Thank you.

[AlanSOS]

Ok, this is a bit of a ramble. Apologies.
 

This might come as something of an odd post, but I really want to get this off my chest. I suffer with severe episodes of deep depression and have been on medication for it for the last six years. My escape has always been computer games and especially the football management games. I have been playing since the very first original Football Manager by Kevin Toms way back in 1986 when I got my first computer for Christmas as a fresh faced 10 year old. I then naturally and eventually progressed on to the Amiga and the original big box Championship Manager games. Myself and my dad used to play CM93 together starting in the lower leagues as different teams and climbing the leagues and would have great fun when our teams played against each other!

 

We eventually purchased our first PC in 1997 and so came CM97/98 and dad could finally put in the team he supported as a boy, Chelmsford City. We both played that game to death. Then eventually came CM3 and in particular CM01/02, where again, with Chelmsford he took them to the Premier League and won everything with them.
 

He played CM4 and CM03/04 but then sadly my mum became ill and he spent his time with her and looking after her. I, on the other hand, carried on into the Football Manager series before stopping at FM11 when it became necessary to use Steam. I was against it at the time, I won’t go into details, but over the next nine years I played FM11 to death having taken teams from the very depths of the English leagues to European glory. I knew the game inside out, who to buy, what tactics to use, I felt I’d mastered it.

 

In 2014, we sadly lost my mum after a long period of poor illness and my dad fell into a bout of depression. My sister gave him an old laptop and I installed FM11 on it for him. He was now able to be his beloved team straight away without having to edit them. I had to teach him how to play it as he hadn’t played it for so long, but he was soon able to get Chelmsford into the Premier League and win everything in sight. He would only ever play as Chelmsford. What you have to bear in mind at this point, dad was in his early 70’s and sharp as a tack.

 

Eventually I migrated to FM20 and would tell dad all about the game, sadly the game wouldn’t run on his new computer and he’d always say “I’m quite happy with this!”, this being FM11. He was still playing the game right through the COVID lockdowns. Even after some hospital stays he would come home and first thing he’d do was load up FM11. However, as a consequence of growing old his eyesight was beginning to deteriorate, to the point he had Macular Degeneration and would struggle to see the screen on his computer and so he stopped playing, even after we tried various methods of enlarging the screen, from an over monitor screen enlarger to a 32” HD TV.

 

In July of last year my dad had a very bad fall where he broke several ribs and a vertebrae, as well as suffering a lung contusion. Ultimately, it cost him his life and sadly dad passed away on 22nd of July last year at the age of 79. This affected my mental health severely that I have had to have therapy. I wouldn’t do anything to occupy my mind, no FM, no TV, no music, nothing. Eventually, my sister told me I needed to do something to occupy myself, this was this time last year and so I purchased the FM23 beta. I got into it very quickly and my mood was lifting. I wasn’t on it all day, but just enough to pick me up when I was feeling down.

Fast forward to this year and I have purchased the FM24 beta and absolutely love it! I could say I’m addicted. I have watched various streamers on YouTube and have read various forums and I feel like I was feeling back when CM01/02 first come out, I have that excitement.

To sum it up, what Miles said in his fireside chat at EGX really struck a chord. This game has helped with my mental health, it gives me that escapism to just press that power button, double click the FM icon and forget all the bad things that have happened or are happening. Right now I can honestly say that after 10 years or so, I am finally in a good place with my life and I have to say I owe some of that to FM for giving me that escapism.

So please allow me to say this on behalf of anyone who suffers with mental health issues or any other issues, thank you to Sports Interactive and Sega for providing such a magnificent outlet of escapism.

Lastly if anyone reading this is going through some issues with mental health, please, please, please do not be afraid to seek help, be it from your GP, local mental health services via 111 in the UK or even the Samaritans, it should no longer be treated as a stigma in men of any age.
 

Remember, there is always someone there to talk to.

Edited October 24, 2023 by AlanSOS
Corrections and tidy up.

[Federico]

You'll never be alone in this forum. A big hug mate.

[LolloViola]

This should be pinned on top of the section for the upcoming years.  

Stay safe! 

[Dagenham_Dave]

A lot of people who know me never understand this, but FM has got me through some really tough times, this last 12 months in particular. It's one of the reasons I'm quite forgiving about the game's issues. So I completely understand the sentiment of the OP. 

Great post, mate. 

[snowofman]

Thank you for writing this and gaining abit of breath at the same time.

as said above, you're never alone and there is always someone to talk to, even if ppl have to find me in the far side of the forum in the Skinning Hideout.

Stay strong and hope things stays as positive as possible.

 

[Dadecane]

Loved to read that. 

[thefmveteran86]

Great read that

[Lempicka]

Lovely post, thank you for sharing! It brought the memories back of playing computer games with my dad in the 80s. He's 77 now and has graduated to an Xbox! He continues to get so much joy out of gaming and it's great to hear to hear him talking so passionately about what he's currently playing.

