The Only Way Is Up. No, seriously, it is.

[Dire Wrangle]

The Intro Bit...

I’d never thought about getting back into the game, not since the late 90s anyway. It’s now 2004 and I’m 30 years young, heck I wish I felt it. Anyway if I may take you back, way back to the late 80s and early 90s. They were the good old days. The Mullet Years. It was 1991, April 28th if I remember rightly, when my childhood dream was rained on from a great height. I’d always dreamed of playing professional football, like any schoolkid with their head in the clouds too much. Fortunately for me I was one of those lucky ones, picked from the school team at 13 to train with Southend United – and this was back when they were almost a good team. At 15 I was 30 or so miles west of Roots Hall, plying my trade in the West Ham youth system. It was all going so well, I was training with the team and players I’d adored since I learned they existed, I was even being billed as one of those ‘next big things’ among the local, and even the national, press. Well, The Sun wrote about 4 lines about me. Once. But still.

Swiftly moving on, I mentioned April 28, 1991 back there. I’d just turned 17 and by now I was really threatening to break into the Hammers team. I mean at this time they were going through a tricky spell and the gaffer, old Billy Bonds, was looking at all his options. My chance to shine arrived on that night, in the Under 18s Cup Final. Bonds was there, as were various scouts from clubs around the country. And stone me if I didn’t have a cracking game. I could almost taste the Man of the Match champagne – or under legal drinking age equivalent – on my tongue when it happened. It was a fair, 50-50 challenge, yes. There was no malicious intent, I’ll agree. But I came off with a, for want of a better word, completely knackered right knee. As I lay on the cold pitch screaming in agony, my short career flashed before me as I realised there went my big chance. Not only that, but there went my career full stop. Up in smoke quicker than a cheap cigarette.

I made a brief return to the game in 1997, playing a season for non-league Canvey Island, and then one for Hornchurch before playing on a dodgy knee in cold, lonely grounds became enough, and I hung up my boots for the last time, aged just 25.

Fast forward 5 more years and we’re back in 2004. I’m living in Romford with my recently-ish acquired (after many years of trying) girlfriend, childhood sweetheart Samantha. And I’m running a local pub after taking up a career as a barman after quitting football.

This recent turn of events, though, was all Samantha’s fault. She ‘treated’ me to an afternoon visit to Upminster to watch Hornchurch play at the end of last season. I suppose I had to chat to some of the old guys I remembered. Chairman Gary Calder was one of those. Letting him know I was back in the area I happily exchanged contact information and promised I’d meet him for a drink over the summer. I just shouldn’t have chosen the night he decided to shake up the managerial team at The Stadium…

[Dire Wrangle]

The Intro Bit...

I’d never thought about getting back into the game, not since the late 90s anyway. It’s now 2004 and I’m 30 years young, heck I wish I felt it. Anyway if I may take you back, way back to the late 80s and early 90s. They were the good old days. The Mullet Years. It was 1991, April 28th if I remember rightly, when my childhood dream was rained on from a great height. I’d always dreamed of playing professional football, like any schoolkid with their head in the clouds too much. Fortunately for me I was one of those lucky ones, picked from the school team at 13 to train with Southend United – and this was back when they were almost a good team. At 15 I was 30 or so miles west of Roots Hall, plying my trade in the West Ham youth system. It was all going so well, I was training with the team and players I’d adored since I learned they existed, I was even being billed as one of those ‘next big things’ among the local, and even the national, press. Well, The Sun wrote about 4 lines about me. Once. But still.

Swiftly moving on, I mentioned April 28, 1991 back there. I’d just turned 17 and by now I was really threatening to break into the Hammers team. I mean at this time they were going through a tricky spell and the gaffer, old Billy Bonds, was looking at all his options. My chance to shine arrived on that night, in the Under 18s Cup Final. Bonds was there, as were various scouts from clubs around the country. And stone me if I didn’t have a cracking game. I could almost taste the Man of the Match champagne – or under legal drinking age equivalent – on my tongue when it happened. It was a fair, 50-50 challenge, yes. There was no malicious intent, I’ll agree. But I came off with a, for want of a better word, completely knackered right knee. As I lay on the cold pitch screaming in agony, my short career flashed before me as I realised there went my big chance. Not only that, but there went my career full stop. Up in smoke quicker than a cheap cigarette.

I made a brief return to the game in 1997, playing a season for non-league Canvey Island, and then one for Hornchurch before playing on a dodgy knee in cold, lonely grounds became enough, and I hung up my boots for the last time, aged just 25.

Fast forward 5 more years and we’re back in 2004. I’m living in Romford with my recently-ish acquired (after many years of trying) girlfriend, childhood sweetheart Samantha. And I’m running a local pub after taking up a career as a barman after quitting football.

This recent turn of events, though, was all Samantha’s fault. She ‘treated’ me to an afternoon visit to Upminster to watch Hornchurch play at the end of last season. I suppose I had to chat to some of the old guys I remembered. Chairman Gary Calder was one of those. Letting him know I was back in the area I happily exchanged contact information and promised I’d meet him for a drink over the summer. I just shouldn’t have chosen the night he decided to shake up the managerial team at The Stadium…

[Dire Wrangle]

July 9, 2004

“Another Stella for me mate, and just a Coke for Gaz over there,†I near enough shouted at a petrified looking part-time student-type barman, pointing to the suited and booted Gary Calder sitting at a table in the corner.

I paid the typically extortionate price and headed over to our table, for the 6th or 7th time that evening. By now the alcohol was kicking in and I wasn’t totally sure why I was here, what I was doing and I didn’t think it’d be long before I forgot who I was drinking with.

“So, Rob mate, you ever thought about getting back into the old football game?†asked Gary, calmly puffing on a cigarette.

“Err… nah not really, y’know I got me pub up and running now so that’s all chugging along nicely, anyway if you’re offering – I’m no use to anyone with this knee, not to mention the fact I’m an old duffer now.â€

“Well now you mention it I did have an offer in mind, I…â€

I cut him short, shouting him down in a Stella-fuelled tone “Look, I already said I can’t play the game anymore. It’s been 5 years, my knee is about twice the age of the rest of me, I’m old, and I’ve drunk too much of this stuff, smoked too many fags and not gone to the gym enough to call myself fitâ€

Cool as a cucumber after my lengthy and pointless comment, he replied “Yes, yes, I know. Look you may know we’re managerless at the moment. I know you love the game, do you think you could handle taking on the management job at Hornchurch?â€

I paused for a moment, “Well I suppose I’m… I’m General Manager at the boozer…â€

“Well that’s enough experience for me, just sign this and get down to the stadium on Sunday afternoon, we’ll bang out an official announcement then†he continued, obviously desperate

I signed the dotted line on what I would later find out was the contract to take over Hornchurch as manager. Christ on a bike I should really stop drinking.

Oh well, here goes. The diaries of cold Saturday afternoons in horrible stadiums, and everything else in between, begins here…

[Dire Wrangle]

July 11, 2004

I was up stupidly early today. Didn’t someone once write a big book mentioning Sunday being the day of rest? Anyway, I had to be. First off I had to politely wake Sam up and inform her I was off to officially take up my new job as manager of Hornchurch. Once she was happy enough about that, it was time to inform her that she’d be running a dodgy old boozer. I decided to head off and leave her to enjoy the feeling of running a business at the young age of 28. Or to put it more honestly, I legged it before she could slap me for swanning off and dumping my business on her. Either way, I’m sure she’ll be happy enough.

I arrived at Gary’s office, half-excited, half-dreading any stories of drunken incidents from Friday evening, at about 9am. He welcomed me with a warm handshake and led me, whilst rambling on about how delighted he was that I’d come here and how much he hoped I could lead the team to success, to my office just down the corridor from his own. It wasn’t really the management office type affair I’d thought of. Kind of like my old office at the pub. Not much more than a desk, a computer, a safe, a phone and a hook for my jacket. Still, it’s better than nothing.

I settled in the swivel chair as Gary wandered off to officially announce the appointment of me, Rob Porter. I grabbed a file left on my desk while taking a phone call from assistant boss Mick Loughton. He informed me it listed the current playing and coaching staff, along with his brief report on their skills and career history. Here’s my even briefer descriptions…

Assistant Manager

Mick LOUGHTON, aged 52, English

Mick looks a good option to keep on as my right-hand man. During our brief chat he made it clear he knew the game well enough to be a decent coach, and having asked around a bit he’s apparently one who knows a good player when he sees one.

Coaches

Jim STANNARD, 41, English

The Fulham fan looks another useful man in the coaching team. A very motivated character who prefers coaching the men between the sticks, but is almost as handy giving his advice to the outfield players as well. He’s contracted for 4 years, so I’m sure there’ll be time to see if he really knows his stuff.

Kevin HALES, 43, English

Slightly the weaker of the two coaches, but a lot more useful coaching the outfield than Jim, and given that they’re our only two coaches I can’t see any reason to consider chopping and changing the team just yet.

Scout

Greg McDONALD, 48, English

Not the greatest scout in the world, but good enough for this level. After all, we can’t wish for everything in the Nationwide South, can we? Going by the report we may have to get in someone who’s got more of an eye for future talent, but we’ll see.

Physio

Richard HARPER, 49, English

Well, he knows how to treat the lads stuck on the injury table. Can’t say much more about that really. Might get him to give my knee a couple of exercises, actually…

And onto the players…

Goalkeepers

Ashley BAYES, 32, English

A lengthy league career finally ended a couple of years back for this man. Stints at Brentford, Torquay, Exeter and Leyton Orient saw him rack up over 300 appearances before heading off to Bohemians in Ireland. He came back to jolly old London – well, almost – to play for Woking, before joining Hornchurch for the season ahead. The Lincoln born shot-stopper looks dead cert for the number 1 shirt come August.

Mark WESTHEAD, 28, English

Originally beginning his career at Bolton, he spent years on the sidelines there and at Wycombe before enjoying first-team football at Leigh RMI and Stevenage. Another new acquisition for the new season, but shouldn’t be challenging Bayes for the position in goal. A reliable enough backup though at this level.

Jake WHINCUP, 20, English

The youngster hasn’t yet broken into the Hornchurch setup really, and this season probably won’t promise much barring a crisis. He looks a useful enough prospect however, so we’ll hopefully be able to send him out on loan to gain that much-desired match experience.

Defenders

Adam LOCKE, 33, English

A 16 year career has seen Adam floating around the leagues with Crystal Palace, Southend, Colchester, Bristol City and finally Luton before coming to Hornchurch. The versatile full back apparently excels when moving forward, and looks a decent choice for the first eleven.

Lee MATTHEWS, 31, English

Born locally, in Romford, he’s never really travelled out of the area. He spent 7 years with Dagenham & Redbridge, making a total of 145 appearances, before coming to Hornchurch for £10000 last season. Has the experience, but I’m not 100% sure he’s got the skill to make the first choice squad. Only time will tell, I guess.

Paul McCARTHY, 32, Irish

With over 400 league appearances to his name, the Irishman looks a much more useful choice at centre back than Lee. The age obviously means he won’t be around for the long term future, but he certainly looks to be a handy player for the season ahead as we bid to reach the Conference.

Tarkan MUSTAFA, 30, English

The right back hasn’t ever really escaped the non-league world. He can also play in midfield, where he looks like he’d be more useful than at the back. I’m not sure, though, if he’ll be first choice anywhere on the pitch.

Damon SEARLE, 32, Welsh (6 U21 Caps)

Another experienced and much travelled league player, with more than 500 appearances under his belt, not to mention being experienced at international level. ish. His skills, however, aren’t as impressive and he’ll most likely be backup to Jamie Stuart.

Jamie SOUTHON, 29, English

Hasn’t had a career, to be honest, but could be useful, at least as a backup for the season ahead. A good, strong tackler according to all reports, and younger than pretty much the rest of the defence. Certainly one to consider, at least.

Jamie STUART, 27, English

The ex Charlton and Millwall man will be the first choice left back for the start of the season. The Londoner’s impressive CV of former clubs is backed up by decent skills in many departments, and will certainly make him an important member of the side.

Steve WEST, 31, English

The local boy can also play in attack, where in all honesty he looks more useful – as proved by his reasonable return of 16 in 37 for Dagenham in 2002-03. Could well make the first eleven, but looks more of an option for the sub’s bench.

[Dire Wrangle]

Swiftly moving on…

Midfielders

Shaun CAREY, 28, Irish

Started off brightly at Norwich, notching up a fair few games for them across several seasons. Via Rushden and Chester, he’s slipped down the leagues to find his way to Essex. Not the greatest midfielder in the world, but who the hell is down at this level. In with a shout at the first team.

Darren CASKEY, 29, English

The Chelmsford lad was something of a big name back in the mid-90s when he broke into the first eleven at Spurs. Eventually dipped down slightly for the guarantee of regular play at Watford, Reading and Notts County. The 29 year old certainly possesses some of the skills that saw him pushing for Premiership football those years ago, and is a dead cert for a starting place.

Steven CLARK, 22, English

From the same training school at West Ham that produced the likes of Joe Cole, Michael Carrick and Rio Ferdinand. Not quite as successful, I guess. He’s enjoyed a reasonably successful spell at Southend before heading out here. The young winger still has much to learn but is a decent bet for a starting place.

Lee ELAM, 27, English

More experienced than Clark, and at this sort of level so he’ll know his way on a non-league pitch. In terms of skills I’m still not overly impressed, but that experience could get him the nod for a place in the line-up.

Mark GRAHAM, 29, Northern Irish

Has played, but not set the world on fire, at various teams in and out of the league. I’m told that while he doesn’t excel in any given area of play, he possesses reasonable skills in most. One to look at for the position out on the left.

