Do my eyes deceive me or is that Schumacher … scoring from 25 yards?!

[Dixie Flatline]

I’m idly reading through the sports pages in the Saturday papers when I come across an interesting article.

“NO MORE FORMULA ONE… EVER!

“Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone, the two men largely responsible for the worldwide circus that is Formula One announced yesterday that they will sell all their interest in Formula One and pursue other outside interests…â€

And then, elsewhere:

“Rumours abound the conference world of football that the two men who wield power in Formula One have purchased Rushden & Diamonds Football Club. It’s being reported from Irthlingborough that Bernie Ecclestone has paid approximately £25 million for the club, which includes naming rights, sponsorship deals and Nene Park. A news conference is expected to be announced for later today…â€

I think to myself, “What the hell am I going to do without Formula One? Watch IndyCars? What could be more ridiculous than watching IndyCars!â€

[Dixie Flatline]

I’m idly reading through the sports pages in the Saturday papers when I come across an interesting article.

“NO MORE FORMULA ONE… EVER!

“Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone, the two men largely responsible for the worldwide circus that is Formula One announced yesterday that they will sell all their interest in Formula One and pursue other outside interests…â€

And then, elsewhere:

“Rumours abound the conference world of football that the two men who wield power in Formula One have purchased Rushden & Diamonds Football Club. It’s being reported from Irthlingborough that Bernie Ecclestone has paid approximately £25 million for the club, which includes naming rights, sponsorship deals and Nene Park. A news conference is expected to be announced for later today…â€

I think to myself, “What the hell am I going to do without Formula One? Watch IndyCars? What could be more ridiculous than watching IndyCars!â€

[Dixie Flatline]

I’m idly reading through the sports pages in the Saturday papers when I come across an interesting article.

“NO MORE FORMULA ONE… EVER!

“Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone, the two men largely responsible for the worldwide circus that is Formula One announced yesterday that they will sell all their interest in Formula One and pursue other outside interests…â€

And then, elsewhere:

“Rumours abound the conference world of football that the two men who wield power in Formula One have purchased Rushden & Diamonds Football Club. It’s being reported from Irthlingborough that Bernie Ecclestone has paid approximately £25 million for the club, which includes naming rights, sponsorship deals and Nene Park. A news conference is expected to be announced for later today…â€

I think to myself, “What the hell am I going to do without Formula One? Watch IndyCars? What could be more ridiculous than watching IndyCars!â€

[Dixie Flatline]

I’m idly reading through the sports pages in the Saturday papers when I come across an interesting article.

“NO MORE FORMULA ONE… EVER!

“Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone, the two men largely responsible for the worldwide circus that is Formula One announced yesterday that they will sell all their interest in Formula One and pursue other outside interests…â€

And then, elsewhere:

“Rumours abound the conference world of football that the two men who wield power in Formula One have purchased Rushden & Diamonds Football Club. It’s being reported from Irthlingborough that Bernie Ecclestone has paid approximately £25 million for the club, which includes naming rights, sponsorship deals and Nene Park. A news conference is expected to be announced for later today…â€

I think to myself, “What the hell am I going to do without Formula One? Watch IndyCars? What could be more ridiculous than watching IndyCars!â€

[Dixie Flatline]

I’m idly reading through the sports pages in the Saturday papers when I come across an interesting article.

“NO MORE FORMULA ONE… EVER!

“Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone, the two men largely responsible for the worldwide circus that is Formula One announced yesterday that they will sell all their interest in Formula One and pursue other outside interests…â€

And then, elsewhere:

“Rumours abound the conference world of football that the two men who wield power in Formula One have purchased Rushden & Diamonds Football Club. It’s being reported from Irthlingborough that Bernie Ecclestone has paid approximately £25 million for the club, which includes naming rights, sponsorship deals and Nene Park. A news conference is expected to be announced for later today…â€

I think to myself, “What the hell am I going to do without Formula One? Watch IndyCars? What could be more ridiculous than watching IndyCars!â€

[Dixie Flatline]

Then I forget all about it and go on with my life. Until that afternoon when I just happen to be watching SkySports when the anchorman throws to a live press conference, featuring Bernie and Max, and Michael Schumacher.

Bernie kicks things off: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for coming today. We’ve assembled you all to make an important announcement. Well, actually, two important announcements. The first announcement merely confirms something that Max and myself carried out, with the assent of the teams and manufacturers, several weeks ago. It’s been obvious to us that the challenge, the spirit and most importantly, the fun of Formula 1 has gone out of the sport.

“I’m sure you’re all going to ask me why we didn’t do things to improve the sport and make it more appealing to the millions of fans around the world. Well, we could have tinkered with the rules, made some changes at the edges. But it has become clear to us that the physics and the sheer competitiveness of the sport meant that the administrators, being Max and myself, would need to run full-tilt just to keep still. It’s obvious that this is not a palatable long-term solution.

“So we’ve decided to bow out of the Formula One business and pursue other interests. Which comes to our second announcement. The leading example of our other interests is our decision to purchase Rushden & Diamonds Football Club. We completed settlement of the purchase this morning, and under the terms of the sale contract, we now own everything to do with the club, which includes naming rights. Therefore, we are pleased to announce that, from henceforth, Rushden & Diamonds Football Club will be known as F1 Power!

“Further, we are pleased to announce that all twenty drivers that competed in the current season of Formula One, which as you now all know will be suspended indefinitely, have signed contracts with F1 Power and will form the core of the team. Jean Todt, Sir Frank Williams and Ron Dennis form the coaching staff, and Flavio Briatore has agreed to act as our chief scout with a brief to travel the world seeking out the finest talent to join our new adventure. To tell you more about our bright plans for the future, let me introduce the new chairman of F1 Power, Mr Max Mosley!â€

[Dixie Flatline]

I’m gobsmacked. This is unbelievable. Bernie Ecclestone, Max Mosley, Jean Todt, Sir Frank Williams, and Ron Dennis, not to mention the twenty drivers on the grid this season, are all prepared to give up the fame, glamour and fortune of Formula One for conference football! Are these guys off their rocker?!

In the meantime, Max Mosley, using his best barrister voice, is addressing the floor: “Thank you very much Bernie. And again, I’d like to echo my new Director of Football’s welcome to you all here at the new ground of F1 Power. We have decided to relocate the club to here in London, within a stone’s through of Highbury. While Arsenal is busy building Ashburton Grove, we have already are in the finishing process of completing our own stadium, which will be called F1 Glory, in honour of the wonderful champions this sport has produced in over 50 years of excellent motorsport.

“You may be wondering whether we’re off our rocker. Well, clearly the answer has to be ‘no’. We’re walking into this with our eyes wide open and we know that it will be a tough haul to the top of the pile. But we aim to make it into the Premier League in at most, six years. So let me introduce to you the captain of F1 Power, Mr Michael Schumacher…â€

“Thank you Max. It’s a great honour to be the first captain of a new club, and I’m sure that I have the complete support of all my team-mates. It’s going to be fun, that’s for sure. We’re going to be working as hard as we always do whenever we take to the track and we know that we’ll be playing for keeps when we get out onto the field. So we aim to be as good as we can day in and day out. Thank you.â€

Michael hands the microphone back to Bernie, who says: “Now, we have named Mr Mansour Oijeh as our day-to-day manager of player affairs, but Mr Oijeh has informed us that he will not be able to maintain the role for too much longer, given the state of his other investments. Therefore, we are casting the net wide to recruit an appropriate person with the right credentials to lead F1 Power, the newest and greatest club, into the future.â€

As the press begin to shout their questions at Bernie, Max and Michael, I leap back to the papers and sort through all the job pages. While I’m in a steady, well-paying job, it’s always been my dream to manage a football club and just last week, FIFA, through the English FA, finally forwarded to me my coaching accreditation. Surely that is some type of credentials Bernie’s looking for?

