THORFINN – A Sporting and Social Revolution Begins

[phnompenhandy]

Scotland, Level 13. A revolutionary twist on the Academy Intake-Only project. Worst manager attributes, worst facilities, no income - what's not to love?

I’ve detected a certain Norwegian flavouring to this forum of late, and I have, in an off-beat, way, a contribution to add. From the 8^th to the 15^th century, the Northern periphery - including the islands - of Scotland were mostly under Norwegian Viking control. That’s a longer period than from The Wars of the Roses until today. The zenith came under Thorfinn Sigurdsson, who controlled swathes of the mainland (about half The Highlands) in addition to Orkney, as was an ally to the last Pictish king, Macbeth.

The football club named in his honour is about to embark on a radical experiment, one intended to re-establish the name of Thorfinn through his historical lands, spreading from the heart in Orkney throughout the Highlands and Islands – and more than that.

Few people are aware just how central Orkney is to British history. It was there that in the Neolithic Era from about 6,000 to 4,000 years ago that Orcadians began to construct huge megalithic projects, particularly stone circles. The concept gradually spread down the spine of Britain until about a thousand years later, Stonehenge was begun.

Neolithic homestead Skara Brae

Ring of Brodgar

I earn my keep as an archaeologist - I have much to keep me occupied for six days a week.  For my 'other' job, the voluntary one, I have been placed at the helm of another great experiment that is intended to inspire other communities down the length of Britain. Like ‘discovering’ an indie band who go on to become globally famous before anyone had heard of them, you have an opportunity to participate in the birth of this great adventure.

Welcome to the Picaquoy, Orkney and Shetland's largest leisure centre. We moved in when Orkney FC, the semi-pro Big Daddy of Orcadian football relocated to the grammar school field. I think they wanted a bit more protection from the weather.

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

Some of you might be wondering where we are.

Kirkwall on a dry day

As I mentioned, Orkney was Norse for longer than it's been Scottish. Many Orcadians don't feel strongly Scottish or British, and i fact there is a movement to secede from the UK and join with Norway! (I'm not suggesting it will come to anything). But this is relevant to our project. As is the status of Orkney FC. It was only founded just over a decade ago, and joined the semi-pro North Caledonian League (tier 6) in 2014 and won it in 2017. They take the brightest and best Orcadian lads, leaving the rest of us the scraps (Super-teams in our league Shetland and Lewis & Harris are similar, rolling in money and hoovering up the talent on their archipelagoes).

As our board were endeavouring to 'think outside the box', a unique opportunity was presented.  The incoming UK Labour government was seeking a location to establish a well-funded community for successfully-processed asylum-seekers and Kirkwall was deemed a very suitable town. The UN, UK and Scottish governments and SFA together with the former board picked an international (mainly Irish and Scandinavian) team of asylum-seeker settling experts to run the club. The staff has no experience in running a football club and work as volunteers. Working closely with the UNHRC and Refuge Council, scouts have been dispatched to refugee camps around the world to seek out interested youths. Any youth players our network brings to the club’s “academy”  will get visas for their families and be granted second nationality as Scottish. Only one youth and family per country-of-origin or ethnic group is permitted to be in the squad at one time. Being an amateur club, we can’t hang on to any players who wish to leave for another club, and we can’t improve them at our club.”

[phnompenhandy]

HOUSEKEEPING POST

My 20-tier English save proved unworkable. I hadn't sufficiently appreciated the bloating effect hundreds of amateur leagues in Lincolnshire and Yorkshire would have on my efforts to progress a Devon village team. My creaky old rig was taking over ten minutes to process a day in which nothing happened.

Determined to start again and this time get it right, I spent three hellish days in the editor, failing to create a database exactly as I wanted it, but in the end knocking something together that I think I can live with. It's a 13-level database*, but unlike England, Scotland doesn't have enough football teams to clog up my PC - I holidayed the first test and got through the first season in less than an hour.

A mid-place finish was the aim; it rather looks as if they can do better without me!

This time what I'm doing is retaining the squad and staff the game throws at me, whatever their ages, but change names and nationalities where required. I checked the attributes - oh my god. They won't be touched.

I loaded up 31 leagues from Tenshi and another guy's 'global leagues' packs and added 'all players of nationality' for 42 nations. This should ensure a plentiful stream of 15-year-old academy intake youths from all the asylum-seeking peoples.

I retested to see if I'd bogged down my rig again but no, it proceeds at a steady pace. It tells me I have a player count 46K, 50 leagues from 31 nations (ENG L6, SCO L13] at a 3.5 star speed.

If we make real progress, the first three levels are Highland Amateur divisions, which are exceptionally weak. To get into the Tier 10 Caledonian or West of Scotland system, the winner of the 11th tier has to play off against winners of other divisions. That's going to be a huge challenge for any Highland club as will be further progress against well-resourced city clubs. I don't expect the quality of my annual intake to improve as we face such opponents (if we ever do) and so I do expect this to be a proper challenge.

* the database is created by William Nicol and heavily re-edited by me to bring out my Highland bias and fix some things (not least the spelling of 'Thorfinn', which SI have had wrong for years. Grrr)

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

Right, this is me

 

and I've been given the eyebrows - HERE WE GO!

 

[phnompenhandy]

I'll leave you with an idea of what football is like at this level. Here are very brief highlights of a local derby versus Kirkwall Rovers last season, and longer highlights of a more recent match against another local opponent.

 

 

Edited November 20, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

With preseason commencing, let's have a closer look at the club and all who sail in her:

Okay, I can't seem to get Kirkwall into my Background/Cities folder, so this is Eriskay in the Western Isles. I spent hours in the editor trying to add teams to my structure, but it wasn't playing nice, so this is all the Eriskay I have. The picture on the right is Pickaquoy for real (known locally as "Picky"). The team in red is Orkney FC before we took over.

A cursory assessment of the squad revealed immediate problems. For a start, the headcount – 16 players on our books. Astrid, our Director of Football, was on hand to inform me that our first intake of refugees – five in all – were arriving the next day. Whether they had ever kicked a ball before or speak a word of English she didn’t know as that had all been rushed through in a day.

I could momentarily see that we’d set up in a 4-2-4 to paper over the vast holes in our squad, and that I’d be constantly praying for no injuries in fullback or defensive midfield positions. Or anywhere else. I was also silently praying that we’d be immediately knocked out of both cup competitions, as mid-week matches were a big no-no.

After spending considerable time assessing the squad, I came up with a first XI and tactic that got us our first win, 2-1 against local village Rendall (almost all our preseason friendlies are against neighbouring sides in our league). Two hard men in the middle, a bit of creativity on the flanks and a little 'n' large combo up top. Here are the instructions:

Edited November 21, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

And here are the staff and players in their entirety:

The board have made a couple of odd appointments in my opinion, but they're all volunteers and greatly appreciated.

 

Edited November 21, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

I had a good long session with Martin, our scout, who is a local guy and knows all the teams in our league pretty well. He drew up some charts for me.

Here is why I put a pair of destroyers in midfield:

Tackling - that's all we've got!

Overall, the physicals, mentals and technicals are pretty poor compared to our opponents:

We have one tall guy up top and one at the back, and the squad is quite fit which is to be expected given the local environment, and quite welcome as I hope to keep rotation to a miimum.

Worst teamwork and work ethic in the league!

Passing, dribbling, doing anything with the ball is desperately bad.

I generally assume that at this level, my tactical nous can compensate for a lack of ability, but those mentals have me worried. And these are all English-speaking players, many mature enough to do a professional job. I haven't even factored in the newly-arrived non-English-speaking back up squad members. Gonna be tough for sure.

