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[FM 17] If You’re Not First, You’re Last Redux – Redemption For The “Nearly Men” Of Europe


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Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

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FK Partizan Beograd / Colombia

September 2062 Mini-Update

A solid start to the Super Liga campaign.  We're in fine form, notwithstanding the loss of 2 key players.  The league should be no major obstacle this year.  Making our mark on Europe will be a touch more difficult, as we've drawn a challenging group -- Lyon, Bayern and Inter.  Finishing 3rd is our goal.

Frankly, straight passage through to the Group Stage was a welcome surprise.  I thought we had another year until that coefficient rise kicked in.  I'm not complaning mind...

Colombia...a tremendous start in Manizales against a weak Saudi side ... the pre-match festivities with the reigning Miss International Queen of Coffee were epic.  I wouldn't mind coming back here again...

Distractions abounded, and we were properly thumped by a quick Brazilian side in my 2nd match in charge.  Poor defending gifted the visitors an early 2-goal lead, which we were not able to overcome.  Frustrating, but no complaints will be heard.  We weren't good enough.  Simple as.

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"Boss, Inter wants us to change kits.  Their blue-and-black kits are ... hard to distinguish from our all-black home kit, you know..."

"That's absurd, Dimitri.  Our home kits have those white stripes on the front.  Their kits have blue stripes.  They're completely different."

"But, the rest is black, Boss.  All of it."

"Did I stutter, Dimitri?  We're not changing.  Tactics, son."

"Boss...I'm...I'm sure the ref will say something when they complain."

"The ref?  Not a chance.  He's got a thing for Stana."

"Wait...what... Boss, I don't think the Chairman --"

"Oh, come on.  No one has promised or done anything.  She's just smiled at him, and he'll be too distracted to notice until it's too late.  Trust me."

[40 minutes later; the Champions League theme echoing around the Cukaricki Stadium.]

"Here come the sides, Gar...and...why are they both in dark kits?  This is ridiculous!"

"Jamie, you naive ****.  Shut yer frickin' gob you dipper ****!"

"That's out of bounds, Gary.  What did we discuss about drinking before the match?"

"**** off, you ******* ****, **** my ***, start at the **** and keep going until you reach the ****** part."

"Uhh...we'll be back, after this message from Tecate.  Tecate, the refresh-maker!"

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A complaint to UEFA is bound to follow after a Telleus-esque European victory.  Our goals all came in transition.

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FADE IN

UEFA Headquarters, a non-descript conference room. Morning.


Gunnar Vikander sits patiently at one of three tables facing a raised dais at the front of the room. Partizan Chairman, Radjko "Scoop" Mulitinovic sits bedside him, chomping on a cigar and occasionally blowing smoke rings at the Italian lawyers seated at another table.

An oppressive silence hangs ominously in the air  It is a silence of three parts.

The cigar smoke lingering in the air is foul. The tension, palpable.

An old-fashioned analog clock ticks away the seconds ominously.

Dimitri Ulevic, Vikander's sycophantic personal assistant, enters the room, and whispers to Vikander. Vikander nods and conveys the message to Mulitinovic.

Partizan's attorney, Gerhard Notte, waltzes into the room, carrying a large case. 10 minutes late. He's the only one who knows it, but the case is empty save for the banana he plans to eat for both lunch and dinner. It's all he can afford.

Business is not good at his firm, Young & Notte Legal PLLC, which he recently founded with a law school friend. They assume that the lack of clients relates to their relative inexperience, notwithstanding heavy traffic on the firm's website.

The last to arrive? Irish referee Billy "The Fish" Foulkes, who ran the middle for the highly-controversial Partizan-Inter Champions League match last week that has set social media and the pundits afire.

Battle lines have been drawn. And everyone in the room knows it. Except for Billy, who wonders if his performance at this review hearing will impress Mulitinovic and thus, indirectly, win his daughter's favor.