[Dixie Flatline]

Anyway, I scramble through the ‘jobs advertised’ section of the papers looking for the ad Bernie’s saying they put in the daily newspapers for a replacement manager for Mansour Oijeh. In the meantime, Bernie has begun accepting questions from the floor:

“Richard Grey, Southampton Daily Star. You’re seriously trying to tell us that you’ve flogged off the entire Formula 1 industry bit by bit and now you want to settle down to run a football club in the Conference?â€

Bernie answers smoothly, “Yes. Yes, I do. Because you’ll see it’s true when our team runs out to take the pitch against Leigh at F1 Glory on the 12th of August. Next question.â€

“Sarah Winterburn, football365.com. It doesn’t worry you that you’ve put probably a thousand people out of work by your decision to sell up and look to your other investments?â€

“Thanks, Sarah, for your question,†says Max, with his typical diplomatic approach to everything. “The reality of Formula One is that you needed to be the best of the best to make it to the top. When you’re striving to make your man the essential one-tenth of a second faster than everybody else, you need to put together a team of the best people at their jobs. All ten teams strove for perfection, from the driver on down to the most junior mechanic on the team. While it’s not nice to be out of a job for any length of time, you need to realise that these people are bright, motivated and able to be the best at their chosen career path. I’m sure that they will all find meaningful employment very quickly. In fact, I can give you this guarantee right now. If anybody who can show they worked for a Formula One team who has not been able to find continuous and ongoing employment in the next three months, please, approach the club and we’ll assist you in finding employment. We’ll also help you financially to the best of our ability. You can’t beat that, Sarah, now can you?â€

[Dixie Flatline]

“Ross Davies, Manchester Evening News. Michael, can I direct this question to you? Thank you. Bernie and Max refer to you as the first captain of the club, but you’ve not been exactly the favourite driver amongst your colleagues? I needn’t remind you of your stoush with your new team-mate Jacques Villeneuve back in 1997, nor have you been great mates with Juan Pablo Montoya recently. How do you expect to be treated?â€

“Well, Ross, it’s like this,†smiles a confident Michael Schumacher. “We’re all professionals at a club that is managed professionally. I do not expect my new team-mates to like me. But I do expect them to give me their respect and to give the club and its fans their all.â€

“Callum O’Loughlin, Dublin Standard. Bernie, you’ve appointed yourself Director of Football. Do you hold any coaching accreditations to hold such a position with the club? Is everything to do with F1 Power officially sanctioned by the Football Association?â€

“Callum, we have made sure that every ‘i’ has been dotted and ‘t’ has been crossed. We’ve been fully sanctioned in every way, including all our coaching staff, by the Football Association. Come the first day of the season, we’re ready to go. Now, if you don’t mind ladies and gentlemen, we have work to do. Thank you for attending.â€

But my mind is already elsewhere. I’m sitting at my computer banging out a quick curriculum vitae listing my best points and how I think I could control the egos of twenty ex-Formula One drivers put into the deep end of English football…

About a week later, I’m hard at work at my normal day-job when my personal assistant buzzes me on the intercom system to say, with a shaking voice, that Bernie Ecclestone was on the other end of the line. Punching the appropriate line, I say, “Good morning, Mr Ecclestone.â€

“Call me, Bernie, Dixie. Look, I’ve had a flick through your curriculum vitae, and I have to say, I’m impressed, which doesn’t happen very often. I’d like you to come down for an interview later today, if possible.â€

“I’ll just check my calendar, Bernie. Yes, this afternoon is good for me.â€

“Great. I’ll send the limo around to pick you up at 5pm.â€

The next few hours pass in a whirl. The limousine duly comes to pick me up at 5pm and 20 minutes later, I’m in Bernie’s office with Max Mosley and Bernie fronting me. For an hour they pepper me with different questions all aimed at seeking my suitability for the priceless opportunity that dangles before me. Then, with the obligatory farewell that they’ll contact me when they reach a decision, I’m whisked home in Bernie’s limo.

Time passes…

[Dixie Flatline]

Then I take a call from Bernie who congratulates me and tells me that the job is mine for the taking. I’m there!

The next day I’m paraded before the media as the man handpicked by Bernie and Max to lead the club into the promised land of the English Premier League. The first step, as Bernie and Max tell me over a congratulatory glass of champagne, is to lead F1 Power into the bottom rung of the Nationwide League, being the Third Division, of course.

To help me do it, Bernie and Max tell me that I have the astonishing figure of £8 million to spend on new players. And, while I like to keep all my new charges on-side (especially Michael Schumacher), some of the ex-Formula One drivers were, well, better at Formula One than football.

The first thing to do, after the media parade, is to cancel the four game trip to Switzerland arranged with the help of Peter Sauber. While I appreciate his kind gesture in setting us up with some interesting games, I really think that a home tournament is the way to go, so I invite a couple of provincial Spanish clubs and an Italian bottom division club to the inaugural F1 Cup. But to get a sense of team unity and to find out exactly where our strengths and weaknesses lie, I decide to contact non-league Accrington Stanley, still living amongst the glories of its illustrious past and see whether they’re interested in being the first club to play on the newly-hallowed turf of F1 Glory, our oddly named stadium.

Then we might take a quick trip down to Portugal and particularly Lisbon to take on Sporting Lisbon B, if they’re willing, before we begin our season by hosting Leigh RMI.

Once these formalities are out of the way, I decide to conduct a quick, informal training session to start gauging where our strengths and weaknesses may be, and after that’s finished I count the number of inflated and useable balls we have left over. Unfortunately, as always seems to be the case, not too many, and I hope that my favoured cultured passing style will be improved by a sufficient influx of players so that we’re not made complete muppets out there on the field.

But who would be interested in joining a club with no pedigree, no history and is widely considered by the media and the public at large as merely a flash-in-the-pan and the ultimate in millionaire extravagances, even more so than some Russian billionaire pumping in billions of roubles into a Premier League club?

[Dixie Flatline]

Well, actually, quite a few players. And some of them are quite good, too. I suppose the top of my list would be a new goalkeeper. Both Antonio Pizzonia and Ralph Firman are far too inexperienced, even taking into account their schoolboy years, and frankly, not good enough to put between the posts. Firman is a brave keeper, frequently putting himself in positions where angels fear to tread in the scratch match, but he isn’t technically proficient enough to pull this caper off, while Pizzonia’s youth and the fact he’s injured at the moment makes it difficult to assess just how good he is, but I’m not encouraged when he tells me his football experiences.

We could use some cover in defence. Jenson Button looks a likely sort, especially given his versatility and ability to play anywhere along the back four, while Jarno Trulli is surprisingly not that bad. But beyond that, I have some players who are seriously deficient in many areas that would be useful to getting results on the pitch. David Coulthard is probably the best of the rest, but his lack of pace may catch us out once too many times for my liking (and the board’s). Heinz-Harald Frentzen is a player who should be able to hold down a spot in the Conference, but if and when it becomes harder than that, I wouldn’t rely on the German to plug holes in my defence. I tried to convince the 1.89 metre tall Justin Wilson that he’d be a good goalkeeper, but he swears to me that he’s a central defender, and has been one all his life. Frankly, I can’t see the stoop-shouldered, craggy-faced, black-haired youngster being a defender. At least he can jump and head the ball. That has to be good at something, doesn’t it? Set pieces, they tell me. Cristiano da Matta can play on the left of or in the centre of defence, he tells me. But like most other ex-Formula One drivers who opted to be defenders for the hell of it, he’s not much chop at it, really. For some reason, though, he can cross quite brilliantly. It puzzles me, it really does.

I’m not helped by the fact that I have two defenders (as well as Pizzonia, which makes it three players) already injured before the season even begins. Olivier Panis, the Frenchman, apparently managed to drive a Toyota around the track for 300 kilometres plus without ever noticing, but the club physio, Dr Sid Watkins, discovers that he has had undiagnosed shin splints for the last month, and he’s going to miss three months of the season with that injury. It’s a shame too, because he’s versatile enough to play up forward or down back. Mind you, he’s not great at either end of the pitch, but there you go. This is the Conference and you can’t expect miracles from guys who drove fast cars for a living that if you turned them upside down would stick to the roof of the Monaco Casino tunnel.

Giancarlo Fisichella, surprisingly for an Italian, is bad at this game. There’s not much he can do except tackle, which he does rather well. It’s just that by the time he reaches the position where the ball is, somebody has taken it away from there. Plus he manages to break his arm and will miss three weeks.

[Dixie Flatline]

Perhaps we’re strongest in midfield. Kimi Raïkonnen and Fernando Alonso are both bright young sparks capable of playing great passes as they demonstrated to me time and again in the informal scratch match I put on to introduce myself to the coaching and playing staff. Nick Heidfeld looks fairly imperious, distributing the ball around with aplomb, but he’s dreadfully slow and too easily knocked off the ball for my liking. At least Rubens Barrichello can put in crosses but unless he can find a way to control his dribbling, he might struggle to make a long-lasting impact here at F1 Power. Jos Verstappen is a canny midfielder, with a bag of tricks and capable of steering home free kicks like nobody’s business, but again his lack of pace might leave us exposed.