[phnompenhandy]

The board wants top half; the bookies think not

With only four amateur teams registered on Orkney this season, four others in our league are in north Caithness, a short(ish) ferry trip away.  Half the league is over in the Western Isles (or Outer Hebrides), a Gaelic-speaking lot, and then there’s Shetland. FM might factor in the considerable travelling expenses, but it can’t recreate the reality of travel in this scenario.  The seas around the north of Scotland are extremely rough, and in recent years the knackered fleet of ferries has been feeling it – island residents are extremely inconvenienced by the frequency of voyages cancelled, if not due to the weather, then because the ferries are out of service. In practice, that means an awful lot of our matches would be postponed because either we can’t get to the mainland (or Western Isles), or our opponents can’t get to us. I might add that despite the fascist-signalling “stop the boats” mantra the previous government spouted, few of our refugees arrived by small boat, and most have no experience of such choppy waters. I wonder how many would be ready to play a game of football in real life. It’s worth adding that even on solid land, the families are struggling with the cold, very wet and windy climate, and less-than celebrated British cuisine. I get that the UN reckoned Orkney is remote enough to deter hostile governments tracking down dissident ex-citizens, but I’m not sure how long some of them will hack it.

We’d have a month of home friendlies (seven in all) before the real would kick in. Five were against teams in our league and two against sides a tier above.

 

[phnompenhandy]

[Readers who have been following me can ignore this]

The football club is an exciting new venture, but the hope embedded in the club's vision doesn't extend to the manager, who was brought in owing to his commitment to the vision rather than for his talents. So hopeless does the board regard me, that I'm only permitted to pick the team and tactics. Further responsibilities will be gradually accorded, based on qualifications and success. Astrid, the Director of Football, communicated the board's standards as follows:

When I get my first badge, SFA Adult Coaching Certificate, I’m assured I can take general team training (i.e. use the General schedules and Match Prep only). After the second badge (Adult Coaching Award), I’ll be let loose on team training however I like, assuming our coaching staff have the appropriate skills. With the third badge (Adult Coaching Licence), I’m in charge of the youth/reserves general team training. With the fourth badge (UEFA B Licence), I can set individual training. Once I've been at a club at least a full year AND have 3+ badges AND a promotion, I get a say in staff appointments, including junior coaching and youth recruitment. We'll almost certainly still be an amateur club, unable to offer contracts to players or improve facilities at the club.

As I mentioned, Astrid made a couple of odd appointments - our Fitness coach can only lead those skills, and our set-piece coach only on set-pieces. I mean, I do fancy our two tallboys to nut the odd one in, but we have no one who can put a ball into the right area. For all the other skills, Freja, my assistant manager, has to take all the sessions. I just put out the half dozen traffic cones and allocate the bibs. Freja, half Swedish and half Syrian, is quite a force of nature. While I'm off digging during the week, she effectively runs the club (well, the two training sessions).

[phnompenhandy]

Preseason proved very instructive - lessons have been learned. The first two matches were extremely tight, but we edged both. In the derby against Hotspurs, they bagged the xG 3-1, yet our attacking force came out on top. The second derby, against Rovers also could have gone either way and this time fortune wasn't ours. We then had back-to-back games against Tier 12 opposition from Caithness. 1-3 flattered us as Halkirk dominated from start to finish, and I thought we were looking at a chasm between us and the tier above. I went and had a good long think, made some key tweaks to prepare to face Wick Groats and look at the outcome! Admittedly, the weather played a big part, as I discussed previously, but it still did our boys' morale a ton of good. We finished by coming out on top of another very tight game. The conclusion? Well, I'd say we can hold our own in this league. We won't get the rub of the green in tight games all the time, but I do fancy us to score in every match, hopefully outscoring the opposition more often than not.

Everyone got minutes, although only 30 minutes for Callum in the last game as he did his knee ligaments before our first friendly. This is now how I see us lining up.

[phnompenhandy]

AUGUST

The season opened with three matches in eight days. My managerial debut involved a ferry crossing across the Pentland Firth to Dunnet, home of Pentland United.

The seas had been rough but calmed around noon in time for our crossing. Although everyone knows about John O'Groats, that village in not in fact the most northerly point on the British mainland - that honour belongs to Dunnet Head just along the coast. The village is a lively place whose football club, nicknamed 'The Stabbies' were Caithness champions last year, 2022. That squad, alas, has been gutted, and the present incarnation is deemed the weakest in our league. The ducks were therefore lined up for a fantastic start, and we blitzed them with six goals in a 6-2 scoreline.

The sun doesn't set until after 10pm in July here, but the team last played at Dunnet last November and David Riddle took this photo of the clubhouse.

We forewent training in order to rest the team for the midweek home debut of the new regime, against Lewis & Harris. We went one better with a 6-1 massacre.

Whilst nine of the first match's starting XI were fit enough to start that game, I took a risk starting much the same first team three days later. We were at Tarbert to play Harris FC. There's no ferry from Orkney - we needed to sail to Thurso, drive through Inverness to Skye and take the ferry from there - an over ten-hour trip each way.

This time the weather was not kind. We drove through non-stop rain; fortunately the ferry was still running but when we got to Tarbert we hopped off, smashed Harris 5-1, hopped back on and didn't stop until we got to Portree on Skye where we overnighted in the shinty club's clubhouse.

 

Our skipper has eight goals in three matches, four of them from the penalty spot!

I worry he's peaked early - he's attracting unwelcome attention.

So we have a week to dry out, then a run of six matches in September.

[phnompenhandy]

Goodness, we're not as exceptional as I thought. Still, checkout the Riddler.

[phnompenhandy]

SEPTEMBER

This is a whole new experience for me in a first season

After starting with three massacres, we were maybe a little complacent going into the next game at Tongue United, a little further along the north coast into Sutherland.

Here's a wee house outside Tongue where I really want to live

They didn’t really come at us but defended solidly to keep the score down to a close 1-0 to us. That was followed by a Wednesday night home to Ness from the northern tip of Lewis. They had to set off at 4 am for an evening kick-off at our place, and they played like it. We were back in Easy Street with a 4-0 stroll.

It turns out that my meticulous preseason preparation has paid rich dividends – that and all the regular starters knowing each other well before I arrived; my finessing and fine-tuning of tactics was closely learned. Since the season began we’ve hardly had any training sessions since the travelling and resting leaves no time. Three days after the Ness game we hosted Lochs, also from the Western Isles, in a cup tie – the William Turner Challenge Cup for the teams in the three Highland Amateur leagues. They endured the same kind of journey as Ness and rolled over to let us win 4-1, setting up a tie against pointless Tain Thistle in the tier above us. Riddle has now scored in every competitive game this season, 12 goals in 6 matches. He’s a one-man cheat code.

We welcomed the week’s rest as we had a hell of a journey ahead of us to play Westside FC in Barvas, Lewis. Near Ness, its name of ‘Westside’ is pregnant with meaning. No one in the Western Isles lives on the west side – it faces the naked Atlantic Ocean. The small population are grim, dour, hardy Gaelic-speakers who saw off plans for a giant windfarm earlier in the century. Pity really, there’s few places in the world with more of the stuff.

The journey, the crossing, the weather – all hell. We were in no state to play a game of football. We were miserable, we were knackered, we couldn’t judge the flight of the ball in the biting gale. The home side used all that to their advantage and destroyed us. The journey back was even worse, with that humiliating 0-5 reversal torturing us all the way.

 

The local hack didn't mince her words

The Wednesday night game was also away, but it was a considerably shorter hop to John O’Groats.

We drew a game we played poorly in 1-1. Riddle failed to find the net again. We’ve lost our unassailable position and fallen to 3^rd.

