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[FM 17] If You’re Not First, You’re Last Redux – Redemption For The “Nearly Men” Of Europe


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You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.

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Valencia CF / Côte d'Ivoire 

December 2067 Mini-Update

Merry ****ing Christmas, Ernesto.  He was so happy to tell everyone that Ana Sofia is pregnant, and boasting of his virility...trying to get everyone to call him "One Shot" as a reference to their honeymoon.  Ernesto explains that Ana Sofia "hasn't been feeling well" since early November, which he considers to be morning sickness.  We tried pointing out that morning sickness doesn't often include pulled hamstrings, and that headboards don't just spontaneously snap in half mid-day during training, but he just shrugged us off.

No one has the heart to tell him outright.  And after a few days, it became too late to tell him...I mean, THAT would have been awkward...so, everyone is just going along with it.  All of it.  Even the nickname.  He's so happy.

Božidar seems impervious to logic and common decency.  He and his stretch Land Rover are alike in that way.

This won't end well.

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22 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

Gonna say..... yes. :D

:lol:

1 hour ago, HawkAussie said:

I dare you to keep going.

As if there was a chance that was the end... :D

Busy few weeks ahead, but I'm itching to get to the CL knockout rounds and World Cup.

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I'm in Hell.  On an airplane somewhere high above West Africa, en route to the African Nations Championship in Guinea.

No, not because of the destination.  Or the fact that I've just wrapped my head around squad selection for the tournament, which features only players based in their home nations.

Steve Winwood's "Back in the High Life" is blaring.  See, Ernesto made a playlist.  It consists three songs, all by Steve Winwood.  It has been on repeat for the last 4 hours.

It's been more than a month since the big announcement, and Ernesto still hasn't figured it all out.  Even when Bozidar offered Ernesto and Ana Sofia use of his guesthouse (out back by the 2nd pool), so that the young couple's "money problems" wouldn't prove to be an obstacle in raising their child.  

To be fair, we don't pay Ernesto much.  But I don't think a raise is what he needs.

I heard through the grapevine that Bozidar's cleaning staff quit, claiming that the poolhouse had become a "den of depravity" since Ernesto and Ana Sofia moved in.  "It was like Jackson Pollock painting in there, señor.  No bueno."  

Poor Ernesto.  Singing his heart out, but refusing to see what is right in front of his eyes, even when I show him the pictures.  

No, not of Ana Sofia and Bozidar, I'm not that cruel.  Of a young Steve Winwood.

"That IS Steve in Traffic, Ernesto.  Dear Mister Fantasy.  Please.  Have some self respect!  If you have to listen to Steve Winwood, go with that or with Gimme Some Lovin.   That work was iconic...this...mid-80s nonsense is...unseemly."

"But Boss...Mister Steve is a genius...his later work is transforming me... NOW I'M FREEEEEE, FREEEE FALLIN'...."

"That's Tom Petty, Ernesto."

"I will not listen to your lies, Boss!!!"

Like I told you.  I'm in Hell.

Edited by ManUtd1
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8 hours ago, yugo23 said:

Božidar means God's gift in Serbian, it really matches his personality. 

Priceless!

1 hour ago, HawkAussie said:

Let me start my New Zealand save for FM67.

In all honesty I don't know why that Sport Interactive haven't added New Zealand as a playable league.

Yet, they deemed it important to have the Estonian 17th tier.

23 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Probably copyright issues. 

That, and all the effort put into the forum simulator. Only so many hours in the day...

23 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

#FoundTheBulgeum

Raising my Korean spambot reference with one of your own?!

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Nicely played.

5 minutes ago, Adonalsium said:

That yellow shirt and orange face just scream Belgium doesn't it

I'd never noticed how incredible the color combination is in that photo.

To be fair, I'm convinced that "belgeum" is the sounds one makes at the conclusion of a proper lap honk.

I, for one, welcome our new Korean spambot overlords.

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African Nations Championship Review; Guinea 2068

I have to say that...for a competition I wasn't very enthusiastic about, once I saw that beautiful trophy I knew I wanted it.  It is phenomenal.  Seriously.

But it wasn't to be.  The squad wasn't up to snuff, and the only two players worth their weight in sawdust haven't left the Ivory Coast, but only because they're not old enough to join me in Spain just yet.  We were rampant in the Group Stage, but crashed out in the quarterfinals.

It's a shame, but it's time to get back home.  The first leg against Juventus is next week.  And Bozidar's Instagram feed has become even more filthy, less discrete...something I didn't think was possible.

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As noted previously, this tournament was extremely low priority for me...even if the FA expected me to win it and is upset.  1 loss in nearly 2 years, guys...really?!  Seems a bit harsh.

I went with a squad of players that -- other than 2 who need time to develop at Valencia-- are miles away from the Ivorian squad.  Nevertheless, it was great fun.

And that trophy is absolutely stunning.  Daddy want.

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You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.

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Valencia CF / Côte d'Ivoire 

March 2068 Mini-Update

We're 10 points clear in La Liga, with 9 matches to play.  Our only loss this calendar year has been a smash-and-grab job at the Nuevo Mestalla, at the hands of Granada.  Otherwise, we're on track for the title and set to face Madrid in the Copa del Rey final.