Mark Webber thinks he’s the Formula One equivalent of Harry Kewell. He’s not. But at least he’s creative when he passes the ball around. That might help when it comes to the selection table, which I’ve told Bernie he doesn’t have access to. He didn’t like that. He thinks that the plaque on his office door that reads “Director of Football†entitles him to have a rather large say in who gets to play on the weekend. In my book, it doesn’t, and I’m going to have to show Bernie who is the real boss around here soon enough.

Ralf Schumacher might not be Harry Kewell, but he’s probably our best player in the squad. Capable of crossing balls into the box with ease and passing the ball around, Ralf is going to have to be a creative outlet for us down the right.

I have three strikers at my disposal, but funnily enough, none of them like each other. Michael Schumacher might be putting himself forward as the captain of the team, but I’m not sure whether Jacques Villeneuve or Juan Pablo Montoya would agree with him. At this stage, I think I’d like to put together Villeneuve and Schumacher on the pitch but none of my strikers are really up to scratch at this stage.

[Dixie Flatline]

So my first bid is for Fulham’s Karl Heinz Riedle. The 34 year old German striker might be past his best, but I’m sure he’d be more than equal to what other conference sides could put up against him. I also put a call through to goalkeeper Carlos Fernando Navarro Montoya to see if he’s interested in joining F1 Power. Apparently he is, so I put some terms before him and see what he’ll do. Fulham think over my offer for Riedle for about two minutes then tell me that if he wants to join, then I can have him.

But Montoya is a target for many clubs around Europe, so my chances of landing him as my first choice keeper could be quite slim.

“… John Filan is likely to be F1 Power’s first ever signing as manager, Mr Dixie Flatline, announced today that Blackburn’s Australian keeper will join the club as soon as possible…â€

The keeper will join F1 Power for £475,000, which is a tidy sum for Blackburn, I suppose.

I lose another player to injury for a little while as Heinz-Harald Frentzen strains his wrist in training. I’m actually surprised that we haven’t had more training mishaps at the moment. I’m sure there must be some type of transition from driving really fast cars really fast to playing a game where the aim is to kick a ball into the opponent’s net.

I follow up the acquisition of Filan with getting Kingstonian’s best player, Geoff Pitcher, to sign on the dotted line. At £28,000, I think he’s a bargain. Then I also manage to bring in Ritchie Humphries on loan from Sheffield Wednesday for the season. That is quickly followed up by Reidle telling me he’s agreed terms with F1 Power, which is a big boost to our attacking stocks.

I’m contacted by Taribo West’s agent, who tells me that his client is willing to join F1 Power because he particularly looks forward to working with me. That means I need to front up to the hearing into whether his work permit will be granted.

[Dixie Flatline]

“Arsenal diverts this summer’s football headlines away from F1 Power, at least momentarily, as Arsène Wenger unveils Martín Palermo at Highbury this afternoon, signed from Boca Juniors for £13.25 million. This is quickly followed by Sir Alex Ferguson unveiling Gareth Southgate, a £8.75 million acquisition from Aston Villa.â€

I lose Montoya and Villeneuve for the weekend as they are required by their countries, Colombia and Canada, respectively to turn out for their national teams. That’s funny, I don’t think either of them has kicked a ball in anger, but because they wear the colours of the most hyped Conference team in history, they’re automatically included in their national squads! Maybe I should pull on the football boots! In the end, we have a bona fide international as Jacques Villeneuve makes his debut for Canada, coming off the bench in the 58th minute but he couldn’t stop the Maple Leaf brigade going down 1-0 to Jamaica, thanks to a goal from Birmingham’s Michael Johnson in the 64th minute. Villeneuve was less than impressive against the Reggae Boyz, touching the ball just three times for one completed pass. Then again, he had quite a few for company.

But I do manage to bring him some international class talent as West Ham agree to Javier Margas coming on a four month loan to help shore up the defence. The Chilean international, desperate to escape his purgatory that is West Ham, agrees to the short-term loan contract. In the meantime, veteran striker Mark Hateley joins Hayes. I think there is somewhat of a gulf of class beginning to develop here!

Friendly - F1 Power v Accrington Stanley

Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone invite many luminaries from the former world of Formula One to our first ever game at F1 Glory, and we put on a bit of a show for our patrons as we hand out a football lesson to Accrington Stanley. It’s amazing that this is the first real time many of these people have played football at any level and even though this game is only a friendly, I’m sure it will be memorable for at least seven of the players representing F1 Power. Michael Schumacher scores first from a Geoff Pitcher corner on 13 minutes, who then hits the post ten minutes later. Pitcher proceeds to hit the cross-bar on 26 minutes, but Alonso is there to pick up the pieces and the Spaniard slams home the rebound. Somewhat against the run of play, though, after we spurn a few more chances, Alexander brings Accrington back into the game with a goal on 40 minutes. But Karl Heinz Riedle makes it 3-1 just on the stroke of half-time. Mindful of our lack of match fitness I change things around at half-time a little bit, bringing on Margas, Webber and Verstappen for Wilson, Riedle and Alonso. Pitcher gets a goal as good reward for his great first half on 54 minutes to make it 4-1 and we’re officially cruising. I make more changes at 66 minutes with Heidfeld, Barrichello, Humphreys and da Matta on for Coulthard, Ralf Schumacher, Raïkkonen and Trulli, and da Matta should have given away a penalty for a poor tackle on Williams. But Michael Schumacher gets us a penalty on 90 minutes when he’s tripped up, and Jos Verstappen coolly converts to send the crowd home deliriously happy! We looked really good this afternoon!

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli (da Matta 66), Coulthard (Heidfeld 66), Button; Raïkonnen (Humphreys 66), Alonso (Verstappen 46), R. Schumacher (Barrichello 66); Pitcher; Riedle (Webber 46), M. Schumacher ©.

Accrington Stanley (4-4-2): Ross ©; Skinner, Lynch, Cox (Bullock 31), Hay; Brown (Blake 31), Patterson, Poole (Morrison 17), Tomlinson; Alexander, Williams.

Final score: F1 Power 5:1 Accrington Stanley

MoM - Karl Heinz Riedle

[Dixie Flatline]

I’m told after the game is finished that Stan Collymore won’t join the club on loan because we already have two players on loan at the club. I can’t afford to buy the volatile striker, so I need to put that ambitious move on hold at this stage.

Justin Wilson then proceeds to strain his groin in training (so he says, anyway) and he’ll miss three weeks, ruling him out of the start to F1 Power’s inaugural season in the Conference. In the meantime, I sign Ronnie Wallwork from Manchester United for £450,000 to bolster our defence.

And that’s a good thing since Heinz-Harald Frentzen damages his shoulder in training and misses two weeks through injury.

I accept a friendly invitation from Stoke City to take them on at the Britannia Stadium two days before we’re due in Portugal to play Sporting Lisbon B. I look at the calendar and think it’s a bit tight, but I’d like to bed down the squad as much as possible, so I decide to throw caution to the wind and take Stoke up on their challenge.

F1 Cup, Semi-Final: F1 Power v Cartagonova

With Villeneuve stepping off the plane at Heathrow only 24 hours ago from being with the Canadian team in Costa Rica where they lost 2-0 thanks to Paulo Wanchope, he sits on the bench. Montoya is away with Colombia for their international clash with Argentina while Javier Margas is with Chile for their game with Ecuador. The only new player in the starting eleven is my latest acquisition, Ronnie Wallwork, who fills in at centre back for the injured Justin Wilson.

Wallwork’s first contribution is a good one, too, as he comes forward from deep to set up Michael Schumacher, and the captain doesn’t let us down, firing a bullet header past Trujillo for the first goal of the game. We double our lead on 16 minutes when Fernando Alonso is on hand to tap in a poor punch clear by Trujillo, but Cartagonova scramble back into the game on 40 minutes when Mariano shrugs off his marker long enough to fire past Filan. But two minutes into the second half, we make the game safe when Pitcher’s corner is headed thunderously past Trujillo by Michael Schumacher, beating Manzano to the ball. I make some substitutions on 55 minutes, but that is really the end of the game - nothing happens after that!

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard (da Matta 55), Wallwork, Button; Raïkkonen (Humphreys 55), Alonso (Verstappen 55), R. Schumacher (Barrichello 55); Pitcher; Riedle, M. Schumacher © (Villeneuve 55).