We played seven matches in September due to cup success, and the last two were home ties against local rivals Hotspurs and Rendall. The gale force winds did for us in the first game – the stats show how limp our attack was as we went down 0-2.

In truth, it wasn’t just the weather, it was mental. I’d got my strategy wrong – due to lacking faith in the back-up players, I’d refused to rotate the squad and ran the lads into the ground. I rested a few for the Rendall game and put out a weaker side – but one with more energy as they outplayed their opponents. Without Cameron’s presence and Riddle still firing blanks, we only managed another 1-1 draw. We’ve fallen out of the promotion zone for the first time.

All going wrong

Do I drop our captain Riddle for the next game? Will it help him find his mojo?

Edited November 21, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

October

Our first match in October was a cup tie. The Scottish Amateur Cup is a competition involving all the amateur clubs in the nation, which goes up to the 7^th tier, and not one we have a hope in hell of winning. That potentially means nine rounds of money-losing midweek fixtures. You can see where I’m going with this. We were drawn away to KDM Ace Wanderers in Inverness, an eighth-tier side. It seemed like an ideal opportunity to get match-minutes in fringe players’ legs, send a message to Riddle, and lose a game I kind of needed to. Just avoid another embarrassing score line and everybody wins. Six debutants got their chance, we played reasonably well considering, and I was not sad to take a 0-3 defeat back home.

The cup tie we did want to win came the following Saturday. Tain Thistle were still winless, and we started with our best XI. The club, located in Tain on the Dornoch Firth is a club with real (early 20^th century Highland amateur) history – or at least their former incarnation was until it folded under pressure from the new kid in town, semi-pro St. Duthus (alright, the history is a lot more complicated than that – you’ll have to buy this book and double the sales!), now with Orkney in the North Caledonian League.

The club attained global fame in 2008 when the chairman, who was also a Scottish non-league researcher (and later the aforementioned author), got the team into the database of Football Manager 2009.  It got me into lower-league fan-created databases, from which I’ve never looked back.

 

buy his book

It's a highly readable account of a region of extremely lower league football where nothing of note happens, ever. Okay, maybe it's an acquired taste!

 

We got back on track. In a rather dour game of few chances, we took ours with Riddle back on the scoresheet. A very satisfying 3-0 win to put us in the mood for a recovery in the league.

With the three Kirkwall teams in our league playing musical chairs, our derby against Rovers was at our familiar old ground, Bignold Park. The local lads didn’t need motivating for the derby – or my tactics - it was more a Viking melee with more bloodaxes than shots on goal. The only one that counted fell to us – 1-0 and thank you.

Our final game in the month was at the tiny Caithness village of Staxigoe, on the North Sea coast between Wick and John O’Groats, the team comprising farmers and fishermen from far afield.

We went down 2-3 to two late goals in a match we should never have lost. I think my tweak to get us playing more on the front foot has backfired; we need to focus on our counter-attacking principles. It’s back to basics for November.

Our promotion rivals seem to be stumbling also, keeping us in the race.

I mean, this is adequate, right? I'm not under any pressure. The finances are a disaster, but that's par for the course at this level, and the travel costs are a nightmare. None of that is my responsibility, though. The board still funded me a coaching course - during the week I get the ferry to Aberdeen.

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

1 hour ago, phnompenhandy said:

I mean, this is adequate, right? I'm not under any pressure.

[phnompenhandy]

I'm under pressure.

NOVEMBER

 

We played seven fixtures, five of them at home – the perfect opportunity to restore our early status.  I undid my tactical ‘improvements’ and reduced the intensity due to playing three games in the first week. We began by hosting Point from the Western Isles - it was a midfield mud-fest, the worst game of football I’ve ever encountered. 0-0.

Words were exchanged, changes were made, Riddle was dropped as we welcomed Fortrose in the next round of the Billy Turner Pot. It was a more entertaining 0-0, with goalkeeper Lars Otherus and the defence keeping us in it until we squeezed through on penalties.

Then the odyssey commenced. We started with that ten-hour trip to Stornoway, capital of the Western Isles to play in the magnificent Goathill Park with its grandstand. Three clubs in our league use the ground – our first opponent was runaway leaders Stornoway Athletic. They were simply far better than us, as the 1-3 score indicated.

Stornoway - the Tokyo of the Outer Hebrides

Magnificent Goathill Park

 

Is that Frank Bough? No, but it's a Grandstand! Wow!

We had ten days to rest – we’d need it. Immediately following a game hosting Shetland, we’d travel with them to Lerwick to play them away four days later. Shetland is half-way to Norway – which of us would succumb to seasickness the worst?

How we travel to each other's grounds

We couldn’t blame the voyages – we lost 1-4 at our own ground despite being on top in xG – our strikers were woeful. I took each starting player aside and had an encouraging word about their recent form. No one objected, and most thanked me. Would it have any effect? Not really. Riddle scored a brace in the return, but we went down 2-4, as you can see.

As soon as we completed the exhausting journey home, we hosted two Western Isles sides in three days – Carloway and Westside. Luck is really against us. In the first match, we were holding out until injury time, but went down 0-1. In the next match, I tried to set up a shield wall and intend for the occasional arrow to find its mark, but the lads didn’t really get it and a messy 90 minutes ended with a 1-2 defeat.

Fortunately, it's too dark to see most of the carnage unfold at this time of year.

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

And thus we arrive at the half-way point of my debut season. Let's take a look at where we're at:

The board asked for nondescript, the pundits predicted as much. Hey, I'm delivering!

The mood around the place is like a fairytale ...

Grim.

Off the field, we lost our Norwegian physio to a paid position on the mainland, but replaced her with a nurse from Kirkwall. Chinese dissident He Xinrong got involved in some unsavoury matters in the town and his family was relocated to Glasgow, where the authorities were better-placed to keep an eye on them.

My two key defensive midfielders, Shinnie and Brown, the engine room of the squad, simply refuse to put any effort into training and resent my saying anything. They’ve been like this for two months now. However, during the month, I received my certificate for completing my first training course, and Astrid allowed me to relieve Frija of taking the general training sessions. I immediately implemented my training regime (actually due to all the traveling, we only had two sessions that month) of physical, attacking and defending drills as well as a session going through the specific tactics of the day.

Later in the month I asked to go on a second course, but was firmly turned down on the basis that my training has not been cost-effective. The shame.

How to tell me I'm crap without saying I'm crap. Oh, the shame 

As morale crashed, fans were getting increasingly vociferous, complaining that I wouldn’t experiment with tactics. It’s not as if I’m stubborn, but with such a hectic schedule and all the travelling, I couldn’t make the time. In addition, fatigue was causing injuries; I didn’t even have the luxury of dropping Riddle or other poorly-performing players at this time. However, there are training sessions to be had in December and I will sit down and have a serious think.

Okay, I've had a think and here's a new formation:

Old school 4-4-2

 

With the refugees now understanding basic English, I brought them into the squad as I presented the new formation. The idea is to connect defence and attack better; in possession hit the flanks, out of possession suck the ball into our destroyers.

 

Will it work? My entire career depends on a positive outcome here.

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

DECEMBER

 

We were straight back on the road and sea to Leurbost in Lewis, to face Lochs, a village just shy of the Callanish Stones.

Eh, does anyone know where the football ground is?

These are the Callanish Stones (far older than that new-fangled English monstrosity, Stonehenge). Turn around, you've passed the pitch.

 

I’d given a Churchillian speech before we left, and reminded them of it when we came in at half-time 0-2 down. Our front four kicked into gear after it and salvaged a 2-2 draw. A start? At this point, we had a two-week break. Time to fine-tune my tweaks.

That was the first of four December ties against teams in woeful form and below even us in the table. A good month should save my fledgling career.