Adrian HARRIS, 23, Welsh

My planned tactics of choice require at least one strong defensive-minded midfielder. Welshman Adrian looks like he could fit the bill nicely. A good passer of the ball, and reasonable enough going into tackles to provide adequate cover in front of the defence.

Wayne PURSER, 24, English

Made his name with the mighty Barnet after coming through the QPR youth system. Again his skills disappoint for someone who has gained this much experience, but with few other decent choices he could find himself given a try in the first team.

Simon WEATHERSTONE, 24, English

Can play in the centre of midfield or upfront, but not particularly brilliant at either. Looks a decent choice for a place in defensive midfield if he’s got the ability to get forward and put in the occasional goal.

Simon WORMULL, 27, English

Another product of the academy at Tottenham, but has only played anywhere near regularly in non-league football, with Dover and Stevenage. Doesn’t display any obvious talents and I’m not sure if he’ll fit into my tactical plans. As with much of this team, time will tell.

Forwards

Bertie BRAYLEY, 22, English

Yet another product of the youth systems way up in the Premiership. He came through West Ham a few years back but hasn’t really played any competitive football other than a handful of games on loan at Swindon. He’s a decent enough striker, but given that I’ll only be playing the one man up front, does he have what it takes?

Andy DOUGLAS, 24, English

He’s quick, agile and strong, but the inexperience in this striker shows and occasionally the phrases ‘cows backside’ and ‘banjo’ come to mind. Not the worst player to have in your squad, but so far Bertie’s the choice striker.

Kirk JACKSON, 27, English

Has had two particularly good seasons across his career – hitting 7 in 17 for Stevenage in 2001-02, and then 24 in 42 between Stevenage and Yeovil the following year. Certainly seems useful with the ball at his feet and based on this I think he’s edging Brayley out.

Danny SHIPP, 27, English

Another from the Hammers, but has spent pretty much his life at the nearby Daggers. He’s a useful man up front, but his goals return is slightly worrying – only breaking double figures twice in 6 seasons despite playing 30+ games in each.

Jean-Michel SIGERE, 27, French

The token Frenchman in the squad, but the Bordeaux-born man has spent most of his career here in England. Not much impresses me about him, and I think he’ll find himself on the bench at best.

Charlie TAYLOR, 18, English

Finally, a reasonably promising looking young talent. Certainly has plenty to learn but knows what to do up front. I’ll hopefully get a chance to use him in the friendlies and learn more about this lad.

And that concludes the round-up.

[Dire Wrangle]

Realising I’d just whiled away most of my Sunday morning reading up on the players, I headed out to get lunch. One day, I’m sure I’ll find a nice, upmarket eatery in Romford, but for now it’s a sandwich from the nearest petrol station shop. Never mind, hey.

I returned to the office to be greeted by a phone call from Salisbury City boss, Nick Holmes. He politely enquired to the availability of defender Jamie Southon. I slapped a £10000 asking price on Southon’s head, and The Whites’ manager informed me he’d be in touch after discussing the matter with his superiors.

The rest of the afternoon sailed by, taking various phone calls from the local press, answering the same questions 12 times over. Great fun, I’m sure anyone would agree. Still, it was a nice and easy first day in the job. After my long old day settling in though I was happy to return home. Analysing the minor domestic situation this morning I played the romance card, picking up flowers, choccys, and a cheap compilation CD of love songs on the way home. The lovely Samantha never pointed out whether or not she was happy and I was forgiven, but an hour later I was in bed puffing on a cigarette. Ahem.

The pleasure softened (no pun intended) somewhat though when I stared at my sleeping beauty. I wondered how often I’d now enjoy the sight of her. I’d taken a job that would consume my life, and I’d flogged the one that consumed it before to her. Slowly with a mind full of random thoughts, I drifted to sleep..

[Dire Wrangle]

July 12, 2004

The mighty Tonbridge Angels come in with an offer of £10,000 for Jamie Southon. Given that his suggested value was 10% of that, I happily accepted. The defender is being tagged by three other clubs; Salisbury, Yeading and Staines. His contract expires next summer so I’ll be happy to cash in a bit now.

Staines show their interest in the afternoon by offering £1,000. It may be his official value but given that I stand to make 10 times that amount, the offer is rejected with a polite reminder of my asking price.

July 13, 2004

Keen to get the team raring to go before the season begins with the visit of Margate in 32 days time, I contact the officials of a few clubs about the possibility of friendly matches before the opener. AFC Wimbledon, Southend United and the amazing Romford are all invited to The Stadium.

July 14, 2004

The above three all gladly accept to play us in pre-season friendlies. AFC Wimbledon will visit a week today, we’ll play Southend on the 27th, before finishing with the match against Romford on Sunday August 1.

Meanwhile the Jamie Southon saga continues, with Salisbury today declining to bid the desired ten grand for his services. Never mind.

And finally the European Champions League begins, with representatives from the UK and Ireland. Linfield visited KR in Iceland, losing 3-0, while Shelbourne won against Kaunas of Lithuania by a similar margin. And in sunny north Wales, a late penalty secured Rhyl a 2-1 win over Gorica.

July 15, 2004

Yeading join the list of those to make an offer for Southon. Sadly they offer £0. I politely inform their manager to stick his offer somewhere… Staines pull out of the chase, unable to match the Tonbridge offer of £10000. Southon heads to Tonbridge for talks, hopeful of agreeing a move.

Elsewhere in the transfer world, Irish midfielder Terry Bowes leaves our fellow Conference South Essex boys Thurrock, joining Hednesford Town for £3000.

And heading back out Eurowide, the EURO Cup begins. Welsh side TNS go down 2-1 at Dinamo Tbilisi, whilst fellow Welsh entry Haverfordwest secure a vital away win, beating Shakhter Soligorsk 2-1. Macedonian side Sileks come away from Glentoran as 2-1 victors, but Portadown keep Northern Ireland alive as they beat Ekranas 2-0. Both teams from the Republic of Ireland performed well, with Bohemians winning 3-2 in Azerbaijan against Shamkir, and Longford drawing 2-2 at Maribor.

July 16, 2004

Southon agrees to move to Tonbridge and off he goes, with £10000 coming the other way. Meanwhile Harrow Borough sign Carshalton’s Gary Elliott at a cost of £2000, much to the dismay of many sections of the Harrow supporters.

With a quiet day in the football world, I took the opportunity to use my Friday night to take Sam out. Arriving home I called out her name to no avail. I found a note, reading “Rob, sorry I won’t be in til late tonight, Steve off ill so I’ve gotta run YOUR pub… Love Sammy xxxâ€

Damn.

[Dire Wrangle]

July 18, 2004

Dear Diary,

It’s been a quiet weekend in the football world, thank God. I’ve finally had some time to spend with Sammy. Christ this is nearly as hard as the first time, back when I was 15 and we’d see each other once or twice a week cause of homework, even worse when we were grounded – normally because we didn’t do homework and sneaked out to see each other instead.

Anyway we flogged the Saturday night pub job off to the assistant gaffer, and I took her off to London to one of those Z-list celeb hangouts. Suprisingly enough it was a good night. I didn’t get any form of an earful about how I won’t be able to take her out now I’m working my old april off at mighty Hornchurch, at least. Still, it was nice to get out for the evening and spend some time together, which we hadn’t done at all in a while.

It’s hard though. I never thought I’d finally secure the girl I’d dreamed of being with years ago. I spent my teenage years going from pointless relationship to one night stand and back again, all the while hoping one day I’d get her. It happens and then I land this job. Now I’m stuck trying to find time between the ideal world of living with Sam, and the real world of working day in, day out for Hornchurch. Typical damn luck.

Anyway, I’ve written enough to bore myself now. But cheers for listening. Hang on, you’re a book. You don’t listen, do you?

Christ I am going insane… I’m arguing with a book. Help…

July 19, 2004

Back into my office on Monday morning and there was little for me to know about my own club. The Conference South news services reported various transfers, including Margate – our first opponents – signing Swindon’s Matt Bulman on loan until October, and Whitby buying Chris Elsegood from Maidenhead for £1000. The impressively afroed left back is however unpopular among fans at Turnbull Ground, reportedly.

One of our local rivals, Redbridge, suffered a blow in their preparations as Glenn Poole broke a leg in training and will be out until well into 2005. I’d wish him all the best for a speedy recovery, but he’s quite good, and we’ll have to play them, so I won’t.

July 20, 2004

Having had a week to settle in, it was time I did some real work. I gathered together some information from the transfer market and began trying to add some more talent to the side. Somewhat ambitious attempts to lure in good young talent on loan were submitted to Adam Birchall of Arsenal, and West Ham defenders Chris Cohen and Elliott Ward, and finally to Marc Goodfellow of Bristol City. If any of those join I’ll be happy. If not then it’s time to check around the basement leagues for anything resembling usefulness. That’ll be fun. But given that Marcel McKie is delighted to leave Spurs to join Hayes on loan, I’m sure we’ll land something from that selection…

I bloody hope so anyway, tomorrow I begin my life here proper, with our first friendly. Embarrassment ahead, perhaps.

[Dire Wrangle]

July 21, 2004

No word yet from Arsenal, West Ham or Bristol City on whether they’ll allow my approaches, so we went into my opening game in charge with the bog standard team I inherited.

Friendly

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v AFC Wimbledon

Nervously I took my seat in the dugout, if that’s what you want to call it, as the players took to the field for the first time under my control. I was finding it harder and harder to believe I was here. I mean most of this team are my age or older for a start, and I’ve never been involved in any form of football management since computer games when I was a bored, lonely, single 20-something.

I went with playing an interesting, and confusing judging by some of the faces when I’d explained it at training yesterday, 4-2-3-1 formation which didn’t really bother with a midfield, just linked more efficiently and directly our defence with the forward line.

As I shuffled around in my seat while the opening moments of the game played, I wondered how long it would take for this job to get easier. A win this evening would certainly help, even if there were only a few hundred fans here to see it. AFC Wimbledon started brighter as the lads got used to my style of play, and it looked like I’d have a difficult first game in charge. I looked to the skies, almost praying, as they came close several times early on.

Soon enough the side settled into their roles and our game began to flow more freely, producing chances for Elam, Caskey and Purser in the space of 5 minutes near the end of the first half. But still AFCW looked stronger and I was glad to hear the whistle ring around the stadium after the first 45 minutes of play.

It was time for my first team talk, I didn’t have a clue what to say. I had to ring a friend for motivational techniques at one point. All I could come up with was “Stick in formation and get used to it, play the way you’ve trained†and the old reliable “Get out there and enjoy yourselvesâ€.

Somehow it seemed to work. We took the game by the scruff of the neck as the second half wore on, and looked the better side from the off. Finally we scored the opening goal after 15 or so minutes of play. Danny Naisbitt’s poor goal kick found Carey, who set up Elam to run rings around the Dons defence before putting the ball past the keeper. I was jumping around the side of the pitch like we’d just scored the winner in the FA Cup Final here. Weird I know, but damn I was happy to see that first goal go in.

The remainder of the match was all Hornchurch, and there was little surprise when the game was finally wrapped up 10 minutes from time when substitute Mustafa scored a cracking 20-yard strike to double the lead. Again I think I was overly excited, but hey ho. I’d won my first match in charge, and now I could only hope it’d continue…

Hornchurch 2 (Elam 61, Mustafa 80) AFC Wimbledon 0

Attendance: 438

Man of the Match: Andy Sullivan (AFC Wimbledon)

Finally it was over, the nerve-jangling first match out of the way. Eventually after an hour that seemed like days of thought about the match I headed home. Poor old Sam, she barely received a hello as I strolled through the door, and went straight to bed for a well earned night’s sleep.

[Dire Wrangle]

July 22, 2004

I woke up feeling almost hungover from last night’s excitement. It was a stupidly early hour so I made the probably safe choice not to wake the other half. Instead I had a small breakfast, and sat in the front room chain-smoking until sunrise. I was beginning to wonder if I’d made the right ‘decision’ in taking this job – not that it was much of a decision.

The good news on my eventual arrival at work this morning was from Bristol. Apparently they’d accepted my attempt to bring in their young midfielder Marc Goodfellow on loan, and it’ll now be up to the man himself to decide whether he fancies spending the best part – best not really being the right word there – of the following year in Essex with us. Sadly though I was also informed that the impressive Hammers youngster Chris Cohen won’t be joining us, as West Ham turned down my approach to take him on loan.

Elsewhere in the transfer market Hayes were active, bringing in Richard Logan and Nicholas Baker on loan. Otherwise it was a dull day in the world of wheeling and dealing.

Last night though, when I wasn’t overly fussed about much else than the goings on in front of me, saw the second leg of the Champions’ League First Qualifiers. Representing the Welsh we had Rhyl visiting Slovenia to play Gorica. A 1-1 draw coupled with their 2-1 home win saw them into the next round, where they’ll face Djurgarden of Sweden. Shelbourne would join them in the next phase, with a 2-1 win at Kaunas adding to the 3-0 win in the first leg. They’ll take on Trabzonspor next week. Linfield managed a good 2-0 win over KR, but after losing 3-0 away they drop out to the Icelandic side, who’ll play Red Star in the next phase.

July 23, 2004

The only news today was disappointing. Adam Birchall, after a little umming and ahhing, decided that Kettering was a nicer place to spend his season than the outskirts of Romford. Probably wise, in all seriousness, but in footballing terms it’s a pain in the backside.

Still, the quiet day allowed me to have a Friday evening free with the woman in my life. Typically we couldn’t decide what to do with it, so we went for a quiet drink or two. At the pub we own. In the words of the Jazz Club guy… Niiiche.