Cartagonova (4-4-2): Trujillo; Biri, Manzano, Tárraga ©, Leo; Cordón (Algar 46 (Quillo 54)), Mariano, Franch (Rufo 41), García; Garzón, Manolo.

Final score: F1 Power 3:1 Cartagonova

MoM - Fernando Alonso

[Dixie Flatline]

After S.P.A.L. beats Linense in the other semi-final, Linense revenges itself on Cartagonova, winning 2-1 in the race for third place.

F1 Cup - Final: S.P.A.L. v F1 Power

Although technically classed as the away team, we dominate this game with another great performance. The scoresheet probably doesn’t reflect the extent to which we control this game, but two goals in the space of nine minutes to first David Coulthard and then Jacques Villeneuve means we cruise towards a well-deserved victory by the time the referee blows for full time. Michael Schumacher seemed a little bemused by the fact his fellow German Riedle wasn’t beside him, as I took the opportunity to rest some of my squad and give others (like Jacques) a run-out in the lead-up to the season. Mark Webber does alright in the attacking midfield role, while Ronnie Wallwork runs the defence impressively, marring his performance only through picking up a needless booking for giving the referee too much lip. But all in all a satisfying performance in a satisfying pre-season - our first ever!

S.P.A.L. (4-4-2): Pierobon; Mignani, Airoldi ©, Di Giorgio, Kemp (Mela 59); Mistretta (Bertagnon 53), Agazzone, Mauro (Temelin 19 (Di Somma 66)), Longhi (Logarzo 53); Rossi (Contini 66), Bruno.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; da Matta, Coulthard, Wallwork, Button; Alonso (Heidfeld 61); Raïkkonen, R. Schumacher; Webber (Barrichello 61); Villeneuve, M. Schumacher © (Humphreys 61).

Final score: S.P.A.L. 0:2 F1 Power

MoM - Andrea Pierobon

[Dixie Flatline]

The one thing I have learned out of the pre-season so far is that I’m woefully short of cover for Button on the right side of defence. Frentzen and Fisichella are the only other players who like to delude themselves they can play there, but they are not much chop so I think I need to delve into Max and Bernie’s generous transfer kitty to see if I can score me a good right back. I have a few potential candidates, so we’ll see how I go, shall we?!

We suffer a bit of a blow a few days later when Michael Schumacher damages his elbow in a training mishap against David Coulthard. He’ll miss ten days, meaning he will be touch and go whether he leads out the troops for our first competitive fixture against Leigh RMI.

I sign Chris Willmott of Wimbledon, a 22 year old defender capable of playing in the centre or on the right for a price of £90,000.

Friendly: Stoke v F1 Power

We take on the mighty Stoke from the Second Division and triumph 1-0 thanks to a strike after 29 minutes from Juan Pablo Montoya, on as a substitute for Karl Heinz Riedle, who twists his knee and will miss the start of the season with a ten day injury. We could have had more goals if Villeneuve in particular could hit the target, but on this day, the Canadian international couldn’t hit a cow a$$ with a banjo. Still, I am happy with our preparations to date, and this result tops off the cake.

Stoke (3-5-2): Harrison; Mohan (Iwelumo 34), Gunnarsson, Petty; Clarke (Frain 61), O’Connor (Thomas 21 (Collins 53)), Fear ©, Kavanagh, Risom; Dadason, Gudjonsson (Thorne 54).

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, Margas, Willmott; Wallwork (Heidfeld 54); Räikkönen, Schumacher (Barrichello 54); Pitcher; Riedle © (Montoya 24), Villeneuve (Humphreys 54).

Final score: Stoke 0:1 F1 Power

MoM - John Filan

[Dixie Flatline]

Friendly: Sporting Lisbon B v F1 Power

I send out many players I would consider second stringers for our last game of preparation before the season begins properly. With players like Alan Mohan, Jovan Kirovski, Ricardo Quaresma, and Mbo Mpenza in the side, our hosts are certainly no pushovers, so it’s more to our credit that we hold out until the 89th minute before we concede the first and only goal of the game, to Vargas. We have our own chances to win the game, too, especially from set-pieces where captain for the day Javier Margas is especially potent at corners. So, even though we lose the match, I think there are plenty of positives to be drawn from the game as we look forward to playing Leigh RMI on the first day of the season.

Sporting Lisbon B (5-2-1-2): Santos ©; Ricardo (Lourenço 46), Magalhães, Santamaria, Marco, Quaresma (Spehar 58); Mahon, Horvath; Vargas; Kirovski, Mpenza.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Firman; Trulli (da Matta 63), Coulthard (Heidfeld 63), Margas ©, Willmott (Button 63); Wallwork; Webber (Alonso 63), Barrichello; Humphreys (Verstappen 89); Montoya (Räikkönen 89), Villeneuve.

Final score: Sporting Lisbon B 1:0 F1 Power

MoM - Nuno Santos

While I’m in Lisbon, I’m visited in the hotel by Adolfo and his agent, who inform me that the young Spanish forward has agreed to his £100,000 move from Segunda Liga B side Linense. Then Mark Hughes phones to say that he’s prepared to leave Everton to sign the deal I had put forward to him previously, worth £140,000 to Everton. It took some intense negotiation because Sparky wanted a relatively considerable wage to come to the party, but I’ve managed to talk him down a little bit, and I think the 36 year old veteran with a glittering career including Manchester United, Chelsea and Barcelona behind him would add something to our squad, like the capture of Riedle did earlier.

Unfortunately, Adolfo doesn’t last too long on the training track before he injures himself by straining his groin in training. He’ll miss a month, which gives him a lot of time to work on his English.

After much negotiation with the government bureaucracy, Bernie manages to procure a conditional work permit for Nigerian international Taribo West, and the defender finally makes his move to F1 Power.

I’m forced to offer Sir Frank Williams an improved contract after Sunderland target him as a scout for the Premier League club.

[Dixie Flatline]

So, after a blaze of publicity and several testing games in our pre-season, it’s time to show English football that we’re ready for the ‘big time’. This is our first step in reaching Max and Bernie’s stated goal of reaching the crème de la crème of Europe and I hope to ride their coattails to my own personal fame and fortune.

But we can’t let us get ahead of ourselves, since we need to be promoted out of the Conference at basically our first attempt. So we need to begin well.

Conference - Game 1: F1 Power v Leigh RMI

We dominate the first half with 14 shots on goal (with 11 on target), but until almost the last kick of the half I feel as though we haven’t converted our dominance. Geoff Pitcher gives us an early lead on 8 minutes, but after Jason Solomon is sent off just before half-time for two yellow card offences, Fernando Alonso sets up Jacques Villeneuve and the Canadian ex-Williams and BAR driver slams home his first goal of the season! We carry on our dominance in the second half, but Leigh have a good keeper in David Felgate and he keeps us out for the whole of the second half. That is the only disappointing aspect of the game - we could have, and perhaps should have, thrashed Leigh by about four or five goals to nil. We settle, however, for an opening day 2-0 win.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, Margas ©, Button; Räikkönen (Humphreys 67), Alonso (Verstappen 67), R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, Montoya.

Leigh RMI (4-4-2): Felgate; Solomon (s/o 45), Wallace, Verity, Scott; Critchley, Bonner (Kielty 80), Reid, Ridings; D’Jaffo (Briscoe 59), Black (Mason 9).

Final score: F1 Power 2:0 Leigh RMI

MoM - Kimi Räikkönen

We end the opening round in third position, with Geoff Pitcher, Räikkönen and Jacques Villeneuve gaining positions in the first team of the team of the week.

I’m given a selection headache with both Riedle and Michael Schumacher returning to full fitness after injury, but with Villeneuve opening his account and Montoya unlucky not to, it will be difficult to justify dropping them for the two Germans.

Sir Frank Williams turns down Sunderland by signing a new contract with F1 Power.

Margas’ usefulness in his loan spell is suddenly severely curtailed after he strains his groin in training with Chile and will miss three weeks.