Talking of refugees, Saoirse brought me the report from the UNHRC of likely prospects coming our way in April. It’s not encouraging news, to be honest; we’ll clearly be trying to get out of this division next season, and I’ll be needing better tools to do the job. At least the next lot will have had some English language and cultural orientation lessons.

 

A 1-1 draw at Rendall made it difficult to determine if the new set-up was successful or not.

Rendall. Seriously? There's nobody here!

 

We’d have another go at Goathill Park to face Stornoway United. Yet again it was a poor game in which we were second-best, but a Riddle brace earned us a 2-2 draw.

We were back for Christmas and then saw out the year by hosting basement-dwellers Pentland United. We played better, dominating the game as expected; this time the rub of the green went against us as United held us to an undeserved 2-2 tie.

So, we turned five November losses on the bounce to four December draws. Progress? Depends if you’re a glass half-full or half-empty kind of person. No proper wins in 12? Don’t be so negative.

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

JANUARY

From up above, you can see the Point. Joined to Lewis by a 100m wide isthmus (that's Stornoway on the west side).

We returned from Point, er, pointless. We weren’t as bad as the1-4 score suggested, but still. Hong Kong refugee Ma Ying Kit was our best player. I think the rest, let’s just say, “are not playing (and certainly not training) for their manager”.

Our coach Collette McSherry accepted a proposal to work as a physio at semi-pro outfit, Thornton Hibs. She gets £21 per month. Best of luck to her. The board say she doesn’t need to be replaced.

With the transfer window open, some of our ‘best’ players – Laing, Lisle and Riddle – turned down offers. That’s not a vote of confidence in me – they are Kirkwall men through and through; they have jobs here, kids in school. No, they can see past me and a return to old ways. I’ve seen a lot of storm clouds gather over Kirkwall in my time here, so I can read the runes.

Leaders Stornoway Athletic came to the Picaquoy. We suffered another 1-4 loss. There’s no fight at all in us. We have a week-and-a-half until our only chance of glory this season – we travel to Skye in the Billy T Cup. Is there any chance we can beat North West Skye, second in the tier 11 division? I felt our only chance was to give the miserable players exactly what they wanted.

We went back to our 4-2-4 and I let the coaching staff and players use a training session to discuss who they’d pick. They decided to drop our best two defenders Kevin Lisle and George Macadie (26 and 25 games each) in favour of virtually untried refugees Samir Agayev the Azeri and Gadio Fall the Mauritanian.

David Riddle as captain and lead influencer, however, didn’t stick around to see it through. He changed his mind about staying and left us for Division One toppers Halkirk, just over the Firth. Who deserts a sinking longboat? Apart from everything else, the timing wasn’t great as our third striker, Darren Maceadie was laid low with some winter virus.

The Riddle record 22 goals in 23 games - such a shame it had to end like this

With the risk that Riddle’s departure could open the floodgates and ruin any new plans, I had to find a formation that fitted who I had available. I have no wingbacks to go three-at-the-back; no attacking midfielder; it would have to be some form of 4-3-3 (with MY team selection as the team spokesman had done one)

Three days before they faced us, NW Skye had an Amateur Cup tie. They won 6-0, but as a result, it was their ‘B’ team that played us. It made little difference – we were knocked out 2-5, but I did feel as if I saw the shoots of something better.

North West Skye playing us at their home ground at Uig, in, ahem, North East Skye (you try finding a patch of flat ground that isn't rock in the west side of the island).

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

A Little Bit of Politics

 

As the holiday period saw half a dozen managers in our league fired, I was summoned to meet with the chairwoman Carol Shanahan. Was I getting my cards? The ‘dreaded vote of confidence’? What she explained to me was a shock. I’m supposed to keep it totally confidential, so don’t go whispering to anyone connected with the club. She explained that I was never hired for my managerial acumen; what’s important to the board is not the football, but the Project. The board is effectively stalling until April when we’ll have an intake of 16 asylum-seeking youths. At the end of the season, I’m expected to release 16 of the current squad (or maybe 14 since two have already left). She understands that the attitude of some of the established players is making those decisions easier for me and has no problem with that. She also apologised for not publicly giving the true reason for turning my request for a coaching badge, but assuring me I’ll be on a course next season. In short, success on the field is not a priority, and I’m not going to get sacked.

After the meeting I was feeling relieved and a bit funky, feeling uncomfortable keeping secrets from my staff, but the looks Freja, Saoirse and Astrid gave me made it clear that they knew before I did and are in deep on the Project. It turns out Saoirse has rejected three Head of Youth Development jobs as she’s not only ensconced here, but is well-paid by the UN, as are the others.

So the pressure was off me, but the players had nothing to play for in the eleven remaining matches. Back in the league we hosted John O’Groats, also with little to play for, In fact, there was a vast gulf between the top three (with three promotion spots) and the rest, so the season as a whole was a dead rubber from January on. We were poor as per, particularly in defence, but by some fluke, we broke our record 13-match losing run and won a game! They were 3-2 up and coasting until they had a man very controversially sent off, and we stole two goals at the death to take it 4-3. Our new sole striker, Scott Cameron, who hadn’t scored in 22 matches, bagged a brace.

a late start to the new year?

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

20 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

What she explained to me was a shock. I’m supposed to keep it totally confidential, so don’t go whispering to anyone connected with the club.

I won't tell a soul. 🤫

Edited November 22, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

15 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

I won't tell a soul. 🤫

Viking's honour?  (you get the blood eagle if you break it)

[phnompenhandy]

FEBRUARY

The short month - even shorter here. It was over by the 18th. We have no games for a month, although I'll arrange one friendly to keep us awake.

I thought the transfer window closed on January 31^st, so I was a bit surprised to learn that Canadian defensive midfielder Tom Brown left us on February 1^st to study for an MA and play for Dundee University. He was a constant trouble-maker to me, and I’m pleased to see the back of him. That does leave a squad of 18, which is a Starting XI and bench providing all are fit. We only have Saturday matches now, so there’s time to rest and recuperate.

On the first Saturday we were off to school – Kirkwall Grammar School to be precise, to face rival Hotspurs. To the absolute glee of our fans, we won the derby, 3-2 with our front three getting the dodgy defence out of detention. Cameron can’t stop scoring now – it seems all he needed was to emerge from the shadow of Riddle.

Our ‘roll’ didn’t last long. At the Picaquoy Tongue gave us a licking, 0-2, and then we were back in Stornoway. Tongue are in 9^th place out of 18 and now 7 points clear of us. We are not going to hit the board’s target of a top half finish. We shared the points with Lewis & Harris when Cameron struck twice in the last five minutes to salvage a 2-2 draw.

Elise Hill, our English fitness coach left us to take the job she’s trained for, a physio at Whitehills, a 7^th tier amateur club. Elise wasn’t in the UN clique, and felt she wasn’t achieving much here. Astrid says she’ll be replaced by a UN appointment – eventually.

A traffic light of a month

Stasis in the bottom half

 

The UN take their time over things, but I can understand the lack of urgency. Still, our coaching is a little lacking

 

It got worse!  A week later Saoirse Byrne shocked us by handing in her resignation to take an Under 20s managerial post at Kilsyth. She tells us they’ve gone semi-pro even down in the 9^th tier in the West of Scotland. It’s salaried at £30 per month; it’s also an easy commute to Glasgow where she got a transfer to another UN department.

 

Aaand … there goes our physio too.

 

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

1 hour ago, phnompenhandy said:

Viking's honour?  (you get the blood eagle if you break it)

The blood eagle?

[Stuniverse]

22 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

A traffic light of a month

I like the description, @phnompenhandy

22 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

Stasis in the bottom half

Looking good. Onwards and upwards 

[phnompenhandy]

2 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

The blood eagle?