July 24, 2004

I should enjoy these almost carefree Saturday afternoons. It’ll not be long before my life revolves around them. West Ham redeemed themselves though, allowing Elliott Ward the opportunity to decide if he fancies heading slightly east and joining us for a season. Local rivals Redbridge proved more active in the market today though, bringing Sonny Ball and Gary Prigent in on loan. I took full male advantage of the evening in. Beer, TV and a dodgy Chinese takeaway. Hey, I’m enjoying the good old life while it lasts…

July 25, 2004

A couple of minor transfers headed the divisional news this afternoon, with Mel Capleton heading from St Albans to Aylesbury for £1000, and Neil Champion moving from Havant & Waterlooville to Slough for a similar figure. In Europe, the biggest transfer yet this summer took place, with German keeper Hans Jorg Butt leaving Leverkusen for Dortmund at a fee of £4.2m.

More interesting, and pleasing, to me personally though was the news that Goodfellow will be joining us for the season on loan. He’s being flown in… well he’s on a train from Bristol, immediately. Annoyingly it meant I had to give up my evening awaiting his arrival, when he eventually appeared to finalise the deal.

July 26, 2004

It’s friendly number two tomorrow, so I went into another days’ work hoping Elliott would have made up his mind and would join us before the more challenging visit of Southend United. Blimey. ‘Challenging’ and ‘Southend United’ – I never thought I’d see them in the same sentence.

Redbridge secured another loaner, bringing in Karim El-Sahali from Crystal Palace until October. And I thought another of our Essex teams had nabbed the buy of the season when I saw the headline reading “Gallen signed†among the news. After all, the QPR striker wouldn’t be too bad an acquisition down at this level. Sadly though Heybridge had only landed Brendan Gallen (yep, the other one) from Maidenhead. With still no word from Ward late on in the evening, it looked like I’d be jumping into the Southend friendly with the same old defence that just about kept AFC Wimbledon out. Super…

[Dire Wrangle]

July 27, 2004

Friendly

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Southend United

I thought this’d be simpler after having done it once before. It wasn’t. Well actually it wasn’t quite so bad, but only because by the time I’d nearly finished settling in my dugout spot we’d already gone ahead. I was once more adjusting to the sight of a football pitch at this viewpoint when my lads were celebrating off at one side of it. I’d learned one thing from the last match, mind. I was a little more subdued in my ‘partying’ here. At least at this stage.

At 1-0 up after just a few minutes I still couldn’t settle. Every time the ball was with a Southend player I worried. I don’t know why I kept this up, the Shrimpers barely managed to worry Bayes until a brief period of sustained pressure late in the first half. It didn’t help my worryingly poor confidence that after dominating most of the first half, we could only show off a 1-0 lead at the break.

That soon changed. Not too far into the second half of the match we were looking like increasing the lead, and we finally did when Danny Shipp latched onto Caskey’s pass to make it 2-0. This management lark was beginning to look more fun than stressful, I thought as the smile stretched my recently unexercised cheeks. Shipp then turned creator minutes later as he twisted and turned among the Southend defence before setting up Elam for his second of the match.

Lee was having an absolute blinder and almost writing his own name on the team sheet for when the season begins properly, but he couldn’t give up there. After several attempts at the hat-trick goal, including a missed penalty, he finally got his third towards the end after yet another period of pressure on the visitors’ goal.

We’d won more than convincingly here against league opposition. Surely now I could settle into this job with ease. We’ll see…

Hornchurch 4 (Elam 3, 61, 83, Shipp 57) Southend 0

Attendance: 528

Man of the Match: Lee Elam (Hornchurch)

[Dire Wrangle]

July 28, 2004

Absolutely chuff all news to report, so my attention was only pointlessly focused on the first legs of the Champions League Second Qualifier things. Shelbourne played well, taking an impressive 1-1 draw home from Trabzonspor. But Rhyl didn’t perform so well, losing 3-0 in Sweden. Never mind, hey.

The only news other than those was Everton’s Joseph Yobo heading out to Real Sociedad in Spain for £4.9m, thus strangely becoming the biggest transfer of the summer.

July 29, 2004

Happy news kicked off my Thursday morning, as Elliott Ward finally finished weighing up the pros and cons of joining Hornchurch and somehow worked out the pros win. He joins until October. Not much else happened until the evening, and the EURO Cup First Qualifying Round Second Legs.

Bohemians made it through, beating Shamkir 6-3 on aggregate, but Longford couldn’t join them among the Irish reps in the next stage. They lost 3-0 against Maribor. Haverfordwest and TNS flew the Welsh flag, and both lost 3-0 at home to end their residence in the competition. Northern Ireland, finally, enjoyed mixed success. Portadown lost at Ekranas but went through 4-3 on aggregate, but Glentoran lost 2-1 to to Sileks, again, to go out 4-2 overall. More from those UK & Irish reps in Round 2 in a couple of weeks…

August 1, 2004

I’d enjoyed a couple of nice quiet days away from the football world – mostly. Just a couple of brief training sessions as we continue to try and prepare for the season that beckons. The rest of Friday and Saturday was spent either in bed, or with the lady of my life, or both. Ahem.

My first monthly appraisal came, though. Not overly confidence building was the brief e-mail from Gary, informing me that he and his cronies remained confident in my abilities. Well, good. I suppose…

Friendly

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Romford

This one had me less worried than those before, for some reason. The side saw 2 changes from before. Ashley Harris was injured and will be replaced by Weatherstone, while Ward immediately joins McCarthy in central defence, pushing Matthews out. Goodfellow remains injured from before his arrival and will do until into the season, so his debut beckons later on.

Worryingly, Romford ran the show early on, creating a handful of chances, all of which were wasted, before we began to wake up and play some of the football that had League Two side Southend dazed. Shaun Carey ‘eventually’ gave us the expected lead ten minutes in. I didn’t jump, I didn’t dance. I was slowly warming to this job and staying calm no matter what.

Naturally my happy frame of mind had to be ruined. Who better to concede your first goal against than the might of Romford. Yes. They equalised mid-way through the first half with a beautiful strike from Lee Parsons. And that goal kept the scores level until half time. This game really was becoming a friendly, in every sense of the word. Both sets of attackers seemed almost offended to be handed a chance to put their side in front and no-one really looked like adding their name to the scoresheet.

Just before the hour mark, good old Tarkan Mustafa came off the bench and gave away a penalty. Romford happily obliged and went ahead. There went that happy, calm, warming to management feeling.

And 2-1 it ended. We dominated in all areas of the field, but suffered a painful inability to convert chances into goals. Still, at least Ward played well enough to warrant the night’s I’ve spent waiting for him to make up his mind.

Hornchurch 1 (Carey 10) Romford 2 (Parsons 24, Joyce pen 60)

Attendance: 123

Man of the Match: Paul Joyce (Romford)

Oh what a way to end the friendlies…

[Dire Wrangle]

August 2, 2004

Another one of those annoying phone calls, asking me how much I’ll flog someone for. This week’s subject is young goalkeeper Jake Whincup, and the enquiring Hitchin were asked to stump up £16000 for his services.

Other than that it was one of those pointless quiet days. Out of boredom I sent Man Utd an offer to take 19 year old striker David Poole on loan. The youngster looks like he’ll be a superb piece of business, if he joins…

August 4, 2004

Another dull one, as was yesterday hence the lack of any entry to my little diary, but at least tonight saw some European action to keep us all entertained. Rhyl saw the Welsh hopes crash and burn, as they lost 2-1 at home to Djurgarden, and 5-1 overall. Shelbourne kept the Irish flag flying high though, beating Turkish side Trabzonspor 2-1 at home, to go through with the aggregate score of 3-2.

Shelbourne’s qualification earns them the ever-so-slightly more challenging tie with Deportivo in the final qualification phase. And of course the English & Scottish sides join us now. Man Utd face Rhyl’s conquerors Djurgarden, Liverpool play Shakhtar and Rangers will take on Sheriff.

Late on I heard news that Hitchin weren’t prepared to bid the asked £16000 for Whincup. Fair enough. Don’t.

August 6, 2004

It appears as though we face competition to land Mr Poole on loan, as Scarborough at Darlington come in with bids for a similar deal. Other than that, little goes on in the footballing world. Marvellous…

August 7, 2004

Another quiet day where little goes on, and once more myself and the lovely Sam were at a loss with what to do with a free evening. Therefore after much indecision, we ended up sitting in the corner of our own little pub for a few drinks and some light conversation. Well that was the plan. Soon enough I was dragged kicking and screaming from that chat and instead I sat earwigging a conversation between pub regulars, and big Hornchurch fans, Mick & Dave.

â€So Mick, whaddya think about this new chap in charge of our lads?†Asked Dave

“Ah I dunno Dave, aint really heard much of him yet. Don’t think I’ve even seen his mugshot anyway actually. Seems to be playing his cards close to his chest so far†replied the taller, and more drunk, Mick.

“Yeah, but I like his tactics – or I did anyway. Never seen us attack so well as we did against Southend, definitely not against a team that far above us anyway.â€

“True, true. Twas a cracking game.†Continued Mick, “but then he lost to Romfordâ€

“Yeah. Y’know I didn’t even know Romford had a team. Last I heard one half was covered by us, and the rest supported Dagenham. And then there’s the cockney wannabes who support West Ham.†Added Dave, slowly breaking into laughter “But we found Romford’s very own team. We came, we saw, and we f---ing lost!â€

“You cheeky f-“ I muttered to myself, cutting myself short to smile, nod, and ease back into the conversation with Sam that I’d drifted out of a short while ago.

“I’ll give him it though, he’s an ambitious sort. Everywhere I look we seem to be getting linked with these big-team players on loan. Got that youngster in from Upton haven’t we?â€

“Yeah true. I reckon we’ll do well. Anyway, see you soon pal.†Mick said, turning and leaving the bar.

A smug smile began to stretch my ever emotionless face. Then I remembered I had to haul myself back into life and the chat with the other half. Too late. I was being given one of those ‘gonna slap you’ looks. Fortunately with some quickfire apology work and another vodka & orange, I was forgiven and the desire to slap me subsided, but I couldn’t help worrying.

I worried because I’ve been in the job for only a month, and it’s starting to affect my lovelife, my mind, my everything. Somehow I didn’t care. As we strolled through Romford arm in arm on the way home, one thought was flooding my mind – I’m a manager of a football team. With the opening league game looming a week away, gone were the old drifting to sleep thoughts of Sam as I looked in her eyes. All I could do tonight was ponder… who’s gonna play up front???

[Dire Wrangle]

August 8, 2004

With yesterday seeing the official start to the English football season, as the Championship, League One and League Two beginning their 9 month run, today saw the Community Shield. Down at the Millennium Stadium Arsenal were facing Manchester United. An exciting match saw Van Nistelrooy put United ahead, before Reyes equalised shortly before half time. Ashley Cole made it 2-1 early in the second half but Gary Neville would equalise ten minutes later. But within two minutes more, Vieira scored to make it 3-2, which would be the final score and see the Gunners secure yet another addition for their trophy cabinet.

August 9, 2004

The week leading up to our Conference South opener began with the news that backup keeper Mark Westhead is likely to miss the game, after injuring his knee in training.

Elsewhere St Albans’ Ben Abbey joins Wealdstone for £1000. Wonderful.

August 10, 2004

Wealdstone continue raiding the transfer market, signing two more players. They’re below the regional Conference divisions, so few people care.

Thurrock, who are in our league, buy Alfreton’s Daniel Bainbridge and loan Derby’s Chris Turner until November. Some people care.

August 11, 2004

More overly ambitious loan bids are made. With Poole still deciding between Hornchurch, Scarborough and Darlington, I put in offers for 2 other strikers; Liverpool’s Neil Mellor and Arsenal’s Jérémie Aliadière. An offer also wings its merry way to Arsenal reserves midfielder Sebastian Larsson. Here’s waiting on those.

And the evening sees the Champions League Third Qualifiers First Legs. Shelbourne’s dream looks sure to end as they visit Deportivo, and promptly lie down and lose 5-0. Liverpool lose in Ukraine, as Shakhtar beat them 1-0, but Man Utd secure an English win as they defeat Djurgarden 2-0. And Rangers give the Scots some hope, winning 2-0 in Moldova.

August 12, 2004

Nothing happens until the evening, and even then it’s only the EURO Cup 2nd Qualifiers 1st Leg. Portadown keep Northern Ireland happy, beating Slavia Prague 1-0 at Shamrock Park. Ireland and Scotland are also represented here, but both lose – Bohemians going down 4-2 at Sigma Olomouc, and Dunfermline losing 3-2 at Sloga Jugomagnat. In more interesting news, 2 days to go…

August 13, 2004

It’s brown boxers time. Yes the nerves are kicking in terribly ahead of our season starting tomorrow afternoon. Never thought I’d be scared of a team like Margate, but never mind.

Received an offer of £12000 for Whincup from Slough Town today. This was readily accepted, and comes with the promise of 25% of whatever they flog him on for coming to me as well. Not that 25% will be much at all. 100% wouldn’t. It’s Slough, for Pete’s sake.

Better news arrives as the loan offers for Larsson and Mellor are accepted. Unfortunately I don’t expect them to be joining until after the Margate game, if at all.

August 14, 2004

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Margate

It took a little thinking, but I finally got the team sheet decided in time. Bayes would play in goal, as was always the plan, with Locke, Ward, McCarthy and Stuart in front of him. Harris and Carey take position in defensive midfield, with Elam, Purser and Caskey their attacking counterparts. The bold move was to give the young, inexperienced (and unused in friendlies) Charlie Taylor a throw of the dice up front. He came through the same youth system that gave us Jermain Defoe, so he might be good.

