[FM16] 2030; Chasing the Big Time

[Ropo]

Excuse me for this rather egocentric spin-off from The Sack Race, but I have decided that it is time to tell my story in more depth than anything I have provided so far. I have no doubt that there will come a time when I will revert back to posting season summaries in my original thread - how far this will go before that point I have no idea. I can however assure you that I won't be posting screenshots of tactics, players, fixtures, matches; anything, and so if you are adverse to huge chunks of text with no pictures to take the edge off things this may not be for you. On the otherhand, if you are a fan of long, rambling verses about the bizzarity of AFC Telford choosing Shinji Kagawa as the man to get them out of a fifth tier relegation spat, then this may just be up your street.

Before we get into things it is only fair that I get you up to speed with the world as I know it. The year is 2030 and Everton just became the first new side to win the Premier League title since Manchester City in 2012, whilst their Merseyside rivals Liverpool are languishing in the Championship after being relegated by Giovanni Van Bronkhorst (I'm not suggesting he did it on purpose). The lowest rank of any former Premier League winner is Blackburn Rovers who are milling about in League One with their mates Birmingham City. Bolton Wanderers are certifiably non-league after multiple relegations resulting in the sale of the Macron Stadium (The Reebok to those who are more inclined to Jay Jay Okocha than Zac Clough); a stint in the National League North ended by a play-off win but less than a month ago. Rafael Van Der Vaart is the England manager, at least momentarily after leading our great nation to an early exit in this year's World Cup - against Germany, via a penalty shoot out. We remain a terrible Baddiel & Skinner parody, even now.

And that brings us on to me; National League South winner with Slough Town (2027/28), relegated back to the National League South one year later. I can safely say I've mastered management in Hong Kong, having won three league crowns with the imaginatively named Eastern Athletic Association, but that's about it. Average in Brazil, sacked thrice in Scandinavia and survivor of a solitary season in Scotland. I like to see myself as swinging somewhere between journeyman manager and troubled genius, but in any case I'm yet to take control of a team which isn't hemorrhaging money, ignoring those who have sacked me within a few months of my appointment. That said, firm financial footing will take away my final excuse. All this leads to the big question, do I actually know what I'm doing with this game? The answer is of course probably not but there's only way to find out for certain.

The next stop on this journey is Italy. In the province of Lecce sits the town of Nardò, population 31,000, and home of El Toro - The Bull. In the sixties and seventies the football club spent a few seasons in Serie C, before dropping back down a level and remaining there until promotion last season. They play at Giovanni Paolo II; a stadium named after a Pope. At least I can make jokes about needing miracles when we're about to get relegated. To help you visualise what is going on here they play in claret shirts although their poorly translated Wikipedia page makes a point of their official colour being amaranth. I didn't believe amaranth was a colour until I did a Google Image search, but it turns out it is. So in summary Nardò play in purple, I am their manager and I need to keep them in Serie C/C or God will smite me down. Or my friendly Italian chairman Mr Tortora will smite me down, whoever gets there first.

[Darius1998]

I might just sue Giovanni Van Brokhorst for doing that.

[Ropo]

Poor Gio. Luckily he was soon turfed out and replaced before he could do any further damage, to Liverpool or his own reputation.

Pre-season is a monstrous task here in sleepy little Nardò, as I attempt to ramsack some of the better players from the lower leagues, of which there are few. I unwittingly agreed to bringing in youngsters during my interview with Mr Tortora which is now proving troublesome, as the majority of players who look like they could contribute towards avoiding a premature end to this story are in their thirties. There is also a league requirement that I register at least five under-21s in my squad which I am most dismayed at.

But ignoring transfers for a minute, of which there willl be many (an approach that I dislike and will explain my discomfort with in due course), my first task is to decide on a way to play. This normally would be set by the squad I inherit, but in this case the squad I have inherited is not just bare bones but an absolute carcass, and so it makes sense to assert myself to a tactic before I start submitting transfer bids and contract offers. Fully considerate of the Italian style and mindful of how likely it is that I put will together any kind of attacking force (not very likely at all) I automatically lean towards playing on the counter; a playmaker providing passes from deep for quick wide players to latch on to.

It seems sensible to see how the other sides are doing things, and first stop on this tactical whistlestop tour are local big boys Lecce, of Serie B. They are set up with a narrow 4-3-3, combining passers with their star midfielder Michele Guadagno who has the lungs of a horse but, thankfully, the technical ability of a human. I'm not sure if this an atypical calcio approach as three up top looks a bit risky but I do like their yellow/red striped shirts and this will count in their favour. Heading north, their local rivals Bari are set up in a style more aligned to how I initially think we might play, although they deploy an anchorman behind their two central midfielders where as I would be tempted to make one of those two CMs do the dog's work - allowing a third midfielder to play further up the pitch instead. Swings and roundabouts.

The undisputed heavyweight champions of Italian football are Frank De Boer's Juventus who won their 19th consecutive Scudetto last season. Frank has reverted a 4-4-f*cking-2 and is doing the business with it - Inter and AC are both duplicating his winning formula but they've not been able to topple the Old Lady so far. This leaves me torn between a 4-2-3-1 (either my way or Bari's way) and a more conservative yet fashionable 4-4-2, so I set up both and hope I can settle on one by the end of pre-season.

Before we play Melfi in our first friendly match, I need to hunt out some new players. And by some I mean a lot. I don't really like buying players because there are a lot of things that can and will go wrong; short-sighted promises of game time and financial reward are my biggest pitfalls. I also harbour a resentment for those who achieve by bringing in every good player they can find rather than building a squad, because previous iterations of the game never seems to punish them for it, whereas I've built a squad and lost the dressing room because back-up players aren't getting game time. I guess that's football to some extent.

I've already touched on my false promise to the board to bring in young players - I would if I could but I'm not getting relegated with a team of sub-standard kids - and so once the process of identifying potential targets is over with I can start trying to secure some new ballaz. They're nearly all signed to Serie D clubs either on non-contract terms or short term deals, and so they're a.) untested at this level and b.) cheap. I do manage to find a couple of youngsters; in all honesty they aren't quite up to scratch but they'll do as squad players. The media rave about about my £1,000 signing of 35 year old Alberto Rosa Gastaldo who I have apparently underpaid for; I'd argue I paid fair price given that he is retiring at the end of the season ahead but still, I admit he does look handy. A few days later I finally snap and pay £6,000 for a 20 year old midfielder because he is half decent, and not an old fogey. Various others join as I trundle on, and I manage to track down someone who is willing to be my assistant manager on the cheap.

By the time the first friendly comes around my team doesn't look in too bad shape, bolstered by seven new additions, and with more on the way. Melfi, a Serie D side but considered to be of 'larger reputation' line up with with wingers and a lone striker, but aren't able to amount any threat throughout the entire match. My little Nardò start slowly, but after twenty minutes striker Di Capua hits the post in what turns out to be our best chance of the game. No response from the visitors, a couple of feeble second half efforts from our wingers, and the game fizzles out into a goalless draw.