Too gory for this site - I suggest you do a NSFW google

[phnompenhandy]

1 minute ago, Stuniverse said:

I like the description, @phnompenhandy

Looking good. Onwards and upwards 

Not this season. Looks like a thorough spring-clean of playing and backroom staff is looming. I'm just kicking my hells until the intake arrives.

[phnompenhandy]

MARCH

 

Astrid informed me the board had sanctioned another coaching course. They’d timed so it I’d finish before next preseason, and when the reduced training at this tail end of the season would have no adverse effect. I guess they are experienced strategic planners.

Seven consecutive Saturdays though March and April – that was the timetable to the conclusion of the season. The local boys have had the Kirkwall derbies imprinted in their minds all their lives. They played out of their skins against to demolish Rovers 4-1. To rub it in, we went above them on goal difference. We played pretty well against Staxigoe, but unfortunately could only share the spoils 2-2.

A season-ending injury to Ma Ying Kit forced another formation change – back to the original 4-2-4 with Darren Macadie joining Cameron up top. He wasn’t fit for the match at Ness, but he coped as we took control and came out 3-1 winners.

 

Boy, the wind was biting.

March, the month of Thorfinn the Redless

Have we found a second wind just as other teams sail into the Doldrums? Midtable now looks quite spicy as we endeavour to hunt down our two town rivals and grab that top half finish after all.

Edited November 22, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

APRIL

Harris were never going to take it easy – a win at the Pickaquoy and they’d secure promotion. We gave it everything we had, but Harris prevailed and inflicted a 2-3 defeat, narrowly achieving what they came for. The last three matches were also against Western Isles opponents, but my attention was distracted by the arrival of the academy kids. The local Kirkwall boys were more impressive than I’d expected – many had opted for us over Rovers and Hotspurs. It was just as well as the loss of our Head of youth Development disrupted the boards plans and only four asylum-seeking families arrived, with sons from Afghanistan, Lebanon, Palestine and Kosovo. One more was due to arrive in due course, but Astrid didn’t know anything about him.

We’ve run out of steam. We couldn’t get going in the howling rain on the bizarre Cnoc A’Choilich pitch at Carloway.

A 1-3 loss. The new boys didn’t travel as they’re still settling into Kirkwall and its community. The final two fixtures were at home, however, and the established players were made clear that their starting places were under threat. It made little difference – Lochs came and administered a 0-2 defeat. That confirmed we’d finish bottom half. We put up a damned good fight against 4^th-placed Stornoway United but lost 2-3, thus draining the last drops of blood out of April.

 

And so it ends.

 

Red April

The final table

It's worth comparing the three promoted teams with the three coming down:

Three fewer journeys to the Western Isles and three jaunts over the firth and down the A9. We lost over £7,000 this season, and £6,000 of it was travel costs.

Anyway, apparently a deputation of fans accosted the chairwoman and asked why I was still in a job. By the time she caught up with me, she was fuming

Not sure if it was performative art aimed at the fans, but I'm still in a job.

 

 

 

[phnompenhandy]

Old squad, new squad

There will be changes. First, continuity. I'm retaining ten original squad members. Four locals are being released - Urquhart, Shinnie, Baird and Callum. Letting Michael Urquhart go might be a mistake, but neither he nor any of the others showed the slightest improvement over the season. Our first four asylum-seekers never truly settled - they did come in as a panic job and weren't prepared. Their families have found new homes in supportive communities across Scotland.

 

So on to the changes - the new intake. I've spent three weeks with them and I like what I see. You'll get a glimpse now, but we'll have a closer look after they've settled in over the summer and are ready for preseason.

This season was truly weird. We won our first six competitive matches, and then won only six more in the rest of the season. I'm going to work hard with these lads and aim to achieve more consistency next season. There is potential in the kids. With the older disruptive elements away from the squad now, I hope to mould it more in my image. Formation-wise, I'm mostly out of defensive midfielders now so it could be a regular 4-4-2 with central midfielders, or another 4-2-4 with central rather than defensive midfielders. Don't know. There's lots to think about. I hope the summer is not too disruptive; if it isn't, I'll see you and some new staff in July.

[phnompenhandy]

Wait wait wait. WAIT!!!!

As I sent the players off on their holidays with an agreement that we were going to try to improve on this season’s disappointing standing, I got summoned by Carol, our chairwoman. “Oh no, this is it” I thought to myself, “They’ve changed their mind”.

Well, I was floored.

I felt that I had no grounds for an honest response; if I didn’t appear fully onboard, I could easily be replaced, so I mouthed acceptable platitudes. But I mean, what the hell? We’re at the bottom of about seven tiers of amateur leagues – what are we thinking? Where will the money come from? Is there some secret aspect of this club’s mission the board aren’t telling me about? There must be serious ambitions, despite carol previously telling me the footballing side of the project was unimportant to them. Hang on, does this mean I’ll be getting a salary? Will the squad now be more stable, allowing me to properly construct a tactic and have the squad to keep things fresh? Och, what the heck – I just choose the tactics, pick the team, do some basic training and focus on the match ahead. The bigger picture is really not of my concern. But a salary would be nice.

 

 

So this is our second season, 2024/25. We're in the same division, The Highland Amateur League, Division 2. This time the tour guide of new places and grounds will be vastly reduced since we’ve already visited most of them - there's just the three relegated clubs to visit. Instead, we will focus more closely on the players in reports this upcoming season.

[phnompenhandy]

Sorry, I need to get myself more informed about current affairs and politics, especially if I'm to hold intelligent conversations with UN boffins, more of whom will be joining our staff soon.

Apparently, it's all to do with new legal rulings by the Scottish Assembly. It's about human rights, or workers rights, or somesuch -  minimum wages, travel insurance – I tried paying attention when Astrid "facetimed" me on my phone (sorry again, the technology befuddles me). ALL Highland Amateur clubs and many (but not all -yet) in lowland regions have gone semi-professional. It effectively changes nothing except make league and cup names obsolete - and in that, sponsors and fans want to keep "amateur" in names for now. So, as far as I understand, it's 'as you were' except that the lads mostly get a £5 appearance fee - and I still get nothing.

Edited November 23, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

June

Weeee're baaacckkkk!!!!

The minute I show up to meet and greet, the chairwoman comes rushing out

Bless her, she's not been mugging up on the rules of football over the break, has she. It's a bye. We got a bye to skip the preliminary round. Still, I need any praise I can get.

Carol has been involved, though - she and Astrid have recruited new staff. Let's meet them first.

This is Callum

What an impressive chap. He was appointed by Astrid a few weeks ago. He’s just arrived in Kirkwall, but was mainly responsible for the four refugees in the new intake – whom I’m much more impressed with than the last lot. Actually on that, he informs me that the promised fifth refugee has paperwork issues and may not materialise. Not to worry.

He’s a Lowlander, from Dumbarton and had a playing career in the west of Scotland amateur circuit. He’s also well-travelled as a staff member of the UN Children’s Fund. He’s very highly regarded, and we won’t be seeing him very often as he’ll usually be abroad spotting talent, negotiating with refugee camp people and persuading the youths and families that Kirkwall is a wonderful location! Are we punching above our weight?  I suspect he’s too good for our level to stay, but we’ll see.

The other new staff are also very impressive. We have an actual qualified coach.

Wai Sum was coaching in Hong Kong before her 'dissident' views came to the attention of the authorities. I came to see Wai Sum doing a bit of supply teaching at the grammar school, taking the boys’ football team. I was impressed – she knows how to coach. Along with experienced physios, we’re raising the staffing standards in this league, I’d say - providing these new non-binding contracts prevent staff from swanning off like they did last season.