I’d had the friendlies to ease me into this, but this was different. The Real Deal, so to speak. This was no kickabout in front of a hundred or two die-hard fans. The ground must’ve been nigh on half-filling it’s 2500 capacity here. I just hoped I’d make their trip worthwhile. The only man on the pitch entertaining our fans was the man between the sticks. The first 15 or so minutes was littered with chances to the visitors. Just as we pulled ourselves out of first gear, something we were struggling to do in the friendlies – barring the Southend game – we found ourselves behind. Che Stadhart latched onto John Keister’s pass and found the back of the net. My fist found the nearest wall.

The rest of the first half was an even contest, as was much of the second. But that ugly problem of failing to convert chances reared its head once more. The exciting looking Taylor was the best of the attacking bunch, hitting the woodwork and forcing a couple of excellent saves from Margate keeper Matt Bulman – who was later named Man of the Match. But the hard work would all be in vain when Moses Jjunju scored a simple tap in to make it 2-0. That would be the final result, and a highly disappointing one after some good football by my side. There was certainly hope and potential for the season ahead, but none of that is much good if we can’t bang in the odd goal…

Hornchurch 0 Margate 2 (Stadhart 22, Jjunju 61)

Attendance: 957

Man of the Match: Matthew Bulman (Margate)

I should’ve known. Ever since I came into this world back in ’74, it’s been a long, bumpy and sometimes painful ride. Things weren’t going to change for a while yet…

[Dire Wrangle]

August 15, 2004

The morning began in a slightly undesirable way, as young Dave Poole decided to head off to the north east and join Darlington for the next three months. Still, there’s hope on the others yet, if nothing else.

Another twelve grand was added to our coffers as Jake Whincup packed his backs and left for Slough. I doubt he’ll be missed, although it does mean we need a new backup keeper, or at least a backup to the backup.

August 16, 2004

The bright lights of Highbury and Anfield cause Aliadière and Mellor to reject our loan offer, but in happier news Larsson decides to come down and join us. The once-capped Sweden under 21 midfielder sorts out the midfield, and now we could just do with a striker with the desired three all rejecting the idea of a season at Hornchurch.

August 17, 2004

Another jump into the transfer market throws up another day of random, ambitious, unlikely to succeed offers. Another three attackers are targeted by loan offers. Namely they are David Bellion and Mads Timm of Man Utd, and Plymouth’s Stewart Yetton. Sunderland goalkeeper Ben Alnwick is also offered a move to take a probable place on the bench, although has the potential to break into the starting eleven if Bayes gets into difficulty. Finally an offer of £8,000 is made for experienced West Ham full-back Rufus Brevett. Just as I sit back to relax and await replies, it’s…

Conference South

Woodside Park, Bishop’s Stortford

Bishop’s Stortford v Hornchurch

Three changes come in for our first away trip of the season. Larsson gets a place in the first eleven, seeing Shaun Carey demoted to a place warming the bench. Following recovery from injury and Whincup’s departure, Westhead takes his place as substitute keeper. Finally Danny Shipp starts up front, with Taylor still recovering from a minor injury picked up against Margate.

Offside decisions have been known to cost a team dearly, but not usually in this sort of way. An early call on Stortford’s Parmenter allowed us a free kick just inside our own half. A beautiful pass from Elliott Ward found Darren Caskey on the edge of the area, and Darren happily took the opportunity to open his goalscoring account.

The match turned a lot worse for Parmenter, who picked up two yellow cards and was reflecting on his day with little more than half an hour gone. Despite this and the blow of going behind so early, the home side looked the better money for a win and we were somewhat fortunate to go in at half time with the lead intact.

Naturally, then, it was popular belief that the lead wouldn’t last. Eventually it was stolen from us as Richard Howell nodded in a cross from Alistair Heselton. The match had been slowly descending into a dull fixture and this gave it something of a kick to liven things up. It became end to end stuff for the last half hour, with both sides coming close, but in the end we were forced to settle for a draw.

Bishop’s Stortford 1 (Howell 61) Hornchurch 1 (Caskey 5)

Attendance: 1094

Man of the Match: Rob French (Bishop’s Stortford)

I was disappointed we couldn’t hold the lead we took with style early on, but I was happier just to get that first point on the board. Now it’s time to rub away that zero in the W column…

[Dark_Soccer]

Nice writing style!

KUTGW

[flipsix3]

Yup, enjoyable stuff, particularly the ridiculously ambitious loan attempts

[Dire Wrangle]

Cheers for the comments guys, and flipsix - always worth a try if there's half a chance they'll join. And indeed when there isn't half a chance.

August 18, 2004

Another game was out of the way, but the season remains young and the points tally similarly undeveloped. I'd spent much of last night awake trying to think over what had to be done to improve things, and come up with next to nothing more than a few doodles on the notepad I was using.

Bolton's Andrew Brabbs joins Newport County on loan, thus reassuring my fading belief that I might be able to land some lads from big clubs on loan.

August 19, 2004

Darren Caskey decided to do a bunk from training. I let this one go, just as long as he puts in a good performance when it matters I'll allow the boy the odd unauthorised day off.

Loan offers were accepted for Alnwick, Timm, Bellion and Yetton, and now it's the less likely matter of the players deciding to join. As ever I hold up little hope of success.

August 21, 2004

As one West Ham player leaves for the Conference South, my chase for another moves up a small level. Craig Saunders joined Bognor Regis on a free transfer from the Irons, while my offer for veteran Rufus Brevett was accepted. He's not keen to discuss terms but I put on offer on the table and leave the 34 year old to think it over.

While he does, I'm busy again...

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Grays Athletic

On paper it was the easiest game yet. We were favourites to win the local derby, and had near enough a full squad to pick from, barring the injured Charlie Taylor. But our season was struggling to burst into life, and Grays recorded an impressive 4-1 win over Carshalton in midweek to build up some momentum. But after all, football isn't played on paper.

I needed a win in front of the home fans, just to set my mind at ease if nothing else. I think my sanity was resting on this result. So probably, was my girlfriend's.

Typically we didn't start with much bite, and paid the price within 20 minutes when Matthew Watts came out the winner after a one-on-one with Bayes. At half time we'd mustered a total of one meaningful attack, resulting in Wayne Purser blasting harmlessly wide, while Grays had troubled our defence on multiple occasions.

I think the team talk did something of a trick. Almost immediately Purser's cross caught the defence napping and eventually almost drifting into the Grays net. The resulting corner saw Ward hit the woodwork, and things were looking good. Reasonably. Things looked a lot better when Caskey scored in his second consecutive match to level things with more than half hour to play, with us still in control. From that moment on we were fully in charge and could quite easily be disappointed with the level result at full time.

Hornchurch 1 (Caskey 58) Grays 1 (Watts 18)

Attendance: 932

Man of the Match: Paul McCarthy (Hornchurch

We weren't flying yet, but nor were we particularly struggling. More than ever though I could see the need for a man up front who'll really put the chances away. Bring on the stupid loan offers

[Raptor]

Congratulations, this is the new Story of the Week

[Gino]

Well deserved. This is great

[flipsix3]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Raptor:

Congratulations, this is the new Story of the Week <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Woot! you see, ol' Flip gives you the nod and the next thing you're a star

Well done!

[Dire Wrangle]

A legend already

And before I lose myself up my own arse, we continue...

August 22, 2004

Unsurprising news today as all 4 of the stupid loan attempts send a rather resounding 'no' my way. So mellowing slightly and going for a possibly achievable goal, I sent a new one off to Sheffield Wednesday's promising young striker Danny Reet. A £4,000 offer was also sent the way of Macclesfield, hopefully in exchange for the services of 22 year old Neil Ross. Not quite Neil Mellor or the like, but he might be handy...

August 23, 2004

Nothing too much happened in my own world today. A couple of Conference South players left the high life to join real non-league sides, namely David Collis moving from Thurrock to Kingstonian, and David Wright leaving Bognor for the legendary Yeading.

The managerial merry-go-round kicked into action also, with Stafford Rangers, so far bottom of the Conference North, losing manager Phil Robinson to Exeter.

August 24, 2004

With deadline day around Europe looming a week away the European transfer market remains strangely quiet, with today seeing the first £5m+ move of August. Dagoberto was the subject, joining Everton from Atlético Paranaense.

In less exciting transfer news, Staines signed Junior Kadi from Lewes, and Rufus Brevett decided to carry on at West Ham. Darn.

August 25, 2004

The final leg of the final European qualifiers. Man Utd made it through with little difficulty, securing a 3-0 aggregate win over Djurgarden. Liverpool weren't so good though, and could only fight to a 1-1 home draw against Shakhtar, losing 2-1 overall. Shelbourne's dream also ended as they lost 8-0 to Deportivo, whilst Rangers beat Sheriff 2-0 to get past the Moldovan minnows and into the group stage. In other shocks, Inter crashed out to Red Star, and last year's runner-up Monaco suffered a 5-2 aggregate loss to Dinamo Bucharest.

Apart from all that, nothing happened.

August 26, 2004

The Danny Reet offer is accepted, now I'm just hoping that the 17 year old decides on making the reet (sorry) move and heads down to join us for the long season. Rufus Brevett is subject of a bid from Sunderland, which I must admit would be more tempting than Hornchurch.

Our next opponents, Newport County, sign Lee Thorpe on loan from Bristol Rovers. No one cares, as long as he doesn't lead them to victory on Saturday.

And finally in the EURO Cup we have the usual handful of British and Irish sides. Bohemians come close to overturning their 4-2 loss in the first leg, but in the end can only win 3-2 and go out to Sigma Olomouc. Portadown's late consolation in the 2-1 loss at Slavia Prague proved the vital away goal in that tie, and they move into the competition proper. Dunfermline also dropped out of the competition, with a 5-3 aggregate loss.

August 27, 2004

Santiago Canizares was the hero of the day as Valencia claimed the European Super Cup 4-3 on penalties from Porto. The Spanish stopper kept out penalties from Vitor and Costinha, leaving Ruben Baraja to do the job of hitting the winning strike. The shoot-out followed a 0-0 draw at Stade Louis II.

August 28, 2004

Even a 17 year old Sheffield Wednesday reserves man doesn't fancy playing down at this level. Reet decides to reject the move, but better news sees Neil Ross happy to discuss a possible move to The Stadium, and an offer is made. But there's no time to sit around awaiting a response...

Conference South

Newport Stadium, Newport

Newport County v Hornchurch

Young Charlie Taylor recovers and quickly regains his starting place ahead of the disappointing Danny Shipp, and the move quickly proves a good one.

A 20 yard shot cannons off of Taylor's boot, off of the inside of the post and into the Newport goal. But as ever there's little time to jump for joy and within two minutes Nathan Davies levels the match. Newport are as predicted the better side, and good money for the lead they eventually take through Davies.

The Welsh side though were to be flattered by a 3-1 lead at the break, given when former Cardiff man Jason Bowen scored a deflected free kick on the stroke of half time. This wasn't looking too pretty.

The second half saw Newport playing as a stronger team, but the 3-1 lead continued to look too generous. Despite various attempts particularly towards the end of the match though, we couldn't change things and took a long and disappointed trip home.

Newport Co 3 (Davies 14, 41, Bowen 45) Hornchurch 1 (Taylor 12)

Attendance: 1282

Man of the Match: Lee Phillips (Newport Co)

I ignored the fact that the win put Newport second in the table... The loss was still a huge blow. Lee Elam, our star of the friendlies, was a let down once more and hadn't performed well yet in competitive football. Fortunately loan signing Marc Goodfellow would soon be fit enough to be given a game or two, and maybe just maybe, there's that first win around the corner...

[WLKRAS]

Great stuff, well deserved Story of the Week

[Dire Wrangle]

August 29, 2004

Finally we sign a new striker, in the form of Macclesfield's Neil Ross in a £4000 deal. Now all that remains to be seen is if the Brummie lad is any good. Immediately though he decides he's a Hornchurch legend and insists the side is built around his abilities. And this leads the fans to worry of him having a negative effect on the team. Fat chance of that, guys.

August 30, 2004

Chelsea finally prise open the never-emptied wallet of Mr Abramovich and land German international Michael Ballack in a £17m deal. Ballack becomes and looks set to remain the biggest deal of the summer, despite the competition of Basingstoke landing Adam Theo on loan the very same afternoon. Hmmm.

August 31, 2004

Little news other than the closure of the transfer window for the big clubs, which passed with no major late action.

September 1, 2004

The monthly appraisal arrivals again, and once more does little to fill me with the confidence I could really do with at the moment. Thanks, Gaz.

Meanwhile Chesham splash out on Michael Harvey and Craig Edwards. No one really cares.

And finally, Kunle Olusesi of Sutton United finds himself ruled out until around Christmas with a hip injury.

September 4, 2004

A dull week concluded with a weekend off for Hornchurch. Still, I had the internationals to keep me entertained and give me the excuse to loiter in a pub for a couple of hours.

Ireland began their campaign with a less than convincing 3-2 win over Cyprus, but most amusingly at the end of day 1, Faroe Islands jumped above France to lead Group 4 on goal difference. England, Wales and Northern Ireland of course join each other in Group 6, where 2 out of 3 won their first game of the qualifiers. England won 2-1 in Austria, while Wales played out a simple 3-1 win at Azerbaijan. Northern Ireland hosted Poland, and proceeded to lose 1-0.

September 8, 2004

Boredom week continues with the only news being that Caskey will miss a month's action with a broken arm. Super.

The international matches returned though, where first we saw the Faroes dream scuppered, losing 4-0 against France and surrendering their table-topping position. Ireland failed to impress once more, managing a 0-0 against the Swiss. Scotland also began in poor form, with a 1-0 defeat to Slovenia kicking off their road to Germany.

And in the UK group, England fought hard to hold a 2-2 draw in Poland, whilst Wales eased to a 3-1 win over Northern Ireland to go 2 points clear after the first round of matches.