A bell rings in the near distance. Voices begin to sing out in unison, muffled by the large double-doors behind the dais.

The doors swing open, and The UEFA Herald approaches, resplendently clad in Grecian robes and golden Crocs. "They come, they come," he intones. "Arise, and pay homage."

Vikander stifles a laugh, and rises. Mulitinovic slowly rises, his prodigious girth filling a disproportionate amount of the room. Billy appears confused. The Italian lawyers, eager. Awaiting the justice they believe to be imminent.

The chorus of voices grows louder, as a layer of smoke begins to cover the floor. Suddenly, the lights go out, as the voices hit a crescendo. The lights return almost as suddenly, and three UEFA officials now sit on the dias, having appeared as if from nowhere. The double doors close slowly. The smoke continues to swirl in the room.

Ominously, the chorus begins to sing Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. Billy begins to sweat, glancing nervously at Mulitinovic.

One of the UEFA officials twirls his necklace as he eyes Billy up and down, the olive pit clearly identifying him as a urCristian, to the extent that wasn't readily-apparent by virtue of his loincloth and oiled, naked torso. His Telleusian panelists are more modestly dressed, if not equally-recognizable by their flowing locks and 'ombre highlights. What meaning can be inferred from the composition of the panel? Only time will tell.

The Herald dramatically rings a large gong, officially openning the proceedings. The choral accompaniment continues, setting an auspicious tone, as The Herald reads the charges. The Italian lawyers nod vigorously as Billy's malfeasance is detailed, with the allegations of collusion coming towards the end.

Before the Herald can finish, however, Billy tentatively raises his hand. The Herald is startled, and begins to object to the breach of decorum.

The urCristian panelist is bemused, interrupting the Herald. "I'll allow it," he intones.

Billy stammers, and whispers inaudibly.

"Louder, my son," says the urCristian, offering Billy support and offering his colleagues a plate of olives, cured meats and cheeses.

"Thank you, sir...?"

"Your Excellency, if you please. I surrendered my Earthly name upon my Ascension to the Prelature of urCristiano."

The Telleusian panelists snort in derision. They remember when "Your Excellency" was a reserve fullback for Dumbarton.

The Italian lawyers begin to look nervous, their earlier confidence beginning to fray around the edges. Billy, on the other hand, is gaining confidence by the minute.

Billy continues, and pulling a short piece of lumber, hammer and nails from his briefcase. As he speaks, he hammers the nails into the lumber, one by one, the ringing noise punctuating his statement awkwardly.

"I... I invoke the LAD clause, under the Anglo-Irish Treaty of...uhhh...and all rights and appurtenances owed to me as a...a... Leprechaun trying to make my way though this modern world. This anti-Irish bias shall not stand!"

Vikander winces, knowing that this once-straightforward proceeding will now take a bizarre, if comical, turn. If it hasn't already.

The Italians throw up their hands in frustration, shaking their heads and muttering under their breath. They know the precedent.  This will not end well for Inter. The burden of proof has shifted. Irrevocably.

Gazing into Billy's eyes, the urCristian nods.

"His rights having been invoked, the panel will sit in recess until such time that the Petitioner brings forth clear and convincing evidence of Mr. Foulkes' non-leprechaun...ness."

The chorus begins to sing louder, as the Italians stare daggers at poor Billy, who clenches his fists in triumph, nodding to Notte who has earned his fee. The smoke rises to waist height, as the double doors open slowly.

The lights dim, and when they return the UEFA panel has disappeared behind the now-closing doors.

Mulitinovic chuckles, chomping on his cigar and patting Vikander on the back. "What is this that I was telling to the you, yes? Do not worry, my boy. Do not worry."


FADE OUT

Edited by ManUtd1
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49 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

Business is not good at his firm, Young & Notte Legal PLLC, which he recently founded with a law school friend. They assume that the lack of clients relates to their relative inexperience, notwithstanding heavy traffic on the firm's website.

