comfortable with each other and start gelling properly.

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Season 2 - Glebe North, Irish First Division

League Table

I thought we'd do a bit better than this to be honest, but it seems like quite a few are struggling with the transition to FM13. Hopefully we can build the squad up a bit over the Christmas break and come out swinging next year, but it will be tough.

League Cup - Did well to beat Finn Harps, who came second in the First Division, but Bray Wanderers were too strong away from home.

Senior Challenge Cup - Did really well to hold off Shamrock Rovers away from home, but we couldn't repeat the performance at home.

Transfers - Ridiculously long list, and many of the signings were kicked out again by the end of the season. Should settle a bit next season.

Squad - Strangely, wages really aren't commensurate with abilities. Sean Foster in goal and Jamie Harris are two of my most important players, and both amateurs.

Finances - Bad. Really bad. My current plan is to wait until I'm called in for a meeting about the club going bust, feign shock and confusion, pretend I have a phone call, then run into the car park and put my foot down.

Key Players

Jamie Harris - The "veteran" of the team, with 3 Glebe North seasons under his belt. Great defender, I suspect a horrific striker, but at 34 I don't expect him to last much longer.

Andy Haran - Easily my best player alongside Harris, would be seriously worried if he went missing for any significant period of time.

Karl Somers - The second part of the striking partnership. He's not the best player technically, but pace and off the ball is more than adequate to make a decent striker at this level.

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Quite a few draws. If you're able to turn those around, that would change a lot!
Everyone loves a good 1-1 draw! Everyone goes home happy! :D

Hope you have a better year next time.

Cheers, looks promising so far this season. We've got a decent team, but I'm struggling to find some really quality strikers in Ireland at the moment. At least, ones who are willing to sign for me.

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Season 3 - Update 1 of 2

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Pretty pleased with this start, not only are we getting a few good wins onto the board, particularly the final game away at 3rd place U.C.D., but we're also getting goals right across the pitch, and not relying so much on a single pair of front men. I can't deny how valuable Haran has been though.

We're still really struggling for funding though, and I'm hugely restricted in the staff I can sign - desperately want a second scout but not a single person is affordable right now. I'll keep plugging away, but any job offers that crop up may be worth considering. Even if not though, I hope we can keep climbing up the table.

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Season 3 - Update 2 of 2

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Really tough to take the late loss to Derry City, when we had the lead until the dying seconds. Overall though, a very pleasing set of results. Against all my expectations and predictions, Jamie Harris played a blinder up front with Haran, and they were scoring for fun by the end of the season. Most impressive of all though were the number of clean sheets we managed. We might not have the firepower up front to match the biggest players in the league, but if we don't concede we don't need to score many.

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Season 3 - Glebe North, Irish First Division

League Table - Positions

Really pleased with the performance, far better than I was expecting. Hopefully we can push on again, but it all depends on what happens in the winter break. Impressively, we had the fewest goals conceded in the league. If only we weren't so crap up front.

League Cup - We could have beaten Mervue Utd another day, but I don't really expect any significant success in the cups.

Senior Challenge Cup - Really unlucky against Premier Division Derry City - brilliant performance at home, and in the dying seconds we looked to have won the replay away, but they came back to steal it.

Transfers - Quite a few signings, but mostly amateurs in reserve to bring down the wage budget, The exception was Graham Dowling, who had a terrific season at RB.

Squad - Bit more balanced, but still lightweight up front. Eoin Powderly accepted a contract from Finn Harps, which is really disappointing as he's been a great asset, but we can't really compete with them on wages.

Finances - We seem to have levelled out at £225k in the red. Excellent.

Key Players

Jamie Harris - Deteriorating a bit, I gave his CB position to younger players, but we still had a void up front. Thinking "what the hell", I thought I'd give him a chance. Despite having none of the attributes required of a good striker, he was sensational. I like to think he punched all the defenders in the face whilst Haran ran round them.

Andy Haran - His best year so far, with 25 goals in all competitions. Brilliant.

Hugh Douglas - After an iffy first year, with a lot of injuries, he's now what I wanted him to be - the hub of the team. A very reliable passer, and a tenacious tackler as well.

Graham Dowling - Great asset to have. He's pretty woeful going forward, but he's got the pace to make up for it and he doesn't shy out of a challenge.

Martin Kehoe - I gave him a chance in place of Jamie Harris at CB, and he's been very impressive.

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Our only problem now is a board takeover that has been dragging on for months. Not really sure what's going to happen, but it's certainly making things very tough for me. No signings, and I might not even be the manager at the end of it.

I'm keen to continue with this project, but if they keep screwing me over I might resign.

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