September 10, 2004

Injured Caskey finds enough movement in his dodgy arm to slap in a transfer request. Annoying, but if he really wants to he can head off wherever he likes. Thurrock's useful keeper Paul Gothard makes the step up to the Conference National and Aldershot, in other transfer news.

September 11, 2004

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Maidenhead United

Caskey's injury was the only selection worry, solved by slipping Charlie Taylor in just behind the front man, new-boy Neil Ross. Early on we just couldn't string a half decent move together, and it cost us dearly as we'd go behind before too long. Richard Harris took advantage of a midfield cockup and found his way towards Bayes' goal before putting his side ahead.

It was a scrappy affair here but for once we looked the better side, just without the scoreline to back it up. The defence held together well to keep former Chelsea man Mark Nicholls at bay, and the attack always looked like levelling the match from the moment we went behind. Finally we did, through none other than the self-loving new man Neil Ross. It needed a penalty for us to score, but at least we did.

We couldn't build on that pressure though and we slowly cantered towards another somewhat disappointing 1-1 draw.

Hornchurch 1 (Ross pen 63) Maidenhead 1 (Harris 10)

Attendance: 899

Man of the Match: Udo Onwere (Maidenhead)

We'd failed once more to pick up that precious first win, and this was starting to get stressful again. Still, at least Neil had a good debut...

[Dire Wrangle]

September 12, 2004

For the first time since his hat-trick past Southend Lee Elam makes his name in the local press. Sadly though it’s to get a bit of stick for his rather horrendous performances so far this term. But with Goodfellow set to debut in our next match, and Purser performing well down the right, he looks set to take a seat on the bench for next week at least.

The troubled finances of the club are also slightly boosted by an announcement of a further £28,000 being injected by the directors. We now lie about £100,000 in the red. Blinding.

September 14, 2004

Having enjoyed a quiet Monday and spent some time catching up with my other life, that with Samantha, it was back in on Tuesday to enjoy the annoying news that Adrian Harris won’t be around for a while. The 23 year old, who’s started the season well, suffered a hip injury and will be out into the new year when this is coupled with the surgery he’ll require to ensure there’s no future troubles from it.

Immediately it was back to the ambitious loans, with a 3-month deal targeting Charlton’s reserve midfielder Stacy Long. Girl’s name, but looks a decent enough player to keep Larsson partnered while Harris is out.

September 15, 2004

Marc Goodfellow was finally given the long awaited clean bill of health and deemed fit to play by the physio, which comes as rare good news ahead of the match at Hayes this weekend. The midfielder looks to have the ability to add a much needed cutting edge to the attacking portion of the team.

Meanwhile as the Champions League proper kicked off over the last two days, 4 of the 5 British teams began with a win. Rangers were the only side not to, beginning with a draw at Ajax.

September 16, 2004

Liverpool’s disastrous season in Europe continued as they opened with a 3-2 loss at home to Omonia Nicosia in the first round of the EURO Cup. Middlesbrough also started with defeat, losing 2-1 at Maribor, but Millwall can be proud of a 2-2 draw out in Norway to grab two vital away goals. Newcastle were the only English side to win, pushing past Aigaleo with an unconvincing 1-0.

Heroes of the night were that Northern Irish team that just won’t go away – Portadown. They travelled off to France and swept aside Auxerre with a superb 2-1 win. Shelbourne didn’t do quite as well, losing 5-0 at Parma. Hearts were the final British entry, and they won easily over Djurgarden.

September 17, 2004

Charlton accept my approach for Stacy Long, so it’s the usual waiting game to see if he’ll come and join us for the next few months. Meanwhile Gloucester sign Danny O’Hagan from Weston-super-Mare in one of those transfers where not many people give a damn.

September 18, 2004

Conference South

Church Road, Hayes

Hayes v Hornchurch

As was the plan, Goodfellow debuts in the side, pushing Elam into Steven Clark’s place on the bench. Charlie Taylor once again sits behind Neil Ross, despite his less than impressive performance behind the striker against Maidenhead last week.

The cold Middlesex afternoon wasn’t much fun to spend time in, but with the bright start we made here I thought we might be onto a half decent performance, just for once. But just as we started making possession count, Hayes broke and took the lead against the run of play.

It didn’t affect the team however. Larsson and Carey were holding the ball well in midfield and the 4 attack-minded members of the team continued to almost effortlessly create chances to pull back. Hayes should have doubled their lead when their next attack was illegally cut short by Ward’s challenge, but fortunately Bayes was the winner as Richard Logan’s penalty was easily saved.

The second half continued in a similar fashion, and Goodfellow was unlucky not to set up a dream debut when he hit the post with a 25-yard free kick attempt. He did however show potential to liven up this somewhat dreary attack line with a number of good efforts. Somehow, though, the possession, the chances, the work rate we’d shown today just couldn’t turn itself into goals.

Hayes 1 (Holsgrove 19) Hornchurch 0

Attendance: 1640

Man of the Match: Nicholas Baker (Hayes)

Another good performance, another bad defeat. This was just starting to get worrying…

[Dire Wrangle]

September 19, 2004

With no wins on the board and the team able to keep possession, create chances but just not get them away, it was time review my tactical plans. I spent much of Sunday locked away in my office trying to come up with a plan. I had the strikers who could cut it at this level, but I didn’t want to use too many with a good range of midfielders, especially those with attacking tendencies. They were the ones I had to make full use of.

I kept the basic plan I had already, just dropping the attacking midfield line back a bit to fill out the midfield which was quickly becoming a very important area of the field in my games, and had looked a bit of a no-mans land for my team at times. To make the most of those who like to get forward I thought I’d happily give them freedom to push up and help out the lone-striker, whoever he may be.

I was happy I could hopefully stop the rot without much effort or changing my selection, it now just remained to be seen if the lads could take on the changes, stick to them, and make them work on the pitch.

September 20, 2004

Just to annoy me, Mr Long rejected the move.

Kind of more importantly though, it’s the start of the long old road to Cardiff, with the FA Cup 2nd Qualifying Round draw. My challenge would begin with the visit of Blyth Spartans. Maybe, just maybe, that’s winnable.

Another loan offer went to Arsenal’s Jordan Fowler, while a £12000 bid was submitted to Sutton United for young midfielder Glenn Boosey.

September 22, 2004

The Boosey offer was accepted and an offer of a contract at Hornchurch was made to the 20 year old. And Arsenal were happy to allow Fowler out to get some experience in the game and accepted the loan offer. Now it was just down to Fowler to not be like the last few batches of offers, and to actually come here.

September 24, 2004

A day ahead of our next battle, Fowler pleased us all by agreeing to join. He’ll slot nicely into the team tomorrow, hopefully. And with any luck he’ll be of assistance for his season long stay here. I won’t raise my hopes too high though.

September 25, 2004

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v St Albans City

A vital match against another team struggling to pick up any decent form so far in the season. Fowler came into the team for his immediate debut. Losing out was Taylor who was replaced in the central midfield position by Larsson, whose own position was handed to his fellow Arsenal reject…

Now this looked good. The alterations to the tactics showed the team playing a lot more focused football. With the ‘split’ between the attack and defence side of things before there was too much guesswork and route one play, but now everyone could find a red and white shirt to pass to.

It was a while, but we finally took the lead when the midfield trio of Larsson, Goodfellow and Purser linked well before Purser tapped the ball into the corner of Robinson’s goal from a matter of feet. A simple goal and nothing spectacular, but just what I needed right now. As confidence grew throughout the team, it seemed they had almost a new lease of life out there and the visiting defence could barely hold back an almost inevitable increase to the lead.

Only a good performance between the sticks kept the lead to 1-0. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t fun to watch, but we’d done it.

Hornchurch 1 (Purser 44) St Albans 0

Attendance: 724

Man of the Match: Sebastian Larsson (Hornchurch)

As the cheers of the passionate home crowd sounded loud and clear I stepped onto the pitch to salute them and the team that’d fought so hard. Finally I’d picked up that first win that had spent so long hiding from me. The cheers of the home fans were ringing in my ears until long after they’d gone home from the ground. I must’ve sat in the car for 20 minutes or so after I finally left the stadium at the end of the afternoon.

When I finally left the short drive across town seemed to take hours. I hardly noticed anything around me but somehow found my way to my front door. The lovely Sam had heard the result. I’m not sure the lingering hug was in congratulations or out of sheer worry about the ever stranger effects this job is leaving on me.

I’m just glad she doesn’t know that before that day in mid-July I was gathering the nerves to propose. Nowadays all my nerves are gathered ahead of that next 90 minutes. Maybe this job will get easier, so I tell myself, and that ring can be dragged from it’s hiding place. A few more results like that and I might have myself a fiancé, or alternatively I’ll be single if this slow journey to insanity continues…

[Dire Wrangle]

September 26, 2004

I’d barely slept on Saturday night, and not for the right reasons either. When I received the phone call early on Sunday to say that Glenn Boosey would be joining us it took me a few moments to think who he was. Eventually I remembered the Sutton midfielder and gladly confirmed the deal at my end. Hours later he was in my office to officially become part of the team I hoped so much I could make successful.

September 28, 2004

It was time for a trip away from home to hopefully extend the one game winning run. Tonight’s match would signal the start of a 3 week break from league worries, hopefully to allow the start of a half decent run in the FA Cup to begin.

Conference South

City Ground, Cambridge

Cambridge City v Hornchurch

No changes to the eleven who opened our wins account on Saturday, with new boy Boosey taking a seat on the bench in place of Simon Weatherstone.

Early attacks were those of the home side, but as we slowly settled in we began to take more control and produce some of the better football we’d managed at the weekend. I’d only managed a single 1-0 win, but my confidence was riding higher than ever as I closely watched the events take place before me.

At half time the match was a very close one. Both teams had produced a handful of openings and it seemed a matter of time before one of them counted. Once more the midfield was playing marvellously and creating chances for themselves or Neil Ross to take some advantage of, but so far nobody had.

The second half continued as more of the same. Chances at both ends were frequent but no one could convert any. Boosey came off the bench for the last 20 or so minutes and had an impressive debut, almost capped by a near miss 5 minutes from time. But tonight it wasn’t to be. See you in 3 weeks, league.

Cambridge City 0 Hornchurch 0

Attendance: 2040

Man of the Match: Ashley Bayes (Hornchurch)

September 29, 2004

I took a day off to prepare myself for the supposedly simple FA Cup tie at the weekend. I knew the embarrassment that lay in waiting to pounce on any match in this competition (after all, I’ve supported West Ham) and I didn’t want it to happen to me this week.

In the evening I caught up on the Champions League highlights. Man United, Chelsea and Arsenal all continued with maximum points, while Celtic drew and Rangers would lose to Chelsea as they struggled to 1 point from a possible six. I say struggled as if I’m not the man whose team have picked up 7 points from 24. Ahem.

September 30, 2004

Slough come in with a £2000 offer for reserves player Scott Gooding. I’m happy to let him go and he’s sent away to discuss details of the possible move.

In the EURO Cup all four English teams make it through. Liverpool scrap to overturn their embarrassing first leg defeat, and Millwall scrape by on penalties, while Middlesbrough and Newcastle pull off a demolition job on their respective opponents. Elsewhere Portadown sent Auxerre out of the competition, and Shelbourne did well to beat Parma 2-0 – but obviously still went no further. And Hearts eased through in Sweden.

October 1, 2004

A new month begins with the ever indecisive appraisal. They remain confident in me and still sit waiting to see the effect my management has. Fair play.

October 2, 2004

Off we go on the road to Cardiff… maybe…

FA Cup Second Qualifying Round

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Blyth Spartans

No need for changes to the sixteen I took to Cambridge earlier in the week for this seemingly simple match. Without surprise we were the better side, always threatening the Blyth goal. But as ever we couldn’t get the goals in and take the game away from the opponents.

In fairness we were getting more on target than off and keeping the keeper busy, and were more unlucky than bad in attack to not be ahead. It took a good strike to finally break the resistance, with Carey’s free kick finding its merry way into the top corner. But then it took a good strike to equalise, with Kevin Pearson equalising in similar fashion minutes later.

Hornchurch 1 (Carey 69) Blyth 1 (Pearson 71)

Attendance: 1416

Man of the Match: Dean Murphy (Blyth)

We’d need a replay visit to a bunch of non-league minnows. The win last week was misleading – things weren’t really improving much at all…

[OMDave]

Nice one

Good luck in balancing the books

[Dire Wrangle]

October 3, 2004

Gooding joins Slough and we receive two grand for our troubles.

Meanwhile I have another session of playing with the formation, eventually settling on a good old simple 442 for the upcoming FA Cup replay. Damn it better make a difference...

October 4, 2004

The third qualifying round draw for the FA Cup is made. We of course have to face a replay yet, but if successful we'll host fellow Conference South side Grays in a couple of weeks.

Dipping back into the transfer market, Morecambe's Garry Hunter is the subject of an £8,000 bid from me.

October 6, 2004

The Road to Cardiff, Parte Deux...

FA Cup Second Qualifying Round Replay

Croft Park, Blyth

Blyth Spartans v Hornchurch

Strangely, this match didn't have me climbing the walls in excitement. A large part of me wasn't sure how we'd struggled at home and ended up here.

Bertie Brayley was handed his first appearance of the season, with 2 strikers now needed and Neil Ross injured he was the man I picked to partner young Charlie Taylor.

Fitting, then, that the gem should be the man I've ignored. It took just over a quarter of an hour for Brayley to repay the confidence I'd shown in him and the chance I'd handed him and put us ahead in front of the handful of our travelling fans.

The new 4-4-2 system seemed to be working nicely, with an attempts ratio of about three to one in our favour. Our midfield completely ran the show and few could be surprised when Wayne Purser doubled the advantage towards the latter stages. Brayley capped an impressive debut and buried the opposition late on, and finally something went really right.