[Dixie Flatline]

Conference - Game 2: F1 Power v Yeovil

Taribo West and Michael Schumacher make their debuts for the injured Margas and Montoya respectively. The game is similar to our first match against Leigh in that we dominate the 90 minutes from start to finish, but this time we manage to take advantage of our chances. A simple move involving Ralf Schumacher leads to Geoff Pitcher shooting home on 6 minutes, then Alonso doubles our lead on 17 minutes after advancing from deep. Villeneuve threads a ball through the Yeovil defence and Ralf Schumacher converts it excellently on 42 minutes, then Pitcher scores a free kick from 25 yards in injury time at the end of the half. The second half is a little more sedate affair, and Yeovil gain a measure of consolation on 55 minutes when John Filan concedes his first goal for the club to Crittenden. But Michael Schumacher restores our four goal cushion on 64 minutes with his first goal on his debut and that is that.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli (Wallwork 70), Coulthard, West, Button; Räikkönen (Humphreys 70), Alonso, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Yeovil (4-4-2): Pennock; Tonkin, Steele, White, Skiverton; Patmore (Poole 61), Way, Crittenden, Thompson ©; Tarrant, Eyjolfsson.

Final score: F1 Power 5:1 Yeovil

MoM - Geoff Pitcher

Pitcher is named in the team of the week’s first eleven.

Conference - Game 3: Hayes v F1 Power

Our first game on the road and our first midweek game, and the combination is harsh upon us as we go down to our first defeat of the season. It begins brightly, too, with Ronnie Wallwork, in for the tired Alonso, scores on 3 minutes. But veteran midfielder Gary Swann equalises on 10 minutes and from there on it is somewhat of an arm-wrestle, but on the whole Hayes has the better of it in the first half. John Filan is much more busy than he has been in the last two games, while Michael Schumacher contrives to waste the few chances we create in the first half. I finally tire of our captain’s inability to hit the target and replace him with Montoya on 64 minutes, but we can’t grip this game by the scruff of the neck and Swann bobs up with the winner late in the second half to give Hayes all three points. Bernie Ecclestone relays to me the disappointment of the board with the result, and suddenly we’re six points behind conference leader Dagenham & Redbridge, even though we have played a game less.

Hayes (4-4-2): Cobey; Tilbury, Davidson (Davies 57), Balmer ©, Wraight; Barnes, Flynn (Goodliffe 51), Swann, Moore; Telemaque, Hateley.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Button; Wallwork; Räikkönen, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher © (Montoya 64).

Final score: Hayes 2:1 F1 Power

MoM - Gary Swann

[Dixie Flatline]

Conference - Game 4: F1 Power v Northwich

With Villeneuve in the USA with the Canadian international squad, Riedle is allowed to make his debut along side Michael Schumacher, while Fernando Alonso returns at the expense of Wallwork and Ritchie Humphreys takes over the left flank from the tired Kimi Räikkönen. On 31 minutes, our on-loan winger floats a cross over the Northwich defence to where Riedle is lurking and the German veteran shows our strikes how it’s done with a powerful and unstoppable header! Riedle should have had his second on 53 minutes, except Michael Schumacher can’t quite hold his run long enough to avoid the off-side trap, but it matters not as Riedle deservedly scores his second goal on 74 minutes when Ralf Schumacher reaches the by-line before crossing brilliantly to cut out the keeper and Riedle nods home.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Button; Humphreys, Alonso, R. Schumacher (Verstappen 83); Pitcher; Riedle (Montoya 83), M. Schumacher ©.

Northwich (4-4-2): Key; Laurie, Burke, Robertson, Gaunt; Duffy (Norris 70), Brabin, Devlin, Holcroft; Cooke, Quinn © (Kimmins 64).

Final score: F1 Power 2:0 Northwich

MoM - Karl Heinz Riedle

[Dixie Flatline]

Conference - Game 5: Doncaster v F1 Power

Our second away game of the season comes just two days after our win over Northwich, so there are some wholesale changes made to put out a fresh team on the park. Trulli, Button, Alonso, Humphreys, Ralf Schumacher and Riedle all make way for Heidfeld, Willmott, Wallwork, Räikkönen, Verstappen and Villeneuve. It is the latter who scores our only goal of the game on 7 minutes when he heads home a beautifully weighted cross from Michael Schumacher to give us an early lead. But at home, Doncaster is not an easy side to push over and again John Filan is kept busy in the first half, and with just a minute go before the break, we concede the equaliser courtesy of a Tilson corner being headed home by Paterson ahead of Coulthard. We do better in the second half creatively, but we fail to capitalise on our good work. With Michael Schumacher tiring late in the game, I give the veteran Mark Hughes a go up forward to see if he can bring any spark to the game, but he unwisely chooses the wrong options that reduces the percentages of scoring a goal to win the game and we have to settle for something that the board is not happy with and it is our away form that is letting down our challenge for instant promotion to the League.

Doncaster (4-4-2): Richardson; Shaw (Barnard 42), Walling, Hawkins, Marples ©; Stuart (Tilson 36), Paterson, Larusson, Atkins (Price 53); Marsh, Halliday.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; West, Coulthard, Heidfeld, Willmott; Wallwork; Räikkönen, Verstappen; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher © (Hughes 64).

Final score: Doncaster 1:1 F1 Power

MoM - Jacques Villeneuve

Jacques Villeneuve is named the Conference player of the month for August. Kimi Räikkönen takes out the young player of the month award.

Conference - Game 6: F1 Power v Kettering

But Villeneuve is not in our team to play Kettering at home - he’s with the Canadian squad again for another World Cup qualifier. I again swap over a lot of players, with Trulli, Button, Alonso, Räikkönen, and Ralf Schumacher coming back into the first eleven. On 12 minutes, Geoff Pitcher finds Ralf Schumacher motoring into the penalty area and the German winger doesn’t let us down with the opening goal of the game. Our next goal doesn’t come until the 69th minute (though not through lack of trying) when Räikkönen lofts an inviting cross into the area and Michael Schumacher scores with a brilliant bicycle kick. John Filan is not completely bored in goal with Kettering looking to get something from this game, but in the end we prevail 2-0 which moves us back up to fifth with a game in hand.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Button; Räikkönen, Alonso, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Riedle, M. Schumacher ©.

Kettering (4-4-2): Wilson; Gibbs, Vowden, Ridler, Matthews (Norman 85); Slawson, Duffield (Smith 73), Lenagh, Hudson (Ridgeway 67); McNamara ©, Watkins.

Final score: F1 Power 2:0 Kettering

MoM - Michael Schumacher

Keep smiling!

Dixie Flatline

[Gino]

Brilliant idea Dixie, and well executed to!

[Brian of Nazareth]

Excellent Start Dixie, nice idea too

* Determined not to fall 20 pages behind this time *

[Raptor]

Excellent

I remember when we were kids me and my mates were all motorsport nuts (I still am ) and we often played F1-football, being out fav drivers on the footy pitch. This is much like it.

[Stephanie McMahon's Secret Lover]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Raptor:

Excellent

I remember when we were kids me and my mates were all motorsport nuts (I still am ) and we often played F1-football, being out fav drivers on the footy pitch. This is much like it. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I didn't think the combustion engine had been invented when you were a kid.

[Philip Rolfe]

brilliant

[Dixie Flatline]

Thanks very much guys for your very positive response to this story!

As you might tell from my interests, football and Formula One are right up there, so I thought I'd give it a go (once I figured out how to use the pre-game editor!).

I'm keen to keep this going as long as possible, but since we're based on modified game data, I'll give the usual warnings that it may junk on me at any moment and then I'll be left hanging (as will you, my loyal readers and followers! ).

By the way, I apologise to fans of Nicolas Kiesa and Zsolt Baumgartner. I started the game before Baumgartner got a drive with Jordan, and since I based my statistics on the starting grid for the Australian GP at the beginning of the season, that's why you'll find Pizzonia rather than Kiesa in my team.

Also, I've tinkered a little bit with the drivers' ages. Since many of them (like Michael Schumacher, Villeneuve, Panis, Frentzen to reel off a few) are in reality in their 30s, I wanted to make sure I have a few productive seasons with them, so I've reduced their ages by a few years, as part of taking artistic licence!

[Dixie Flatline]

Spin, spin, spin! Round, round, round he goes!

Filan, Pitcher and Räikkönen make it into the first eleven of the team of the week, while the Schumacher brothers sit on the bench.

Conference - Game 7: Chester v F1 Power

We make this game very difficult for us as none of my strikers can hit the target at all. We fashion ten chances through the 90 minute game, and only one shot is on target. But we make it count as Michael Schumacher scores on the hour mark to put us 1-0 up. Chester keep John Filan very busy through the game, but the ability of the Chester forwards to find enough space to test Filan makes me very nervous, especially after Schumacher, snr, gives us the lead. But Filan is a good keeper and keeps a clean sheet to give us our first away victory of the season and in our history. Deservedly, he claims the man of the match award.