In Europe, a hard-fought draw in Turin put us in great position.  We scored an early penalty in the 2nd leg, meaning that the Italians would have to chase us...and we punished them for it, running out 3-nil winners on the night.

Gustav's Lyon went out to Spurs, meaning that the draw wouldn't see a family reunion...but we could see a return to Belgrade, and we could also face West Ham, Anderlecht, Tottenham or Leipzig, each of whom we've squared off against in the last 12 months.

We get the Germans, a re-match of our epic semfinal tie last year.

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You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.

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Valencia CF / Côte d'Ivoire 

April 2068 Mini-Update

Another year, another come-from-behind victory over Ze Germans in the second leg.

Poor Liepzig.  We'll face Roma.  Manchester United will face West Ham in the other semifinal.  Is this our year?  Domestically, the La Liga title is all but ours.

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Quick glance around Europe...

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Panathinaikos have had an absolute 'mare, with their manager being sacked while they were in 12th.  West Ham is doing their usual thing, and Dijon continues to dominate in France.  Gustav's position is in jeopardy at Lyon.  Frankfurt looking strong in Germany!  Woohoo!  

Partizan continues to curb-stomp Serbia and...Brugge, at the bottom of the Championship Group in Belgium.  Brutal.

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You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.

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Valencia CF / Côte d'Ivoire 

May 2068 Mini-Update

It's like deja vu, all over again.

A triumphant win in Rome, and a command performance at the Nuevo Mestalla.  We're through, 5-2 on aggregate.

To face...Manchester United, who manage a shock 1-0 win on aggregate over West Ham.  The ironic part?  United literally just fired their manager due to the fact that they're sitting 8th in the PL right now.

This is a far, far better draw for us.  But anything can happen over 90 minutes.

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I won't get to the final tonight, unfortunately.  Tomorrow...hopefully in the morning, my time.

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You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.

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Valencia CF / Côte d'Ivoire 

Champions League Final, 2068; Luzhniki Stadium

This is it, lads.  The pundits have you down as favored, but that means nothing.  90 minutes.  This is your chance.  Take it.

We'll start in PM Cafetero Aguardiente.  Take it to them.  I have to say, they're a fearsome team to have finishing 8th in the Premier League.

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United press forward with reckless abandon, we drop into Foquiado to provide extra cover for the back line after they fluff a chance in the 5th minute.

6th minute...throw in for Valencia deep in the United end...

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THAT'S TWO!!! 

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Another probing ball in the 17th finds Soler, searching for their 4th.  Denied by the United keeper...  Valencia are looking for the killing blow.

But it doesn't fall.  Nearly 40 minutes gone, and United have regained their composure.  But they cannot find a way through.

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Galindo denied again moments before the halftime whistle is blown.  It's been all Valencia.  A 4th, and this match is over.  United have to find their way back sooner or later, Gary.  They cannot continue on in this fashion.  And have only their keeper to thank, that it isn't 5 or 6 already.

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Put the sunscreen bottle down, Gar.  I know...I know...United, Valencia, all the feels for you.  But get it together, man!

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No changes for Valencia at the half.  We're exactly where we want to be...United have to attack us, making them vulnerable in transition.  One more, and it's over, lads.

United come out aggressively, but we weather the storm of the 1st 5 minutes with aplomb.

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20 minutes to play...this has a whiff of inevitability about it now.  United, unable to find a way through the Valencian back line all match, have no more time to waste.  It's now or never!

Valencia, about to make their changes...

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76th minute...Valencia fail to clear a corner and United recycle possession, back wide to Santos, who whips a cross in...N'GUESSAN CAN'T GET THERE AND...YES, UNITED HAVE BURIED IT!!!  A MASSIVE BLUNDER FROM THE IVORIAN KEEPER, AND UNITED HAVE A FOOTHOLD!!!  A GLIMMER OF HOPE!!!

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CAN UNITED FIND ANOTHER?!?!

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10 minutes to play...United probing...Gary...Gar...get your hands off of me, Gary!!! I'm excited, too, you filthy old...it's called a personal bubble, Gary.  Respect it, or I'm going to have to report you to HR again.  God dam...PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON, GARY!!!

THIS IS HAPPENING, JAMIE, YOU CAN STAY, BUT IT'S HAPPENING!!!

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YOU DIRTY, FILTHY, CHEATING SCUM!!! THAT WASN'T A FULL MINUTE, REF!!!

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CALM DOWN, GARY...CALM...THAT'S THE MATCH, EVERYONE!!!  WHAT A MATCH IT WAS!!! VALENCIA, OUT OF THE GATES LIKE A SHOT, WITH UNITED FIGHTING UNTIL THE VERY LAST!!!

GARY, WITH HIS PANTS OFF...SO CLOSE, BUT...NO, GARY, LEAVE THOSE ON...GARY, NO!!!  BAD, GARY!!!  BAD!!!

VIKANDER'S MEN ARE CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE!!! TASTE THE BEAN, INDEED!!!

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2 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Thrilling CL match which nearly had a last minute comeback + copious amounts of alcohol = Gary doing ... Gary things.

Gary's superstitions have become a bit ... desperate.  Combine the sizzurp-filled sunscreen bottles with a United-Valencia final, he was bound to lose his mind.

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