:lol:

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A lie is more comfortable than doubt, more useful than love, more lasting than truth.

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FK Partizan Beograd / Colombia

November 2062 Mini-Update

The 2nd XI need to get their **** together.  We're dropping points we shouldn't drop in Super Liga, leaving us in 2nd  as we head towards the winter break.  One thing we know for certain, Cukaricki Stadium is seeing solid football this year.

We travel to Milan in a few days...which should prove interesting after the...antics...of the leg in Belgrade, followed by Billy's invocation of the LAD Clause.  We'll see what they're planning for us...other than a good ol' fashioned ***-kicking.  The good news is that, with a point, we're through to the Europa League.  We've had a tremendous Champions League campaign thus far -- with draws in Lyon and Munich, the latter an epic comeback.  We're at least one level beneath Ze Germans.

With the Colombians, we had a halfway decent draw for next year's Copa America in Uruguay.  The quarterfinals should be no problem.  We also dominated Canada and Peru in two November friendlies, but need to get better at putting sides away.  Canada managed to fight back after we started to sub players in...not pretty  Unlike the Colombian women.  Stana, who?

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Malmo win their 4th straight Allsvenskan, 5th in 6 years.  They're back, baby.

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Gustav's Elfsborg finished 10th, right where they were when he joined in early August (media expectation was 3rd).

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Full credit to the Italians, who refused to change their home kit for our tie in Milan.

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Turnabout is fair play, after all.  More to the point, we certainly can't complain about it, can we? 

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1 hour ago, ManUtd1 said:

Full credit to the Italians, who refused to change their home kit for our tie in Milan.

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Turnabout is fair play, after all.  More to the point, we certainly can't complain about it, can we? 

Their one shot on target :(

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A lie is more comfortable than doubt, more useful than love, more lasting than truth.

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FK Partizan Beograd / Colombia

December 2062 Mini-Update

The loss to Inter was a bit of a blow, and had me planning on the Europa League knockout rounds.  A point against Lyon at home, and we'd be through.  Problem is, we decided that all 3 would be better...and in the process, leapfrogged the French based on head-to-head record.  Yep, lads, we're through to Champions League knockout round.  The draw has us going to Anderlecht, which is virtually certain to be our final stop of the campaign...further than we'd expected, no matter how it goes in Belgium.

Domestically, we've reasserted ourselves even if we've dropped points.  It's a three-horse race, with us sitting 3 points clear of Cukaricki and 4 clear of **** Star.

Time for a little rest, even though I'm off to Colombia.  Officially, I'll be there for the start of their domestic league schedule.  Unofficially...have you met Colombian women before?  If so, you'd understand.  And you'd be right there with me.

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A lie is more comfortable than doubt, more useful than love, more lasting than truth.

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FK Partizan Beograd / Colombia

March 2063 Mini-Update

The first leg against Anderlecht was a clinical display of counterattacking football.  We sliced them apart, in true Telleus fashion.  Utterly beautiful stuff.

The second leg...we were steamrolled, and had to hang on for dear life to reach extra time and penalties.  Anderlecht managed to hold their nerve and move on.  But we can hold our heads high. 

Domestically, we march onward in both the Kup and Super Liga, with my 2nd XI taking up the reins in the former.  Time to win another title, and secure our return to the Champions League next year.

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19 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Unlucky but a solid performance against a very rich (and presumably very good) side.

Thanks, man!  Anderlecht has been and remains a very successful side.

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A good win over Bolivia, our only friendly before the Copa America.

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Glancing around at other leagues...

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It's a three-horse race in England, France and Germany, with Granada and Valencia battling in Spain.  

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If the words "THAT WAS A LIE" had suddenly sprung up behind her in letters of fire ten feet high, the effect could scarcely have added to her tone of voice.

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FK Partizan Beograd / Colombia

2062/63 Season Review

Back-to-back Super Liga titles.  A domestic treble.  We're on our way.