Blyth 0 Hornchurch 3 (Brayley 17, 90, Purser 73)

Attendance: 2677

Man of the Match: Jordan Fowler (Hornchurch)

That's a blinding win, a little £4,000 bonus, and a place against Grays in the next round in 10 days time. Lovely jubbly.

October 7, 2004

The bid for Hunter is readily accepted and a contract is offered to the Morecambe youngster.

Elsewhere there's the usual couple of loan deals going on. Fulham's Neale McDermott heads to Dorchester, while Bishop's Stortford secure John Ruddy for a 3 month spell.

October 9, 2004

Another loan move sees Carl McNally leave Birmingham for Basingstoke for the winter. Garry Hunter unfortunately rejects the contract offered. I try once more, throwing in a generous pay rise should we get promotion.

Meanwhile it's another international weekend. Ireland slump to a 2-0 defeat in France, on a day that saw the Faroes return to second in the group after gathering another win. Scotland's hopes hit another stumbling block as Norway beat them 2-1. The first battle of Britain proves a simple win for the English, as they knock Wales over 3-0 at St James' Park. Northern Ireland sink to the bottom with no points after losing 2-0 to the Azerbaijan side who had previously been the bottom side.

October 11, 2004

My three month anniversary of taking the job sees Hunter reject the second offer of a contract. I'll try once more before giving up, and perhaps try again later in the season if Morecambe are unwilling to renew his contract that runs out in the summer.

Margate take on Reading's Curtis Osano for a 3 month loan deal. Other than that, chuff all happens. Super.

October 13, 2004

Caskey misses training, and gets fined. Then moans. T**t.

Back in the World Cup qualifiers, Ireland show the high-flying Faroes who's boss with a 4-0 demolition, moving the Irish to second place behind France. The Scots land their first point, but only through a disappointing 2-2 draw in Moldova. England continue the group 6 dominance with a 2-1 win in Azerbaijan, with Wales also winning to go 2nd. Wales managed an impressive 3-0 win over Poland, virtue of a John Hartson hat-trick. Finally, it was Northern Ireland, and they continue the fruitless start with a 2-1 home defeat to Austria. Never mind.

The night ended with Hunter rejecting my final offer. Maybe when the contract expires, then.

October 16, 2004

Nothing much happens since Wednesday, so it's straight back to that long road to Cardiff...

FA Cup Third Qualifying Round

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Grays Athletic

Brayley holds onto his place after the superb debut at Blyth, despite Neil Ross being reasonably fit again.

Once more Brayley is in the thick of the action, winning an early corner that was almost diverted in by McCarthy. I was disappointed that we weren't quite as dominant as against Blyth, but I suppose Grays are halfway to a decent side.

Still, it wasn't a total shock when we took the lead, thanks to a beautiful strike from Jordan Fowler midway through the first half. Taylor almost made it two moments later with the fingertips of Carl Emberson denying him. Bayes was also producing heroics between the sticks, keeping out every opportunity Grays had to equalise.

The second half was hoped to be more of the same please, and looked that way as Brayley almost doubled the lead early on. He also turned creator moments later as Purser headed his cross just wide. Why on earth did I not find this chap to be so useful earlier???

Grays threw everything but the kitchen sink at Bayes as the second half wore on, but it looked more and more like nothing would beat him today. Or it did until five minutes from time when the pressure finally became an equaliser. Having come close to immediately restoring the lead, Brayley went on to do exactly that in the final minute of the 90 and score a stunning winner from 25 yards.

Hornchurch 2 (Fowler 23, Brayley 90) Grays 1 (Brennan 85)

Attendance: 2585

Man of the Match: Ashley Bayes (Hornchurch)

We were now one hurdle short of reaching the real part of the tournament. Can't complain about that now, can I?

[Dire Wrangle]

October 17, 2004

Awaiting tomorrow's final qualifiers draw I scan some of the other results hunting for those easy teams I'd like to face to give us that 'better chance' of making the First Round. Plenty of rather terrible teams from leagues below us litter the candidates in the hat, but there's those 22 more dangerous Conference sides there as well.

My interest in Arsenal attacked Adam Birchall is relit with the news that his Kettering loan period is soon to come to an end. Having returned an impressive 5 goals in his 8 Conference North games, it may well be worth trying once more to tempt him to my mighty Urchins.

And finally, scout Greg McDonald is given something to do, and sent off to hunt down some youth talent around the UK. The year long assignment will hopefully help us find a few diamonds to assist us in the present and future seasons of my reign.

October 18, 2004

It's off to FA HQ for the draw for the Final Qualifying Round. I watch, ticking off the teams I'd rather not face on the list in my hand. Gladly I watch several of the Conference big guns pulled out of the hat before us. Eventually we're pulled out for a home tie, and it's a visit of someone from the division above. High flying Canvey Island, currently second in the Conference after their impressive start to the season, will be making the short trip to Upminster at the end of the month for what looks set to be an exciting battle for that place in the proper start to the competition.

October 19, 2004

After examination of a hamstring injury, I hear word that Jean-Michel Sigere will be out for the next 6 months. I fail to see much reason to care.

More importantly, the league returns...

Conference South

Oakside, Barkingside

Redbridge v Hornchurch

A singular change from the side that beat Grays, that of the return of Neil Ross to join Brayley up front in place of Charlie Taylor.

After the two good performances I was understandably confident at kick off. That fell apart within 100 seconds as Redbridge took the lead and gave us the worst possible start. Within 20 minutes of play we'd gone 2-0 down and I was wondering if I'd dreamt up the winning performances in the cup.

The memories of when we were good the other day started to return a few minutes after Redbridge's second when McCarthy had a long-range attempt deflected beyond the stranded keeper, and finally we began to wake up and play some good football again. At half time we remained behind but we had become the better side and were beginning to produce chances in a way that suggested it was a matter of time before we made the most of one, or hopefully at least two.

Redbridge started the second half looking the better side, but it wasn't long before we showed confidence again. It didn't look too promising though when Elliott Ward saw red for his foul on Gary Smith. Fortunately the dangerous free kick was wasted and we could stop for a breath.

With the defence now short staffed we had to keep the ball in midfield as much as possible and hope to create a few chances for the front men. Wingers Goodfellow and Purser did exactly that to set Brayley free for his 4th in 3 games.

The joy was short-lived though, as Redbridge once more went ahead through Wayne Vaughan. Purser thought he'd equalised within two minutes, but was judged to have fouled the keeper somewhere along the way. We spent much of the last stages pegged bag trying to stop Redbridge improving their lead, but they finally managed to do so in the final minute of injury time, which also saw us lose our 2nd central defender of the game and finish with nine on the field. Well, at least we had half an excuse...

Redbridge 4 (Fiddes 2, Berquez 19, Vaughan 75, 90) Hornchurch 2 (McCarthy 23, Brayley 71)

Attendance: 335

Man of the Match: Wayne Vaughan (Redbridge)

Oh good... back to league football...

[Dire Wrangle]

October 20, 2004

European action returns this week, with Tuesday having seen Celtic and Arsenal in action and Wednesday giving us Rangers, Man Utd and Chelsea. Both Arsenal and Celtic won to continue their good progress - Arsenal beating GAK 3-1 and Celtic winning 3-0 over Dinamo Bucharest.

Tonight's results see more disappointment for Rangers, losing 3-1 at Deportivo in their difficult group. Chelsea and Man Utd both win however, thus both maintaining their 100% records in the group stage.

McDonald finds his first pieces of young talent, recommending a few of the Ashton United squad to me after catching their Conference North win at Lancaster.

October 21, 2004

The EURO Cup reaches it's group stages, with various UK teams in action. Hearts start off Group A with a 2-1 defeat at Dortmund. Newcastle also visit Germany, but fare better with a 5-1 murdering of Bochum. Championship side Millwall struggle to a 1-0 loss against Feyenoord, and Liverpool complete the English line up in action with a 0-0 draw in Zaragoza. Finally, Northern Irish underdogs Portadown lose 4-0 to Parma to begin their campaign in a less than desirable fashion.

October 22, 2004

Elliott Ward is the subject of my transfer mind this morning as I'm informed his loan deal is soon to end. An offer is made for a season-long renewal to keep him in his important role in our slowly improving defence.

Adam Birchall is also approached with a loan offer, although we must first wait on Arsenal's decision on whether to allow the transfer listed striker move on a temporary basis.

October 23, 2004

Time for a battle down the bottom...

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Havant & Waterlooville

The double suspension in central defence sees Lee Matthews and Adam Locke filling in, with Mustafa taking Locke's usual role at right back. Otherwise the team remains unaltered.

Havant take the early lead through James Taylor with their first attack of the game, but it's not long before the equaliser comes. Bertie Brayley, whose recent exploits are worryingly good for my side, notches his 5th of the season. And he soon adds his 6th to take his goals/match ratio to 1.5, and to put us into a deserved lead after a good passing move among the midfield.

My boys stroll towards the break by far the better side and it's a rare occasion where I struggle to see a way we could throw it away. By half time it remains 2-1, but could easily have been more.

We almost found a way to ruin things, when Tarkan Mustafa gave away a penalty early in the second half. Fortunately we had Ashley Bayes to stop the spot-kick and keep us ahead. The visitors though were beginning to put together some decent attacking moves and only poor finishing was keeping our lead intact.

Replacing Brayley and Ross with the fresh legs of Taylor and Steve West provided a breath of fresh air to the team which soon became the third goal, scored by Taylor towards the end.

Hornchurch 3 (Brayley 17, 26, Taylor 83) Havant & W 1 (Taylor 8)

Attendance: 720

Man of the Match: Ashley Bayes (Hornchurch)

It was a vital match and I was more than happy to take all three points out of it. Slowly but surely we were becoming a good unit of a team, and although 15th we lay only a decent run of results outside of the playoffs. Now all we need is that decent run... sort of now-ish.

[Dire Wrangle]

October 24, 2004

Northampton sack manager Colin Calderwood following their dreadful start to the season that's left them bottom of the football league. Among the early names linked to the job are Bobby Gould and Nigel Clough.

Arsenal accept the loan move for Birchall, so it's that jolly old wait to see if he'll join.

October 25, 2004

Elliott Ward could well be staying until May after the Hammers accepted the move to tie up his loan deal right through to the end of the season. The 19 year old, whose original deal ends in two days time, has been a vital part of the defence so far this season.

And the slightly less important - but perhaps more realistically winnable - trophy begins with the FA Trophy First Round Draw. I'm pleased enough to see us handed a visit to Egham.

October 26, 2004

Mustafa hurts himself. He'll miss a week. Barring an injury crisis hitting before the Canvey game on Saturday, I don't care.

October 27, 2004

On the day his loan ends and he returns to Upton Park, Ward agrees to head straight back and see out the season at Hornchurch. The centre back claims to have thoroughly enjoyed the experience he's gained here and is happy to return.

October 28, 2004

Two days short of the big FA Cup match further pleasing news comes as Birchall decides the second time round that Hornchurch is a good move. He joins for a 3 month spell.

October 30, 2004

Another all-Essex clash, only this one means business. Winner takes all... Well, a place in the FA Cup proper...

FA Cup Fourth Qualifying Round

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Canvey Island

New loan signing Birchall goes straight into the side, in place of the ever-disappointing Neil Ross. With the two central defenders back from the double-suspension, we have a full strength side available, which is always good when you're the underdog.

Canvey, coming in as 4-5 favourites for the win, seemed a little nervous to be seen as having to live up to those odds, and I was delighted to see much of the early play being aimed towards Danny Potter in the Canvey goal. Our midfielder was on one of their good days, linking up nicely and creating room to get forward and threaten, while Canvey struggled to string together anything resembling a good attack.

Therefore, it was inevitable that Canvey would go ahead. And they did exactly that, heading in from a corner early in the second half.

Almost instantly though Goodfellow hit a hopeful cross, and right back Adam Locke was in the right place to knock in a rare goal. Locke also nearly set up a second for us, finding Brayley in space but the reflexes of Potter kept him from finding the net. Canvey had grown in confidence though and scored again to go ahead. Sedgemore then made the scoreline a bit too flattering in the dying seconds.

Hornchurch 1 (Locke 51) Canvey Island 3 (Sterling 49, Gregory 72, Sedgemore 90)

Attendance: 2763

Man of the Match: Neil Gregory (Canvey Island)

The result looked better for Canvey than it was, but either way we were out of the biggest cup competition in the land. There's always next year, I guess.

[Dire Wrangle]

October 31, 2004

We discover our first international player, kind of. Adam Birchall gets a call to join the Wales Under 21s. I think I can say that's the greatest honour to be given to a Hornchurch player...

Meanwhile, the scout catches Bognor v Carshalton and returns with some typically bad reputations. Hopefully he'll head up a bit more to find some better young talent among the upper parts of English football.

I however look elsewhere and randomly offer £20,000 for Colchester's young keeper Dean Gerken. As a very pointless and random real-life side note, his sister is hot. Anyway, Gerken looks a good goalkeeping prospect and a move to Hornchurch would be nice to see.

November 1, 2004

Finally, an announcement that satisfies me. The monthly appraisal arrives among my junk emails about porn and viagra, and finally Calder's made up his mind and stopped saying he hopes for a good future. He announces his pleasure at progress so far, which is nice.

November 2, 2004

The Champions League returns to our world. Man Utd are the only successful UK side, beating Leverkusen 4-2 at the BayArena. In group C, Ajax beat Chelsea 4-1 and Rangers lose 2-1 at home to Deportivo. Rangers, with a single point, are all but finishing bottom of the group.

Tony Pulis gets the shove up at Stoke, with unemployed Glenn Hoddle the favourite to replace him.

McDonald finally visits a half-big game, taking in Walsall v Cheltenham in the LDV Trophy. Sadly, he only recommends a player already among my shortlist of potential buys for somewhere down the line. Cheers, Greg.

