ManUtd1 Posted December 26, 2016 Author Share Posted December 26, 2016 Quickly followed by the new classic, "H is for Hakan," in the style of "C is For Cookie" H is for Hakan, that's good enough for me! H is for Hakan, that's good enough for me! H is for Hakan, that's good enough for me! Oh, Hakan Hakan Hakan, Hakan Telleus wins the League! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 26, 2016 Author Share Posted December 26, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 26, 2016 Author Share Posted December 26, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 (edited) One of the most clinical displays I've ever put on. We really ran away with things at the end -- up until we hit our 4th, it was bang even. We'd simply buried our chances -- 5 shots on goal, 4 goals. We've been playing relatively well in the Serie A, but have been struggling for consistency. Our other European matches have been solid, though -- hard-fought wins over Benfica and away to Ajax. This? This was special. Edited December 27, 2016 by ManUtd1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Well, I guess that's payback... Turnabout being fair play and all. At least we went down swinging. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer Fuchs Ake Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 8 hours ago, ManUtd1 said: One of the most clinical displays I've ever put on. We really ran away with things at the end -- up until we hit our 4th, it was bang even. We'd simply buried our chances -- 5 shots on goal, 4 goals. Wow... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 10 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said: Wow... That was pretty much my response in the moment! Utter madness. We were brought back down to Earth pretty promptly, but man. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 (edited) Pompelmous Oranje Nations League Update - November 2024 A crazy dead-rubber finish to my first run of matches with the Dutch national side sees us win our Nations League Group handily. All told, it has been a very successful international debut. My current squad (slight rotation for the Iran friendly) and calendar year results are below. The Dutch are built for Grapefruit 2.0. I'm loving every minute of it. The real work starts in Serbia, in 131 days. But, who's counting, eh? Edited December 28, 2016 by ManUtd1 Formatting Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 It may not have been pretty, but a draw away to Benfica has us into the knockout rounds. We'll win the Group f we can snatch a point at the Artemio Franchi against Ajax, thanks to Barcelona's poor run of form! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 Netherlands / ACF Fiorentina December 2024 Mid-Season Update A tremendous start to the dual-managerial roles with the Netherlands and Fiorentina. As noted above, my international debut included 5 wins from 6 (with a Friendly draw against the Swiss), and a straightforward Nations League campaign. World Cup Qualifiers begin in March, which is where we'll truly have to perform. I'm intending to play with the side I'll take to the World Cup, so the likes of 34 year-old Kevin Strootman won't be involved. We finished the year ranked 12th in the world, which bodes well as we look towards the 2026 World Cup (which, oddly enough, will be held in Canada for the second-consecutive tournament). Back in Florence, this have been going great. No early-season swoon this year. However, there hasn't been the same league-wide insanity as we had last year. It's tight at the top. Each week seems to bring a change in who's leading the pack. A hard-fought 0-0 draw away to Roma leaves us in 4th as we head into the short holiday break. In Europe, we managed to win our Champions League Group thanks to a solid 2-0 win over Ajax in our final match, and Barcelona's inconsistency. That meant we were seeded for the knockout rounds, and could face a slew of intriguing opponents, from Zenit, to PSG, to Arsenal, to Dortmund...to Bobby Manc's Malmo FF. Yes, you guessed it. We drew Malmo. Hakan is coming home, lads. Get the Super Troupers ready. I'm coming for you, Bobby Manc. Can you hear the footsteps? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 Elsewhere in Europe... United sit atop the Premier League, Monaco are far off the pace in France (while PSG is 11 points clear), Real Madrid is 10 points clear of Barcelona and Bayern are demanding that the Bundesliga respect their authoritah in Germany. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoxToBox Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Oh my, the homecoming of all homecomings! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer Fuchs Ake Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 It just had to happen! Can't wait to see the home coming. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hasdgfas Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 It had to be! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chantu9Y Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Lol wow this is gonna be epic! Looking forward to reading about it! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 7 hours ago, BoxToBox said: Oh my, the homecoming of all homecomings! 