The big fish are circling, though.  The Chairman has promised to back me in the transfer market, and join the fight to keep this squad intact...insofar as I want to, at least.  Whether I can hold players back without causing a mini-riot, has yet to be seen.

The first phase in my plan for Partizan is complete.  3 years, domestic dominance and a side capable of battling in Europe.  The next phase, is to progress even further.  I always assumed that we'll have to rebuild to make that work...I guess we'll see once I'm back from the Copa América in Uruguay.  The goal?  Identify and establish the squad that will take us to Champions League glory in the next 3 years.

The Colombian revolution will continue...in Belgrade, Montevideo and beyond.

Goals for 2063/64: Maintain our dominance domestically.  Reach the Champions League knockout rounds.  Challenge for the Copa América title.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Super Liga Prelim. Phase Fixtures|Super Liga Final Phase Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures|Kup Srbije Fixtures

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Champions League Review

In the Champions League, Rennes once again fall short, losing in the semifinals to Leeds.  In the end, the Yorkshire club stopped West Ham from winning their 4th title in 10 years, and the first back-to-back title since Manchester City in 2037/38 and 2038/39.  It's also Leeds' first CL title since 2035/36.

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Challenge Overview

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Linus had a pretty decent year, as Monaco finished 2nd in Ligue 1.

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Gustav's Elfsborg is struggling...predicted to finish 2nd, they need to get it together.

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Elsewhere...

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Up next, the Copa America in Uruguay.  I will do a squad overview if I have time...kind of a busy few weeks for me with work, so I may just dive in and play.  El Sueco Sagrado needs to live up to his name...the opening match against Brazil should be a massive test.

I do intend to do a complete squad review for Partizan once we're set for next year -- I truly want to come out of this summer with the side that will assault the Champions League, as we're close.  The main plan is to shift off a few non-EU, non-Colombians, so that I can focus on development for the national side as well.

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Looking forward to seeing these Colombians you've signed 👍

 

Surely your next move has to be to a Spanish club.. You'll have the Serbian league above them before too long.

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6 hours ago, Joe. said:

Looking forward to seeing these Colombians you've signed 👍

 

Surely your next move has to be to a Spanish club.. You'll have the Serbian league above them before too long.

I'm really excited about the Spanish league, given how much those clubs have struggled. Registration rules may make it hard to go there while managing Colombia, though... We'll see. I've got some work to do in Belgrade.

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40 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

I'm really excited about the Spanish league, given how much those clubs have struggled. Registration rules may make it hard to go there while managing Colombia, though... We'll see. I've got some work to do in Belgrade.

Don't South Americans get Spanish citizenship after two seasons? Could be a handy way to get a lot of Colombians in.

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16 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Linus had a pretty decent year, as Monaco finished 2nd in Ligue 1.

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Gustav's Elfsborg is struggling...predicted to finish 2nd, they need to get it together.

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Elsewhere...

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108 goals in 344 appearances for Monaco + however many assists he got. Linus is doing well for himself.

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8 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

Don't South Americans get Spanish citizenship after two seasons? Could be a handy way to get a lot of Colombians in.

I honestly forget, and haven't managed there in 17. That would it easier, as continuing the Colombia project is important.

2 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

108 goals in 344 appearances for Monaco + however many assists he got. Linus is doing well for himself.

He is, and I've high hopes that he'll opt for management after a long career. :D

That being said, it'd be a shame if he did and had tremendous success, given Gustav's struggles...

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5 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

I honestly forget, and haven't managed there in 17. That would it easier, as continuing the Colombia project is important.

He is, and I've high hopes that he'll opt for management after a long career. :D

That being said, it'd be a shame if he did and had tremendous success, given Gustav's struggles...

Gustav, Linus and Vikander all managing would make for a brilliant narrative though.

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35 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Gustav, Linus and Vikander all managing would make for a brilliant narrative though.