Chester (4-4-2): Wilkerson; Doughty, Woods, Spink (Ruscoe 72), P. Beesley; Croft (M. Beesley 52), Richardson, Carden, Blackburn ©; Finney, Wright (Robinson 72).

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; West, Coulthard, Willmott, Button; Wallwork; Räikkönen, Verstappen (Villeneuve 59); Riedle, M. Schumacher ©.

Final score: Chester 0:1 F1 Power

MoM - John Filan

I give Jos Verstappen a stern talking to after he failed to make an impact during the 59 minutes he played. It culminates in my first official warning of the season. The former Dutch driver for Arrows, Minardi and countless other teams apologises for his poor performance and says he’ll motivate himself more for future games. He’ll have to do that in the reserves at this stage.

[Dixie Flatline]

I sign Gary Heath from Chesterfield to become my new assistant manager in the lead-up to our crucial game against the leader Dag & Red.

Conference - Game 8: F1 Power v Dagenham & Redbridge

This is probably our most important game of the season so far, since we’re taking on the top team in the Conference. So it’s important to get off to a good start, which is why I’m very pleased to see Michael Schumacher score spectacularly with a brilliant bicycle kick. Dag & Red look to hit back immediately with the dangerous Junior McDougald looking for and finding Walton in the box, but Walton can’t force Filan into a save. Villeneuve misses with a volley on 30 minutes, then on 44 minutes, Filan makes his first save of the game when he parries Hawes’ shot. Into the second half, Forbes wastes a good opportunity to test Filan on 53 minutes, but the keeper does well to stop Shipp scoring on 66 minutes. Villeneuve wastes another opportunity to make the points safe on 70 minutes and Filan is again called into action on 80 minutes to stop Brennan scoring the equaliser. On 85 minutes, Michael Schumacher eases the pressure with a testing shot of Roberts, while Fernando Alonso, pulling the strings from midfield, also does his best to double our lead but without success.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Button; Humphreys, Alonso, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Dag & Red (4-4-2): Roberts; Naylor, Coll, Cole, Goodwin; Walton, Brennan ©, Hawes (Payne 53), Forbes; McDougald, Shipp.

Final score: F1 Power 1:0 Dag & Red

MoM - Fernando Alonso

[Dixie Flatline]

The victory, our third in a row, pushes into third place, four points behind new leader Stevenage, with Dag & Red in second place now.

Alonso is named in the team of the week’s first eleven, while Filan is the keeper on the bench.

Conference - Game 9: Forest Green v F1 Power

We play our catch-up game on a Wednesday evening in Forest Green and we make it count in a big way. Michael Schumacher sets us on our way after 7 minutes when Räikkönen picks up Wallwork’s good defensive work and sends a cross into the box for the captain to head home. We continue to maintain pressure on veteran keeper Nigel Spink and we’re rewarded on 38 minutes when we gain a corner which Geoff Pitcher puts into a position for the returning Javier Margas to rocket past the veteran. We enter the break at 2-0 and it takes until the 80th minute to add to our lead, despite our best efforts to score goals previously. I replace Villeneuve with Riedle on 73 minutes, and the substitution pays handsome dividends. He collects Pitcher’s long ball, slaloms his way through the Forest Green defence and blasts past Spink. Three minutes later, Pitcher makes it 4-0 when he collects Ralf Schumacher’s low cross and lobs it over Spink! Michael Schumacher provides the book-end for the scoring when our captain heads home Margas’ square ball into the top right corner of the net!

Forest Green (4-4-2): Spink; Drysdale, Cousins, Clark ©, Hedges; Sullivan, Thomas (Campbell 88), Forbes, Bennett (Norton 61); Bryan, Foster (Smith 70).

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, Margas, Button; Wallwork; Räikkönen, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve (Riedle 73), M. Schumacher ©.

Final score: Forest Green 0:5 F1 Power

MoM - Geoff Power

Understandably, the board of F1 Power, headed by Mr Max Mosley as chairman, are satisfied and very pleased with this performance, and I’m congratulated by the esteemed Director of Football, Bernie Ecclestone, for a great result.

[Dixie Flatline]

Conference - Game 10: Morecambe v F1 Power

Unlike the last game, which was a football exhibition, this is more a workmanlike performance. Michael Schumacher, however, continues his scoring run with the only goal of the game on 40 minutes. That makes it five consecutive games where the captain has scored at least one goal. In fact, Michael is the only player to put a shot on target, since he has all three of ours (out of nine), while Morecambe don’t create a chance at all. So that actually makes it five games since John Filan conceded a goal, and 496 minutes of game time since Doncaster Rovers scored. That’s statistics I can live with!

Morecambe (4-4-2): Smith; Williams, Hardiker, Hall, Fensome; Lyons, Brown, Walter, Dowe ©; Milner (Eastwood 61), Ceraolo.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, Margas, Button; Wallwork; Räikkönen, R. Schumacher (Alonso 73); Pitcher (Humphreys 73); Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Final score: Morecambe 0:1 F1 Power

MoM - Kimi Räikkönen

[Dixie Flatline]

Since that’s the tenth game of the season, it’s time to put up the ladder:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1st Stevenage 10 4 1 0 14 5 4 1 0 6 1 26

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd F1 Power 10 5 0 0 12 1 3 1 1 9 3 25

3rd Dag & Red 10 4 1 0 11 7 3 0 2 7 6 22

4th Kingstonian 10 4 0 1 9 4 3 0 2 8 5 21

5th Hayes 10 3 2 0 10 6 3 1 1 10 7 21

6th Southport 10 3 2 0 6 1 2 2 1 6 5 19

7th Scarborough 10 2 3 0 3 0 2 2 1 5 4 17

8th Forest Green 10 3 0 2 5 8 2 1 2 7 10 16

9th Hereford 10 3 0 2 11 9 1 2 2 6 7 14

10th Doncaster 10 2 2 1 5 3 1 2 2 3 4 13

11th Dover 10 2 1 2 6 6 2 0 3 5 6 13

12th Telford 10 4 1 0 6 1 0 0 5 3 9 13

13th Kettering 10 2 1 2 6 6 2 0 3 3 5 13

14th Leigh 10 3 1 1 7 6 1 0 4 4 10 13

15th Chester 10 3 0 2 7 2 0 2 3 4 8 11

16th Morecambe 10 1 3 1 4 4 1 2 2 1 3 11

17th Nuneaton Borough 10 0 1 4 4 10 3 1 1 4 1 11

18th Hednesford Town 10 0 0 5 5 10 2 2 1 7 5 8

19th Northwich 10 1 0 4 3 8 1 1 3 2 5 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

20th Boston Utd 10 1 1 3 2 4 0 2 3 2 9 6

21st Yeovil 10 2 0 3 3 4 0 0 5 6 15 6

22nd Woking 10 0 2 3 1 6 0 0 5 3 12 2

</pre>

[Dixie Flatline]

So our run of five wins on the trot means we’re just a point behind Stevenage and guess who we play next?!

After the game I’m glad to see Rubens Barrichello sign a new contract that will keep him here for four seasons. I’m also happy for Mark Webber, who is called up to Australia’s squad for the game against Morocco. Maybe he really is Formula One’s answer to Harry Kewell?

Keep smiling!

Dixie Flatline

[Dixie Flatline]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Raptor:

Excellent

I remember when we were kids me and my mates were all motorsport nuts (I still am ) and we often played F1-football, being out fav drivers on the footy pitch. This is much like it. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, you know which driver is my favourite driver!

[Raptor]

Aye

We can but hope he'll return to CART to kick arse next season. While he's lost some of his edge (IMO) thanks to a shìte car, I'm certain he'll rediscover his form when the fun factor returns.

[Dixie Flatline]

In the risk of turning a story thread into an off-topic thread, let me just respond by saying I'd think he'd be crazy to go back to IndyCars. He has nothing to prove there, especially since both versions are now so mickey mouse.

I just hope that he manages to stay in Formula One for at least one more season and defy the critics (including amongst his own team! ) and really show us what he's made of.

I saw a news story on the TV channel that now shows F1 races (Channel 10 - used to be Channel 9) last week about him and his team, and he went on for a little bit about how he hates to give up a challenge and leave things unfinished. Let's hope his bosses see that determination and not turn to some other test-driver to fill his spot!

And everybody else will win the grand prize of nothing if you can guess which current F1 driver we're rambling on about!

[Skiddaw]

And everybody else will win the grand prize of nothing if you can guess which current F1 driver we're rambling on about!

NO IDEA BUT I'M CURIOUS...