Physios - we have a Head Physio who was an Orcadian working in London but fancied returning home and an assistant physio who is a Highlander from Elgin, transferred to the care home that abuts our ground.

 

Already I sense we're putting down a marker. Our new backroom team is indicating to our league rivals that this season, Thorfinn is serious

Edited November 23, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

Talking of Kirkwall Grammar School, the sports staff are clearly interested in our project. While Orkney FC took their best academy kids, including Riddle Jr. who’s stayed behind after his big bro took off to Halkirk (gone semi-pro, not paying him anything), they’ve sent some exciting lads our way rather than to Hotspurs who now play on their pitch (shared with Orkney FC and the school teams).

Time to take a look at the boys (the ones likely to figure in the first team anyway).

Barker, Connolly (’Big Yin’), Cuthbert (‘Huw Pew’), Davidson, Durie, Ikechukwu, Millar, Miller are all native Orcadian school-leavers this summer; Irishman Irvine and Englishman Bryans have both been at the school 5 years, and Akdag – born in south England of Turkish parents - has been here for three. They join seven more native Orcadians who survived my cut. In fact, Swedish Otherus, Kiwi Lochrie and English Munroe are the only non-Oracdians apart from the 4 new asylum-seekers in the squad.

After our welcoming back session, we had an 11 v 11 kick-around. By the end, I was minded to select Billy here over Lars as our first-choice keeper. Long way to go before making a final decision, but at least we have two keepers, I'd be happy to start a game.

We don't have any legs at the back, but this lad doesn't mind putting himself about; what he lacks in muscle he makes up for in attitude

Midfield was a real problem last season; it was where the bad apples accumulated. I think I've got a pair of lads who hopefully will form a formidable partnership. Prosper here has Nigerian parentage but was born and raised here, and Scotty is a born leader. He's been captain of the school team for two years, and we're all amazed he chose us over the Big Team (apparently there's a bit of history between his family and some of their players).

 

[phnompenhandy]

Two of the asylum-seekers stand out. First is our Kosovan defender, 'The Don', likely to terrify opposing wingers twice his age. Although he insists he plays full back on either flank, I might try him at centre back if we need to push the back line higher.

 

and finally, 'the Palestinian Salah' as he's known in the Trans-Jordanian refugee camp where he was discovered

With Cameron and Macadie still our first choice forwards, I might try Zoobs up top and see if he's got an end product to match his pace.

These are my first-reaction picks. When others rise to the top, I'll give you a little cameo of them too.

Now, off to play some matches ....

 

[phnompenhandy]

With the first preseason match imminent, I thought I'd comment on what the bookies are saying

It's probably exactly what I'd have done if I were a bookie.

The three teams that went up were a class above the rest, and I expect them to all be challenging for promotion from the First Division this season. But after them, Carloway were very impressive indeed. I do expect them and the other three Outer Hebridean clubs there, Stornoway United, Point and Lochs to be thereabouts. After that, we are all much of a muchness. I'm told the relegated clubs from along the east coast don't have much about them; with the lack of quality amongst the majority, with a fair wind and a positive attitude, I do believe we can be the 'best of the rest', or one of them. Maybe next season Division Two will be six Western Isles teams lighter, and we can challenge for a top three spot.

By the way, we're all enjoying the schadenfreude of the misery of the two 'superclubs'. Shetland was formed to include the cream of the entire archipelago north of us, and Lewis & Harris to suck up all the Western Isles talent and "do an Orkney". Orkney FC are in fact doing well in the North Caley, albeit to the detriment of us four clubs left out, but these two - ha! It just goes to show, showering money is no panacea if you can't organise good players into a viable team. Anyway, Shetland still have no competition, but the best of Lewis and Harris are chasing Stornoway Athletic, Harris FC and Westside FC. Only toughies would prefer playing and training with Atlantic storms blowing in their faces rather than the soft indoor facilities under Goathill.

So, the bookies are predicting 14th for us (or is that 'joint 8th'?). The board and fans want 9th or better. The players reckon that's a realistic aim, too. Me? I'm hoping for even better than that. Yes, I said that last year, but I honestly believe I can manage this group of players much better this time. I mean, 16 of the squad of 25 have only ever known me as the manager of Thorfinn. I'm calling it now - 5th.

 

Let's play

[phnompenhandy]

JULY

 

As I waved my second coaching certificate around in a training session, my staff pointed out that for all my emphasis on getting the physicals up, none of us were competent to lead strength or endurance sessions. I took this to Astrid and with days the board had found us a fitness coach. Nat’s a Sports Scientist by trade, but knows her drills and agreed to help out for a couple of hours per week. 

Preseason went very well indeed, I thought. We started early, worked hard, experimented with positions and roles and finalised what I think is an excellent format for the season about to commence.

I wasn't starting with a blank slate this time; I had a solid tactical basis that half the team was familiar with. I can say that 90% of my instincts re. first choice players and team instructions were correct, but the tweaking and fine-tuning is important - such as moving the Zoub up top and Sally to central defence, remembering how many of those early wins last season were achieved on a knife-edge. I want to win, win well and keep winning this time and attention to detail is very much necessary.

Right, I'm ready. Let's go!

Edited November 23, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

AUGUST

We got off to a fantastic start at Stornoway. My risky high line worked so well that Lewis & Harris had one shot all match. Every player was brilliant as we turned them over 5-0.

On the Wednesday in a local derby, we dominated Rendall and were very unlucky not to take all the points as we drew 2-2. Three days later down at Brora we played equally well and this time got the right result, despatching relegated Wanderers 4-1.

My last day in the Highlands before covid struck was here, watching big brother Brora Rangers.

Yes, history is repeating, and yes, I did play substantially the same players in three matches in the first week, but I have learned. I gave eleven players four days off before we prepared for the last game in August against Pentland United, which we comfortably won 3-1.

 

Even the local hacks are giving me some credit

During that week we had a shock departure. Lars Otherus must have been quietly seething to lose the gloves. He suddenly departed for Plockton, leaving us with one goalkeeper. I had Astrid call Callum to remind him he owes us a refugee, and we needed one quickly. I’m sorry Lars never came to speak to me. He played 34 times last season and was one of our best players in a poor season.

Callum told us he knew of a keeper and if the family agreed, he’d be with us in a week, in time for the close of the transfer window.

 

Early days, but at the end of the first month of the season:

Our boys have been playing brilliant

[phnompenhandy]

SEPTEMBER

If we were to repeat the disaster after a great start of last season, this would be the month things went pear-shaped. The schedule included the two cup competitions, and so I would have to use the full squad and rotate tired players.

The team we put out for the derby against Hotspurs was lacking match fitness, but with Kirkwall’s own Alan Smith urging them on with a goal and two assists we overcame our rivals in a 3-2 victory.

 

 

The paper work had been completed on time, but it was a week after the close of the window when Azeri youth keeper *** [how on Earth do you pronounce his name?? We’re calling him ’Rusty’]. He seems to have some potential once we can get him fit and able to communicate with defenders.

[phnompenhandy]

Cup time!

We set off for Ullapool, the main ferry port for Stornoway at the head of Loch Broom to face the eponymous Loch Broom FC on their brutal 3G pitch. 

The match (above) on that pitch against a very physical Division One side was a bruising encounter. In addition, with both right wingers out injured, Zoubs had to play there, which blunted his effectiveness. We barely clung on in a 3-3 draw before we had the good fortune with the penalties. I have my eye on the William Turner Challenge Cup (‘Billypot’ as we call it) – I hope every round isn’t as tough as this one.

Stayed in Ullapool for a couple of days before taking the short ferry to Stornoway. The team, as mentioned, wasn’t in the best shape after their last encounter. United were unbeaten and determined to catch up with rivals Athletic. Patched up as we were, we’ve got a fire in us that was lacking last season. A relentlessly attacking match played out in strong gusty winds finished 5-5. I think we’d both take that.