7 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said: It just had to happen! Can't wait to see the home coming. 1 hour ago, hasdgfas said: It had to be! 23 minutes ago, Chantu9Y said: Lol wow this is gonna be epic! Looking forward to reading about it! Thanks for reading, guys! I've genuinely never been happier with a draw! It couldn't be more perfect, on every possible level. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Besevic! Our Serbian wonderkid! This side is strong. We also have some solid depth. This won't be our year. But next year, I fully expect a really good run in Europe and a shot at the Serie A title. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 (edited) The post-holiday period has been kind. We sit 2nd, but sweet RNGeebus if it isn't tight at the top of the Serie A. Tomorrow, we're off to Sweden. Edited December 29, 2016 by ManUtd1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 (edited) Transcript; FullTimeMalmo YouTube Broadcast; Monday, February 17, 2025. FADE IN: The pulsing rhythm Swedish neo indie-synthpop blares in the background, with scenic, aerial shots of the Swedbank Stadion lit up, exterior ablaze with light blue. Hampus Lindgren stands on a street corner, surrounded by an ocean of blue-clad Malmo supporters singing, dancing and carrying-on. The instantly-recognizable LUDWIG HAMMAR stands next to him, holding a drink in each hand, joyously singing along with the surrounding masses. The Champions League anthem echoes in the distance. HAMPUS (breathless, shouting to be heard over the din): Good evening to you, and a good evening it is! The night before another Di Blåe match in the knockout rounds of Europe, made all the more special by the triumphant return of Malmo’s own Special One, Hakan Telleus! The mention of Telleus’ name whips the crowd into a joyous frenzy. The dancing continues. HAMPUS (turning to Ludwig): Big Daddy! What do you have to say, brother? LUDWIG (chanting maniacally): H IS FOR HAKAN, THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!! The crowds joins in enthusiastically as Ludwig begins to jump about, singing at the top of his lungs. Hampus laughs, joins in the frenetic, joyous mayhem, and eventually attempts to regain control. HAMPUS: Yes, yes...HE’S COMING HOME!!! The gleefully intoxicated crowd roars with delight. The camera pulls back to reveal a large number of purple-clad Fiorentina supporters, mixed in with the light-blue revelers. The crowd begins to gleefully sing “You are my Telleus, my Hakan Telleus, you make me happy when skies are grey” together. LUDWIG (maniacally): BWAHAHAHAHA! TELLEUS IS THE SPECIAL ONE! DROP THE HAMMAR!!! HAMPUS (enthusiastically): No question about it, no question. Consider it dropped, Ludwig. But, what do you make of Telleus' abrupt departure from Sweden? Isn’t there a hint of bitterness inside you? LUDWIG (giving Hampus a patient look): Even bearded hipster-bloggers like you know that is just media nonsense. Smear merchants trying to stir the pot. He needed to move on. He had accomplished everything possible with Malmo, and then some. No, not a hint of bitterness here. I’ll welcome him back with open arms, a cold beverage, a hand-picked book of poetry, and THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN ALL THE WORLD!!! Once again, the crowd roars with approval. The revelry becomes visibly more amorous. HAMPUS: Well, there’s no disputing that! But, what message does this warm welcome send to Malmo manager, Roberto Mancini? Don’t we owe him our support, in what has to be the biggest European match at the Swedbank since the Monaco semifinal in 2022? LUDWIG (chuckling, before turning deadly serious): No, no...the sooner that fraud leaves our beloved club, the better. Telleus “got it.” He understood us. Our club. Our people. He took us to the glorious heights – the Miracle of ’22 – and left us a legacy to build upon, the Masia of the North! A massive stadium, a world-renowned reputation for having the most-talented young side in all of Europe. That scarf-wearing, mouth-breathing turnip eater? He sold off the lot for scraps, and brought in a bunch of overpaid, overly-coddled selfish ****s. Hashtag Mancini Out, brother. That money-spunking jackass is just basking in Telleus’ reflected glory, like the City reject he always will be. HAMPUS: Hah! Shots fired! Shots fired! Seriously, though, what truth is there to the rumor that a plane will fly a “hashtag Mancini Out” banner over the Swedbank tomorrow night? LUDWIG (earnestly): Hampus, Hampus, son. On advice of counsel, I have no comment. BUT THE SOONER THAT *********** LEAVES, THE BETTER!!! The crowd roars its approval. LUDWIG (continuing): And, I PERSONALLY chartered the boat for the booze cruise from Malmo to Italy for the 2nd leg. That’s right, the Troupers are going to Italy, by boat, leaving Wednesday morning after the match! La Viola are welcome! AND WE CAN’T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT HAMPUS, OUR CAPTAIN F’IN AHAB!!! The crowd goes wild as Ludwig gyrates seductively to the melody of “H is for Hakan” echoing through the streets. A beautiful, purple-clad woman emerges from the crowd to kiss Ludwig passionately, and the crowd erupts in cheers. ABBA begins to blare loudly. Dancing ensues, as supporters of both clubs freely mix. The wine flows like water. A tall