[Dixie Flatline]

Since there's only twenty current F1 drivers, you have a 5% chance of guessing correctly!

[Guest]

Hi Dixie,

It's great to see that JV is having better luck on the football field than he's had so far on the race track !

Love the story.

B.E.

[Dixie Flatline]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by B.E. Gaity:

Hi Dixie,

It's great to see that JV is having better luck on the football field than he's had so far on the race track !

Love the story.

B.E. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thank you very much, B.E.! You're the proud winner of the grand prize of nothing for knowing that the driver we were talking about is none other than Jacques Villeneuve, the 1997 World Champion and undoubtedly the best driver in the field.

I'm glad you love the story, B.E.! I like it too!

[Dixie Flatline]

"So Bernie, in the seventeen years since you bought McLaren, which of your many achievements do you think was the most memorable?" "Well," says Bernie, "I don't remember buying McLaren." (Bernie owned Brabham!)

Conference - Game 11: F1 Power v Stevenage

If you said Stevenage, you would have been correct. Congratulations. We begin brightly, but Villeneuve has been off the boil of late and he misses two good chances inside the first quarter-hour mark. Michael Schumacher also fails to take full advantage of his chance on 19 minutes, but he’s just warming up, you see. His first helpful contribution is to set up his younger brother for the first goal of the game on 37 minutes, one which Ralf takes with aplomb, much to the delight of the home crowd. But our joy is shortlived because on the stroke of half time, Twidell punishes our lax defence by blasting home from 10 yards, ending John Filan’s long run of game time without conceding. That earns the boys a rocket at the break, and it seems to do the trick because within six minutes of the restart, we’re back in the lead, thanks to Michael, who scores in his sixth consecutive game. Our captain makes sure of the points on 66 minutes when he rises highest to prod home his brother’s cross. A good result that sees us move up to the top for the first time this season.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, Margas, Button; Humphreys (Webber 83), Alonso, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher © (Riedle 73).

Stevenage (4-4-2): Southall ©; Duckett, Heaton, Carr (Bunce 66), Miller; Clarke, Twidell, McMahon, Metcalfe (Abbott 45); Hay, Pearson.

Final score: F1 Power 3:1 Stevenage

MoM - Michael Schumacher

Conference - Game 12: Hednesford Town v F1 Power

Against a club in 19th place in the Conference going into the game, we should expect to extend our winning sequence quite comfortably. But it doesn’t quite turn out that way as our hosts pack quite a few surprises. We dominate possession and attacking territory for the first half hour but for no reward as Stewart proves especially adept at stopping Villeneuve finding the net for the third time this season. Then it goes horribly pear-shaped as Carty manages to steal clear of my defenders just long enough to smash Colkin’s low cross past Filan on 41 minutes. Our response is fairly swift, especially after another stern half-time address, for on 52 minutes, Pitcher has us level with his fifth of the season. But in the wet conditions, our normally smooth passing game is rendered almost null and void, while Stewart is brilliant in goal for our hosts, so when Carty heads home Owen’s cross on 71 minutes, I know it’s not going to be our day, and so it proves as we go down to our second loss of the season, much to the board’s disappointment, which they choose not to hide from me. Our stay at the top is shortlived, as we drop back to second behind Stevenage.

Hednesford Town (4-4-2): Stewart; Bradley ©, Evans, Comyn (Jackson 2), Wraight; Colkin, Cooper, Owen, Bagshaw; Brown, Carty.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; Trulli (Riedle 81), Coulthard, West, Button; Wallwork; Räikkönen, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Final score: Hednesford Town 2:1 F1 Power

MoM - Ralf Schumacher

[Dixie Flatline]

I share a corporate box with former team bosses Eddie Jordan and Craig Pollock, and one of my bosses Bernie Ecclestone at Highbury to see Arsenal beat Bayern Munich 1-0 thanks to new boy Palermo, who seems to have fitted in nicely at the Gunners. Ecclestone confides in me that they expect F1 Power to be in the Champions League in at most eight years from now. They seem to be a little ambitious to me, since we’re not even half way through the Conference season yet.

Still, Bernie is not a man you can easily say no to, as both Eddie and Craig have found out in the past, and I’m not one to quibble with the grand designs he has for this club. He and Max Mosley have gone back a long time together and this is something apparently they’ve talked about during the few idle moments they shared when they weren’t planning world domination through Formula One. Well, I guess it would really fit into their plans of world domination since football is the opiate of the masses (after all, it’s more important than living or dying, isn’t it?).

So Eddie, Craig and I have to put up with Bernie telling us all how I’m going to lead F1 Power into a new golden era and that we’ll have the stadium to match our lofty position amongst the elite of Europe’s glittering clubs, capable of taking on anybody from Real Madrid, through Manchester United, Juventus, Bayern Munich to AC Milan and beyond, and beating them all handsomely in front of at least 45,000 spectators at the state of the art F1 Glory stadium in the heart of London.

It sounds wonderful, doesn’t it, but we still have a long way to go, and the next stop is to bounce back from our loss at the hands of Hednesford Town and show the Conference that that result was just a blip in the form of the gathering juggernaut. If we really are as big as Bernie would have everybody believe, then we’ll roll right over the top of Scarborough.

In the meantime, Javier Margas enjoys two minutes on the pitch for Chile in a 2-0 win over Bolivia in Santiago.

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Conference - Game 13: F1 Power v Scarborough

Goals for Jacques Villeneuve are rather like busses. He waits an age for one to come, then as soon as one does, so does another. And I’m thankful for that. On 15 minutes, Taribo West arrows a pass into the path of the French-Canadian and the striker does the business expertly. Three minutes later, Coulthard picks up an errant goal kick and sends it forward to Villeneuve, who dances through into a shooting position and doesn’t let us down! He had threatened to score against Hednesford Town but some great goalkeeping foiled him time and again, so to have two on the board before 20 minutes was very satisfying. We could have, and should have had more goals before half-time, and when Brodie volleys Ingram’s pass home on 49 minutes, I’m in for a nervous wait until the final whistle. We are the better team in the second half, but we can’t land the killer punch to settle the game, and Filan needs to pull off some saves of his own to make sure we don’t drop two points today. But we make it through to the end of the game relatively intact and as Stevenage are beaten by fourth-placed Kingstonian, we take back top spot in the Conference.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Button; Räikkönen, Alonso, R. Schumacher (Hughes 71); Pitcher (Humphreys 71); Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Scarborough (4-4-2): Ford; Brunton, Ellender, Ingram, Betts; Gildea, Thompson ©, Tremble, Russell; Windross (Toone 45), Brodie.

Final score: F1 Power 2:1 Scarborough

MoM - Jacques Villeneuve

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After the game, I’m awarded with the Conference Manager of the Month award. Räikkönen again captures the young player of the month award, but Michael Schumacher surprisingly misses out to Richard Sadlier, on loan from Millwall to Hereford, for the player of the month award.

I’m contacted by Bernie, who is currently in Spain looking after some other business interests, to tell me that Max and the boys on the board are generally pleased with my performance as manager to date. It’s good to see that Bernie doesn’t hold any grudges over my polite but firm rebuff to his initially constant desire to pick the team. Now, he only puts his suggested first eleven forward to me every other day, while he also usurps the scouts’ roles by ‘suggesting’ the names of players he’d like to see me buy for the club. The trouble is, they wouldn’t be interested in joining F1 Power in a million years given our current situation, but Bernie thinks there’s merit to the idea that we sign them now and in a few years we’ll be able to pay their wages.

We’re drawn to play non-league Atherstone United in the qualifying round of the FA Cup - apparently that’s a big thing around here.

The first manager to bite the dust in the Conference is Jake King, sacked by Telford United’s chairman, Mr Andy Shaw.

I lose Nick Heidfeld to a torn groin muscle in a reserves match against Hereford. That will be bad for the young German defender/midfielder, since he was good value as a cover for players in the first team and kept the pressure up on them. Hopefully, Dr Sid Watkins can get to work with his magic to put him right.

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Conference - Game 14: Hereford v F1 Power

On a wet and woolly October evening, we produce workmanlike football to dispose of our hosts who depressed their fans with an insipid display. We really should have had more than the one goal we did defeat Hereford by, scored by Villeneuve (his third in two games) on 35 minutes, but putting a shot on target in the dreadful conditions that confronted us at Edgar Street made it pot luck, almost. Still, if we had played a better team, our lack of accuracy in front of goal could have cost us, and I think I’ll ask the coaches to work on our forwards’ shooting during the week.