We needed a week of rest before Ness came to our place. I gave Rusty his debut and despite it being a quiet time for the defence, he impressed in a 2-0 stroll.

A second derby in the month saw us at Rovers.

A ‘grudge match’ motivates heavy legs, but we’re picking up too many injuries, mainly amongst our attacking speedsters. Nonetheless, backup wingers Davidson and Irvine stepped up to the plate and were instrumental in claiming the bragging rights in a 5-1 demolition job.

The month closed with a Scottish ‘Amateur’ FA Cup tie at home to tier 9 Glaswegian side Cambria. This is a competition I’m lukewarm about as we can’t win it and it’s just a burden of extra midweek matches that we could do without. With Davidson’s wing-wizardry, we smashed them 4-0 though, to set up a tie with Brora Wanderers next weekend, so it looks like we’ll progress whether I’m keen on it or not.

Two months unbeaten!

Balintore is different gravy, but I do fancy us for promotion now.

Analysing the form of the players indicates why Rusty’s claimed the gloves; Big Yin’s been wheeched. Generally, the back-up players are going all out to persuade me to make them first team regulars. It’s great when the whole squad is pulling in the right direction. Their form also illuminates the fact that we'ew scoring a ton of goals while keeping no clean sheets.

Left wingers Smith and Davidson are both too good to share one starting spot, so having successfully converted Zoubs from winger to striker, I'm going to see if I can do the same with Davidson.  A front two of Zoubs and Davidson, with Smith and Gardiner-Evans as inside forwards - I'd pay good coin to see that. Talking of which, the fancy new "semi-pro" moniker seems to have gone to the public's collective head. Last season our average paying spectator number for home league matches was just over 20; so far this season it's 140 - a sevenfold increase. I think that increase in gates pretty much covers the players' bonuses. Maybe the board isn't so daft after all.

Edited November 24, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

October

 

We started with the Amateur Cup tie against Brora Wanderers, Beating them (again) 4-1 was routine, but it marked the successful trial of Davidson in his new role as target forward combining brilliantly with Al-Zoubi. The latter laid on two assists for Davidson. As a ‘reward’, we’d host Carnoustie Ath, way down by Dundee – who’ve retained amateur status in tier 7. That would be for November.

Needing to rest bodies for the midweek match at home to Shetland, I brought in Khalife for his debut after being out for ten weeks with shin damage. He came to us as a striker, but now I was short of wingers so he had to fill in on the right. He did okay, but it was the second-choice defence (with Connolly taking his chance) that stood out most in a 2-0 win, with club captain and now back-up striker Cameron nabbing both goals.

We had back-to-back Groats next – Wick Groats in the Billy Pot, followed by John O’Groats, named after 15^th century Dutch seaman Jan de Groot (“Big John”) who set up a ferry service across the Pentland Firth after the king of Scotland bought Orkney of the king of Norway.

I don’t think I’ve brought you to Wick yet, as we always play them on our ground in friendlies – the biggest town in the region, a former Viking settlement and later herring port.

The match

For reasons I can’t put my finger on, we couldn’t get out of second gear, and despite restricting the opposition to one shot on target, a flat performance led to a 0-1 loss and exit from that competition.

John O’Groats were on a phenomenal run in the league, winning six on the bounce to lie in 3^rd place, just behind us.  Their boys are very physical units, and we were bullied, but Smith came off the bench to rally the troops a score to salvage a 1-1 draw. It would do. The bigger fish to fry was up next – could we rein in leaders Balintore on our patch?

The answer was an emphatic ‘yes’. The boys showed no sign of mental fatigue as they grasped the significance of the game. We ran out 5-0 victors, inflicting their first defeat of the season and closing the gap to one point.

Zoubs - huge

We needed to maintain this momentum. Normally, we wouldn’t worry about Staxigoe, but they’d just come off a poor run by hammering six past Shetland, so we couldn’t be complacent. My concerns were well-founded. They gave us a hell of a game, and I didn’t mind settling for a 1-1 draw.

A lazy look might conclude the best times are over, and the tide is starting to turn, but a forensic view would conclude we were only under par for one match, and it was an exceptionally high quality schedule this month. As far as I'm concerned, all is fine.

 

One of our tight-knit squad had gone off me. George Macadie, a permanent presence at centre back last season, starting 28 matches, had lost his spot to The Don and wasn’t happy about it. Whereas other squad members train and play harder to get into the first team, he was doing the opposite, sulking in training sessions and giving me lip. His older brother (by exactly nine months) Darren, who’s also lost his striker spot to Al-Zoubi but responds the right way, persuaded me to give Georgie a chance, but after six weeks of this, even Darren couldn’t defend him. I was picking up vibes that others saw my tolerance as weakness, so I acted and invited him to join Rovers. He has.

bad apple

 

I asked Astrid if we could organise Leung Wai Sum to do extra-curricular work at the Grammar School with after-school football practice. It would require some financial remuneration, but the board sanctioned my request and Wai Sum is happy to improve our junior coaching prospects.

By the way, as I predicted, the three promoted sides are dominating Division One, too.

I guess, in retrospect, last year was the ideal opportunity to find my feet before turning the club into an ambitious enterprise this season.

Edited November 24, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

Shame about Wick Groats (I won't ask what happened, but what happened?) but otherwise Kirkwall Thorfinn are looking good so far 

[phnompenhandy]

2 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

Shame about Wick Groats (I won't ask what happened, but what happened?) but otherwise Kirkwall Thorfinn are looking good so far 

I think there was an element of complacency on my part. We played them twice last season in friendlies, winning one and drawing one, and beat them in this preseason, so I hadn't clocked how well they were doing in Division One this season. They were defensively more solid than I'd expected, and our forwards, a bit leggy due to fixture congestion, just lacked inspiration, creating just a few poor chances. It was a terrible, boring midfield slug-fest in pouring rain, but we're used to that. So, you could put it down to 'bad day at the office', but I am a bit disappointed in myself.

[Stuniverse]

12 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

I think there was an element of complacency on my part. We played them twice last season in friendlies, winning one and drawing one, and beat them in this preseason, so I hadn't clocked how well they were doing in Division One this season. They were defensively more solid than I'd expected, and our forwards, a bit leggy due to fixture congestion, just lacked inspiration, creating just a few poor chances. It was a terrible, boring midfield slug-fest in pouring rain, but we're used to that. So, you could put it down to 'bad day at the office', but I am a bit disappointed in myself.

Ah, the classic blame me, not my team!

Edited November 24, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

2 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

Ah, the classic blame me, not my team!

Well I did just take action on the one bad apple, despite it reducing our squad to only 24, with a steady flow of injuries and no chance of reinforcements for six months. I did that to preserve the spirit of the squad where everyone really is trying their best, and as you can see from their ratings, doing really well.

And as I found to my cost last season, with young players, many in a strange culture and me, an extremely low-reputation manager, they can collectively crumble so fast and so far over the tiniest setback. You'll see from my first post, I have zero man-management or motivator skills, so I have to be very careful what I say to and about them.

Not easy, this management lark!

[phnompenhandy]

Here's a video of 'highlights' of the Wick Groats defeat

 

 

and smashing Rovers in October

 

[phnompenhandy]

NOVEMBER

Back in September, I shared with you our analysis of the players’ form. Although I stand by my belief that the October schedule threw up much tougher games, hence the results weren’t quite so good, I did feel there was no room for complacency and some tactical adjustments ought to be made.