man wearing a startlingly authentic Barney the Dinosaur costume (presumably a Fiorentina supporter) emerges from the crowd to dance passionately next to Hampus, his stubby dinosaur arms waving awkwardly. HAMPUS (oblivious to Barney’s presence; staring blankly, momentarily stunned by a moment of déjà vu, before composing himself): Well…wait…the…eh… You’ve heard it here first, folks. Malmo host Fiorentina tomorrow night, under the lights at the Swedbank. A lost son returning home. A night to remember. A – Barney begins to frantically hump Hampus’ leg. HAMPUS (startled, trying to move away): Whoa! Hold on there, big guy! Barney maintains his focus. LUDWIG (laughing wildly): Hey now, let him finish, eh?! The crowd begins to laugh and chant, “LET HIM FINISH. LET HIM FINISH.” Hampus laughs, and the camera begins to shake as the cameraman cannot contain his own laughter. Hampus loses his balance and slips to the ground, followed by Barney. Ludwig emerges from the crowd with a giant funnel, filled to the brim with beer. Ludwig places the end in Hampus’ mouth, as he lies on the ground pinned by the weight of the amorous dinosaur. Hampus, Ludwig and Barney are lost among the crowd. The revelry continues. HAMPUS (off camera; belching; enthusiastically, yet slightly muffled): Let’s get this party started! H IS FOR HAKAN, THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! FADE OUT. Edited December 29, 2016 by ManUtd1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chantu9Y Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 A beautiful night in Malmo. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer Fuchs Ake Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 “Man City reject! Man City reject!” Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 2 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said: “Man City reject! Man City reject!” You are my Telleus, my Hakan Telleus You make me haaappyyy, when skies are grey Bobby Mancini, has a wee weenie Please don't take, my Telleus away! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 (edited) Edited December 29, 2016 by ManUtd1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 An excellent 90 minutes. We could have stolen the match in the 2nd half, but I'll take it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoxToBox Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 They were there for the taking, can't see Bobby Manc making waves in the return leg. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 1 minute ago, BoxToBox said: They were there for the taking, can't see Bobby Manc making waves in the return leg. I agree. But I'll be damned if those first few minutes didn't give me a bit of concern...Djiribori scoring, then Dragowski making an epic save...could have been ugly. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bedese Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Just caught up with all of this now. It's absolutely quality I love the way your posts are written. Signs of a mental breakdown? Possibly. Entertaining nonetheless. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 5 minutes ago, Jupjamie said: Just caught up with all of this now. It's absolutely quality I love the way your posts are written. Signs of a mental breakdown? Possibly. Entertaining nonetheless. Hahaha, thanks, man! I'm just having fun, getting a break in from work and family obligations! And, possible? Probable, more like. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoxToBox Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 If this is a mental breakdown, I'd prefer not to be fixed. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 1 minute ago, BoxToBox said: If this is a mental breakdown, I'd prefer not to be fixed. When Barney gets a Twitter account, that's when you'll know I've gone too far. Or, not far enough... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chantu9Y Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Wow, that was epic! I was glued, reading this. Heck of a homecoming, poor Hampus ! Hopefully Apollonia got to join in the festivities! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Chantu9Y said: Wow, that was epic! I was glued, reading this. Heck of a homecoming, poor Hampus ! Hopefully Apollonia got to join in the festivities! Hampus never has had the best of luck... Re Apollonia...you'll find out soon enough... (Thanks for following along, @Chantu9Y! Glad you're enjoying it!) Edited December 30, 2016 by ManUtd1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) Transcript; FullTimeMalmo YouTube Broadcast; Saturday, March 8, 2025. FADE IN: The pulsing rhythm Swedish neo indie-synthpop blares in the background, with scenic, aerial shots of a large luxury yacht cruising through tranquil waters. The Rock of Gibraltar is readily recognizable in the background. HAMPUS LINDGREN leans casually against a railing on deck, hair blown rakishly back from his face. Revelers are scattered about. Clothing appears semi-optional, but splashes of light blue and purple are scattered amongst the crowd. LUDWIG HAMMAR is nearby, chatting amiably with an elderly Swedish woman and an impeccably-dressed, stunningly-beautiful young Italian woman. HAMPUS (casually): Hello and welcome to another edition of FullTimeMalmo, where, as we say, "the Blae is as good as it gets." We're coming to you today from...eh...