November 3, 2004

Colchester attempt to make too much money than I can afford from me for Gerken, so I offer £20,000 plus Caskey plus a load more when I flog him.

And in part two of this weeks ECL fixtures, Arsenal and Celtic are in action. But before we get to those...

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Basingstoke Town

After the disappointment of exiting the FA Cup (in which, by the way, we'd have had Macclesfield), it was back to league action against mid-table Basingstoke, against whom we hoped to add some points to continue that climb up the table. Jordan Fowler was suspended and Glenn Boosey started in his place, with the possibly outgoing Caskey in his place on the bench.

Birchall was close to bagging his first for Hornchurch within 2 minutes as his ambitious attempt after a poor goal kick was well saved. The promising start continued with 4 attempts coming within the first 10 minutes of play, but Scott Tarr was keeping out anything on target.

Birchall could however open his account later on when Brayley set him free in acres of space to bang in the goal that would hopefully start off a free-scoring spell for the Arsenal man. As half time came and we'd achieved 10 attempts to Basingstoke's total of... 0, it looked like a nice stroll to a win was on the cards.

Brayley, McCarthy and Birchall all came close in the second half before Basingstoke formed their first attack. Predictably, they bloody scored. Not long later they mustered their second, and scored again. I better not write how I felt right now, it'll only be replaced with *s.

Brayley almost made the scoreline look closer to what it should have late on, but somehow we lost.

Hornchurch 1 (Birchall 27) Basingstoke 2 (Whiddett (65, 77)

Attendance: 724

Man of the Match: Marc Goodfellow (Hornchurch)

We'd dominated so much I could barely believe we lost. There was nothing bad about the performance. Bayes hadn't had a terrible day, but maybe the move for Gerken was going to turn out to be more than just pointlessly signing a bloke I'd met IRL for the hell of it.

Meanwhile, in those ECL games, Celtic lost 2-0 in Bucharest to throw a small spanner in their campaign, but they still led the group after 4. Arsenal qualified for the next stage, joined by group rivals Milan, after destroying GAK 4-0.

[Dire Wrangle]

November 4, 2004

Dover offer £12,000 for the never used striker Andy Douglas. See ya, Andy.

Meanwhile three of the UK's reps in the EURO Cup play. Hearts draw 1-1 with Partizan. And in group G Portadown lose 3-1 in Heerenveen while Middlesbrough beat Parma by a single goal to nil.

November 6, 2004

FA Trophy First Round

Runnymede Stadium, Egham

Egham Town v Hornchurch

Even for me this seemed a walkover. The bookies had us 1-6 for the win, so it didn't seem difficult. On the teamsheet, Fowler returned from suspension but Boosey kept his place with Larsson recovering from a minor training injury.

It took under 4 minutes to go ahead, through Birchall who continued his good form since signing on loan. Worryingly though Egham were attacking with more force than the Basingstoke team that beat us - well they had a couple of shots on Bayes' goal at least. Fortunately though they couldn't really trouble the man between the sticks and consistently gave the fans behind the goal something to do.

Still, the 1-0 lead wasn't exactly much to take a great amount of confidence in, especially after Wednesday's antics, and Birchall's sending off just before half time did little to inspire much more comfort in my mind.

We finally found ourselves embarrassingly level shortly after the interval, when Danny Sutton pounced on a rebound to level the scoring. But within two minutes Goodfellow was brought down in the area and we had a penalty chance to go back in front. Adam Locke kept his nerve to take the opportunity.

The penalty seemed to give the guys a much needed kick up the arse, and shortly after Jordan Fowler would increase the lead with a nice strike from the edge of the Egham area, among a number of close attempts around it.

Egham pulled one back towards the end, and had put up a good fight. But Purser added another late in injury time to confirm that our attack was just that bit too much for the lowly side. Maybe we didn't truly deserve the emphatic win, but we'd got it by the means available on the day.

Egham 2 (Sutton 47, Harris 90) Hornchurch 4 (Birchall 4, Locke pen 50, Fowler 57, Purser 90)

Attendance: 185

Man of the Match: Ashley Bayes (Hornchurch)

It was an ugly win, but a win nonetheless. With some luck we'd got through to the draw for the next round. This was already looking like a more exciting cup competition than the FA Cup was...

[Dire Wrangle]

November 7, 2004

A busy day in the news. St Albans' Iain Turkentine complains about being made to wait on a contract extention beyond his current 2006 deal. Noting this, I begin to keep tabs on the impressive young midfielder, who could well be useful when we don't have Arsenal loaners to fill the centre of our midfield.

The managerial merry go round kicks into action, with two sackings this morning. John Rains is booted out at Sutton, and Southport relieve Liam Watson of his position.

Annoyingly, Andy Douglas snubs a move to Dover. He can waste space here for a bit longer, then.

November 8, 2004

Colchester reject the move for Gerken, so we'll wait til we have a little bit more money to try on that one again.

November 9, 2004

FA Trophy draw time off at FA HQ, and it's another pleasantly 'simple' draw. We'll visit Beaconsfield in Round Two. As a result, our league match against Lewes is rearranged. Marvellous.

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Sutton United

Birchall's suspended, so Neil Ross gets an opportunity to do something useful alongside Brayley up front. A boring opening stage of the match is eventually brought alive after about 15 minutes with Ross coming close twice from consecutive corners.

As ever though this simply led to us going behind. Joff Vansittart broke forward and gave Sutton the lead from 20 yards. With all around him losing theirs, Brayley kept his head and moved forward, taking on several defenders before capping a magnifiscent run with a lovely strike from close range. It was enough to see us level at the break, and it was going to bee a close and exciting second half. Probably.

Brayley came close on a couple of occasions and Ross almost managed to take full advantage of a defensive mix up before Sutton could wake up and manage an attack. But where we normally go behind during a spell of dominance we actually took the lead today. Goodfellow scored from the edge of the box to put as ahead and soon after Brayley made it three.

Sutton did their best to get back into the game as the minutes ticked away but we were always looking more likely to extend the lead than watch it reduced. Bayes was having a stormer to keep out the chances Sutton did create, but the game was truly controlled by our superior midfield. It's just worrying that 3 of them are on loan...

Hornchurch 3 (Brayley 38, 65, Goodfellow 63) Sutton Utd 1 (Vansittart 20)

Attendance: 721

Man of the Match: Ashley Bayes (Hornchurch)

Finally a much deserved and desired emphatic win. We'd seemingly learned how to make the pressure count and turn it into goals. Another 30 games like that, and I'll be chuffed.

[Dire Wrangle]

November 10, 2004

Neil Ross does his hamstring in training and will subsequently miss 2 months of football. David Poole will be returning to Man Utd after his loan spell at Darlington in a few days, so an option's nicely set up to take advantage of.

November 13, 2004

Nothing happens whatsoever for a few days, and we don't even play on Saturday with the FA Cup First Round stealing the weekend.

Meanwhile Wrexham go on the hunt for a new boss after Denis Smith leaves to join Stoke.

November 14, 2004

York sack Chris Brass, prompting the media to link the names of Steve Castle and John Dreyer, among others, to the newly vacated Bootham Crescent hotseat.

Darren Caskey does another bunk from training. This time he happily accepts the £1,500 fine.

November 16, 2004

The scout watches Scotland U19 player Bryan Craig. Never promising when you're recommended someone who's just lost 4-0, but I suppose he's an international. Kinda.

November 17, 2004

The loan offer is made for David Poole. I'm unsure of what to expect from the 20 year old, after his loan spell at Darlington wasn't the greatest. Only given 5 substitute appearances, he played usefully enough and scored once, but is obviously yet to experience a full 90 minutes. Still, we're playing in a league further down the skill pyramid from the reserves league he's used to at Man Utd.

Conference South

Nyewood Lane, Bognor Regis

Bognor Regis Town v Hornchurch

With Ross injured, Birchall off with Wales and half the backups unfit or hopeless, Kirk Jackson was given a rare start with Brayley in the only alteration to the line up. This match promised to be a closely fought one, with both sides floating around the same lower-mid-table sort of area.

Bognor had the first chance from a free kick, but Bayes was thinking quickly and straight after grabbing the shot from the air he allowed Jackson through to almost score and give me another selection worry. He didn't though, but Bognor did 5 minutes later. Dan Beck found himself there for Saunders' cross and knocked the home team in front.

Bertie Brayley though, as against Sutton, took the defence on alone and scored another wonderful individual goal, before almost putting us ahead after Craig Stoner's poor goalkeeping clearance.

As the second half began, it wasn't the most pleasant of matches to sit and watch. Both sides were scrapping their way through and no one seemed to want to play the flowing football we enjoy seeing more.

The ugly play refused to produce much in the way of chances, and the match ended as it was, 1-1.

Bognor Regis 1 (Beck 12) Hornchurch 1 (Brayley 30)

Attendance: 730

Man of the Match: Wayne Purser (Hornchurch)

An ugly one but a point gained rather than two lost. We remained in 14th place, still 8 points from the playoffs. But there's a long old way to go yet...

[Dire Wrangle]

November 19, 2004

Dull old week, but it ends with bright news in that the approach for Poole is accepted. Now let's all sit and wait for him to make up his mind...

November 20, 2004

Conference South

Priory Lane, Eastbourne

Eastbourne Borough v Hornchurch

Birchall returns, ousting Jackson, for the clash with the table-footing side. A win here will go down ever so nicely, funnily enough.

The early signs were that of an unchallenging win, with Goodfellow, Fowler and Brayley all threatening to open the scoring within 10 minutes of the start. Boro began to wake up and came close themselves as the first half flowed, but we were playing our better style of football and were always looking more likely to score first. In fact it was becoming difficult to see why we hadn't.

Birchall eventually celebrated his return with the inevitable goal by pouncing on a rebound from Ward's header, and scoring from all of a yard or so. It separated the teams on this cold, wet evening at the break, but one wasn't enough to settle things.

The very same man came along to begin taking the game away from Eastbourne, scoring with a bit more style than his first early in the second half of the match. Boro managed their closest opportunity of the match soon after, embarrassingly when keeper Lee Hook came up to bang a free kick towards Bayes.

Bertie Brayley, playing superbly whilst hiding from the scoresheet, then made his appearance and added his tenth of the season, in as many games, just after the hour mark, and the match was as good as beyond the home side. Birchall added the gloss to his game with his hat-trick nearer the end, almost nabbing a 4th moments later.

Boro took a late consolation, but it was indeed too little, too late.

Eastbourne Boro 1 (Simmonds 90) Hornchurch 4 (Birchall 36, 48, 77, Brayley 61)

Attendance: 831

Man of the Match: Adam Birchall (Hornchurch)

Things were finally looking up. Slowly but surely we were dragging ourselves up to the business end of the table, and it was at the point of needing a few more like that to start really threatening. With Birchall and Brayley firing on all cylinders, and the midfield running almost every game, it was surely time I began to take this division on properly...

[Guest AJR]

Excellent story, very easy to read. I have been managing St Albans and I can honestly say they were the worst bunch of players I have ever come across in my life, there was no money for wages of transfers. Looks as though you have a better budget than I had!

[Dire Wrangle]

Cheers AJR. Can't say there's been much of a budget, but I've spent every penny they'll let me - and a few more on top. Oops.

Anyway, after a couple of days out to go back to the real world and do some work and stuff, it's back to Hornchurch...

November 21, 2004

Struggling Conference North boys Harrogate Town sack manager John Reed. Former York man Chris Brass is the rumoured top pick for a replacement.

Meanwhile Shane Blackett makes the short trip from Dagenham & Redbridge to... Redbridge for a 3 month loan spell.

November 22, 2004

David Poole rejects the offer of a loan move to us, so never mind. Birchall & Brayley'll do the job for now, I'm sure.

November 23, 2004

Celtic secure their place in the next phase of the Champions Cup, as Hartson's strike hands them a 1-0 win over Werder Bremen. Arsenal and Milan, both already through, play out a 1-1 draw at Highbury, handing first place in Group H to the Gunners.

November 24, 2004

Porto and Man Utd draw 2-2 in the ECC, not altering much with both teams having all but qualified anyway. Group C remains in the balance with all four sides able to qualify, possibly. Chelsea are as good as through, after their goalless draw at Deportivo. Rangers just about kept alive with a win over Ajax, but need a good performance and luck elsewhere to qualify from the final matchday.

Elsewhere, Macclesfield murder Canvey in the FA Cup game we could've played in. Ha.

November 25, 2004

In the EURO Cup, it's the usual jolly mix of British clubs. Hearts lose 4-1 at Olomouc, dropping to bottom in their group. Newcastle secure a good 3-1 win over Swiss visitors Basel, while Millwall bring a 2-2 draw home from Steaua. Liverpool defeat Nacional da Madeira 2-0 at Anfield, and in Group G Middlesbrough beat Heerenveen 2-1. In the same group, Portadown lose 3-1 to VfB Stuttgart.

November 26, 2004

Bobby Gould gets the nod for the job at Wrexham. Woot. And Port Vale chase Neil Mellor on loan. Smashing.

November 27, 2004

FA Trophy Second Round

Beaconsfield SYCOB v Hornchurch

On paper this match was over before it started. With a full strength team ready to go out for the 90 minutes we were given odds of 8-1 on.

Worryingly the home side started well and produced a handful of decent attacks before we managed to trouble their end. Just as we thought we'd made it through the storm we were behind.

Fortunately the embarrassment didn't last too long and by half time we were heading for the easy win we expected. Following on from his hat-trick at Eastbourne, Adam Birchall hit four before the break. Can't complain about that up front, I guess.