Hereford (4-4-2): Cooksey; Sturgess, Wall, Strodder ©, Clarke; Parry, McIndoe, Robinson (Beale 59), Williams; Sadlier, Moran.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Wallwork, Button; Wallwork; Räikkönen, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Final score: Hereford 0:1 F1 Power

MoM - Scott Cooksey

FA Cup - qualifying round: Atherstone United v F1 Power

Although I make several changes and give several fringe players the chance on a fine, warm October Saturday afternoon, there really was going to ever be one result in this game. Two goals in each half see us run out easy 4-0 winners over our hosts, who need to field a team of amateurs to fill the numbers. Debutants Adolfo and Rubens Barrichello put us 2-0 after 33 minutes. Captain Michael Schumacher added a third (his tenth of the season) on 50 minutes, and Juan Pablo Montoya, who has recently been making noises to my assistant about looking for another club because he isn’t getting a fair go here, made my job harder by scoring the fourth goal on 67 minutes. Many of the players look impressive this afternoon, but you have to wonder whether they would look so good against people who play football for a living.

Atherstone United (5-3-2) drag in a bunch of amateurs to play for them.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Firman; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Willmott; Wallwork; Webber, Barrichello; Adolfo; Montoya, M. Schumacher © (Riedle 57).

Final score: Atherstone United 0:4 F1 Power

MoM - Rubens Barrichello

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We earn a trip to another non-league side, Sittingbourne, for the first round of the FA Cup in November.

During the week leading up to our home game against Kingstonian, I ask my assistant manager and coaches to rate a few of the players, just to gauge how we’ve travelled since the inception of F1 Power back in July. They agree that Jacques Villeneuve and Juan Pablo Montoya both have positive effect on the team, while Michael Schumacher’s leadership and loyalty to the club provide a great example for the younger members of the squad. Fernando Alonso and Kimi Räikkönen are talented youngsters for whom we should do all we can to keep for the future. Interestingly, Mark Hughes, Karl Heinz Riedle and Jean Todt think that Jenson Button is overrated and will never be a consistent performer at the Conference level, but Gary Heath, Ron Dennis and Frank Williams reckon he is a useful member of the squad. Everybody but Mark Hughes feels that Ralf Schumacher is a useful member, but Sparky goes further, saying the winger plays an important role for the club, and that he’s very determined.

Conference - Game 15: F1 Power v Kingstonian

The game is effectively decided in the first eight minutes. After 6 minutes, Michael Schumacher sets up Fernando Alonso, and the young Spanish midfielder slams it past Steve Farrelly in goal for Kingstonian. Michael Schumacher then makes it 2-0 after good work by his brother and fellow striker Jacques Villeneuve. We keep dominating the game and we add our third goal on 35 minutes when Coulthard and Margas combine to send the ball forward to Michael Schumacher who puts it past Farrelly! I lose Jenson Button to injury just after the break, and with no natural right back on the bench, I’m forced to put Taribo West on at right back. But it doesn’t matter, since Kingstonian don’t put up a whimper. We add a fourth on 80 minutes when old boy Geoff Pitcher finds himself enough space to slot home Michael Schumacher’s pass. The only down side to the result was that Villeneuve, who played excellently, isn’t rewarded with a goal, since Farrelly decides the Canadian will be the one he stops.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, Margas, Button (West 48); Räikkönen, Alonso, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Kingstonian (3-5-2): Farrelly; Allan, Johnston ©, Stewart; Pitman, Kelly, Beard, Bass, Neill; Partridge, O’Connor (Winston 54).

Final score: F1 Power 4:0 Kingstonian

MoM - Michael Schumacher

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We have a two week break until our next game, which is precisely the amount of time Jenson Button will miss with his thigh strain.

Not surprisingly, Michael Schumacher is named in the first eleven, along with Taribo West, who does well in an unfamiliar position for a half of the game.

We draw Stevenage in the second round of the Conference Cup to be played at F1 Glory in a few weeks.

I lose fourth choice striker Juan Pablo Montoya, who doesn’t like the fact he is fourth choice, for two weeks when he damages a shoulder jousting against David Coulthard in training this evening.

Dagenham & Redbridge’s Garry Hill is named as the manager of the month, while again Michael Schumacher misses out on player of the month, which goes to New Zealander Scott Smith of Woking. Kimi Räikkönen loses his award to Barrington Belgrave of Yeovil.

Chile and Canada call up Javier Margas and Jacques Villeneuve for games against Paraguay and St Vincent respectively.

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Conference - Game 16: Nuneaton Borough v F1 Power

We need to wait just over half an hour for the first goal of the game, but it’s a good time for David Coulthard, who scores his first goal for the club when he thunders a header from Pitcher’s corner into the back of Nuneaton’s goal! Eleven minutes later, Jacques Villeneuve scores a simple goal when he breaks free inside the area and skids a shot off the wet surface into the net! The second half is quite boring, punctuated only by two goals. We score the first on 71 minutes when Geoff Pitcher converts a free kick from 30 yards earned by substitute Fernando Alonso. The second is Nuneaton Borough’s consolation goal from only its first shot at goal in the game. That makes me unhappy, but still we have another good game in the bag.

Nuneaton Borough (4-4-2): MacKenzie; Burgess, Copley (Gittens 82), Tilbury, Thackeray; Sykes, Preece ©, Taylor (Brooker 59), Murray; Chadwick, Coote.

F1 Power (4-1-2-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Willmott; Räikkönen, R. Schumacher (Alonso 64); Pitcher; Villeneuve, M. Schumacher ©.

Final score: Nuneaton Borough 1:3 F1 Power

MoM - Geoff Pitcher

After I return to London, Bernie Ecclestone calls on me at home, ostensibly to begin strategising whom we’ll target for Bosman transfers next summer. But I really know why he’s at my apartment in Chelsea. While the board is generally pleased with my work as the manager, Bernie feels that I’m not consulting him enough and availing myself of his ‘expertise’ as Director of Football. I patiently hear him out and tell him that when I can, I do talk to Bernie, but we’re both so busy these days that it makes it difficult to keep in regular contact. Bernie seems happier after I make some excuses, but as soon as he leaves, I’m on the phone to Sparky and Riedle to tell them about Bernie coming over to have a whinge.

We’re drawn to play Stevenage in the second round of the FA Trophy in thirteen days time at F1 Glory.

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Conference - Game 17: F1 Power v Dover

We begin this game brightly as after just three minutes we’re in the lead, thanks to another goal from Geoff Pitcher, pouncing on the loose ball and banging it past Meara. On 20 minutes, Michael Schumacher forces Meara into dropping a sizzling header into the path of Chris Willmott and the young defender scores his first goal for the club! Schumacher almost scores our third goal a moment later, but we don’t have to wait too long, as Pitcher scores his second and the club’s third on 26 minutes by converting a free kick brilliantly! Although we keep up our domination in the second half, the goal-mouth action is less intense, but we still find enough in the tank to add a fourth, to Chris Willmott, in the 85th minute for another satisfying 4-0 win.

F1 Power (4-3-1-2): Filan; Trulli, Coulthard, West, Willmott; Räikkönen (Humphreys 55), Alonso, R. Schumacher; Pitcher; Villeneuve (Riedle 55), M. Schumacher ©.

Dover (4-4-2): Meara; Underwood, Warren (Virgo 55), Shearer ©, Kennedy; Vansittart, McRobert, Williamson, Clarke; Carruthers, Brown.

Final score: F1 Power 4:0 Dover

MoM - Geoff Pitcher

The team of the week reads like a squad list from F1 Power, with Willmott, Pitcher, Ralf and Michael Schumacher, and Fernando Alonso all in the first team, while Jacques Villeneuve snags a place on the bench.

I’m offered £45,000 for Giancarlo Fisichella by Serie C1/B club Sassari Torres. Bernie Ecclestone wouldn’t like me to sell an ex-Formula 1 driver to such a club, but, let’s face it, Fisichella isn’t good enough to ever break out of the reserves into the first team and we would only be kidding ourselves if we thought we did. So I manage to sweet-talk Max Mosley into accepting the offer and leave it to Fisichella to sort out terms with the little Italian club, which he does, and the former Jordan and Benetton driver will move to Italy in the new year. Fisichella then proceeds to injure himself, but not too seriously to put the move at risk.

Unfortunately, Geoff Pitcher does himself some damage in training and will miss a month, which is a shame, since he was in a vein of good form.

Keep smiling!

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