**** it, WE'RE ON A M************ BOAT, Y'ALL! The revelers begin to cheer, as the latest single from Sonic Death Penguin's new release comes on the stereo. HAMPUS (shouting to Ludwig): Big Daddy! We're on, let's do this!! LUDWIG (walking over to Hampus; whispering conspiratorily): Before we go there, brother, your mother needs to speak with you about making port again for more...err...provisions. HAMPUS (whispering): You have to be kidding me! We just bought more booze, food and...protection...when we made port in Portugal! Ludwig shrugs apologetically, with a sheepish look on his face. HAMPUS (continuing; gaining confidence): And, if we don't hurry up, we're not going to make it to Italy in time for the 2nd leg. Enough is enough. LUDWIG (with resignation): Ok, ok. You're right. Let's do this. Just...talk to your mother, ok? She and Apollonia have got this under control, we just need to keep them appeased, ok? Can you imagine what would happen to us if YOU had captained the ship, Captain F'in Ahab? Hampus nods, before turning back to the camera with a distant look in his eyes. An odd sense of deja vu overtakes him, again, as he half-remembers a...dream...where he was marooned on a desert island, away from his beloved mother and Malmo FF for months. HAMPUS (regaining his composure): Now, where were we?! Yes, we're on a boat, day...I don't even know...on our way to Italy for the 2nd leg of the epic Champions League showdown between our beloved Malmo and Saint Hakan Telleus' Fiorentina. There's no denying, it's been a bit of an adventure - LUDWIG (cackling wildly, his golden locks loose in the breeze like a flock of newborn golden doves): We sailed the North Sea in February, LIKE THE VIKINGS OF OLD!!! Their attention now focused on Ludwig, the revelers cheer enthusiastically before gathering closer. HAMPUS: The question being -- can Malmo PLAY like the "Vikings of Old" in the return leg, or will Mancini's boys wilt under the pressure? LUDWIG (angry): It all comes down to that **** of a manager. Since when do we, in the name of Saint Hakan, the First of His Name, back down IN OUR OWN HOME in Europe? With 30 minutes to go at the Swedbank, you saw a real man -- Telleus. He was on the sideline. Shouting. Gesticulating. Willing the Viola forward with every fiber of his being. Where was Bobby Manc? Clutching his scarf on the bench, praying to get out of the match with a draw. Pitiful. HAMPUS (turning to face the camera): Tell us how you really feel, eh, Ludwig?! No matter what, this has been a tie to remember. Telleus returning to Sweden for the first time, an epic European away trip with the Troupers under the guidance of my dear mother and Telleus' beautiful, gracious wife, Apollonia. Honestly, I don't know how they're coordinating this so smoothly -- Mother only speaks Swedish, and Apollonia...Gods, she can speak Italian...makes me want to be a better man ... The camera pans over to Hampus' mother and Apollonia, sharing tea and chatting amiably. In the background, a large, purple dinosaur head sits on the couch next to an oddly tall, bushy-haired man who seems to have passed out wearing the rest of the costume. His face looks familiar, but you can't place him at this distance. As the camera swoops back to face Hampus and Ludwig, you see a younger, stylish woman in the background, who is instantly-recognizable to anyone of a certain age. HAMPUS (seriously; regaining his composure): Ok, let's get down to it -- what's your prediction for the match in Florence, Ludwig? LUDWIG (laughing): I hate to say it, I really do. But Fiorentina are too strong. We had our chance, and that thimble-brained, goat-kissing cretin didn't even try. Up 1-0 at home after 3 minutes, and he tells our boys to drop off?! TELLEUS FOR THE WIN, MANCINI IN THE BIN, I SAY!! HAMPUS (laughing): I can't argue with that...Telleus for the win, Mancini in the bin! That's it from...here...we'll see you in Florence! The assembled revelers cheer enthusiastically, and someone turns the music up. Ludwig seductively gyrates back towards the captain's cabin, swaying his hips like a cracked-out ballet dancer. Apollonia and Hampus' mother look on with wry, tolerant smiles, sipping their tea elegantly. LUDWIG (muffled): I'll be right there, Emma, dear. FADE OUT. Edited December 30, 2016 by ManUtd1 Formatting Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd1 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave. Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 What a brilliant idea for a challenge, loving this thread! I'll be following. Great work with Malmo and Fiorentina (and the copious amount of memes); I can't imagine, with the Dutch on the boil now as well, it'll be long until you've turned a second team of losers into winners. Also - can't wait until you get your hands on Leeds. I'm not sure that's more down to a craving to finally see some success that isn't followed by a financial meltdown (don't you dare) or watching a Man U fan's internal conflict play out over the internet. WE ALL LOVE LEEDS. (P.S. leave Hungary for a little while, I do hate to be upstaged ) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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