My thought exactly. I won't get my hopes up, but it'd be outstanding.

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Crazy people are not crazy if one accepts their reasoning.

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FK Partizan Beograd / Colombia

Uruguay 2063; Copa America, Group Stage

It wasn't pretty.  The Brazil scoreline flattered us, and we gave up a stupid goal to the gringos.  Ecuador?  We needed a penalty and a late goal.

Spirits are high, and Peru is a favorable draw even if we're playing on a horrific pitch.  Stalin has rallied the lads, showing great character -- we can do this, we just have to believe in ourselves, drink enough coffee to incapacitate a small city, and keep focused.

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7 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

“Stalin has rallied the lads, showing great character.”

Only in FM is this a normal line. :D

Keep an eye on that Stalin, the lad has potential and ambition to match...

5 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

To be fair, not even in FM, usually.

:onmehead:

:cool:

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Having qualified for the next round, I decided the lads should have a night off.  I'm not sure that was the wisest choice, but... All's well that ends well.

No one got hurt. No one got arrested... Even if it was a close call.

I mean, come on. When Miley Cyrus strips naked and licks a hammer while riding a giant wrecking ball, it's "art." But when Stalin does it, he's "banned from Home Depot."

The double standard is outrageous.

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Once again, we made it harder on ourselves than it needed to be, but came out ahead in the end.

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The best part?  Jairo's hammer-licking celebration after he scored our 2nd.  ****ing epic.  Although how they mimicked the swaying chain...very impressive stuff.

We'll face the hosts, Uruguay, at the Estadio Centenario -- one of the all-time, classic South American football stadiums.

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The neutrals will be pleased.  Legen -- wait for it -- dary.

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Los Cafeteros are through to face Brazil, a side that's completely outplayed us twice in the last year.  Now's the time, lads.  Payback...uhhh....it's a thing you got to see....

WHAT?!  Stalin, you've never heard James Brown?!  I call bull****. 

No, no, not another word, or you're fined...give this a listen...you'll love it.

 

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1 minute ago, kidthekid said:

Man Stalin seems to be a problem child but effective on the field.

He's a good'un, at heart.

He showed up for the team bus to the Centenario, for the final, wearing James Brown's jumpsuit from Kinshasa.  

It's the Copa America final, son.  Honestly.

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Crazy people are not crazy if one accepts their reasoning.

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FK Partizan Beograd / Colombia

Uruguay 2063; Copa America, Knockout Rounds

We've got some work to do, lads.  Sure, we reached the final.  A feat beyond expectations.  But did we have to roll over like that for Brazil?  Again?!

An early goal, and a fluke own goal...we could not have come out more flat in the first half.  The second we managed to hold our own, but never truly looked dangerous.

Back to the drawing board.  World Cup Qualifying is up next, after a friendly in...South Korea?!  Are you kidding me, Sebastian?!   South.  ****ing.  Korea.

All eyes are on the November trip to Brazil.

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10 hours ago, wynter said:

Ooft tough luck, well done on reaching the final though. 

Thanks, man -- we got a favorable draw, avoiding Brazil and Argentina!  

1 hour ago, kidthekid said:

I see Stalin has left Mexico to play in Portugal

Yep -- a $13.5M move last year.  I'd love to sign him, but he'd be far outside what I currently want to pay in wages...I also don't have a foreign player spot for him at the moment. 

0493b686aacfe463681d3a15f99d45e1.jpg 

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On 8/1/2017 at 07:05, BoxToBox said:

Don't South Americans get Spanish citizenship after two seasons? Could be a handy way to get a lot of Colombians in.

Yep -- finally remembered to double-check this.  

Brazilian kid at Sociedad:

c26ad5e4711eddbfab8beaedf3ec4de1.jpg 

His Ukrainian teammate requires 10 years:

565a6b84d5baea1e24236235f78811ab.jpg 

So, that could be a way forward.

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