Our hosts continued to battle against the odds but the confidence was drained and the struggle was over. Shortly in the second half it was five when Brayley headed in from close range. Another came from Brayley a few minutes later, and the oppositition was rapidly being given something of a lesson. He soon joined Birchall with a hat-trick, before Birchall himself managed his 5th, doubling his goals tally for the loan spell during this match.

Another came within ten minutes, this time from Brayley. Without any high-tech scoreboards here, I was losing count of the scoreline. But still there was just time for one more in injury time, and finally one that didn't come from a striker. Goodfellow knocked in Ward's corner to complete an absolute destruction of our inferior opposition.

Beaconsfield 1 (Cooper 12) Hornchurch 10 (Birchall 24, 26, 37, 45, 64, Brayley 48, 55, 62, 73, Goodfellow 90)

Attendance: 160

Man of the Match: Marc Goodfellow (Hornchurch)

And to think, we originally went behind there...

[Dire Wrangle]

November 28, 2004

Three more sackings keep the managers merry-go-round in motion. Steve McClaren leaves Middlesbrough, leaving the likes of Hoddle, Hitzfeld and Adams linked with the Riverside job. Less excitingly, Steve Castle is thrown out at St Albans. Finally Paul Merson's Walsall days end. Mark Hateley is named favourite for the job at the Midlands side.

November 29, 2004

Burnley and Stockport both make offers to loan Neil Mellor. For once I'll ignore the temptation and not make an offer myself.

And also Stafford Rangers employ Chris Brass as manager. Marvellous...

November 30, 2004

The FA Trophy Third Round draw, which sees the introduction of the Conference teams. After Saturday, I'm hoping to be drawn one of the handful of remaining useless Beaconsfield-type-sides.

Annoyingly, we wouldn't get one of those, and we'll visit Morecambe instead. Should be a close enough match, with us finding form of late and the Conference National side failing to find much rhythm themselves. Although I might note that the match is 6 or 7 weeks away yet.

I'm told Steve West's contract will expire in 6 months if I don't do anything about it. I proceed to do nothing about it.

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Thurrock

No change from the team that killed that little bunch at the weekend, so it's no selection dilemmas for me to care about.

Thurrock weren't quite Beaconsfield, but it looked like we were continuing the quickfire goalscoring on from that huge win when Goodfellow volleyed us in front after just 3 minutes.

Unfortunately we couldn't stretch the lead to a stupid amount - maybe those ideas were just my overactive imagination - but we did manage to add one more before half time, and yet another from the boot of Adam Birchall.

Tresor Kandol threatened a Thurrock reply when he pulled one back 20 minutes from time, but after Goodfellow extended the lead further it seemed to mean no more than some consolation for the travellers - albeit not from very far.

The final moments would see Terry Bowker see red for Thurrock to add insult to injury, and they'd finish well beaten and a man down.

Hornchurch 3 (Goodfellow 3, 72, Birchall 45) Thurrock 1 (Kandol 70)

Attendance: 338

Man of the Match: Marc Goodfellow (Hornchurch)

The form was continuing but we remained stuck in 15th place. However we were now a mere 6 points off of 5th. Things were beginning to look more of a reality than a dream. December would be a crucial month, and Christmas would be the last thing on my mind...

[Dire Wrangle]

December 1, 2004

That monthly email arrives from my superiors, announcing they're pleased with my overall performances. Based on my recent results at least, they damn sure should be.

York meanwhile replace sacked Chris Brass with recently sacked St Albans City boss Steve Castle, while George Burley leaves Derby to join Middlesbrough ahead of tomorrow's EURO Cup match. And Oldham complete the day's managerial movements by bringing Trevor Francis into the job at Boundary Park.

Danny Shipp's contract is also to expire in half a year, I'm told. Fair play.

Newcastle, Hearts and Millwall all play in the EURO Cup. Hearts end their Group stage with their first win, beating Besiktas 1-0, but need to wait until the next matchday to find out if they'll play any further part in Europe this season. Newcastle visit Gent and win 3-1 to secure their place with a game to spare, and finally Millwall set themselves up with a chance by beating AaB 3-1 to move into 3rd in their group. A draw at Rosenborg in 2 weeks will see them through.

December 2, 2004

Liverpool edge past Hajduk 1-0 to go through as qualification matters are all wrapped up with a matchday to spare. Burley meanwhile opens his Boro career with a 2-1 win at Stuttgart to take them through as a similar case hits Group G. Those Portadown boys finally drop out. Shame.

Left winger Mark Graham requests a transfer from The Stadium. He last played in a half-hour sub appearance against Romford. I think I can safely say he's somewhat useless to me.

December 3, 2004

The FA Cup Second Round weekend begins with Bradford destroying Bristol City 5-1 in the all-League One clash. Two Conference South, one Conference North and seven Conference National sides make up the non-league representatives bidding for a place among the big boys tomorrow.

Caskey meanwhile goes to the press complaining about life at the club. He claims it'll only clear up if one of us leaves. On yer bike, Dazza.

December 4, 2004

No match for us today, but the FA Cup sees 4 of the 7 Conference sides secure a place in the third round. Woking, Dag & Red, Crawley and Barnet will be in the hat for a potential trip to Highbury or Old Trafford.

And Rick Hayward has enough at Wolves and kicks out Dave Jones. Glenn Hoddle is immediately banded around as the favourite to take his place.

December 5, 2004

Tarkan Mustafa requests a move. Laters Tark. And as the merry-go-round continues revolving, Mark Hateley jumps off to take over at Walsall.

Neil Mellor, who once 'nearly' joined me, goes to Burnley on loan.

December 7, 2004

Not much else happens in between, so it's straight to the final matchday of the Champions Cup group stages. Man Utd had already gone through but wrapped up unbeaten with a 3-1 win over Olympiakos. Chelsea also qualified, at the expense of Rangers who lost 3-0 on their visit to London, and finished bottom.

December 8, 2004

Conference South

The Stadium, Upminster

Hornchurch v Lewes

A cold Wednesday night welcomed me to the dugout for this one. Goodfellow served suspension, so was replaced by Lee Elam for the match against struggling Lewes. Fortunately Elam could do little wrong down the left side. He got forward well throughout the first half and looked like providing ammo for Birchall and Brayley if they find their scoring boots in time.

As at half time they hadn't come across them yet, although mainly down to excellent performances in the Lewes defence - Bankole and Duku in particular.

Lee was injured moments after almost putting us ahead, and replaced by Steven Clark - another who's not played since pre-season.

The match continued at it's slow pace and Bankole stood firm in the Lewes goal. Towards the end Lewes would break and go ahead through sub Barrington Belgrave. Belgrave would cause further trouble in the dying seconds when his run left McCarthy with no options beyond a crap challenge, which secured his second yellow card of the evening. Marvellous.

Hornchurch 0 Lewes 1 (Belgrave 82)

Attendance: 716

Man of the Match: Ademola Bankole (Lewes)

I thought these days were behind us. Or is just that Goodfellow is that important a part of the team? Either way, we cocked this up, but at least we didn't move from our almost rock solid 15th place, and remained within touching distance of those important parts of the table.

[Guest J-son Why]

Can you manage Maidenhead on FM2005? omg, I didn't think, we were that good.

Imagine, if it's possible, I could manage my home town, the place where I've eaked out my 18-year existance

[Dire Wrangle]

Aye, you can jump in at Maidenhead. I didn't even realise my lovely home of Essex had so many football teams until I loaded this up

[Guest Matt G]

What about Kingstonian?

[Guest]

Hmm, being a Canvey Island boy myself and seeing that opening post, I'm wondering how much of it is fantasy and how much reality!

Chances are, I'll know who you are if you've trained with Southend and played for the Gulls!

[WLKRAS]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Matt G:

What about Kingstonian? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

They're not playable, but you can edit 'em in

[Andrew K]

A very enjoyable read and nice surrogate while I wait for my copy of the game.

[Dire Wrangle]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Andybsg1:

Hmm, being a Canvey Island boy myself and seeing that opening post, I'm wondering how much of it is fantasy and how much reality!

Chances are, I'll know who you are if you've trained with Southend and played for the Gulls! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nah, i'm afraid the football side of the build up is a load of junk I dreamed up and wrote down one boring evening. Although I do work in a pub and I do have a dodgy knee. Hmm. Anyway apologies for the lack of updating of late but been working too darn much. There'll be more tonight or sometime tomorrow.

[Dire Wrangle]

Guess who's back, back again...

December 10, 2004

Our good friend Daz Caskey bunks training once more, and it costs him another £1500. What a man. Meanwhile Derby appoint Bradford's Colin Todd as their new manager, leaving Bradford on the hunt for a new gaffer.

In the Inter Continental Cup, Colombian side Once Caldas defeat Porto 3-2 to take the crown as apparently the best club in the world.

December 11, 2004

Conference South

Wessex Stadium, Weymouth

Weymouth v Hornchurch

Goodfellow returns to the first eleven for the mid-table clash at Weymouth, with Lee Elam giving way out on the left for him. McCarthy is out suspended, and replaced by Lee Matthews alongside Elliott Ward in defence.

The match certainly began brightly, with Brayley coming close within 30 seconds, but then died almost as quickly. Weymouth took the lead in the 3rd minute of play and doubled the lead within five more. It was almost three or four before we reached double digits on the clock, but fortunately Bayes was the winner in both cases and kept the score at 2-0 for the time being.

The match was becoming something of a waste of time to watch though and indeed became 3-0 about mid-way through the first half thanks to Steve Claridge.

Finally we began to slowly wake up as the match moved along, but losing Birchall to a red card would do no favours at all. Purser was also removed with a minor injury, and I saw no option but to get the lads pushing forward. A lot.

By half time we'd finally opened our scoring, although not before Weymouth could hit yet another, and by half time they'd managed five. Having recently won 10-1, I was beginning to worry I'd end up on the receiving end of such a scoreline. Now I knew how the Beaconsfield boss must've felt like.

Weymouth continued the second half where they had left off, adding another before Brayley grabbed his 15th of the season to add a slither more dignity to our poor performance. That would once more be wiped away as yet another Weymouth goal concluded a quiet spell of the match. The final quarter was a quiet wind-down to the match, and we'd lost pathetically.

Weymouth 7 (Philpott 3, Buckle 7, Claridge 23, 40, 48, 73, Eribenne 43) Hornchurch 2 (Fowler 41, Brayley 55)

Attendance: 1428

Man of the Match: Steve Claridge (Weymouth[

What a humiliating defeat. I couldn't look the players in the eye after the final whistle. When I finally got home I could barely look at Sam. I thought this job was getting easier and a happier experience. This afternoon's events had shot that down in flames.

[Dire Wrangle]

December 12, 2004

AFC Wimbledon, the team we started my career against, come in with a £5000 offer for Mark Graham. The offer for the ever-out-of-favour left winger is happily accepted.

Bristol City and Carshalton both kick out the man at the top, with Brian Tinnion sacked at Ashton Gate and Billy Smith leaving Carshalton.

December 13, 2004

John Gregory bounces back to employment with Championship promotion hopefuls Wolves employing him as the man they hope can lift them from their slightly disappointing current 8th place.

Mark Graham quickly accepts the move to Wimbledon, and off he goes.

December 15, 2004

Andy Douglas does his ankle some damage and will miss a few weeks. I'd like to find someone who's bothered...

Sutton Utd fill their managerial vacancy following John Rains' sacking, bringing in former Southport man Liam Watson.

Elsewhere the EURO Cup enters it's final week of group phase matches. Newcastle win against AEK 3-1, but Millwall lose in Rosenborg. From Groups A-D Newcastle are the only qualifying Brit side, with Millwall and Hearts both bowing out.

December 16, 2004

European football closes for the winter with the last of the EURO Cup Group Games. Liverpool win 2-0 over Servette FC of Switzerland, while Middlesbrough take a 3-1 win against Portadown. Both of the English teams reach the knockout stages, while Portadown crash out without gaining a point. Suprise only comes in Group H with HSV, Kobenhavn and AZ beating Lazio and Dinamo Kiev to the qualifying places.

December 17, 2004

Kirk Jackson requests a transfer. With any luck he'll soon be sold to the highest bidder. And better news in midfielder Adrian Harris returning to basic training following his long term injury. The 23-year-old Welshman is expected to return full time early in the new year.

December 18, 2004

Conference South

Park View Road, Welling

Welling United v Hornchurch

Not the ideal match to try and bounce back from last week's humiliation. We visited the table toppers missing Birchall and McCarthy to suspensions. Taylor replaced Birchall up front, with Matthews remaining in defence. Seb Larsson was unfit and replaced by a rare start for want-away Darren Caskey.

Fortunately we weren't being ripped apart from the off, and in fact it was somewhat the opposite. Taylor and Fowler both came close in the opening stages and we looked like moving ahead. Cue someone to rain on that parade, I thought.

Step forward, Mr Caskey. The returning 'legend' went and got booked twice within the opening half hour and soon found himself taking the short walk back to the dressing rooms. Fortunately it didn't kill us, and Charlie Taylor made better use of his rare appearance in the side, putting us ahead a few minutes later. When Goodfellow rattled the frame of Welling's goal shortly before the break, this one was looking quite promising.

The second half was thrilling, with plenty of end to end action before Welling finally scored the goal that was almost inevitable one way or the other. Paul Booth the scorer of the equalising strike. The match continued in the same fashion, with both sides coming close as the seconds ticked away, but that winner would never come. Still 1-1 at the leaders aint quite losing 7-2...

Welling 1 (Booth 79) Hornchurch 1 (Taylor 31)

Attendance: 1648

Man of the Match: Bertie Brayley (Hornchurch)

We played well and picked up an important point to cling onto our 15th place for the 6th consecutive match. 2nd placed Dorchester visit on Tuesday, and we'll be looking to go into Christmas in a celebratory mood...