I noted that two of my preferred Starting XI had ratings a little lower than I’d have liked. Firstly, Prosper in midfield wasn’t quite up to scratch. I decided to experiment with him and Barker switching roles. Secondly, I’d moved Kosovan Saliji, ‘The Don’, to central defence in order to play a high line; it seems to benefit the defence but at the expense of his fullback abilities. In games where I rest him, I lower the D-line and we seem to do just as well, so my second experiment is to move him to left back and see if Cuthbert is ready to secure a central defence spot.

The first trial was against Tongue United, a game we were expected to win comfortably. We won 3-1. I’m not sure if that’s comfortable or not – we’d need two or three more games to tell. In the meantime, Carloway beat Balintore, leaving us clear at the top of the league.

The next weekend we hosted Carnoustie. Having gone out of the cup I did want to win, should we exert ourselves in this one? With no midweek game to compromise this fixture, I figured ‘strategy be damned’ and went for it. We’re all told lower league teams outwith the Highlands and Islands are of a much higher standard than ourselves – would it prove so?

No, not really. Not at all. There was nothing between us, although we had twice the xG, only Smith found the onion bag and we finished 1-1. Alas, it was our turn for a penalty shoot-out to go against us, and so it was.

The rest of the month involved playing three of the Western Isles team left in our league, Point, Carloway and Lochs. At Point we played in a winter rainstorm and boy, were we suffering. We were on top Xgwise again, but took a 2-2 back to Kirkwall. Carloway had just climbed above us for first and were in great form when they came out to us. The top-of-table tussle seemed like a key match in the season. They showed their quality, but Rusty played a blinded to with five superb saves to preserve his goal. Against the run of play, we took a lead and in time added as Carloway threw everything forward, we broke twice to end up with a quite undeserved but most welcome 3-0 score line. We rounded off the month with a narrow 3-2 win at Lochs – with the fringe players stepping up again, to stay top of the league after Carloway and Balintore has had their turns there.

 

Frustratingly, I can’t find anyone to agree to play friendlies against us so that I can keep my fringe players match fit. There are no more midweek games scheduled for the rest of the season, and we’re out of the cups, but it’s a heck of a risk to rely on the same eleven lads for every match. Given lochs were well out of form, I took a chance by giving fringes that match.

 

So, at the end of November, we’re in a very good place. Out of both cups means we get to focus on the league, and that now means winning it – promotion has got to be nailed on now.

But look here ...

I also got my third badge. I’m now going for a UEFA qualification. The deal with the board is when I get a UEFA qualification and a promotion, I take control of individual training so that I can do more to mould my players into specialist duties. Furthermore, I summoned up the courage to ask Astrid if we could have a meeting with Ms. Shanahan the chairwoman. I had it in mind that Astrid now manages three scouts and given our familiarity with our divisional opponents, their reports are unnecessary. But I had a plan to utilise them far more effectively. I had to plead with the board because my idea would require considerable travel and accommodation expenses. It was to visit all the schools on Orkney, spending more time than our rival clubs making nice with the staff and pupils, and deeply assessing the good footballers amongst the schoolkids, from about 13 years old and up. It took a lot of persuading, but Carol finally caved in, seeing my passion and long-term vision, and granted my request.

 

 

 

 

[phnompenhandy]

DECEMBER

 

The first match was at home to hapless basement-dwellers Embo, from down Dornoch way. I indulged in a little experimentation, which confused the players and led to a worrying narrow score line of 2-1, but my dropping of Prosper Ikechkwu for Niyazi Akdag in a supporting central midfield role seemed to work.

No messing about for the next match – we were meant to take the ferry up to Lerwick to play historical rivals Shetland FC who were on a decent runoff form. During the summer break they transform into an international team and participate in the Islands World Cup against the likes of Man and the Falklands. They seem to save their motivation for that competition. However, the seas were too choppy and the ferry wasn’t running, so the match was hastily rearranged to be played in Thurso. The Pentland Firth was very rough but our boat ran. The Shetlanders took the plane.

When we arrived at the ground:

 

I mean, not wrong

 

It's the two midweek matches due to rescheduling. Oof.

So, onto the next match where we hosted the bullyboys of John O’Groats. We pre-empted them by getting our kicks in first which cowed them successfully – they only had one shot and their goal was scored by our defender Cuthbert – who went up the other end to equalise. In the midst of the melee a game of football broke out just long enough for us to take the points in a 2-1 win. We looked forward to Christmas with even more cheer when we learned that Balintore had fallen off a cliff and Carloway had lost their way, leaving us and Stornoway United as the top two and the form sides.

Our last game of 2024 was up the road at Firth School in Finstown to face Rendall. Easy 3-0 victory, with all the lads playing beautiful flowing football – the best we’ve been for a long time. We’d have to go easy in Hogmanay as we had a match on New Year’s Day, and we’d be resolving to continue in 2025 where we left off in 2024. Good times ahead.

The Don had put in an unbelievable lot of work into training ever since I dropped him.  I restored him to the first team for the Rendall game, this time on cover duty.  Did very well.

After Callum had emailed Astrid, she met with her scouts and later presented me with a report – a preview of what youths we might get in April. I had told them we don’t need forwards apart from a right winger, but we do need fullbacks, central defenders with legs, and most importantly quality in midfield. Like a Christmas list, I suppose you should be glad to have one request met.

Having not bothered opening emails from non-league sides approaching me for job offers, I’ve now had requests for interview from two Championship clubs – part-time Airdrie and professional Dunfermline. Their managers get paid a living wage, mind – good to know there are options if this ever turns sour.

 

So, 2024 ends with a short but very green December

The table is set - three from four

 

Edited November 25, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

JANUARY

 

4 matches in 11 days, transfer window opens. A tense opening to 2025. I needed to organise a careful programme of rotation, utilising the full squad and adjusting roles and duties accordingly. I’m still scarred by the undeserved accusation levelled me last season that I’m inflexible. I tweak the tactics constantly this season because I have the personnel to do so, not just when rotating, but constantly honing the tactical details to keep opponents guessing.

In gale force winds, Prosper showed us he’s fighting his way back into the first team by bagging a brace in a 3-0 win over Point. That put us 11 points clear of 4^th place. On the brink of a club record-breaking seven wins on the trot, we fluffed our lines as poor finishing led to a 0-0 draw with Lewis & Harris. Our rearranged match against Shetland was able to be played at Lerwick.

 

In lashing rain, with queasy stomachs and against a very physical opponent, we went down 1-2 to end our 13-game unbeaten run. Hopefully this would be our last mid-week fixture.

We took the long drive south to Black Isle to face Balintore – formerly runaway leaders, since then they’d lost their mojo.

What a time to find it – they smashed us 1-5. What a shock! The congestion had really done us and had ended not a day too soon. The silver lining – we have -and need- 14 days to rest, recuperate and regroup. The dark cloud – the next match is away to second-placed Carloway.

A refreshed Balintore beat Hotspurs in their next game, wrecking their winning run and preserving our 9-point lead over 4^th. In the meantime, I had long private chats with a number of first team players about their recent form, restored Prosper to that group and spent more time in the training sessions preparing for the upcoming game. For all the preparations, when Carloway are in the mood, on their own odd bleak windswept ground with their foul-mouthed Gaelic farmers cheering them on, they’re unstoppable and we lost 1-2. On the long drive and two-ferry voyage home, we learned that Carloway was the only top-half side to win over the weekend, limiting the damage to our promotion push somewhat.

Okay, yes, this was a terrible start to the year. But we're still top - just. And Carloway aside, other teams are struggling in the short, dark cold days. And yes, morale has taken a hit - but see here: our opponents over the next two months are, without exception, bottom-half sides. There are no more excuses - we have to return to winning ways - now.

Edited November 25, 2023 by phnompenhandy