Stay strong mate and welcome to the forum!

 

[Lord Rowell]

Wonderful, wonderful post

[rinso]

@AlanSOS  nicely put and  well played of you for sharing..  hope your journey out the far side of things is progressing..  if not, feel free to gimme a shout anytime.. unless you  manage Manure, then you can .... yeah..  :P 

[FrazT]

Great post and a lesson for all of us.

[Arijit]

Thank you for sharing. I am happy that you're thriving once again.

[oche balboa]

Wonderful Post. Glad things are looking better for you. 

[shakey.bridge]

Very warming and moving post Alan. I too have played since the 1st Domark game back in the late 80's and the game has been therapy to me so many times too over the years. I am with you mate.

[Jonthedon26]

A very moving post! I am glad Football Manager has got you to a much better place. 

[MrPompey]

Hi - Thats a really brave, open, and honest statement to make.  I expect there will many FM gamers that also suffer with mental health challenges currently or at various times of their lives and its fantastic and refreshing seeing a post like this which I think will help encourage more people to open up and speak on this subject. In fact about any challenges of any kind!

It got me through a period stuck at home following an ACL injury playing football that resulted in me having my left leg in a steel brace for 3 months. It also helped give me the drive to get back fit again to carry on playing about a year after the injury. My friends will remember me on crutches in the terrace, having my crutches checked for weapons watching Oxford v Pompey with a 4-1 lead to end up drawing the game 5-5.

Im almost 59 and followed the same root as you with a football game on an Acorn Electron, Kevin Toms of course, several others in between then the first Championship manager game released by Domark on the Amiga before moving to PC and then changing to Football Manager. I have bought every addition released.

I dont know how over the years I have managed to get away with spending so much time playing the game but clearly the graphics have much improved when a few years ago my other half came into my office hearing me cursing to say "Oh, didnt know you was watching live football"

Im pleased to hear you are in a much better way and hope this continues. Also good luck in your FM24 career!

Best Regards,

Warren

[AlanSOS]

Thank you all for the kind responses. Its good to know that in the current climate that there are some decent souls still in this world.

[Carambau]

As a depression prone person, I feel you, mate. Big hug from me  

[Trevor L.]

Glad you're here. I think I can safely say that for the most part this is a tremendous group of people who go out of their way to make everyone feel comfortable. As an American who came to this forum 20 years ago to learn about the beautiful game I was welcomed with open arms and have never felt degraded or unwelcome. I hope things are always getting better for you and know that there are plenty here who would gladly be there for you. 

Stay safe my friend.

Trevor L.

[Ventricity]

strange how many small clubs have got so much support, even long wiki-pages with stuff. Never heard of Chelmsford. But I suppose it's because fooball is a way of connecting to people, social rituals where we can meet and have something in common - not only with family but total strangers. 

[Bobsy88]

In a similar situation to myself. Great read. 

Hope things going well, if you ever need a chat about life or FM, give me a shout!

 

[AlanSOS]

9 hours ago, Ventricity said:

strange how many small clubs have got so much support, even long wiki-pages with stuff. Never heard of Chelmsford. But I suppose it's because fooball is a way of connecting to people, social rituals where we can meet and have something in common - not only with family but total strangers. 

Chelmsford City have had some very famous players play for them over the years including former Spurs and England forward Jimmy Greaves, former European Cup winner with Aston Villa in 1982 Nigel Spink, former Spurs winger and Leicester manager Peter Taylor as well as former Ipswich, Tottenham and Scotland forward Alan Brazil. They are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. In their heyday in the 1960’s and early 1970’s they would regularly attract 5,000 crowds to their old New Writtle Street stadium. In the early 1970’s they even played a then First Division (EPL) team Ipswich Town managed by future England and Barcelona boss Bobby Robson in the FA Cup. In front of a packed 18,000 capacity crowd City went down to a star-studded Ipswich team 2-1.

 

Sadly they have never played any higher than what would now be the fifth tier of English football. In the pre-Conference days City were regular applicants for election for promotion to the Football League, sadly their league rivals of Wimbledon, Cambridge United and Hereford United would usurp City and win that vote, even though on two of those occasions City actually won the league championship.

We can all but hope that one day City will gain their rightful place in the league.

[MrGizMo]

Great read buddy and i am happy you are doing a lot better now! I even logged in for this post to react! 

<3

[phd_angel]

Sorry to hear about your mishaps, and glad that you are feeling better.

Please let me share a different perspective with a question:

Have you discussed with your healthcare provider whether your PC gaming habits are beneficial to your mental health? 

I hope to be wrong in your case, but from my personal experience and medical literature, PC gaming and depression are somewhat correlated. Please watch out.

Peace.

Edited October 31, 2023 by phd_angel